Phantom crying

ShannonMVT · #1 May 16th, 2009, 08:48 AM

So maybe I'm just crazy, but I swear all the time, I think I hear Matthew crying and he is not. Especially when he's not in the room with me, I'll think I'll hear him in the next room with Dh, crying. It drives me nuts cause then I'm sitting there straining to listen and trying to decide if my mind is playing tricks on me or not! Even when he is in the room with me and I KNOW he is not crying, sometimes I still think I hear it.

Anyone else have this happen?

It doesn't help that Dh gets frustrated when he doesn't know why Matthew is crying (like he is fed, changed, etc, so Dh says "there's nothing wrong with him), so he just lets him cry.

It pisses me off.

~*Bethy*~ · #2 May 16th, 2009, 09:10 AM

yup, your not crazy! Thats the sign that I need more sleep

You may not like it, but letting Matthew cry it out some is ok actually. Now in the event that "theres nothing wrong with him" go in and check him, and if there isnt, let him cry for a few minutes - it gets energy out and if anything helps his lungs out

~Beth

soImarriedAnerd · #3 May 16th, 2009, 09:32 AM

It would piss me off also...but then I'm not a believer in letting a baby CIO. I think you may need a little more sleep also LOL (like thats easy to do!).

**Jenn** · #4 May 16th, 2009, 10:38 AM

Yeah, that would piss me off too. I'm not a believer in CIO either so it really gets under my skin. Fortunately Ian doesn't believe in it either. If he couldn't get the boys to stop crying he would just bring them to me.

I totally hear phantom cries, even now! I remember when I was younger and my Mom had the in home daycare that because there were a lot of young families in the neighborhood our baby monitor would pick up other monitors in the neighborhood. We'd hear a baby crying and it would drive us nuts wondering where it was coming from (after checking on all the sleeping cribs) and then we'd here a woman trying to settle the baby. It was a little freaky.

ETA: Ian hears phatom cries too so its not just a "Mom thing." Last night was a prime example. It was the middle of the night and he woke up thinking he heard Loch over the monitor and was messing with the volume and turning it off and on while half asleep and Loch never even made a sound.

Lash · #5 May 16th, 2009, 11:08 AM

My mom always heard phantom cries, especially when I was gone for the night to stay with like grandparents-- i think its just a mom thing girl

ShannonMVT · #6 May 16th, 2009, 11:25 AM

Sleep??? Um...yeah... I get it, but it comes in 1-2 hour chunks at a time which is somewhat less than ideal.

On the Dh thing, part of it is that Dh gets frustrated because he will try to pick up Matthew and comfort him and it doesn't work. Then if he hands him to me, he will calm down and stop crying. So Dh now has this mental block about thinking that he can't calm him when he's crying, when I think he needs to try holding him differently, or rocking him, etc, instead of just giving up and saying "oh I can't get him to stop crying".
I've told him now that he just needs to bring him to me if he doesn't stop crying. It just sucks because then he'll be fussy and cluster feeding in the evening and I'd kill for 15 minutes to get ready for bed, but I'm having to hold him.

Oh and sometimes he does just have to cry on occassion for a minute if I'm in the middle of something or like I HAVE to pee before I feed him, etc, but I really don't like to let him cry more than a minute or two.

**Jenn** · #7 May 16th, 2009, 11:38 AM

Sometimes letting them cry for a minute or two is a necessity, especially when you have more than one. I've had to let Loch cry as an infant because I was changing a diaper or trying to get Liam lunch or because I had to pee. I've also gone to the bathroom while still nursing.

Sometimes its just anavoidalbe. Lochy was the same way as a baby--no one could calm him down but me usually. And Ian took it personally, like Lochy didn't like him. He didn't remember that Liam would do the same thing and he felt the same way then. So in most cases he wouldn't even try to calm him down and would just bring him to me. It's a hard age for Dad's, especially if you're nursing, because there really isn't much for them to do. That's why Ian would give baths and massage with lotion and that kind of stuff. It became his "thing to do" with the boys. Their own bonding time (of course it also helped that they both loved baths).

Angelaosaurus-rex · #8 May 16th, 2009, 12:00 PM

Its normal and it WILL get better!!! ((HUGS))

Chris is not the greatest with Landen crying. When he was here and Landen started crying in the car e had to pull over because he couldn't handle it.

ShannonMVT · #9 May 16th, 2009, 12:07 PM

Matthew loves baths too, we need to do more of those, but at this age it is a 2 person job (to me) because of his wobbly head. And I'm so wiped in the evening from cluster feeding that it doesn't end up happening much, but hopefully in the future, we can get a bath/bedtime routine going on.

Thanks for reassuring me that this is normal... On the one hand it's nice that I have the Super Special Mommy Touch, but on the other, it would be nice if he could calm down for Daddy! Jenn, my Dh said the same thing, "He doesn't like it when I hold him."

Resi · #10 May 16th, 2009, 12:19 PM

I think I hear Oliver crying when I'm downstairs and he is upstairs napping. The first couple nights home I would be falling asleep and think I heard him crying. He wasn't and was right next to me in the co-sleeper. I think it was lack of sleep back then. Now I think it's just me thinking I hear him but he is too far away to tell until I go check on him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

Matthew loves baths too, we need to do more of those, but at this age it is a 2 person job (to me) because of his wobbly head. And I'm so wiped in the evening from cluster feeding that it doesn't end up happening much, but hopefully in the future, we can get a bath/bedtime routine going on.

Thanks for reassuring me that this is normal... On the one hand it's nice that I have the Super Special Mommy Touch, but on the other, it would be nice if he could calm down for Daddy! Jenn, my Dh said the same thing, "He doesn't like it when I hold him."

Damon said the same thing will Oliver was a newborn. Now he thinks he knows best and tells me I'm not doing something right.

Damon did not feel comfortable with him until I went back to work and he learned his own way of taking care and comforting Oliver.

#11 May 16th, 2009, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

Sleep??? Um...yeah... I get it, but it comes in 1-2 hour chunks at a time which is somewhat less than ideal.

On the Dh thing, part of it is that Dh gets frustrated because he will try to pick up Matthew and comfort him and it doesn't work. Then if he hands him to me, he will calm down and stop crying. So Dh now has this mental block about thinking that he can't calm him when he's crying, when I think he needs to try holding him differently, or rocking him, etc, instead of just giving up and saying "oh I can't get him to stop crying".

Your sleep will increase, I promise you, I remember those 1-2 hour cleeps, it's hard going but you will start getting used to it just as he sleeps a little longer.

My DH does this exact same thing for the same reason. Even now Kirsty sometimes wont settle for him and he gets so annoyed!

**Jenn** · #12 May 16th, 2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

Matthew loves baths too, we need to do more of those, but at this age it is a 2 person job (to me) because of his wobbly head. And I'm so wiped in the evening from cluster feeding that it doesn't end up happening much, but hopefully in the future, we can get a bath/bedtime routine going on.

Thanks for reassuring me that this is normal... On the one hand it's nice that I have the Super Special Mommy Touch, but on the other, it would be nice if he could calm down for Daddy! Jenn, my Dh said the same thing, "He doesn't like it when I hold him."

Yeah, a break every now and then would be nice but trust me, it's coming. This is not a forever situation. Matthew will start nursing more efficiently and he'll start taking longer stretches of sleep. As for right now, he knows your smell, he smells your milk, and he knows that that is comforting and special, so that's what he wants. The first 6-8 weeks are the hardest but it gets so much better and so much easier. I remember how frustrating it was when all my baby wanted was me and all I wanted to do was take a shower or pee for 30 seconds ALONE! It's exhausting, but its a temporary situation. Now I long for the days when I would just hold them and they would snuggle up and be their most content in my arms. They're still very snuggly but on their own terms.

Once the boys got older and could be played with it got a lot better for Ian. They still preferred me because I had the milk but they'd go to Ian a lot too. Lochy still nurses but he will usually let anyone console him if he's hurt or upset.

Mars · #13 May 16th, 2009, 02:37 PM

Your not crazy. I used to go through the same thing especially when taking a shower. It will go away in a couple weeks.

LaLaRose3 · #14 May 16th, 2009, 06:06 PM

I know you have tried the Miracle blanket, and it didn't work... Have you tried a front carrier or a wrap carrier? And just holding him in it, maybe do some rocking or walking around? That helps Alice calm down when she is fussy and she falls asleep.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that it will get better!

ScottishBrit · #15 May 16th, 2009, 07:19 PM

haha, thats too funny. DH always used to think he would Cambria crying sometimes I did to. I would just chalk it up to lack of sleep. Oh And I dont let her CIO either.