Bedtime/Crying/Sleep

Resi · #1 April 30th, 2009, 08:11 AM

Our bedtime routine is bath or wash up, massage, clean diaper, pj's, sometimes story if he isn't too sleepy, and then nursing if he wants to until he is ready to fall asleep. I always lay in bed with him until he falls asleep. Sometimes it can take FOREVER. It can go on for 1-2 hours of him talking, rolling around, nursing on and off, etc. He tends to suck a few times and then turn the other way on and off. I find myself jumping from side to side to let him nurse a couple sucks and then he turns over again! Lately since learning how to roll on his tummy he will suck a couple times try to roll over and then inch his way to nurse while on his belly! This does not work well at all. Haha.. it funny to watch him try. Every time he is on his belly his head is up so he isn't trying to sleep on his stomach. I guess I'm starting bad habits by letting him play in the bed? Since he started this rolling over thing I have been trying to keep him from rolling over when it's bed time/nursing time. I will hold onto him to prevent it. This can lead to him fussing and crying a little. Sometimes this ends up helping him get to sleep because he gives up on the rolling over and will drift off after a while. I never let him get to the point of all out crying. If it turns into him crying a lot I will pick him up or let him roll over. I don't think this is considered CIO because I'm right next to him and comforting him all the while. I personally don't agree with CIO and I hope this is not what I'm doing? He never cries more than maybe 30-60 seconds and it's on and off whining. Sometimes it works to get him to give up and stop rolling and sometimes it doesn't.

I guess my question is if this is another form of CIO because that is not what I want to do. I just want to help him get to sleep.

IamMom · #2 April 30th, 2009, 08:23 AM

I don't think it is CIO so I wouldn't worry! But you may see that he develops a really tough time ever getting him to go to sleep in his own bed someday when you and him are ready even if that's when he's like five or something. I did do the Ferber method of CIO which is really not CIO but helping your baby learn to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep when they wake at night like all humans do....he calls it "progressive waiting" and you never leave your baby longer than 15 minutes without intervening. You're suppose to wait until your child is 6 months old to do it. It worked wonderful for us and our son goes to bed perfectly every night - swear on the Bible we have never fought with him to go to bed (between 7:30 and 8:00) since we did this method.

Hopefully you guys get into a groove that works again as he grows into each new stage!

Resi · #3 April 30th, 2009, 08:30 AM

^ I worry that I'm going to be in for a hard time when he gets older. I don't want to have to lay next to him until he is 12 or something to get him to go to sleep. On the other hand I don't mind doing it now. I just try to do the best and hope I don't create any major problems!

ScottishBrit · #4 April 30th, 2009, 08:45 AM

I used to do the same thing. I would lay in bed with Cambria till she fell asleep. Sometimes she'd be so sleepy and as soon as I'd move she'd start crying and I'd have to come back to bed with her. It got to the point where with us in the bed with her it would keep her awake. So I tried a ton of different thing's to try and get her to sleep by herself. Right now I am rocking her and giving her a bottle and then laying her in her PnP....Im sure Im just trading 1 bad habit for another at least she's getting to sleep. And besides I enjoy holding her while she's falling asleep.

Angelaosaurus-rex · #5 April 30th, 2009, 08:46 AM

OMG Landen is the same exact way!!! Its so funny when he lifts his little head while on his belly to nurse

.

~*Bethy*~ · #6 April 30th, 2009, 08:58 AM

CIO is walking away and your baby is screaming for 15 minutes. Your not even close!!! I am, however like every one else said, afraid that you wont be able to get him in his own bed when the time comes. You are allowing him to know that he can goof off (yes I know hes only 7 months) but he can goof off and momma will be there. What happens when hes going to bed, and you need to step out to attend to something if DH isn't there? I would let him nurse, then lay him down and cover him up and tell him "night night time" and quietly walk away. if he starts to fuss, give him a few moments to figure out if he really wants you back or not. Increase that time gradually over a few nights and see what happens. Have you tried to put him to bed later to where he's more tired after bath time, where you can just lay him down without having to nurse/get into bed with him?

~Beth

~*Bethy*~ · #7 April 30th, 2009, 08:58 AM

oops double post!

Resi · #8 April 30th, 2009, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angelalesina

OMG Landen is the same exact way!!! Its so funny when he lifts his little head while on his belly to nurse

.

It's good to know that Oliver isn't the only one that tries to tummy nurse!

IamMom · #9 April 30th, 2009, 09:36 AM

I got like three of four different baby sleep books when I was going back to work and needed to get Harrison into a good routine. The Ferber one fit my personality and mine and DH's needs, wants, and desires for our childrens (and our) sleep habits. Why don't you try that....you could get some good books on Amazon I bet. Dr. Marc Weiss (something) has a good book too. I forget who wrote the third one I got?

~Jess~ · #10 April 30th, 2009, 09:48 AM

No, it's not cio, not even close! But really, just follow your mommy instincts. If in your heart, you are content with the way you're doing things, then don't worry about the labels that ppl try to affix to it. Follow your heart and listen to your mommy instincts.

Resi · #11 April 30th, 2009, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Love Harrison Boo

I got like three of four different baby sleep books when I was going back to work and needed to get Harrison into a good routine. The Ferber one fit my personality and mine and DH's needs, wants, and desires for our childrens (and our) sleep habits. Why don't you try that....you could get some good books on Amazon I bet. Dr. Marc Weiss (something) has a good book too. I forget who wrote the third one I got?

I have a couple baby sleep books already. I can always go to my local library too. Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Jess~

No, it's not cio, not even close! But really, just follow your mommy instincts. If in your heart, you are content with the way you're doing things, then don't worry about the labels that ppl try to affix to it. Follow your heart and listen to your mommy instincts.

Thanks. That is what I do but sometimes I wonder if I'm creating bad habits that will effect him later on.

#12 April 30th, 2009, 12:01 PM

Resi, he is still young. I'd say go with your instinct for now. If you're creating an issue then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Consistency is the key. It's not like he will never go to sleep on his own, it;s just that you will teach him when the time comes that you wish to do so.

DH gets annoyed with me cos I nurse Kirsty to sleep, but it's how her & I have done bedtime routine since she was born. It works for us, she's still young yet. There's time in the future when I will need to do things differently, and I will do when that comes.

**Jenn** · #13 April 30th, 2009, 12:17 PM

^^^I agree!

I don't think you're setting up bad habits for Oliver. He's still young and this is what he needs now. This won't be a forever thing. He will learn to go to sleep when he's ready to. Right now he still needs you close by. I always had to be there to nurse both boys to sleep and sometimes it would be a long procedure but when they were ready they started sleeping on their own. Liam was under a year but Loch was more like 17 months. Once they were ready to do it on their own we have had ZERO problems getting them to go to bed. They both go without a fuss. Loch will still wake up in the early morning (around 5) to nurse but most nights he's been sleeping through lately. Every child does it in their own time.

If the long drawn out bedtime procedure is wearing a bit thin (I know, I've been there!) maybe you could try pushing bedtime back a little later so he's more tired. Or, I don't know if he's still taking two naps a day but if he is maybe try weaning him from the morning nap and just have him take an afternoon one. I'm pretty sure 7 months is about the age both boys started ditching the morning nap.

And you're not doing CIO. It doesn't even sound like he's really crying, just fussing a bit. And you're right there with him. If Loch wakes earlier than usual and its not time to nurse he will sit in bed with me and cry because he's angry I won't nurse him. I just tell him that its time for night-nights and while he may be angry and cry about it for a bit he will settle and go to sleep. I'm right there with him the whole time comforting him, he's just angry he's not getting what he wants. I didn't start doing this til I night weaned him though (at 17 months). 7 months is still so young.

Trust yourself, you're doing so great!

Resi · #14 April 30th, 2009, 12:33 PM

Thanks. I think I'm starting to sound like a broken record on the whole getting him to sleep subject. I can go weeks without worrying and then I start to second guess myself a little. I think a big part of it is my Mom always telling me he needs to be in his own bed. Damon thinks everything is fine with our routine. One bad thing is that Damon doesn't sleep with us. He doesn't feel comfortable being in the bed with us. He does say he is fine without sleeping in the bed with us but that can't be good for our marriage.

**Jenn** · #15 April 30th, 2009, 12:39 PM

Ian doesn't really sleep with us either. It's only been recently he started coming back to bed with me because Loch sleeps longer in his crib and most of the time through the night. But for several months he slept on the couch while I had Loch in bed with me. It was hard and a little lonely sometimes but we had to find other times/ways to reconnect. We'd have my in laws stay with them while they napped and we'd go for a long walk and talk. Or just grab a moment here and there when you can. We'd even bring them along and walk and talk or go for a drive with them at nap time and we could talk while they sleep. I think the cosleeping actually helped us in the long run because we wouldn't really do those things before and even though we shared a bed (before the baby) we would spend that time sleeping and not really connected. The cosleeping forced us to find other ways and moments to really be with each other and not just next to each other.

Your Mom means well but she doesn't know Oliver like you do and doesn't know his needs like you do. My Mom doesn't understand why we cosleep as she had each of us in our own rooms before we were more than a couple weeks old and never did share a bed with any of us. Its just a different way of thinking. Maybe you can try a polite way to let her know that you're the Mom and this is how you're raising your son and kinda back off a bit.

Resi · #16 April 30th, 2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by **Jenn**

Ian doesn't really sleep with us either. It's only been recently he started coming back to bed with me because Loch sleeps longer in his crib and most of the time through the night. But for several months he slept on the couch while I had Loch in bed with me. It was hard and a little lonely sometimes but we had to find other times/ways to reconnect. We'd have my in laws stay with them while they napped and we'd go for a long walk and talk. Or just grab a moment here and there when you can. We'd even bring them along and walk and talk or go for a drive with them at nap time and we could talk while they sleep. I think the cosleeping actually helped us in the long run because we wouldn't really do those things before and even though we shared a bed (before the baby) we would spend that time sleeping and not really connected. The cosleeping forced us to find other ways and moments to really be with each other and not just next to each other.

Your Mom means well but she doesn't know Oliver like you do and doesn't know his needs like you do. My Mom doesn't understand why we cosleep as she had each of us in our own rooms before we were more than a couple weeks old and never did share a bed with any of us. Its just a different way of thinking. Maybe you can try a polite way to let her know that you're the Mom and this is how you're raising your son and kinda back off a bit.

I felt lonely at first that he wasn't sleeping with us. I think the first few months were the hardest because I was all alone with Oliver in our bed every night and DH let me do all the baby work while I was on maternity leave. I wanted to do it but wanted him to also be with me or offering to help. Now I'm so use to sleeping with Oliver only and adjusted to it. He has also become a confident Daddy that helps and cares for Oliver each day. We usually spend out together time once Oliver is asleep for the night. I get a hour or more with DH at night.

Resi · #17 April 30th, 2009, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by **Jenn**

Ian doesn't really sleep with us either. It's only been recently he started coming back to bed with me because Loch sleeps longer in his crib and most of the time through the night. But for several months he slept on the couch while I had Loch in bed with me. It was hard and a little lonely sometimes but we had to find other times/ways to reconnect. We'd have my in laws stay with them while they napped and we'd go for a long walk and talk. Or just grab a moment here and there when you can. We'd even bring them along and walk and talk or go for a drive with them at nap time and we could talk while they sleep. I think the cosleeping actually helped us in the long run because we wouldn't really do those things before and even though we shared a bed (before the baby) we would spend that time sleeping and not really connected. The cosleeping forced us to find other ways and moments to really be with each other and not just next to each other.

Your Mom means well but she doesn't know Oliver like you do and doesn't know his needs like you do. My Mom doesn't understand why we cosleep as she had each of us in our own rooms before we were more than a couple weeks old and never did share a bed with any of us. Its just a different way of thinking. Maybe you can try a polite way to let her know that you're the Mom and this is how you're raising your son and kinda back off a bit.

I felt lonely at first that he wasn't sleeping with us. I think the first few months were the hardest because I was all alone with Oliver in our bed every night and DH let me do all the baby work while I was on maternity leave. I wanted to do it but wanted him to also be with me or offering to help. Now I'm so use to sleeping with Oliver only and adjusted to it. He has also become a confident Daddy that helps and cares for Oliver each day. We usually spend out together time once Oliver is asleep for the night. I get a hour or more with DH at night.

lauren in hi · #18 May 1st, 2009, 08:04 PM

i know how it is to worry about what others think because i did it all the time w/ abby. and i got to a point where i was finally comfortable w/ my decisions...but for me it took a very long time. if you want to look into a non-cio sleep routine, there is the no cry sleep solutionby elizabeth pantley. she also has a version for toddlers. i have to admit that i did try cio at one point w/ abby and apparently it didn't work because she would keep waking at night.

niknok · #19 May 2nd, 2009, 09:14 AM

My take on the situation is that you probably are creating a bad situation, and it's just going to make it harder for you later. With that said, ITA with Jess. If it feels right to you and Oliver, and is working, then don't feel bad about it. I never thought I'd have a problem with putting Drake to bed awake and letting him CIO, but I've become more AP than I'd ever dreamed. I nurse and rock him to sleep every night, and we both love it. I decided to quit caring what the books and other people say, and go with my instincts.

And for what it's worth, I've also heard really good things about the Ferber method.

Oh, and you aren't CIO, not even close.

niknok · #20 May 2nd, 2009, 09:14 AM

My take on the situation is that you probably are creating a bad situation, and it's just going to make it harder for you later. With that said, ITA with Jess. If it feels right to you and Oliver, and is working, then don't feel bad about it. I never thought I'd have a problem with putting Drake to bed awake and letting him CIO, but I've become more AP than I'd ever dreamed. I nurse and rock him to sleep every night, and we both love it. I decided to quit caring what the books and other people say, and go with my instincts.

And for what it's worth, I've also heard really good things about the Ferber method.

Oh, and you aren't CIO, not even close.