I got a call from the CVS doctor today. She had the preliminary results from the genetic scan - they run the most common trisomies, Downs Syndrome and sex chromosomes first because that is what *most* women are looking for when they undergo this procedure. So our baby doesn't have any of those problems, which is a relief in a way, even though we weren't at risk for them in the first place. She also said "your baby has two normal sex chromosomes but you are choosing not to know them until the next set of results, right?" I was almost like - NO! Tell me now! LOL. It kinda kills me that someone out there knows the sex of my baby and I don't... but I have to stick to the plan.
Yesterday's 12-week OB appointment went well. I was glad to have another ultrasound because I got a little paranoid about having had the CVS needle so close to the baby the day before. It was nice to hear the heartbeat again, then they did a vaginal u/s and - the baby was moving like crazy. It was actually kicking my cervix with both legs, dancing on it kind of. I had a pap smear and bled a little from that, but the OB assured me that it was only a surface irritation from the brushes. I had some very light brown spotting today which she had warned me would happen, so I didn't freak out... too much.
We got one u/s pic yesterday. It's so fuzzy, they caught the baby in a mid-wiggle so you can't even see arms and legs, but trust me, they're all there. The big mass at the top of the screen is the placenta. It almost looks like baby's head is being squished by the placenta LOL. I really wish I had video instead of one crappy picture...
I had another random thought today. Before I deleted my TTC journal in a post-miscarriage angry phase, I used to fill posts with my thoughts about TTC versus having an "oopsie" pregnancy. My view was that oopsies would be overall easier to deal with because the mom doesn't have to actually make a proactive decision to try and/or deal with infertility and all that. This was before I even started TTC, much less knew the pregnancy loss and genetic problems that awaited me.
So my thought today was that I've pretty much run the gamut in my experiences... I made that difficult (for me) decision to bite the bullet and try... I had months where the BFNs crushed me... I had two miscarriages, which I would have told you were my worst fear, and survived... I received a terrible and incurable fertility diagnosis... I have dealt with the possibility of needing IVF and did an RE consultation... I decided to take a break to save what was left of my sanity... and irony of all ironies, ended up with (something very similar to) an oopsie that month.
Sometimes I cringe when I think back to the naivete I had less than a year ago. But then, I am glad I was able to be ignorant of all that lie ahead of me. I still have to face the fact that this baby could be genetically unviable, and have to terminate... if it's genetically balanced, it could be a carrier for the same problem DH has, and thus face fertility issues themselves as an adult... and then there's the prospect of baby #2. I could end up going through many more miscarriages, and in any pregnancy I'll have to do the CVS and have all the same questions over again. I may have been naive, but at least I had the experience of assuming having a baby would be as easy for me as it is for the other 99%. At least I had one pregnancy where I dreamed of a baby shower and a nursery theme instead of karyotypes and translocations. And if anything, the two miscarriages have taught me that pregnancy is far, far out of my control, which is a lesson that the universe can't teach me often enough, apparently.
Keep crossing your fingers and toes for me, girls. The rest of the CVS results should be back in less than a week.
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Random thoughts + a picture
Less than a week... I hope the time goes by quickly!
Sweetie I cant wait for your next set of results!! All crossables are crossed!!
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