[alicenwonderland]

Recieved a card from my SIL, Kerri. She's expecting her second baby at the end of July. She started TTC a month after I did and got pregnant right away. We were really close then and talked about timing and pee stick and all that jazz. Then it didn't happen... then really didnt happen. Then I sorta disappeared for awhile. When I resurfaced, I was adamant that we weren't trying anymore. It was too hard and there were too many fun things that I wanted to do before I had a child. So in that spirit I went to her house the other day with a gift of baby clothes and expressed my delayed excitement at being an aunt to a new baby.
So the Thank You card came in the mail today. She expressed gratitude and excitement and signed it for her husband and daughter as well. And then there at the bottom....

"And I hope that very soon we'll be the one's bringing you the gift of baby clothes..."

I burst into tears after reading those words. It was like she knew what was in my heart despite all my best efforts to cover it up. It's something I want so much, but I'm afraid to get caught up in the anxiety and depression that came with every failed attempt at TTC. DH is wary too, said he it was too hard to see me cry every time. I know most of you have gone through this period. The "i feel like it's never going to happen for me so I barely want to try" period.

haha, I must be ovulating... I'm being so hormonal, sorry.

[*krista*]

Aw, Alice!



I'm sorry. TTC is just so exhausting. No one ever tells you how hard it is. I can totally understand your reservations. Are you guys thinking about trying again sooner rather than later? I know that card had to pull at your heart strings.

[**Jenn**]

Alice I'm so sorry this has been such a difficult process for you. I have been there before and I know how much those feelings hurt. I've beent there this TTC venture to and part of me does just want to give up. It's like you're being pulled in two different directions--one side is the deep and tremendous need to have the little baby you want so badly and the other side just wants to give up to spare yourself anymore hurt. It would be different if we knew that there was a set amount of time we had to TTC before we got pregnant because we would know that there would be a baby at some point. But the not knowing...the trying and trying and not knowing...its hard to take. *HUGS*

[ScottishBrit]

awww, It'll happen Alice!!

[alicenwonderland]

we were WTTC.... which turned into NTNP.... of course it's hard to NTNP. I don't know how to not notice when i ovulate anymore. lol. We're open to whenever God happens to bless us and we don't use any form of birth control, but we aren't actively trying either. Casually hoping you could say. The ticker in my siggy is ticking down until we start really trying again... of course everything seems up in the air.

Thanks ladies. I missed you when I took my little break.

[bittersweet]

I'm glad you are enbracing your SIL pregnancy. I'm sure you'll be knocked up in no time and this will all be a distant dream. The important thing is that your building a strong relationship with hubby and you are surrounded by family that are loving and supportive. Sounds like you are pretty lucky

I agree sweetie, it will happen!

Alice. It was very hard for me when my sister got pregnant with Nicholas, too. But I love my nephew to the end of the Earth. When I get really down, he can always make Aunt Chelle smile, and everything I do with him is just one more "practice shot" before I have my own kids.

I know it's difficult hon, but we're all here to listen!!!

[Mars]

Though the journey had been long and frustrating, I do believe that it will happen for you. Hang in there.

[alicenwonderland]

Thanks guys. I'm feeling blessed today. I have a 4 day weekend to spend with DH. Tons of loving family. Got my JM ladies. .....Got lucky this morning

[..Penelope..]

Aww Alice, how sweet of your SIL. I'm sorry you're feeling so down about TTC. Frankly, I'm a little terrified of it, so I kind of understand.

*BIG HUGS*

[HopeWishWait]

*huge huge huge hugs* Hang in there, Alice. I know it will happen for you and I can not wait to see it