If you pass...

ANGWife · #1 May 14th, 2009, 04:51 AM

Ed and I were chatting last night and can't seem to agree.......

Who have you decided to leave your child./children to if you and SO pass? Have you discussed it?

LisanAndy · #2 May 14th, 2009, 05:37 AM

We'd leave our girls with my middle sister. My oldest sister and her husband, I feel, haven't created the best home for their 3 boys so I wouldn't want Taylor and Rylie around that. My brother is in the military and never home. My middle sister has 1 son that's 16 years old and she's an amazing mother. My mom and dad are 61 and I'd fear they'd pass before they were grown and my inlaws are CRAZY!

Adriana's Mommy · #3 May 14th, 2009, 06:01 AM

My mom (step mom) for sure! I have 2 younger sisters, ages 14 and 17 and they are super smart and vary level headed. I just love how my mom always had activities and exploration for my sisters when they were younger.. Always reading.. My sister who is 14 years old is already writing novels and my other sister is a awesome drawer.. What's also awesome is my mom will instill Christian values into my kids life, just like we would. So, I know if something happened to DH and I, my kids will be in great hands..

IamMom · #4 May 14th, 2009, 06:40 AM

I feel very strongly on this subject (and on leaving a will etc. in general)....before DS was born DH and I hired an attorney to draw up a revocable living trust...it wasn't terribly expensive ....but a good chunck of change, however we felt it was worth it for us (it protects your estate was better than a will) since we have alot of life insurance and I will get a sizable inheritance from my parents someday (as well as DH from his mom and step dad). Anywho - since my son spends so much time with my parents and they live close by they are the natural choice.....If something were to happen to both of them too it is there choice then who to leave our kids with but we have talked about it and I think they have my sister and her husband shown in their legal documents. You can never have too many bases covered cause you NEVER know what could happen.

ETA: The trust document has all of this specified in it...as well as our medical requests....and how our money will be given out to the kids, when, how much, for what etc. It's very detailed....

Resi · #5 May 14th, 2009, 06:44 AM

There isn't anyone that I would really want to raise him. BUT, if it came to it I would pick my SIL and her husband (Damon's sister). Damon agrees.

soImarriedAnerd · #6 May 14th, 2009, 07:09 AM

YES we had already agreed before TTC even---its something that I feel strong about. (working on redoing my will right now actually!) Our primary couple is my cousin and his wife, and our secondary couple is his Brother and new wife. The money will go to the kid(s) but the guardians will not have control over it nor will the kid(s)--another family member will --right now my Aunt and her hubby, with no back up (haven't agreed on the number two here).

petalfuzz · #7 May 14th, 2009, 07:37 AM

We talked about it and couldn't decide! My parents are elderly (dad's close to 70 already), my sister is 33 and doesn't have kids (she's quite emotionally immature also), and DH's dad and step mom are just plain odd! They are horrible with money and I wouldn't want my kids in their influence even though they are great Christians, etc! So that leaves more distant relations... in other words no idea!

.Brandi. · #8 May 14th, 2009, 07:42 AM

We haven't discussed it but I would leave our children with my SIL and her husband (Chris' sister) if we couldn't find anyone else.

freesiangel · #9 May 14th, 2009, 08:19 AM

Oh man, I'm not sure. We're in the middle of writing our living revocable trust (doing ours ourselves and then will pay a lawyer to sign off on it - there are a lot of cheap and/or free programs out there to write these - we're using the one at SuzeOrman.com. It costs money, but if you write "people first" into the code box it's free! Not sure if there is a space between people first or not).

Anywaaaaaaaaaaay, as of right now I think we're going to put my Brother and SIL (if they agree) since they're the only responsible ones at this point. However, they're kind of snotty and ultimately I would hate for my kids to grow up with that. They are very loving, responsible, and secure parents, though, and I know my children would be well taken care of. They would probably just turn out a little more, er, uppity than I'd like.

My two sisters are both older than me, but I just don't feel comfortable leaving my children with either of them... My parents are too old and my mom drinks quite a bit, so that's a no freakin' way... On Jer's side, his parents would work, I guess, but I just don't thik I'm okay with that. There's no way with his borther, he's way too irresponsible.... His sister, however, will probably ultimately be our choice - but just not for a few years. As of now she's in college and in her first apartment, so I know it would never work for her. In a few years, though, given she doesn't fall off the deep end or something, I think she would be ideal.

Wow that got long. Sorry!

*vi · #10 May 14th, 2009, 09:01 AM

DF's parents are both in their 70s, so I wouldn't leave my children with them for fear of them passing away before my kids are grown. DF's brothers are also not an option. One has agoraphobia, and the other is someone I would not want raising my kids. Not that he's not a nice man and probably capable (from what I understand he practically raised his ex-gf's son for a number of years), he just isn't someone I want influencing my kids.

My parents would be my first choice, but my mom has a disease called Dercums Disease that is very painful for her, some days to the point that she can't even get up and move around. And my dad is just about to retire, so I don't want to leave them with more kids to raise.

I think then, my choice would be my BFF. She would love them and raise them well, and raise them how I would want them raised. My sister would be another option but since she is in the Coast Guard, it might not be ideal for her, unless maybe it was many years down the line when she's not always on the go. I guess we'll see when the time comes that we have children but for right now, it would be my BFF if she'd take them.

**Jenn** · #11 May 14th, 2009, 10:52 AM

My parents are still young (53 and 55) and they have such a strong bond with the boys. Plus even though our parenting styles differ to a degree, we hold the same values. And they are the only ones we would completely trust to raise our children the way we want them raised. If for some reason that didn't work out I don't know who we would go with. It would be a toss up between my brother and his wife and my sister and her soon to be husband. Both have pros and cons but ultimately I think they would do a great job!

My bil and sil (Ian's brother and sil) would definitely not get them. They have a 6 year old daughter and we don't agree with their parenting choices/style at all! My in laws are older than my parents (by at least 10 years) and I just don't think they could handle the day to day job of it. Plus, Ian has issues of how he was raised--he was overlooked a lot because of circumstances in his parents lives at the time. We don't want that for our boys. We actually have a really hard time leaving them to babysit for more than an hour or two. We make sure the boys are already in bed for the night or just down for a nap.

Mars · #12 May 14th, 2009, 12:41 PM

We haven't discussed it but both our parents will be more than willing and capable.

#13 May 14th, 2009, 02:03 PM

This is a very touchy subject for me

Our children would go to DH's parents.

DH's parents live in Idaho, not near any other family. EVERYONE ELSE is here in California- the rest of his family, and all of my family. The thought of Reid and future siblings not being around my family KILLS ME, but they can't go to my family. My mom is not in the best health and can barely provide for herself financially, much less a young child(ren). She made it work raising me and did a WONDERFUL job, but she's a lot older now. My dad is kind of crazy -he loves Reid to DEATH- but is NOT a good influence, and his marriage to my step-mom is not in the best shape right now. They have also been through a lot already. My dad is 57 and had to raise my two cousins because my aunt (his sister) is a crack-w***

One cousin just turned 18, and the other is almost 15.

We haven't put anything in writing or in a will. We NEED TO, but haven't gotten around to it.

I have never discussed this with my family. It would break their heart. I asked DH if we could put a clause in the will that specifies that our kids only go to his parents if they move back to CA

I don't know if you can even do that.

My second choice besides his parents would be my older sister and her husband, but they live in Seattle, so there is another problem!

soImarriedAnerd · #14 May 14th, 2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freesiangel

oh man, i'm not sure. We're in the middle of writing our living revocable trust (doing ours ourselves and then will pay a lawyer to sign off on it - there are a lot of cheap and/or free programs out there to write these - we're using the one at suzeorman.com. It costs money, but if you write "people first" into the code box it's free! Not sure if there is a space between people first or not).

thanks for sharing!

ANGWife · #15 May 15th, 2009, 08:26 AM

Unfortunately, Ed and and I feel we're the most responsible ones in our families. My parents are both almost 60 and I feel they don't need the pressure and stress of raising small children anymore. His parents are younger, but I don't approve of the way their family behaves. FIL is an alcoholic, and both of them scream/curse at the kids all the time. My brother is an AWESOME dad, but he has the worst judgment/doesn't respect family and I can't stand my SIL.

#16 May 15th, 2009, 09:37 AM

This weighs heavily on me, cuz Im afraid if something were to happen to me Kennedi would just go to Brandon and I DO NOT want that!! He is not ready to be a father, he doesnt even have anything for her. No I take that back, he got her a rubber ducky and a piggy bank. Definitely things she will use the first year of her life right?!

Anyways so Ill be making a will and hopefully if I can get it so that she will go to my mom.

#17 May 15th, 2009, 09:59 AM

Michael and I decided that we couldn't do the family route either, Morg. I asked my BFF, if she and her husband would take our children/children {IF we have them}. She's a GREAT mom, Her DH is an active involved rough-housing have fun kind of dad but can keep it serious, Jenn and I share most of the same attitudes on parenting and social issues, and we often finish each other's sentences. She and her husband have a very stable loving, child-centered home, which importantly is NON-SMOKING {which is why family is out. I just couldn't stand it.} Jenn has been a sister to me for 10 years.

She agreed, and that made me so happy. I know if that situation raised, my family would throw a FIT, which is why the minute we have our child, we will fill out whatever paperwork needed. I know she would grant our family access to our children, but I wouldn't want them raised by my sister. She couldn't handle another child.

Michael and I decided that we couldn't do the family route either, Morg. I asked my BFF, if she and her husband would take our children/children {IF we have them}. She's a GREAT mom, Her DH is an active involved rough-housing have fun kind of dad but can keep it serious, Jenn and I share most of the same attitudes on parenting and social issues, and we often finish each other's sentences. She and her husband have a very stable loving, child-centered home, which importantly is NON-SMOKING {which is why family is out. I just couldn't stand it.} Jenn has been a sister to me for 10 years.

She agreed, and that made me so happy. I know if that situation raised, my family would throw a FIT, which is why the minute we have our child, we will fill out whatever paperwork needed. I know she would grant our family access to our children, but I wouldn't want them raised by my sister. She couldn't handle another child.