[Resi]

My MIL is coming to visit in about a month. I like her and we get along. I'm kind of dreading it because I know she is going to be against my parenting methods. She basicly is against everything I'm for. She doesn't think a baby should be held all the time, doesn't believe in wearing baby (it spoils them), never BF (I know she is most likely going to think Oliver is already to old to BF), and I'm sure she will think I'm crazy when she finds out he still sleeps in our room (I hope I can avoid her knowing that I co-sleep). Everyone here already knows I'm only into feeding him homeade organic foods. I KNOW she is going to buy a bunch of CR*P that I would never give to him. I'm the kind of person that never speaks up and has a hard time telling people how I feel about certain things (unless it's my Mom or Damon or close friends). Ugh.. I don't want her giving him anything I would not want him to have. That includes toys, food, and other baby products. I can already see her trying to buy him video games when he is older. I won't allow him to have them! She only means well but I guess I'm going to have to try to speak up. For some reason my blood boils about all of this. Oh, Damon is NO help when it comes to his family. He would never tell them we don't won't certain things etc. This is going to be an on going issue when we visit or she visits.

Just venting..

[~*Bethy*~]

Damion needs to tell his mother ahead of time that if she disagrees with HIS (well and yours too ) parenting style, then she is not allowed over. She needs to respect that Oliver is strictly on Breastmilk/organic food/products. Tell her that while she is staying here, she is not to buy him any food/toys that are not acceptable with you OR Damion. Its his parent, let him do some of the work too! dont be ashamed to let her know that you co-sleep and baby wear!! She had her chance to raise Damion - now this is Damion's chance to raise Oliver

~Beth

[soImarriedAnerd]

Damon needs to step up---its HIS mom, HE should tell her. But then if he doesn't just don't take the price tags off the things she buys and then just return them LOL.
Good luck with the visit! How long is she around for?

[♥Ashley♥]

I agree I wish Damon would step up on this subject! This is your baby and you guys will do things your way! Does Damon agree with everything you do? Thats the only reason I can think of that he wouldnt stick up for you and those things, unless he is just a major mommas boy who wont stand up to his mom at all! Im sorry! Thats got to be hard knowing you want things one way and she is going to go against almost everything you do!

[Resi]

Originally Posted by soImarriedAnerd

Damon needs to step up---its HIS mom, HE should tell her. But then if he doesn't just don't take the price tags off the things she buys and then just return them LOL.
Good luck with the visit! How long is she around for?

She will be here for the 4th of July weekend. I think 3 or 4 nights. He agrees with everything we do but mostly because I want it. He doesn't like hurting feelings so he won't.

[freesiangel]

Good luck! I do think it's his place to tell his mother how things are, but I'm sure he's like my DH and either won't do it or will sugar coat it so much that it doesn't even sound like what you wanted him to say...

Hopefully your MIL will just accept it and do as you wish, but something tells me that most moms and MIL's will not since they'll think they know better than their children.

I already know I'm going to have similar issues with my mom and MIL. Not sure yet how I'm going to cope.

[ShannonMVT]

Sorry that puts you in such a tough position. It's much easier when the husband talks to the MIL about things so that's hard that Damon won't.
I avoided telling people I was cloth diapering because I didn't want to deal with other's opinions.

[Mars]

Oh dear, I really hope that it goes well and that perhaps she will try to understand what you are doing for Oliver and respect your wishes. Maybe if she watches the documentary, The Disappearing Male, she'd change her mind.

Maybe if while you do things, you explain to her why you do it and what you researched about the benefits??? Sometimes information shuts my MIL up. GL hon!!

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Ooh Resi! I'm sorry. I can totally relate AND 4th of July weekend is when we're aiming to tell my ILs and so me and you will be dealing with these comments at the same time! My MIL has already said she thinks BFing is gross and that with boobs our size we would just 'smother' the child anyway, etc. etc. so she'll totally be against pretty much everything Ben and I hope to do. The thing is, Ben isn't afraid of telling or asking her things she just doesn't listen. She just plays things down and does what she wants... so this will be a real struggle for us as well. I'm really not looking forward to it -- and I used to like her. I don't really have any advice or anything... but vent to me all you want b/cc I'll be dealing with a similar situation as well! It's AGGRAVATING!

[*Anna*]

OMG Resi Im so going through thiis with my MIL!!! She is so against BFing and turns her head with a discusted look on her face! It makes my blood boil. And we co-sleep too and MIL and SIL think its so wrong and say I spoil her and she'll never be in a crib... ummm ok! Next time SIL says something to me Im going to say "Alexa is ours to raise so u can raise ur baby how u want to"... but I too dont like to speak up and cause any more conflictt than we have! But my MIL with BFing!!!! She makes me mad... shehas a room set up for me to "feed" her so I dont do it in front of her... but sometimes I do it in front of her, covered... which I know makes her mad but I dont care. 1 time we were in a restaurant and I NIPed, covered, and I said something like... "she wants her dinner too " and MIL stood up and went to bathroom with the nastiest look on her face... and she never goes to the bathroom before we eat... sometimes after. DH knows how mad it makes me... but he just wont say anything to her... which also makes me mad but he just rather ignore and not deal with. He tells me to ignore her and just do what I want. MIL is sooo not open minded either. Oh the other day she was holding Alexa cross cradle like, and Alexas mouth was near her chest... and she started crying... so I walked over to take her and said she prob thought you were going to feed her LOL... and I laughed... she didn't laugh... FIL thought it was hilarious. Oh and a few wks ago at the grandparents (DH's) the grandpa (85 years old) was singing a polish lullaby to Alexa, and said his mom would sing a lullaby and a bust in the mouth and then to bed... and MIL said "I didn't know she was such a mean woman" and everyone started laughing... he had to clarify he was breastfed!!!! I used to really love my MIL... but now I just love her.... and learn to deal with how she is!

Hope Resi it goes good for you and you can get through it! You got some great advice here! If I did live there we would get along soooo great!!!

[Resi]

Originally Posted by *Anna*

OMG Resi Im so going through thiis with my MIL!!! She is so against BFing and turns her head with a discusted look on her face! It makes my blood boil. And we co-sleep too and MIL and SIL think its so wrong and say I spoil her and she'll never be in a crib... ummm ok! Next time SIL says something to me Im going to say "Alexa is ours to raise so u can raise ur baby how u want to"... but I too dont like to speak up and cause any more conflictt than we have! But my MIL with BFing!!!! She makes me mad... shehas a room set up for me to "feed" her so I dont do it in front of her... but sometimes I do it in front of her, covered... which I know makes her mad but I dont care. 1 time we were in a restaurant and I NIPed, covered, and I said something like... "she wants her dinner too " and MIL stood up and went to bathroom with the nastiest look on her face... and she never goes to the bathroom before we eat... sometimes after. DH knows how mad it makes me... but he just wont say anything to her... which also makes me mad but he just rather ignore and not deal with. He tells me to ignore her and just do what I want. MIL is sooo not open minded either. Oh the other day she was holding Alexa cross cradle like, and Alexas mouth was near her chest... and she started crying... so I walked over to take her and said she prob thought you were going to feed her LOL... and I laughed... she didn't laugh... FIL thought it was hilarious. Oh and a few wks ago at the grandparents (DH's) the grandpa (85 years old) was singing a polish lullaby to Alexa, and said his mom would sing a lullaby and a bust in the mouth and then to bed... and MIL said "I didn't know she was such a mean woman" and everyone started laughing... he had to clarify he was breastfed!!!! I used to really love my MIL... but now I just love her.... and learn to deal with how she is!

Hope Resi it goes good for you and you can get through it! You got some great advice here! If I did live there we would get along soooo great!!!

I'm sorry you are dealing with MIL issues too. I don't understand how so many women can be against breastfeeding. I don't want to say too much on JM because I don't want to hurt anyones feeling who does not BF for whatever reason. When we visited SIL & MIL back in Jan. I was told to nurse in a room too. I had a cover with me too but I guess that was not good enough. My SIL and I are sooo different with our parenting styles. I like her and all but we are just way different people with different ideas. I'm lucky we moved 3 hours away from them before having a baby.

[Frozendesire]

I'm so sorry to hear there are so many issues with your MIL and that she doesn't respect you. That makes things SO difficult I'm sure! I couldn't even imagine. I'm very blessed to have a MIL that follows what me and hubby have decided. But also hubby would cut all ties if it came to that. He's a big momma's boy but he wouldn't want anyone hurting our family. I remember one time when Curtis was brand new, just days old, he was being looked after DH and MIL while I slept. Curtis started crying and MIL insisted that a pacifier would help... me and DH agreed we wouldn't do a pacifier till ATLEAST 2 months ( because of nursing), if at all. But she kept on insisting (she meant well... but ya know) so anyways. He said to do it our way or leave. So they had a fight and she left. They both cooled down and talk it all over. There are VERY little times when things like that happen but he ALWAYS stands up for what he or I want. I couldn't do it alone. I wish Damon would say something. I can TOTALLY understand where you wouldn't want to. I am not one for confrontation.

I hope the visit goes okay. Just stay strong. You know you are doing all the right things for that beautiful little guy!

[~*Bethy*~]

bust in the mouth

I cant believe that women think BF is gross - evereyone around me gave me crap for not bf!! I cant imagine walking into someones house and being asked to nurse in another room. Its not like they havent seen bb's before?!

~Beth

Ugh, MILs. I hope she doesn't give you much trouble, or maybe Damon will surprise you and tell her what's what!

[.Brandi.]

I totally missed this. Resi, I have this same problem, but with MY family, I get 100% more support from my MIL and my SIL than I do my own parents. My parents think cloth diapering is stupid. They don't see why I breastfeed when formula is available. They also think I'm spoiling Preston by holding him all day. They also DON'T believe in baby wearing. All I hear is "It's good for his lung to cry it out!" Oh! Those words make me cringe! I actually got into an argument with my uncle yesterday about cloth diapers. I was holding Preston and his BG was peeking through and he asked what brand it was, I explained it was a BG AIO and it's a cloth diaper. And says "Why cloth diapers?" and I said "It's better for the enviornment (sp, I suddenly forgot how to spell) and his body." and his stupid yuppie snotty wife said "There's a water shortage." Uh, no there isn't! And my jerk of an uncle says to me "I don't care about the enviornment." And I said "Well, I do, especially since my decisions today make for a better world tomorrow and my children are going to be living in that world after I'm gone." And all he says is "God will distroy all of that in the end." Yes, well, I still want it to be better for my kids before that time comes! Jacka$$!!! AGGGGHHHHHH

Resi, I totally understand, I just get it on the homefront rather than the back door, so to speak! I'm very careful of how much sugar and sweets I give the boys because diabetes runs high on both sides of our families and my mother just loads Edward up full of sweets and says "He's only going to be little once." Yes, but this is when he learns how to eat properly. The other day, I asked him if he wanted a piece of cake and he said "No, I want a banana!" That just warmed my heart! My mom still tells me that I'm going to smother Preston because he sleeps with us.