[freesiangel]

This gets a little long, but please try and stick with me...

As you may or may not recall, I am going part-time come August-ish so that I don't have to be away from the baby so much. My job is already somewhat low-paying... Definitely more than minimum wage, but nothing to get all hot and bothered over. When I go PT I will either be making around $900 or $1090 a month before taxes and retirement, depending on how they decide to classify me (won't go into details, you may go cross-eyed). Odds are it will be the lower amount because I work for the state and they're cheap, so I'm guessing they won't pay me any more than they absolutely have to... You know how it goes. Anyway, after taxes and retirement, we're looking at maybe $750-800 a month (that doesn't include my IRA retirement contributions and we won't even go there right now). I just called all of the daycares in our area and the one that I think we're going to go with will cost around $320-340 a month for a part-time infant. Way better than a lot of other daycares, so I can't really complain... My point in all of this? Well, after taxes, retirement, and daycare costs I will only be bringing home a little over $400 a month. Sure, it's $400 - but at the same time I don't know that it's worth it! That's not very much money! And I work my butt off!!

The thing is, we can very easily live off of just DH's salary. He makes most of the money... We'd be able to pay all our bills and still have a little left to put in savings. Not much, but some. I've pretty much always worked so that we could put money away into savings and use whenever we actually go on a vacation (which is not often at all). We're already very frugal. We rarely go out to eat, I shop sales, don't buy crap we don't need, etc. So there's no easy fix like cutting stuff out of our budget. We're already cheap *****.

So now I'm sitting here with a bitter taste in my mouth. I already never ever ever wanted to go back to work after having children - not until they go into school. I made this clear before we got married. Well he's gone and guilted me into agreeing to work part-time, but for $400 freakin' dollars a month!? Geez! If we absolutely needed every last dime of that then I wouldn't hesitate for a second, but we don't. Sure, the extra money would be nice - but I'm going to have to leave my baby! LEAVE my baby! Yeah, only 2 1/2 days a week, but I'm already having panic attacks just thinking about it. It makes me sick.

I absolutely refuse to work full-time and my DH knows this and isn't stupid enough to ever bring it up.

I'm sure you all can tell what I'm thinking, that I should just be a SAHM. But I know he's going to fight me about it. Yeah, maybe if he had to work his *** off for freakin' $400 a month he'd think differently... I just don't think guys get it!

Anyway, if YOU were in my situation what would YOU do? Any comments are welcome, good or bad. I know I sound like a big freakin' whiny pants right now, so don't be afraid to call me on it... I just am in such a messed up place right now and I'm not really sure what to do. I could use some advice. Thanks!

[♥Ashley♥]

If I was in your situation I 100% would stay home. Only $400 to not only run around and work your butt off at work, but to also run around getting ready, getting a baby ready for daycare everyday, and driving them back and forth from daycare etc. It wouldnt be worth it to me ESPECIALLY if you dont really have to have the money to pay bills, and of course because the other option is being home with baby 24/7!

[soImarriedAnerd]

If I could afford to stay at home, I would stay at home. If the money was needed I would work. So if I was you I would stay home.

Your DH and my DH should talk Will was the EXACT same way before we had Reid. He was insistant on me working- full time, mind you. My job had been commission for along time. There were periods where I made really good money, and periods where I made really crappy money. Right around the time Reid was born, I was taking home about $1000/month more than the cost of daycare, but a few months later, I was making like $500 more than the cost of daycare. It was DH's idea for me to just stay home. All of a sudden, he saw the value of a mom at home with baby on top of the fact that working for $500/month is pretty worthless. He was TOTALLY okay with me being a SAHM, and like I said, it was his idea. I decided one last time to talk to my boss and see if they would put me on salary. I asked for an amount more than double what I had been making before. My boss gave it to me. So, I decided to keep working. I now take home over $2000 more than the cost of daycare (daycare here, full time, is $1200/month or $900/month for 3 days a week).

Working for just $400/month extra is pretty worthless in my opinion, unless you really need it, which you don't. OR, if you are the type who needs to work outside of the home to stay sane. I'm that way sometimes.

Give you DH time. After the baby is born, he may very well change his mind.

What are his reasons for wanting you to work? My DH said that he wanted me to still have a passion, to never fully rely on him because he respects women who can "hold their own", he said that he fell in love with me because I had career goals, and he wanted a partner in acheiving our financial dreams. I know that this sounds very offensive to most people, and trust me, I think that it IS offensive to an extent, but that was our relationship. After we had Reid, he really understood the importance of a mother and how truly difficult it is to care for a child. It's not just sitting at home, watching TV, and cooking dinner.

You don't sound whiny at all. I would totally stay at home if I were you sicne you don't need the moeny. The benefits of being at home will far outweigh that $400 for both you, baby and thusly the entire family. Plus, babies get sick a lot in daycare. It would be much better to avoid all that--maybe that argument would work on yoru husband. I hope he realizes a happy wife=a happy home in this situation

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Stay home for sure... you WANT to, you agreed to do that if it were financially possible before marriage, etc. and you can afford to. You shouldn't bust your tail for $400 when you don't NEED it... and nothing is set in stone... it's not like you HAVE to work part time or not at all until the baby's in gradeschool.

[~*Bethy*~]

I vote SAHM 100% - for us it would be worth the $500 BUT thats because I do barn work at my horse stable - if it were with a real job - it 100% would NOT be worth it to us.

~Beth

[lauren in hi]

I think you should stay home. $400 isn't really a lot if you're not in need. Plus, as Michelle mentioned, babies get sick a lot in daycare, and you might end up having to take a lot of sick days anyhow.

[IamMom]

It sounds like in your heart you want to stay home.....and if you don't need the money to pay the bills than you should probably do that. The expects say that what makes the mother most fulfilled and happy will make her be the best mom she can be when she's with her kids. It's not the quantity of time you spend with them, but the quality of time. Start researching things a stay at home mom might do (mommy and me groups, volunteer things you can take baby too - whatever) and lay out example days for your DH so he can see that you'll still be productive and busy and all that. My sister started selling Avon since she's a SAHM but wanted that adult interaction and something small to "work on" and its working out great for them.

I personally value my career and have zero desire to stay home with my children on a full time basis. I worked very hard to get where I am professionally and I make about as much as DH. Now I do have a much more flexible and less demanding job than I could have in my field and that was a choice I made for the betterment of my children....so I do have a heart and soft spot for my kids !!! I've got to admit that retirement savings is a HUGE thing for me and both DH and I have awesome retirement plans thru our work where our employers contribute as well as us and that is going to help us retire early and be able to do fun things before we're too old to do enjoy it...but I digress. These are all my personal feelings and this is what makes me feel fulfilled and each woman is different. My son would not be better off with me at home....and I accept that and he is happy and healthy and we have a much better bond because of our situation.

[ANGWife]

Do you truly enjoy children?

Why not try being a WAHM and watch another child or two for extra money?

[Resi]

You already know if it were me I would stay home in a heartbeat. I don't think it would be worth $400 to work. You husband will come around after the baby is born if he doesn't before hand.

[bittersweet]

I think you should stay home also, for all the reasons previously mentioned. I think your DH will come around when he sees how much work a baby really is.

[LaLaRose3]

I agree with the other ladies 100%!

[greeneyes]

If you want to stay home and it's economically feasible, then I think you should. Tell hubby to consider your maternity leave a "trial period" where he can see how it would work out with you being a full-time mommy.

[Frozendesire]

I'd for sure stay at home... well that's what we are doing now. DH works over time and makes what I would with a part time/ even a full time job, just off that. It's SO not worth being away from your baby for 400 dollars especially when you don't NEED it!

Me and DH, as teenagers dating, always agreed that I would be a SAHM until our youngest was in school... or as long as feasible. I'm VERY lucky that way.

I hope you can come to an agreement with hubby. It's best to have you both on the same page as there can be alot of hurt feelings in a situation like this. I agree with Kate, use maternity leave as a trial period!

[Adriana's Mommy]

I'm not in your situation.. I'm a full time worker and a full time mommy..

But I would be a SAHM if I only took home that amount of money.. That's not worth working for when most of your money is going to daycare

My DH has the same views as your DH.. My DH grew up with his mom and other women in is family working.. He honestly wouldn't want me to sit at home.. But I'm not the type to be a stay at home mom.. I'd get to bored and I needs some mental stimulation.. lol So that's not a problem on my end.. And like your doing now, it's good to have 2 retirements funds set up.. Planing for retirement is vary smart to do at such a young age, it will pay off in the future.. But each mom is different.. Like stated above, I would see how your 3 month maternity leave goes and make your decision from there..

[Mars]

If I could afford to stay at home, I would stay at home. If the money was needed I would work.

[freesiangel]

Thanks so much everyone. I really love you guys.

My DH would never tell me I couldn't be a SAHM, I know of I insist upon it that he'd be fine with it. He just tends to, er, stress out about finances and he already does with us both working full-time just because we're in the midst of building up our Emergency Fund. We would have like 6 months of income in the bank right now, except that huge things in our house kept breaking (like having to have all the pipes replaced), so we kept getting knocked back down to 0 and now we have about 2 months of income saved up... Plus some additional money for baby stuff since that's going to cost us an arm and a leg.

Last night I made an extremely in-depth budget of how much we spend on everything a month - I included everything. Haircuts, dog grooming, etc. and even put in something for things like vet bills, prescriptions, and other things that we don't get every month, but could come up. Basically, I WAY overestimated how much we spend in a month. I even put down $100 a week for groceries/household crap even though I realistically only spend about $70-80. I may spend $100 if we have guests for a long weekend or something, but that's it. But I wanted to overestimate to make sure I wasn't missing anything that could hurt us if I didn't work. Even after all of that we will have roughly $1300 left at the end of the month WITHOUT me working. A good $200 goes into our Insurance account since we only pay insurance once or twice a year, so we set money aside in a savings account every month so we don't get hit up all at once... So that leaves us with $1000-1100 a month for savings. That includes our IRA's. Sure, we won't be able to max out our IRA's (which is what's stressing DH out the most), but once we build up our Emergency Fund to have 8-10 months of living expenses then we will stop putting money into savings and put all that extra money towards our IRA's every month. I *estimate* that we'll have our Emergency Fund built up within a year. Then yeah, we won't quite be able to max out our IRA's, but we'll come **** close and I think that's good enough FOR NOW. I do intend to go back to work once I've popped out a couple and they're off to preschool or kindergarten... Well, unless DH becomes a millionaire somehow.

Lastly, I don't think DH realizes just how little money I will be bringing home after daycare. I'm sure once I show him what I showed all of you that he'll relax and be okay with it. I'll be talking to him about it this weekend when I see him again (he's fishing all week with his dad and brother). I think he'll be okay with it. It may take some getting used to, but in the end I think it'll work. And as a lot of you said, if I stay home and for some reason we find it just isn't workout out I can always find another job. It's not like I'm working at some great job right now that would be horrible to lose. I could care less about it.

I'll update you after I talk to my DH this weekend.

Thanks again for everything!

[Resi]

It sounds like you are well off. DH & I both work FT and we don't have that much left after paying bills only. I think you should be a SAHM for sure. There really is no MAJOR reason not too.

[freesiangel]

I wouldn't really consider us "well off," but we don't have a car payment so that makes a huge difference. And as I said earlier, we like never ever eat out or buy "stuff" so we manage to set aside more. We used to eat out 1-3 times a week and have a car payment and went places on the weekends, so we never had any extra money... Nothing like being cheap.