Thinking about having another baby in the future..

Resi · #1 July 22nd, 2009, 07:03 AM

Soo.. I'm always so torn about having another child. I keep telling myself time will tell and there is no reason I HAVE to know if there will be another right now. I do have a strong feeling there will be another baby in our future because I keep thinking about it and that must mean I'm not done. Damon and I go about having sex just like we did before Oliver.. no protection and that is how we got Oliver. That is another BIG reason I think we will be pregnant again.

Damon still has sex with me right around O time. I think I need to start charting again but I need a refresher.

I would like the following to happen before baby #2:

- Oliver to self-wean when he is ready, be sleeping through the night, and in his own bed. I also want him to be fully potty trained. I'm guessing this will all happen around 3 yrs old at the latest? haha..

- We NEED to have all our debt paid off.

- I want to be working PT or a SAHM. This is a big one for me.

Another big thing is that I'm scared to tell my mom if I end up pregnant. She has said SOOO many times that we better not have another baby and he is enough for us. It makes me mad because it's not her business but she is my mom so it's still hard. My other reasons for having an only are providing the best we can for one, only worrying about one, having all my attention on one, no sibling rivalry.. I wish I could just keep Oliver an only so badly for those reason. On the other hand he would have a playmate, someone to grow up with around his age, holidays would be more fun, and I know I can love more than one child.

Thanks for listening.. It's something I think about almost daily. Any one else have these same thoughts?

.Brandi. · #2 July 22nd, 2009, 07:17 AM

Resi, I think, if you want another child, have another child. I have two, my parents don't want me to have any more.....and my mother in law doesn't want us to have any more children. I have always wanted a big family. My parents only had my brother and me, and I was always very unhappy with only one sibling. So, I understand where you're coming from with your mom.

After Edward was born, I always knew I wanted more, but I also wasn't questioning if it was a good idea. Especially because Edward and I are really close and he is very much a Mama's Boy. So I was concerned for him that I was going to hurt his feelings and make him feel like I was pushing him away or that he wasn't enough so I had to have another baby. And I believe I had a little PPD because of that and the fact that Preston was in the NICU for a week after he was born. So I had a really hard time at the beginning. Plus the secondary c-section made me afraid that I would over do it without knowing.

Having two kids (especially boys) is CRAZY, and sometimes I think I may pull my hair out of my head!!

But my craziest days with my boys are the best days with my boys. At the end of a crazy day with the boys, and once they are both asleep, I sigh, and smile because it was crazy, but it as crazy good!

And I believe the best gift you could give your child is a sibling, because a sibling is a friend for life.

ETA: Resi, you have a lot of love in you!!! Spread it around and share it with the most important people....your babies.

~*Bethy*~ · #3 July 22nd, 2009, 07:39 AM

Resi, your going through the same problem as me! Im a grown woman, and can make my own choices but when it comes to my mother, I feel 11 again!! Everyone else says go for it, but my mom would just flip a b...itch LOL I dont know why I feel like her opinion matters because it really doesnt....UHHHHG....

Ive been there

and yes I think about it almost daily!

~Beth

ANGWife · #4 July 22nd, 2009, 07:54 AM

So this is what I'm thinking....

I definitely want another child, many more. I use to think I wanted to wait a few years between them, but now I'm not so sure. If we want at least 4 kids, I feel like we should keep them closer together.

*Right now (at last this month haha), I want to wait because I want to give my body time to recover. My OB recommends at least a year and I agree with that.

*DH wants to wait for money reasons. We have some debt left that we need to get rid of. And I need to figure out some way to work PT or bring in money somehow with my daycare. It hasn't taken off yet (I only get calls for infants which there are no openings for) and our "maternity leave" money is slowly running out.

*Also I want to move before the next baby is born. Our townhome has 3 bedrooms, but the 3rd is so ridiculously small (it's the office right now). I wish the housing market wsan't so crappy.

My mom will give me a hard time if I get pregnant soon as well. She has 2 kids, 5 yrs apart and says THAT'S too much work. Of course it is, but I enjoy it so much. My mom has never been nurturing (sometimes I wonder why she even had kids haha) and I don't expect her to understand.

DH and I have yet to DTD since Henry came. I'm trying to chart and see if we can chart to avoid again. I wish we could just NT NP but I'm so in tuned to my body, there is no way I wouldn't know when I was Oing, KWIM? But DH isn't afraid to talk about it! He talks to Henry all the time about his sister. "When you're sister comes...."

misfitinmn · #5 July 22nd, 2009, 08:01 AM

We are sure we would like to have more children, and I think we'll probably start seriously considering it later this year/early next year. We can't agree on how many - 2 or 3 - but we do know we'd like at least one more. I'm a LITTLE nervous about the transition from 1 to 2, and sharing my love between 2 kids (I know I could, it's just hard to imagine loving anyone as much as I love my little dude), and just making sure they both feel totally special and loved.

~*Bethy*~ · #6 July 22nd, 2009, 08:03 AM

Ang

I love it "when your sister comes..." I say go for it!!!!!!!!!!

**Jenn** · #7 July 22nd, 2009, 11:28 AM

I always knew I wanted more than one child but I will admit that when I got pregnant with Lochlann I felt really bad for Liam. I knew that in one fell swoop we had turned his little world completely upside down. Life as he knew it was now over. He self weaned early at 13 1/2 months because of my pregnancy (loss of milk) and because I had such a trying pregnancy I had little time/energy for him. There was some jealousy after Lochy was born. Liam was 19 months at the time and didn't like sharing me at first. He did try to pull Lochy off my lap once and said "No, my Mommy." It broke my heart. BUT, that phase ended just like every other phase. After a month or so he didn't even remember life before Lochy and they became very fast friends. Once Lochy got mobile and could really play they were the best of friends. Sure they fight sometimes, at least once daily, but they love each other so much and have such a good time playing. I was worried I couldn't love another child as much as I love Liam but that went quickly out the window as soon as I saw Lochy's face. It's not like you have a set amount of love and have to divide it between children. Your love doubles and you have an overflowing amount for each of your kids. My feelings are that the gift of a sibling far outweighs any monetary/material thing I could provide for just one child.

I don't have the mother/mil issues regarding how many kids we have but we have our issues with other things and I know it can be hard. Ultimately though this is a decision between you and Damon and no one else.

#8 July 22nd, 2009, 11:42 AM

Resi, I've always seen you giving Oliver a sibling. I see how much you love being pregnant and love being a mother. I have complete and utter faith that you have more than enough love to give, and I do think that you will still be able to offer Oliver all of those things that you want for him was also giving him a little brother or sister.

I know for a fact that we will have at least one more baby I have never wanted Reid to be an only child. Its something that both DH and I have felt in our hearts. We don't know the details or when it will happen, just that it will. I think thats all we need right now. We don't need specifics. You and Damon will know when and if the time is right.

Mars · #9 July 22nd, 2009, 12:07 PM

Oh Resi, I know how much you love children and I always see you having another child. I believe that if you and your husband want to expand your family, that it is not your Mom's business to say otherwise.

soImarriedAnerd · #10 July 22nd, 2009, 01:12 PM

Do what your gut says

ShannonMVT · #11 July 22nd, 2009, 02:08 PM

I can tell from your posts that your heart really does want another child in the future. When the time is right, you will give Oliver a beautiful little brother or sister.

It really doesn't matter what your mom thinks, you do what is best for your family, not what someone else thinks is best.

bittersweet · #12 July 22nd, 2009, 05:43 PM

Hmmm, how does Damon feel? I can see you with another baby, especially if you are doing what you did to get Oliver

I'm not understanding why your mother would be upset? You are such a wonderful and loving mother. You and Damon both work, you have a place to live, a lot of exceptional things to offer any child. Sometimes parents can be over critical though. If you think about it daily, it sounds like it is something you need to do.

*kyle* · #13 July 22nd, 2009, 06:45 PM

I too have had the instinct that your posts are showing your true feelings. Not to mention the NTNP which you know led to a baby in the past. Your actions are speaking louder than your words! You do want a second baby in your heart, it is just your head that's pointing out all of the ways it won't be easy. Well, guess what - ONE baby isn't easy or "logical" either! If that's what governed our decisions about procreating, the human race would have died out long ago. And the leap from no babies to one baby is MUCH bigger than the leap from one to two. Keep giving it some thought but give weight to both the "logical" arguments (money, resources) and the emotional arguments (love, longing, fulfillment, completing your family).

Mod-LadyCoconut · #14 July 22nd, 2009, 08:44 PM

I agree, it has sounded for a long time as if you'll be happy with two children. Don't let your mother's feelings make you second guess yourself. Your posts just ooze of love and devotion to Oliver and I really think you're one of those women who were just born to be a mother.

ScottishBrit · #15 July 22nd, 2009, 09:11 PM

OK, first off you 2 make BEAUTIFUL babies so you HAVE to have another. I understand the mixed feelings but you really are a fantastic mother and I definitely think you should have another. I mean you do need your Lil Eleanor too

Maybe we should try for number 2 at the same time!

*Anna* · #16 July 22nd, 2009, 10:04 PM

HUGS Resi~~ I too think you will mother another child! You are such a wonderful person, a wonderful mother to Oliver, and I can truly see you having another baby to love!!! Follow your heart!!!

Angelaosaurus-rex · #17 July 23rd, 2009, 12:49 AM

Chris wont even let me think about another one. But I would like another!!!

Trannyfromtheuk · #18 July 23rd, 2009, 04:44 AM

Even when we think other peoples oppinions dont matter we cant help but thinking of them when we decied what we want.
LIke the others i can also see you want another baby - if you didnt you would be being a lot more carefull about when you DTD - espeically if thats how you fell prego with Oliver!

My FIL and my elder sister are telling us not to have any more just yet, TBH, i respect his oppinion but me and my Husband have deicded the time is right for us.
My elder sister wants us to wait - there are 5 yrs between her two and she said that was "perfect" - just because it was right for her dosent mean its right for me!

Resi · #19 July 23rd, 2009, 05:41 AM

Thanks for the advice and touching words.

Amy - I'm thinking Jan 2011 sounds good to me for starting to ttc #2. I would love an October baby too! The problem is Damon is a go with the flow type person. I can't see him saying, "Okay let's try this month". Time will tell..