[chellerenee]

Before I start, I must warn everyone that this may be really long and have some TMI moments. I haven't been around too much lately because I'm having a really hard time right now with the whole ttc thing. It has officially been 2 years since we started trying as of June 28th, exactly a week ago, and I'm just not dealing with it very well. I've been very emotional and almost in tears every day thinking about it. Chris and I had a talk the other night and I'm pretty much on the fence about whether or not to take a break.

On one hand, I feel like a break might be good. If we do take a break, we will be NTNP and if it happens it happens. We are kind of going through a rough patch in our marriage right now, and I think we need to try to focus more on each other for awhile. I've felt for awhile now that he isn't attracted to me anymore. We have only DTD about 5 times this month. We used to have a very active sex life. He says I only want to have sex to make a baby. And I'm wondering how he thinks that's even possible when we only have sex 5 times out of the whole month and it's always when he wants it. We don't have a set schedule, and I don't chart, so I have no idea if I even ovulate. I need to try to be sexier according to him, but alot of times, after working all day, cooking dinner, and cleaning, I'm just too tired.

On the other hand, I feel like we haven't really even been trying. I feel like we've basically been NTNP for most of the last 2 years. Like I said, we only DTD 5 times this month, and they were pretty spread out. When I mention that we need to DTD, he says he doesn't feel like it, or he's too tired, or that he doesn't want to DTD, he wants other things instead. So, I feel like he's not really serious about it. When I ask what he wants to do, he says whatever I want. That's not an answer! It's so frustrating. And I feel like I should go to the Dr. to see if they can do anything to help me ovulate, and if we stop ttc right now, I'm just giving up after trying all this time and I'll never find out if they can help us.

I'm just really stressed out about it all right now. I'm tired of not having any hope every month. I'm tired of knowing I don't need to test and being disappointed month after month when my AF starts. And on top of this, Chris' sis tells us last night that MIL thinks I'm just using Chris to have a baby and then I'm going to leave him and move back up to my parents. Ok...that's why I've been with him for almost 10 years now and we didn't start trying until 2 years ago, when he was ready! Yeah, that really makes sense. Whatever! I just don't know what to do. So for now, I probably won't be around too much and just kinda go with the flow and see what happens.

As of right now, I'm on CD37, and no sign of AF. I had one day of spotting and horrid cramps on CD31 and then it was gone. I've been having AF pretty regularly and I usually start between CD32-36, with a few days of spotting before, so this is a little different for me so far. I'll probably start any minute now that I've posted this. That's usually what happens. I don't have much hope. I'm sure AF will be here soon.

[Lash]

I think there are some choice things I could say about his comments to you, but I'll leave that alone for now. At this point, what do you feel is right? Can you feel that you do need to take a break, even though the idea of stopping is really difficult?

[chellerenee]

I think the right thing to do is to stop trying for now. I've pretty much already decided that, like you said, the idea of stopping is difficult though. We definitely have some issues to work on.

[Lash]

I know that sometimes our hearts and heads dont match up-- like we know what is the best thing to do, but emotionally we cant even think about it

[chellerenee]

Yeah, that's pretty much exactly how I feel. It sucks, but it's for the best.

[Kristen_at_the_lake]

I just want to send you some *hugs*

((((((Chelle)))))) I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. And I'm sorry Chris isn't being as supportive as he could be. I KWYM about the DTD thing, DH could on dtd once per month and I hated asking for it, he would often tell me he was tired or couldn't be bothered. It made me feel so worthless and unattractive. I wanted to tell you this as it appears to be a "man thing" and not anything personal to you.

It's a very difficult thing to accept it's time for a TTC break, we did it once and it left me heartbroken. TTC really can (did to me) take over you're every thinking moment. It's quite a suffocating feeling, but you just feel so desperate to get your baby.

I just hope you and Chris can use the time to work on yourselves and get back on track, then start TTC with a new energised approach.

[Trannyfromtheuk]

[*Anna*]

Hugs Michelle!!! I hope things work out for u soon and u and Chris get your BFP!! Every marriage goes through some bumps-hugs for u both

[Mars]

I think that the break is good since you will be NTNP and you can refocus on your relationship and get things going again. TTC can be such a PITA for some of us and some of the guys do not always understand all that is involved and how we as women feel when we really want to have a child and be a mom. I hope that your break/NTNP stage will boost up your sex life again and that something will happen. Hang in there!

[midnight_starr]

Michelle I'm so sorry things are rough right now.. *HUGS*

[petalfuzz]

I agree with what's been said. Take some time and work on your marriage, and then get back to ttc when you're ready. Hugs to you!

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

I'm sorry you're struggling right now Michelle. Your SIL and MIL need to mind their own danm business! Their comments and opinions on your situation are just hurtful and judgmental and out of place. Screw them! Hang in there and if you want to talk you can always PM me. I'll see you soooooon!

[*kyle*]

Michelle, you have to do whatever makes you the LEAST stressed out right now. It sounds to me like if you "take a break," you will be NTNP which is basically what you've been doing anyway... so it's doing the same thing with a less stressful name attached to it... see what I mean. Maybe it's best to re-label what you are doing so that it takes some of that pressure off of you and DH for now. DTD 5 times per month is about normal for many married couples, however, the important thing isn't how often you do it - it's whether both partners are happy with the frequency and quality. Since you aren't, this is something for the two of you to work on over the next several months. TTC can really sap the sexiness and even romance out of a couple's sex life, even when you're aware of this and trying not to let it happen. There is just something about having sex for sex's sake and when TTC you are always doing it to get something else... it's not the same. Anyway, I wish you the best as you reconnect with your DH and get things between you back on the right track.

Ater 2 years, I can imagine the toll that TTC has taken on you both. One of Will's biggestest issues when we were TTC was me approaching him for sex when he felt like I only wanted it to make a baby. That didn't work for him. Yes, I wanted to DTD to make a baby, but I also found is sexy and a turn on. He did not. He wanted spontaneous "no care in the world" sex.

That being said, its not okay that Chris makes you feel like you aren't being sexy enough. I agree with Kyle that for most married couples, sex 5 times a month is very normal. However, you should both be happy with it.

Have you thought about seing an RE?

[alicenwonderland]

i agree with about everything kyle said lol. Tell DH that its ok to stop trying. You never know, the frequency of DTD might increase, and you'll have better chances than when you were trying. At the same time, it could be something else underlying. When my DH started turning me down for sex and saying he was tired of trying, it turned out that he was just tired of being disappointed. ((Hugs)) and I hope you and your DH are able to find some common ground.

[Resi]

I'm sorry Michelle. It must be really rough trying for so long. I agree with Kyle. I think that maybe re-naming what you are doing might help take that pressure off of Chris. Maybe talk to him about it and say "Let's stop trying and just enjoy each other" or something like that. Your inlaws need to mind there own business. That was so out of line for them to say. Work on your marriage and see what happens from there. Maybe you should still try to see the doc too if you still want to.

Btw, you two are having a lot more sex than we do. It was 2-3 times before Oliver and now its been about 5 times since he was born. We had no sex the whole time I was pregnant. My husband doesn't seem interested in me much. It can make me feel unwanted but I use to be the same way with him years ago.

Hugs! I'm always thinking of you and hoping you do get that baby you have been wanting for so long.

[freesiangel]

((((HUGS)))) Michelle!

I think NTNP is a good thing for now so the two of you can focus on your relationship. Good luck!

[**Jenn**]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Michelle! I agree with what everyone has been saying. Every marriage has its ups and downs and its good that you both can see that and are working to reconnect. I know we've gone through some times like that, where dh didn't want sex at all and I mean AT ALL! We would have sex maybe once a month and that was begging and pleading. It made me feel completely unattractive and that he didn't love me/want me. But it wasn't about me, it was about him. He was going through some things emotionally and it affected his sex drive. During our whole TTC process this time I found that I couldn't tell him when I was gearing up to O because then he wouldn't want to do it so much and we'd be missing our window. I had to try and time things accordingly and just not mention TTC and surprise him in different ways. It actually helps us both because its put the fun back into our relationship without the pressure. I hope you can reconnect and get back on track before getting back on the official TTC bandwagon. *HUGS*

Everyone's already said everything I might have said at this point. I know many of the thought processes going on and how hard all of this TTC mess is, but I want to send some to you that you and Chris can quickly reconnect and feel OK about things!!!