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  #1  
August 9th, 2009, 10:29 AM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NW Oregon
Posts: 4,468
Most of you remember my MIL whom never calls and never asks about the kids unless its a holiday - Well BIL's girlfriend is due at the end of this month and Im not even wanting to see the baby. Ive completly cut myself off of that side of the family (all of DH's siblings still live there, 2 of which have their girlfriends living with them) My real question is, should I just suck it up and go to christmas, or hold my ground and "have other plans"? this has been eating away at me for the past few days and dont know what to do. Hubby is supportive of my desition and understands why Im so upset, so thats a plus - but Id never ask him to not go to his mom's on christmas, but Im fully prepaired to head to my mom's that night and spend the night to make it look like "Were busy, sorry!"

WWYD?

~Beth
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  #2  
August 9th, 2009, 10:45 AM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 12,478
I personally would try to be the "better person" and go, but thats just me... I guess I don't really know enough of the situation to comment further. Good luck. I hate when people have such struggles with in-laws.
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  #3  
August 9th, 2009, 12:54 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,874
I understand wanting to "have a plan" but Christmas is still pretty far away, ya know? Maybe things will be better with your ILs by then (or worse, hope not though) and that can make the decision for you.
I don't totally know the situation, I guess it would depend on if they are mean spirited about it or just clueless. Sometimes I suck it up and go to things even if I don't really feel like it. But if it means you don't get to spend time with YOUR family (who I'm assuming you have a good relationship with) then I dont know if I would.
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  #4  
August 9th, 2009, 01:13 PM
Mars's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Barbados
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I think that since it's bugging you, you should "suck it up" (as you put it) and go.

Do you live close enough to your parents and your ILs that you could visit with one in the morning and visit with the other in the evening?
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  #5  
August 9th, 2009, 01:43 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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Location: NW Oregon
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I guess I should clarify, its not just christmas Im worried about, its seeing them in general. I just want to cut ties so bad and have them suffer, but I know thats wrong. They are clueless, and thats the major problem....sorry guys, Im just venting today
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  #6  
August 9th, 2009, 01:50 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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How would it go over if your Dh talked to them and told them that he felt sometimes like they were ignoring his family?
I kind of know what you mean, even though my ILs are good about being involved, I get pissy if my MIL doesn't respond to my emails. Just a simple "oh thanks for sharing those pictures" or whatever would be fine. Or respond to me if I've asked a question. So then I feel like not even sharing things with her if I don't get a response.

Vent away! I'm sure it would bug me too.
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  #7  
August 9th, 2009, 02:06 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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Location: NW Oregon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShannonMVT View Post
How would it go over if your Dh talked to them and told them that he felt sometimes like they were ignoring his family?
I kind of know what you mean, even though my ILs are good about being involved, I get pissy if my MIL doesn't respond to my emails. Just a simple "oh thanks for sharing those pictures" or whatever would be fine. Or respond to me if I've asked a question. So then I feel like not even sharing things with her if I don't get a response.

Vent away! I'm sure it would bug me too.
GRRRR!! I know she means well but Ive had it! If she wants to be mean and kick hubby and I out because she doesnt like having her son's pregnant girlfriend living in the house - then 4 years later never kick any of his other siblings out - INCLUDING HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND! uhhg...I guess Im just hurt. Its not fair for the kids and its not fair for DH, ya know? Everyones happy for the new baby but have forgotten about 2 perfectly cool kiddo's... which is why I feel like breaking it off - seeing as she doesnt care about them unless its a holiday....
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Last edited by ~*Bethy*~; August 9th, 2009 at 02:09 PM.
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  #8  
August 9th, 2009, 03:26 PM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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I dont know much about the situation, but... what ever you do will be the right choice x
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  #9  
August 9th, 2009, 03:33 PM
bittersweet's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 4,116
I'd go. And I have my own handful of issues with my in laws as well. But you cant just cut them out b/c they you dont like them. Unless they are abusive to you/your kids, I think you have to put up with them occasionally and make visits. It is DHs family...and eventhough he saids whatever you want is fine....in the long run I think it would cause resentment.
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  #10  
August 10th, 2009, 12:11 PM
ImperfectMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,158
I'm sorry your in-laws are being this way... That really does suck for your family, and ultimately it's your children that will suffer the most because they won't get that great relationship with their grandparents. As far as what you should do, well, I just don't know what to tell you. I've never been in that type of situation and I honestly don't know how I'd react. I hate to speculate on topics that I know nothing about, kwim? Good luck. I know you'll make whatever decision is best for you and your children!
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  #11  
August 10th, 2009, 01:37 PM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 14,102
I dont know its hard to say...the one side of me says let them suffer since they dont realize what they are missing out on with their other two grandchildren...but then the other side is (what someone else mentioned) is that the kids will be the ones to suffer. BUT i will say there is a situation like this in my family and the older the kids got the more they started to realize the other kids are more favored at christmas time, etc. So that could hurt the kids even more if they are around them and actually REALIZE that their own grandparents are favoring the other kids!
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