Ummm, I am kinda freaking out over here.

I have like 4 weeks left, if I don't go early. I cannot believe that. It is seriously unfathomable to me. I keep thinking about the birth and what that will be like, but really, thinking about having an actual child makes me want to flip out and throw up.

I don't get it. I don't understand people that feel ready. I don't understand people that already have this deep "everything is gonna be fine" bond with their baby. I have a bond, but honestly, I can't even see him! And then he is going to be here in my arms all of a sudden, forever. Children are FOREVER. And I want to be a good mom, but look at how all our parents screwed us up?

I honestly cannot wrap my head around the fact that there is a human being inside me right now. It just seems too unrealistic to be true. He has little features and 'tude already too. It really is way beyond amazing, it is completely surreal. And I feel like the ONLY preggo on the planet to ever feel this way.

How am I gonna feel when I have a newborn. When I have a son? What is it really going to be like to never be able to just take off for something without a thought to watching or taking Jack? Not that that is bad, just that it is different. I don't sweat small stuff or "supposed to's" in my life, will I have to do that now that I am a mom to be a "good" mommy? What if I screw the pooch!?

And forgive me if this offends you, but how in the h*ll did I get here!? My brain seems to have lost the ability to comprehend time, and maybe I blocked TTC out of my mind completely, b/c I feel like I woke up today and ALL OF A SUDDEN I am 35 week pregnant. What the s***!

I just can't believe this is real. I am going to have a baby crying and cooing in his co-sleeper. A baby attached to my boob. My baby!! Who authorized this!? They just let ANYONE have babies. It is unreal.

You know what I neeed? To have a good cry, a massage, some ice cream, and then cry some more. Then to go see the new Star Trek movie. Because I am losing it. This is apparently too much for my brain to comprehend. A BABY grew inside me and now he has to come out and then be raised by me. I mean, its huge and its HERE. I feel like I am standing on the surface of the earth and everyone is telling me to jump, it's time to go explore space. With a baby strapped to my back. God that doesn't even make sense.

[Kerysma]

OK Breathe!

The freak out moment happens to us all. First, everything will be OK, second, so you believe me about the first, yes there will be moments when you have absolutely no idea what to do. But you know what? You get through those too, you do what feels like the best option.

The baby books forget to address what it feels like to know that this decision, to bring a child into the world is the biggest you will ever make. It's not marriage, everyone knows if you change your mind you can get a divorce, babies are forever, the path to your life has changed irrevocably. What they also don't tell you is: once your baby is here you won't mind one bit, you will embrace the change, revel in it, wonder how you could have ever doubted that THIS is exactly what you wanted/needed/can't imagine your life without.

I know it's hard to trust that it will happen to you, because what if you are the odd one out, the one that doesn't feel that way? You WILL feel that way, and I hope you can just hold onto that and trust in it. It may not happen the moment your baby is born, it may be later, when they fall asleep in your arms, and you look down on their sleeping bliss and realize that somewhere deep inside you knew this tiny person was your destiny, but it WILL happen.


***HUGS***

[**Jenn**]

Your thoughts and feelings are completely normal! It's scary when you're expecting your first because you have ZERO idea of what its going to be like. I was around the same point in my pregnancy with Liam when I had a complete freak out as well. I'm pretty sure I posted on my DDC but I'm too lazy to search for it. I was afraid about everything because even though my whole life has been based around babies and children I'd never had my OWN before and didn't know how I could handle the 24/7 of it all. Just know that everything will be just fine. There is a reason we start out with newborns because as parents we are newborns ourselves. We grow and learn with our children. You will not know everything, you will learn it as you go. You will be a great Mom to Jack! Just the fact that you're so concerned about it now shows what a great Mom you are!

You'll see, once he's born, the world will become clear. You'll look at his sweet little face and wonder how in the heck you ever lived without him.

I don't even remember life before the diaper bags, burp cloths, and tylenol in the middle of the night. And honestly I don't want to. Because even though we don't have much, we have our boys and that's all that matters to me!

It's not always going to be easy. The adjustment for me was HARD. I think you are a lot like me- very adventurous and independent. Jack will change those things. But listen to me....change.....not TAKE AWAY. You will struggle to find yourself in the early weeks and months. You may feel like "Michelle" has been replaced by "Jack's Mommy". That concept hit me like a ton of bricks. I went from someone who knew completely and exactly who I was, to someone who had no clue who I was. I will be 100% honest. Some days I wished that I didn't have a baby. Again, don't mistake my words...I never wished that I didn't have REID, I just wished that I could have my old life back. It was never Reid who I felt weighed by down, it was more the concept of being 2 people instead of 1.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but for me, it has only gotten easier with time. It gets easier every day. Every day, I feel more confident in myself as a mother and myself as an individual. I no longer feel like Breanna is gone. I am still here Just this morning, as I was driving Reid to my mom's house for the day, I looked in the rear view mirror. I have one of those mirrors so I can see Reid in the back seat. He wore a baseball hat for the first time today. There he was, sitting in his carseat, 8 months old, staring out the window in his little baseball hat. Something hit me. I was PROUD to be a mother- his mother. I felt so blessed to have him as my son, blessed to have such an adorable, wonderful little side-kick.

When your little boy is here, you will find your own way of adjusting. Every day will be a learning experience. You will do things differently than all of us, because we all find our own way. You will cope with the lack of sleep, even though it will be hard and it will SUCK! You will find the confidence to go places with him, try new things with him, and you will learn how to feel confident in the everyday, ordinary things that feel so overwhelming right now.

Take the leap sister You've already done it physically (he's going to be here in 4 weeks!), but you need to let his happen mentally.

It will all be worth it.

[♥Ashley♥]

Aww Breanna that was so nicely said, and SWEET!!


(Obviously Im not a mommy so I have nothing helpful to add!)

[~* Helen *~]

Breanna and everyone else summed it up, its normal to feel like that in the last few weeks !!

[lauren in hi]

breathe sweetie! it's all normal. you'll be a great mom!

[*Anna*]

Yes we've all felt those things!!! So don't worry- you'll be a great mommy and when u first see and hold ur son u'll know!!!!

[soImarriedAnerd]

Glad to read I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

[Resi]

Originally Posted by Kerysma

OK Breathe!

The freak out moment happens to us all. First, everything will be OK, second, so you believe me about the first, yes there will be moments when you have absolutely no idea what to do. But you know what? You get through those too, you do what feels like the best option.

The baby books forget to address what it feels like to know that this decision, to bring a child into the world is the biggest you will ever make. It's not marriage, everyone knows if you change your mind you can get a divorce, babies are forever, the path to your life has changed irrevocably. What they also don't tell you is: once your baby is here you won't mind one bit, you will embrace the change, revel in it, wonder how you could have ever doubted that THIS is exactly what you wanted/needed/can't imagine your life without.

I know it's hard to trust that it will happen to you, because what if you are the odd one out, the one that doesn't feel that way? You WILL feel that way, and I hope you can just hold onto that and trust in it. It may not happen the moment your baby is born, it may be later, when they fall asleep in your arms, and you look down on their sleeping bliss and realize that somewhere deep inside you knew this tiny person was your destiny, but it WILL happen.


***HUGS***

Oh! This whole response is so perfect and true. Yes... It will be perfect.. Your fears are normal.. I freaked about a lot of the same things. In the end everything is perfect and I feel like this is what I was suppose to do with my life.

[ANGWife]

I felt ready under my water broke. Then I freaked out. It was the point of no return, KWIM? In fact, one of things I remember most was the wheelchair ride to our car to go home. I couldn't believe they were leaving this little one with me, as I was scared out of my mind.

The maternal thing TOTALLY kicks in. I was super emotional and felt completely lost. But each day gets alittle easier (at least the emotional level!) and it feels like second nature. You'll be proud to share pictures with everyone that will give you the time.

[~Jess~]

Normal, totally normal. It really truly wasn't real for me until after I gave birth.

This is exactly how I feel. I can not imagine getting closer to my due date. I think about how long I have left and its like NOTHING to me!! Im sure I will be on full on freak out mode 4 weeks from my due date as well!

[Adriana's Mommy]

Don't worry. Your not alone.. I still have 6 months to go and I wonder how the heck I'm going to do it with a toddler going through the terrible twos.. lol

[Mjp121212]

LOL I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at me. I think I told the same thing you posted to my mom and ds's dad about this time in my pregnancy too. Guess what....We've both been just fine. YEs I've made mistakes, HUGE ones that could have ended badly lol but he survived thus far! And you will too! GOOD LUCK!

[Resi]

I remember when my water broke I started to freak out a little bit. At that point I KNEW he was coming soon and there was no turning back. I remember leaving my house and driving to the hospital scared and crying because everything was about to change and I had no idea what was about to come with L&D. I was excited but scared. It all became very real at that point.

[IamMom]

Michelle honey you crack me up. All the girls have summed it up pretty much....I'm having similar thoughts but about having TWO kidlets to watch after and take care of....I had a total freak out the other night about how I was going to feed two kids when we get home from work/school since Harrison eats regular food and baby will need boobie or bottle or babyfood and its just weird to think - how will I do it. But everyone with two kids tells me you just do and then its just feels natural like there have always been two...so that's how you'll feel - like there has always been Jack....that's how I feel about Harrison - don't even remember life without him...and wouldn't ever want it that way again!

[Resi]

Originally Posted by I Love Harrison Boo

Michelle honey you crack me up. All the girls have summed it up pretty much....I'm having similar thoughts but about having TWO kidlets to watch after and take care of....I had a total freak out the other night about how I was going to feed two kids when we get home from work/school since Harrison eats regular food and baby will need boobie or bottle or babyfood and its just weird to think - how will I do it. But everyone with two kids tells me you just do and then its just feels natural like there have always been two...so that's how you'll feel - like there has always been Jack....that's how I feel about Harrison - don't even remember life without him...and wouldn't ever want it that way again!

Yep! It's very hard for me to remember what it was like before Oliver or being pregnant. It's seems like a very very very very long time ago!! I don't remember what it's like to sleep without getting up several times per night either. haha..

[**Jenn**]

Originally Posted by Resi

Yep! It's very hard for me to remember what it was like before Oliver or being pregnant. It's seems like a very very very very long time ago!! I don't remember what it's like to sleep without getting up several times per night either. haha..

It's funny you say that because even though Loch sleeps through the night I still wake up the times he used to. I guess my body just doesn't want to give it up!

I've been pregnant and/or nursing for over 4 years straight so its hard for me to remember a time when my body was even my own! I wouldn't want my life any other way though.

[Mars]

Melissa, Bre, Jenn and all the other responses are spot on. You will be a great mom and even more so because you had to work really hard to get to this point. You will discover a love that you never knew existed before. I told a lady after Amara was born that I now believe that I know what love is. If you ask me to jump in front of a car for my husband, would I do it? Ummm, I'd have to think about it. If you as me to jump in front of a car for my child, I do it before you even finish the question.

Always remember that you are not your parents and because things weren't great with them doesn't mean that you would do a great job with your child(ren). Remember where you came from and let it teach you how to rise above it and be the best you can be at everything...your family, your marriage, your work, your life!