[Lash]

Anyone an only child?

What was your experience of being an only child?

Anyone ever think of just having one child? Have you had kids yet already (as in have you had one, considering only having one VS never having kids yet)

[Lash]

Anyone an only child? I"m an only child. Sort of. I have a stepbrother 10 years younger than me and a half brother 20 years younger. I dont really see either of them and was raised alone mostly

What was your experience of being an only child? Honestly, I LOVED it. And maybe not for the reasons you might think. I wasnt spoiled in any sense. We didnt have money, my parents divorced and my dad blew tons of money on drugs so I didnt live a lifestyle where I got what I wanted. My mom was also quite good with me about being strict and earning things with work

I heard a quote today that really highly offended me (it felt like a personal attack from this person). It was said "oh you are an only? Well that changes things. Only children, ya know, well its just your world and we all live in it. Thats the way it always is with only's "
I have always been so very independant. There were some times I wished I had a sibling but its pretty few and far between. I didnt have to share my mom and my dad didnt count cause he wasnt really a parent. I didnt wish him on anyone and even at a young age, I was glad nobody else was cursed with him. I didnt want someone else to have to suffer him so I was fine with it just being me

I loved alone time. Who knows if that comes from being an only or my personality already or a combo of both.

Anyone ever think of just having one child? Have you had kids yet already (as in have you had one, considering only having one VS never having kids yet)

I imagine doing this once. If we end up with multiples in one shot, then ok. But if we end up with one, I dont know that I want another. I dont really get sibling relationships really and I dont know that I want to do this more than once (not just fertility but motherhood).

Almost all my family is also single children. My mom is (she has step sisters too), my grandmother has a brother, but he and she are the only ones. Everyone else is pretty much only children

I have an older brother but he hasn't spoken to any of our family since Dec 1999 (our Xmas present to his GF - now wife - wasn't good enough for her... ) So I feel like an only child.

Kirsty will be our only baby. As much as I love her to pieces, caring for a baby 24/7 is MUCH harder than I'd ever imagined it to be. Plus DH didn't want any, I wanted 2, so we compromised and have our 1

[Lash]

Fiona, how do you feel about having only one? Is that a good compromise for you?

[LisanAndy]

I felt like an only child because when I was born my siblings were 18, 16, and 10. I got along fine but there were always some experiences I wish I had gotten to share with someone else and certain things that I didn't want to have to do alone. Now that I'm older, my middle sister and I are best friends and I can't imagine not having her as my sibling. Being that my parents were better off financially when they had me I did get more things growing up then the rest of my siblings did. I've always been super independant but I'll be the first to admit, I was more self centered then I realized. My one nephew, who is 16 now and 6 years younger then me, grew up an only child. He's an awesome guy and said he's glad he didn't have any *REAL* siblings other them me. My family has said that he is way to babied because he's the only child and that he's the sweetest thing ever but he's been overprotected and hasn't had to deal with any real responsibility. While this may be true for Tony, not every only child is like this. It's been something my sister has never noticed she's been doing to him. I think only children are great and if that's all you feel led to have then that's awesome

[HopeWishWait]

I was an only child until I was 15...then I started aquiring step siblings and half siblings (from my biological family, not the family I grew up with) left and right. I now have 10 total but I only ever lived with 1, my older sister Nikki, from the time I was 15 until I was 17 and she moved out.

My experience was good, I can't complain. I remember being young and begging my parents for a little sister but I was never miserable without one. I had a best friend who was like a sister that came over constantly or I went over there. I also had the best dogs ever growing up that were playmate enough for me. The only time I was really lonely and wished I had a brother or sister was when my parents divorced, my mom and I moved to a new town. I didn't know anyone, I had no friends, it sucked. But a few years after we moved I met my best friend (Conner's godfather) Tom...who is a closer brother to me than any of my siblings. So no..I don't think I missed out on anything.

Conner isn't going to be an only child. That decision isn't based on my experience as one, it's just that I really love being a mom and I'm so enjoying having him and watching him grow up that I can't imagine doing it only once. So we are for sure having one more, if not two. (Three is my max though )

[Kerysma]

Ivy will be the only child for Patrick and I. It's an odd situation for me since I did this before but back then I had two. To be perfectly blunt two is HARD, sooo HARD.

Granted, I had severe PPD and a miserable marriage so I am sure that had a lot to do with how hard everything was.

Patrick and I have discussed it and Ivy will be our only. I am too afraid of PPD, and there are so many benefits to both us and Ivy if she is our only child. We have four close family friends with babies in her age group, so she won't want for playmates. We will be able to afford to send her to private school, which is practicably a must considering the quality(or lack thereof) of schools in Northern NV. We can still maintain the vast majority of our pre-kid lifestyle. We will have time to take her to afterschool activities (and the money to send her). We can pay for her college and wedding(but not her first car, that's on her no matter how much money we have). The list goes on and on....for US. Everyone's family is different and one of my best friends has four boys, with another on the way. To her the reasons for having so many children goes on and on.

I am my mom's only child. I grew up primarily as an only child until I was 9 years old when my dad re-married and I got my younger step-sister who is 6 years younger than me. My dad has two children from his first marriage but they lived with their mom in Seattle and I only saw them once a year. (I am now very close with my older sister, but we weren't when we were younger)

I liked being an only child when I was growing up. My mom offered me a lot of attention and my needs were always met. I never felt like I was missing out too much by not having a sibling. However, as I've grown into an adult, I am VERY, VERY grateful that I have tightened my relationship with both my older half sister and my younger step-sister. I adore them, and I love having that "built in" family that is close to my age.

I will not have Reid be an only child. I want him to grow up with a big family because I value that so much right now in my life.

I see the pros and cons to both sides, being that I have experienced both, but I am definitely more in favor of siblings. Not a TON, but 1 or 2 more

Originally Posted by Lash

Fiona, how do you feel about having only one? Is that a good compromise for you?

TBH I'm happy with my precious girl. i never thought I'd get my baby due to TTC issues, so to me, she is my miracle.

Kirsty is growing soooo fast, I would love to do it over again in a few years time, but at the same time, I never thought parenting would be such hard work!

I love it, I adore my girl with every inch of my being, and I'm thankful every single day that I have her, she is my world, but it's hard work.

I'm not an only, I love having siblings, but when my parents divorced, I "became" the only child in the house. Mike IS an only, and at the rate we are going, although we wanted a big family, one would be JUST FINE for us. TTC so long has really changed my mind, since I was "against" onlys, seeing how much Mike's parents rely on him!

[SandKmommy]

I'm an only and and older

With my mom I'm the eldest of 3. With my dad I'm the only child. And I think both have its ups and downs.

[KellyJ009]

I'm an only child. My parents joke that they "got it right the first time, so why chance it again?" I absolutely loved being an only and I don't feel that I lacked anything at all by not having siblings.

One thing I think my parents did well was always letting me bring a friend on vacations, family outings, etc. That helped me learn all those sibling type things like sharing, but also helped them not always have to entertain me.

That being said, we'll probably have more than one child. DH is really close to his brother and he wants our children to have those experiences with siblings. I have a desire to be a mother to more than one child as well. However, if something happened and we were unable to have another child, we would be satisfied with an only and I know we could raise a well adjusted, happy only child.

[Mars]

I'm not an only but Andre and I are really happy with just one. We've decided that if something should happen and we become pregnant again then so be it but we are not planning to have another child, at least not biologically. I've always wanted to adopt but that would be way down the road and obviously it would be something that DH and I both want. I'm not sure where he stands on adoption, he's never opposed it but he's not shown much interest either.

[enchantingdragon]

Anyone an only child? I am.

What was your experience of being an only child? Its plus and minus like all other kids experiences I'm sure. As a child I have to say though I hated it. Vacations were boring as it was just my parents and me and I could never wander off or explore without my mom trailing along behind me. I was lonely on rainy days with no one to play with. And this is something that I think only children only think of. You realize one day you are going to be alone in this world. When your parents get older the burden rests on you and you alone (coming from a Chinese family where family depends on you always its a big thing) and then one day your parents are gone and there is no one to remember those childhood memories with anymore. Its the one thing that haunts and scares me to this day as an adult. There were pluses though as I got all the attention, good or bad so not always a plus, and or course financially my parents could afford to spend more on me. I was always the kid with all the new toys in the neighborhood and everyone use to always want to come over and play at my house. My parents gave me their 3 year old Jeep (which I still drive to this day as I love it and always will) when I learned to drive and they paid for college for me so I had no loans and didnt have to worry about anything but school. I grew up at my babysitters house though and her daughter was my age and essentially she and her brother became my siblings. Tammy and I are still close friends (we roomed together at the end of college) and the ease between us (eating off of each other's plates, borrowing things and never returning them, etc) is just like siblings. I learned as I grew up to make my own sisters in my friends but even they will never fully understand what it was like to grow up in my home when my parents fought (my father is a addicted to gambling and my parents eventually divorced because of it with my father moving home to Taiwan ) or the fears I have of when my parents pass away.

Anyone ever think of just having one child? Have you had kids yet already (as in have you had one, considering only having one VS never having kids yet) Because of my experience as an only child I have to say I will never have one. I think its too much burden emotionally on one child to have to deal with their parents age and pass away and I would never want my children to have to shoulder that or feel emotionally alone when that does happen. Also I want my kids to have a playmate growing. Siblings, good or bad, are the people who can relate with you and stand with you when its us vs the parents. As an only child you have no one to side with you and I do think that's an important thing for kids to have especially when parents arent always fair or right.

Well, if you raise your kids right (to look after eachother, be friends and that nothing is stronger then family), then I believe the greatest gift you can give your child, if your lifestyle and finances can support it, is a sibling. Honestly, only children don't know what they are missing. Neither do people who grew up in families that did not support the sibling bond like my DH's nutty family. I often wish I had a sister b/c I know I totally missed out on that experience, and imo having friends that are like family is nowhere near the same. But I was lucky to have the relationship I had with my brother. Even now that I am an only child, nothing compares to the sibling relationship I had. I didn't even realize all I gained from it until it was gone. I think only children can grow up to be the greatest and most cooperative of people, but yeah I think you all missed out on something that is really special. But then again if you never had it, you can't really miss it so . . . yeah I forgot where I was going with this LOL.

But as a parent now I totally see how nice it could be for me to have only one. And I am sure Jack would be just fine if he was our only. But we are planning more, and I look forward to giving him the sibling experience I had growing up, with all its ups and downs.

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

As a kid, I always said "I'm like an only child but the Brady bunch at the same time" I was my dad's only child, and my mom had me when my sisters were 14 and 16. By the time I was old enough to remember, the oldest never lived with us and the middle daughter only did for a short time -- even still, she was THAT much older than me so when we'd go out people would ask if she was my mom. haha. When I was 9 and my mom married Bob I gained step-siblings but they were already grown and out of the house as well. So basically on holidays it feels like the brady bunch b/c there are 6 of us total... but as a kid they never really counted as siblings in the traditional sense. Now that we're all grown the age difference doesn't make a great deal of difference, but I imagine I'd be much much closer with them if I'd grown up with them. My mom's 2 daughters have admitted they resent me (to this day) for getting more of mom's attention and for her having more money when she had me. I can't really help that so it's unfortunate they hold it against me.

When we took vacations, etc. I brought a friend every single time. I don't remember going on a 'family vacation' and not bringing a friend... my parents wanted me to have someone to play with and to give them some space as well. It worked out fine I guess but it's definitely not the same as siblings.

With my dad, I'm his only child. His death was obviously really hard but even still now because it feels like no one else remembers him. He didn't have siblings so there aren't any uncles/aunts/cousins, you know?

I'm horrified of my mom passing and getting ill and not sure how much 'help' my siblings would actually be but at least there are people there to be devastated and really GET it.

And Lauren as you know, FIL really suffers from only child syndrome. But at the same time, SIL is spoiled rotten and treated like an only and she obviously has siblings. So it really is all in how you raise your kids, I think.

Ben and I have always imagined having more than one child. There are certainly benefits to having an only -- both financially and time-wise. One of the nice things about you and Clint is that you guys have very active social lives. You have interests and hobbies and take trips I'd say far more than the 'average' couple and I don't see that really simmering down once you have kids. So for that, you know your entire life won't stop and revolve solely around the child and I think it's safe to say they won't be spoiled because of it. You know what I mean... when parents only have interests regarding their children and really have no sense of where their kid stops and they begin. That seems to happen a lot in 'only' children for the parents but I don't see that being an issue with you guys.

It's hard for me to imagine what it's like growing up with a friend or playmate... someone in the room across the hall who has their own relationships with our parents... who goes to the same school/s... faces similar issues. The thing about siblings is that they pretty much are a built in friend for life... you can get mad at them, go through phases where you don't get along, but it's someone who has the same set of standards you do. They have the same place to go home to for holidays, lived in the same places and can really relate. There's no 'explaining' of your 'childhood' to them... they were there, they know, they get it. While having one & being done sounds nice -- more one on one time, more money to go around, etc. I think having a relationship like that for my child tops all of those things so I hope to give this little one a sibling. If not, I don't think it's the end of the world and my kid will be doomed to be FIL though. haha

[Resi]

I grew up with a brother that is two years younger than me. We were close as children and played together. It was nice having him because my mom was a single parent and we spent a lot of time alone while she worked. It's sad because when we became young adults we drifted apart and are not close what so ever now. I don't call him and he doesn't call me. I don't believe that just because you have a sibling it means a friend and speical conection for life. I have seen siblings that are very close and sibling that never got along. My mom has a sister and they have never been close. My mom grew up getting compared to her and getting put down by her own sister. It effected her in a negative way.

I feel so torn about having another child. Part of me wants to be pregnant again, hold a new born, pick out names, shop for a baby, keep the sex a surprise, try for a vbac, see Oliver with a sibling and hope that they become close friends.. Those are all selfish reasons. I think it's in Oliver's best interest to keep him an only child. We can provide more for him and give him our full attention. With two children we can't offer the same things. I don't want to worry about being fare about who gets what. I can focus on him and keep a closer eye on him. I don't want him to have to share our love with another child although I know I would get past feeling this way. If I made a list keeping him an only child would win but my heart would still ache for another baby I think. At this time I'm telling myself we will see what happens in the future. We have time. Damon says at this time Oliver is enough responsbility but he isn't 100% against another. He just isn't thinking about it right now.

[*kyle*]

I grew up with 3 siblings and would never, ever give that experience back. Including the slapping, scratching, hair pulling fights with my sister. I agree that the family itself has to support strong, close relationships between siblings though. For my family, what did that was being a military family. When you move and change schools/neighborhoods/countries every few years, your siblings are the only constant. Without them, I would have felt 100 times more lonely. Plus, I would have had to deal with my father by myself, and would not have anyone who could relate to what it was like growing up in that environment. Now that we are all grown up, my brothers and sister aren't "friends" per se, but are people who understand me on a basic level, who I can always call anytime, share anything with, and who will always support me no matter what. We don't fight anymore, but we can sometimes go longer periods between speaking or seeing each other without it being a major strain on the relationship when it resumes.

My DH was an only child growing up. He was raised by his mom, grandfather, and grandmother in the same house and was the focus of all of their attention. IMO, he was extremely catered to and spoiled. Every meal he ate was cooked on demand, they let him wake/sleep whenever and wherever he wanted to, let him pick all of the family's movies, TV shows, activities, etc. They weren't rich, so he wasn't materially spoiled, but just really indulged in other ways. He developed a worldview that put himself at the center, not in a selfish way or by meaning any harm - just because he really WAS the center of the universe for so many years. My DH has trouble seeing how he impacts other people at times. He has a lot of confidence in himself, and a high self-esteem, which is great, but he also tends to put his own wants/needs first because that's what he learned growing up. Ironically, he has no problems with sharing, whereas I have a greater problem with it - I believe this has to do with feeling a scarcity of resources in a large family versus an abundance of resources as an only child.

When DH was 16, his mother got married and got pregnant late in life and now DH has a brother but is more like the fun uncle than a true brother, really.

We have not made any decisions beyond having this first child of our own, but I personally will most likely want at least 2 children. DH is in favor of that too, actually. He sees what he missed out on with his little brother and he also sees how I am with my siblings. If for some reason we decided to stick with one, or could only have one, then I would still be happy to be a mom. But I would feel like my son was missing a potentially enriching experience in life and I would try to be really careful about how much we indulged him.

[Lash]

^ I wonder too if some of that can happen in 2 child households. My dh's brother is very self-focused. Actually it seems most in his family are. They have no idea how their actions impact others and act as if their actions are always for their own benefit first and worry about consequences later, down to small things like eating food without asking if its yours, making plans based around their needs, not yours and so on

I'm very much the opposite. My mom was super alert about even small things like pulling out in traffic and cutting off someone, watching in public where you walk and if you step in front of someone or get in their way. We were both people watchers, and very people aware, very much watching how what we did impacted others or making sure we didnt impact someone, whereas his large family could walk through a walmart and never see another person in the entire store, dont care if they get in your way and so on

And they arent doing it rudely as in "well I dont care, they can just move". They literally dont see other people or think of them. Rude people to me at least acknowledge you. His family has a worldview that seems to be very self focused and its en masse- and nobody is an only child

[ShannonMVT]

I grew up with 2 brothers, one 5 years older, one 7 years younger. We didn't always get along when younger, in part because we were so spread apart. But now that we are all adults we have good relationships with each other. Right now with my dad's health problems, it has been a lifesaver to have siblings. I can't help that much but they step in to help my mom and we all talk to each and try to figure out the best way to help my parents. I can't imagine the worry I would have right now if I didn't have siblings who could be here to help.
We do have a special bond and even when we don't talk often, it is always there.

I do hope that Matthew can have a sibling. I feel like we probably will be able to have another child, but if not, 1 baby is infinitely better than no babies. If he is our only child, we are still blessed and it's not like being an only child is some horrible thing, just not my first choice.