[freesiangel]

Leave it to my mom to make something non-stressful stressful. *sigh* I was talking to her the other night and I got on the subject of money, and how Jer and I were trying to save as much as possible right now, so we wouldn't be taking any long weekends in WI with the family this summer. Well, she gets all upset because I guess she and my aunt wanted to throw my shower in WI. I said that's fine, that I had planned on driving up for the shower, we just didn't want any long weekends where we'd have to pay for hotel, eating, etc. Then I added that it was a little rude to ask all of Jeremy's family to drive three hours to my shower, that maybe it would be better to have it in IL since most of our family and all of his are in IL. Her response? "What about his family? They're not coming."

What?!

I was shocked. I kind of babbled something out about how they should be invited and she went on to say they should do their own shower like we did with my wedding. That was horrible and embarrassing enough once (I had to have two separate bridal showers and it caused me a lot of embarrassment since everyone thought it was weird), so I said "you know, most people just have one shower and everyone goes - it's weird that you don't involve them and I got a lot of flack at my wedding for them having to have their own shower." IMO it's very rude, almost a slap in the face to Jer's family. KWIM? It's one thing if the two families live far apart, but they live right on top of each other. But at the same time I feel HORRIBLE because I don't really get a say in this shower, ya know? She wants to plan it her way, and I don't want to get in the way, but, gosh. And it's not even all that much about me having two showers, if this goes this way I'm going to have to drive up twice while extremely pregnant. That's a three hour drive. Plus, if she does it in WI that's an ADDITIONAL three hours from my parents house! You want a 7 month pregnant woman to drive six hours in one day!? And then how do I say to Jer's mom that she'd have to throw me a shower too? You don't ASK someone to throw you a shower! It's assumed your mom and/or sisters and/or a close friend will do it... So I don't know what to do.

And now for the selfish on my part thing....... My mom said she wants to keep my shower small and just really close family. We're talking a handful of people - a few aunts and cousins. I know this is going to sound so horrible of me, but I was kind of banking on the rest of my cousins and what-not being there because, well, we have nothing for this baby and it's going to cost us a ton to buy all of this stuff ourselves. If I have a tiny shower, well, I'm not going to get very much. I know how bad that sounds, but we don't have much extra money to buy these kinds of things. *sigh* I know, go ahead and shake your heads at me.

It is weird to have two baby showers, right? I know you usually have a work one that is separate, and maybe even one with just friends... But for your mother to not even want to invite your husbands side of the family?!

[Frozendesire]

I say be thankful for whatever happens. If you are unsure about the drive then discuss that with her but it should be alright. Just take lots of breaks! Also about his family, well that's up to your mom since she's the one throwing it. It does make more sense to invite everyone but if she doesn't want to I think thats her decision. She may just want to celebrate this with you and close friends.

Also I wouldn't personally depend on others to get what my baby needs. I would want to do what I could to make sure everything is all set. Check out consignment stores, discounts etc. I'm sure the ladies here will help you!

I know when Curtis came along he was a surprise and we were in the same situation and didn't have much money, but it all worked out Things do!! I'm glad that we could plan Dustin and have the funds situated haha phew! haha.

[Resi]

If it was me I would tell my mom how I felt. I would tell her that I don't want my shower in another state and that I want everyone (friends & both sides of my family) to be invited. If she is not willing to do that for you then I guess you will be stuck with two showers.

I can understand that you hope to get a lot from your showers to help with the cost. But, I found out that a lot of people don't buy of the baby registry. I got a lot of clothes and only a few things off of mine. I had to do a lot of returning of items I did not need or want. We got in a little bit of debt with all the baby things we wanted. Now I know I didn't need most of it!

GL! I hope that it all works out for you.

[IamMom]

I think it depends on the family. My mom isn't inviting anyone in my husbands family except his mom to my shower b/c David isn't close with his extended family and his family in general isn't very close to each other plus no one is very close by geographically. They'll get a baby announcement and probably send a little gift when baby is born....

I would let her do whatever she wants to do and like Steph said, be thankful you are getting a shower. Maybe you have a group of friends who would want to throw you a shower. My friend in VA had about 4 showers cause all different groups (family on her side, family on his side, friends, work) wanted to throw her their own shower. You'll find a way to make it work and get all the stuff you need for that baby!

[Emma&Jack's Momma]

I had 3 seperate showers for my DD. I had one with friends, one with my family and one with church family. I was supposed to have a "meet the baby" with her dad's family after she was born but that never happened (we split up when she was 4 months old, which may have had something to do with it) But as far as it being 'wierd' to have two seperate showers for your family and his - I would say it would differ from one family to another. I wouldn't hesitate for a second having two showers with my family and DH's family. We're not having one with my family this time around (this is DH's first baby - the only reason we're having a shower) but if for some reason we were having one with my family, there would be two seperate showers - no questions asked. His family is a little bit wierd and my family is kinda small and intimate. I think the decision is totally in your court and you should do what you feel is best for your family

[♥Ashley♥]

My sister had three different showers (One for our family, one for her fiance's family, and one for our dads family since our parents our divorced) And also my friend had two different ones for the two different familes. And I think I will too. Its just easier and my sister LOVED having so many!!!

[thepinkleprechaun]

I think it is pretty darn rude of her not to want to invite his family! I would want to have one shower and have everyone be there. IMO it's different to have an office baby shower or church baby shower and then have one for family. But then to have a family baby shower and refuse to invite half of the family, that seems pretty hurtful.

Don't worry too much about buying a lot of "stuff" for the baby though. All you really need is a car seat, diapers and some onsies and sleepers and you're set! I know the feeling of wanting to have everything ready, but there is a lot of stuff that I can guarantee you won't use. And you can get some pretty good deals on the baby stuff that you WILL use.

[A*LOT*OF*HOPE]

I guess I really never thought about having a shower with both our families there!! DH and I live in the same town as his family, which is 500 miles from my family, so we will have two.....I think!! It didn't seem to happen that way with my wedding shower though, I had one with my family and then nothing from his family...oh well, thats a rant for a different day!! I would just tell Dh's family you are having 2 separate showers so they can be more intimate, so there wouldn't be so many people at one shower you wouldn't get to see everybody....that might work!!

[freesiangel]

I'm fine with having two showers with different sides of the family, I am just remembering back to my bridal shower and how Jer's side of the family thought it was so weird and I could tell there were hurt feelings. It's just a little stressful knowing I may have to go through that again... But in the end I think they had fun throwing me their own shower. I'm still not sure if this is the route my mom will go, but if she does I just don't know how to bring it up with my MIL. I think it's something I'll let Jeremy handle.

I certainly didn't want to come off as ungrateful towards my mom or anything - I guess I kind of did in my first post though. I know she's not being hurtful in not inviting them, it's just how it's done in my family apparantly. I didn't say anything negative to her about it, I just kind of responded a little shocked at first, which I now feel bad about because I know I made her feel bad and that's not what I intended to do (she just caught me off guard). So now I think she's thinking of changing the shower to include everyone, but I don't want her to do that if it's not what's going to make her happy. I even told her it's fine to do her own, just to let me know soon so I can make sure MIL knows and so we can *hopefully* make it so her shower is on Saturday and MIL's is on Sunday, that way I wouldn't have to drive that far on two different weekends.

It's times like this that I wished I lived closer to my family. It would make everything SO much easier!

Thanks for all the input.