[freesiangel]

Now that I'm getting closer to the end, I'm thinking more about labor and delivery. Not in a bad way, I'm not at all scared or anything like that. I feel like I'm pretty well mentally prepared to do this naturally, however I am concerned that I am going to get "cheated" out of my natural birth by the hospital or by my DH (though not intentionally). I live in a small city, so our L&D dept isn't that busy - IF I get the right nurses and IF I get MY doctor then I will have plenty of support for a natural birth, however, if I get some of the other nurses that aren't quite as pro-natural or if I end up with one of the other doctors from my practice, well, then who really knows. I feel like I'm gambling with my birth in that aspect! I met quite a few of the nurses in L&D while I was having pre-term labor and they were all extremely nice, however, I definitely got a sense of how they are when it comes to medical interventions, ya know? There are 2, sometimes 3, nurses on duty at any given time, so hopefully at least one of them will be able to help me through labor and not try and push drugs. I have it written out in my birth plan (that is already approved and signed by my doctor in my file at the hospital) that they are NOT to offer me any pain medication, but I'm not stupid. I know someone at some point will offer it to me without realizing - or they'll just think I don't know any better. I already know I have arugments ahead about not getting an IV or continuous fetal monitoring since those two things are hospital policy. But I got doctors approval and with her signature I can opt out of them - but the head nurse even said in our childbirth class that she thinks that's a "huge risk" and tries to make everyone do those things anyway. So I pretty much know I'm going to have to fight it when I go in there unless the circumstances are just right. At least at that point I won't be in the later stages of labor and will at least be in a place where I can speak for myself... So I'm not worried, I'll get that taken care of. I won't need someone else to speak on my behalf............

It's the later stages - active labor - that I'm worried about. I have a high pain tolerance, but I know this is going to hurt like hell. I know that I NEED support from the people around me to keep me from getting drugs. Even if I scream at the top of my lungs "give me a freakin' epidural!!!" I NEED the people around me to tell me I'm doing great and that I don't need it. I know I can do it without, but I also know that I will probably have moments of weakness where I think I can't take anymore... It's those moments that scare me. I know that many of these nurses will be like "okay, calling in an epidural now!" the second I show a sign of weakness instead of even trying to help me. It all comes down to who I get with me... I'd like to think that I could depend on my DH for support at that moment, but I know him too well. He doesn't handle stress well at all. He seriously freaks out about absolutely nothing, so I can't even imagine how he's going to be when I'm in intense pain. I can actually imagine him trying to make me get drugs when I'm labor because he won't want to see me like that. I've talked to him about this now and he says he won't, but I guess I just know him too well and can't necessarily trust that he'll stick to his word, kwim?

So I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to get screwed over because I'm going to have a moment (or moments) of weakness and instead of the people around me trying to help me cope, they'll just give up on me and juice me up instead.

If it ultimately ends up being MY decision to get an epidural then I will accept it. I just don't want anyone giving it to me after I ask once. I'd rather they try and help me along first and if I keep insisting and insisting and insisting and seriously just can't take it, then so be it. I guess I can't just imagine myself being that way, though. When I imagine my birth, that just isn't a part of it. But it's not like I've ever experienced this before, so I really have no idea what to expect. lol.

It's just too bad that there aren't any midwives or doulas around here. The closest one is like 2 1/2 hours away! So that was never even an option for me... Guess I just need to keep talking to my DH and make sure that he understands that I will be in pain, but that it's natural and I will be okay in the end.

Sorry I'm rambling. I guess this has just been on my mind lately and I needed to type it out and get it out of my brain!

[~*sierra*~]

my SIL and I have been talking a lot about hospital vs home birth so a lot of these same issues have been on my mind. My sister is a nurse also in OB (and paeds) and so i hear how some nurses act towards patients, and I really think they mean to and think they are doing the right thing. My SIL has opted for a home birth kind of at the last minute because of the exact worries you mentioned, i really wish that was an option for you hun, you'd do well with it i think. buuuut, i was thinking about if i had to have a hospital birth i'd want to go in and see where it was i was giving birth in advance, maybe that would give me a greater sense of control over the situation? in that i'd know what i was getting into. not sure if that makes sense, but maybe you could stop by the ward and look around, maybe plan things out somewhat? maybe thats dumb though, i dont know, maybe thats just me because i really do not like hospitals. i wonder if you could actually post signs around the room that say stuff like "Help me labour naturally" or something to remind people of your wishes even when you cant? I really have no experiential advice or anything, but if you can just let people know your wishes at the beginning of labour i'm sure that will help a lot. *hugs*

[szczepanski]

My DH is a spazoid and panics at every little thing. I'm talking like if the cat coughs funny he is all "OMG IS THE CAT OKAY?? DO WE NEED TO TAKE HER TO THE VET!?!". Or if the car makes a different noise for 5 seconds he thinks its going to break down in the middle of the road and we will be stranded. He has gotten MUCH better since I met him but I spend a lot of my time in situations that aren't planned going..."hunny....it isn't a big deal....". Labor is going to be so much fun with him, haha!

I'm already spending a lot of time educating him on what I want, why I want it, etc. I think he actually knows and understands that going without pain meds is NOT crazy, there are natural endorphins and adrenaline that the body creates that can carry you through labor. He knows that he will need to just say these two phrases, especially when active labor hits -

"Baby, you are doing great!"

and

"Baby, what can I do to make you more comfortable?".

If I need to, I will actually tell him that he is not allowed to say anything else until the baby is on my tummy, haha.

Maybe if you spent some time with DH going over things he can do for you to help ease the process (and make him more of a part of it), like rubbing your back with tennis balls in a sock. Or going over positions he can help you in to ease through contractions, so he can feel more like he is helping, rather than sitting there watching you go through pain and repeatedly asking you if you need an epidural or a nurse.

I have a midwife, and I've already voiced my concerns about how I want to birth at the hospital (because I haven't told her that I'm starting my home birth research soon....). My basic requests are just like yours - no IV's & no constant fetal monitoring. I don't want to be strapped to anything that keeps me stuck in the bed. Those requests are surprisingly common! And don't forget that you can always ask for a different nurse. You can always tell them that a natural birth is your goal and you would prefer a nurse that would support that as well. And hopefully baby decides to come when your Dr. is the one on call!

[Alison81]

I have to say that if I wasn't already dilated to a 10 by the time I started asking for drugs, I probably wouldn't have had the natural birth I wanted because the nurses were pushing it, even though it WAS on my birth plan, and even though at the time they were pushing drugs I wasn't even really in pain. And the nurses weren't very educated on natural birth, so when I was crying, saying I couldn't breathe, instead of saying that it was normal, and I was okay, they were saying, we can give you drugs. But as I said, by the time I got to that point, I was 10cm and ready to push.

Unfortunately, they stuck me with an IV when I was having a contraction and couldn't talk. I think it's because I kept saying I didn't want an IV, and I didn't want constant monitoring, but it's hospital policy. That made things a lot more painful, because I couldn't move freely, I hate IV's. Although, once the contractions got bad, I was miserable in bed, and ripped off the monitors so I could stand up.

My best advice is to explain to people that you may be crying at some points, you may be saying you feel like you're dying (I said that), you might say you can't take it anymore, you might say, give me drugs, but in the end, you are 100% sure about a natural birth, and even though you may say all those things, you are fine, and it's just part of the process. And maybe have a plan set up, where if you get to a certain point, then you'll be open to an epidural, but only after all pain management techniques are no longer working, or something like that. I know I was doing pretty good until that final stage, that's when the contractions were horrible. I'm glad this time I'll be prepared, because I do want another natural birth.

[*krista*]

Have you tried coaching your hubby on how he should coach you when the time is right (and why)? That is what I would do -- give him a job so he is helping you instead of just watching you suffer and not knowing how to help other than offering you medication to make you feel better. Otherwise he will just feel helpless and want to do anything to make you feel better instead of sticking to a plan that you feel is better for you in the long run. Who knows, maybe with a little schooling he could be your perfect natural birthing advocate, and could speak up for you when you can't!

[niknok]

I second having some more "coaching" with your husband. He should know exactly what to say about not having an IV, and not having CFM. He should have a list of things to say to you if/when you beg for drugs. Go over and over it with him. That's what we did.

As far as reaching the point where you truly do want an epidural, here is a suggestion. My motto for labor was "my body knows this". It was written on a piece of paper, and was to be taped across from the bed as my focal point. The deal I had with DH, was that I had to get up, walk across the room, and write "Want epidural" on that piece of paper. And that even if I started walking over there, he was to tell me I was obviously doing just fine if I could still walk.

Hope these suggestions help!

[bittersweet]

Originally Posted by niknok

As far as reaching the point where you truly do want an epidural, here is a suggestion. My motto for labor was "my body knows this". It was written on a piece of paper, and was to be taped across from the bed as my focal point. The deal I had with DH, was that I had to get up, walk across the room, and write "Want epidural" on that piece of paper. And that even if I started walking over there, he was to tell me I was obviously doing just fine if I could still walk.

Hope these suggestions help!

Great suggestion. We might use that.

I also think more husband coaching will be a good idea. You will probably have a lot of resistance with not getting an IV at all. It really is for your safety. You dont have to have a single med or fluid go through it if you dont want it to...but at least the line is in place if needed for an emergency. And since they normally wont allow you to eat/drink during labor, if you have a 20 something hr labor and become very dehydrated, you will get fatigued so much faster and may not have the strength to push. Some fluids might be all you need to keep you going without caving to an epidural or pain meds. Plus if you at least get a IV line started, even if nothing is infusing...I bet they would be more tolerant of not doing cont fetal monitoring and just doing intermittent monitoring instead.

They cannot MAKE you do or get anything though. But sometimes you have to pick your battles. You dont want your whole expirence to be spent arguing with the nurses and Drs either.

[Oriyan]

Its very important you explain to everyone from the beginning what your wishes are. My midwife already knew I was very anti medical intervention (i didn't sign the c-section form. I said i would sign it if it was necessary and that the only reason why I was being induced was because i was concerned about my heart, we have lots of heart issues in my family and i developed some problems during pregnancy) and that I was not to be asked if i wanted any pain medication and that my husband would approach the staff If i wanted something. My support team only came in the room to check me (4 times total), up my pitocin, eventually put in my epidural (after my water broke, i felt like someone was cracking 2 by 4's over my lower back) and deliver my baby. It was always just me and DH and I am a firm believer it was because i voiced from the beginning i didn't want a lot of intervention. My DH was my coach and he did a great job. I also let him know what I wanted from him. What to say and what not to say.

[**Jenn**]

I agree with the others about more husband coaching. While there may very well be some pain it is a POSITIVE pain. There is an end to it and it will not last forever. I had Liam in a hospital and was fortunate enough to have a nurse that was not only very pro natural but extremely excited for me that those were my wishes. She told me I would have to beg her for pain meds before she'd even consider taking me seriously. And as far as the doctor goes, I saw my dr. twice during my labor and the second time was when he delivered Liam. They really don't pop in as much as you'd think.

I agree that you don't want to spend your laobr arguing about your wishes. That in itself will ruin your experience. Be upfront right from the beginning and be firm, they can't make you get anything.

I do get an IV during labor and was already informed I will need one this time. Not to pump me with anything but to have it in place so they can start pitocin as soon as possible after delivery so help me from hemorrhaging again. For me its not something I mind already being in place even if you end up not needing it.

And try not to go into it with preconceived notions about how you think you'll be during labor. I thought before I had Liam that I'd be cursing and yelling at dh but in reality I'm extremely calm, relaxed, and don't make any noise at all. You will find strength you never knew you even had. Just remember to remain calm, don't tense up, don't panic, and just when you think you've reached your limit you're almost done. I personally love being in labor and delivering my babies, it's the high light of the entire pregnancy for me and I know you'll have a great experience!

[*kyle*]

You echoed pretty much all of my thoughts on the matter. The only difference is I am lucky enough to live in an area with access to doulas. Illinois sucks for birth in general (for example, freestanding birth centers are illegal here!), but at least we do have doulas. I've got mine all lined up. If I didn't have this option, what I would do is speak to every practitioner I could at the OB practice and emphasize the limited-intervention approach you're going into this with. You won't need DH to run interference with the nurses if the doc is already doing it... KWIM? I'd also recommend more pre-coaching with your DH, and watching some natural birth videos with him so he can get an idea of what to expect. My DH is like that too. I wish he could have seen Angela's homebirth with me, just so that he could see how calm and not scary a natural birth can be.

[freesiangel]

Thanks for all of the awesome replies and suggestions!

On the IV front, initially I told my doctor I wanted a heplock instead of an IV because I'd already had the childbirth education class and was told an IV was mandatory in our hospital, so I figured I could at least opt for a heplock instead without too much controversy. My doctor laughed at me and said if I was going natural, there was no need for even the heplock, that with my veins it'll take them 2 seconds to put in an IV so if ever there was a reason for me to need one, it wouldn't be an issue. She's all about me being as comfortable as possible during this whole thing and doesn't give a crap what is easier on the labor and delivery nurses - it's what's better for me. (I love my doctor) So that's where I got to the no IV thing. With her signature, I can pretty much opt out of anything. I figure if I end up having to argue this with anyone (even though it's in my signed birth plan) that I'll just have them call her directly. Even if she's not on call I'm pretty sure she'd still back me up over the phone... Same with the continuous fetal monitoring. But since I will allow them to monitor me every hour for 5-10 minutes just to make sure everything is okay, I don't think they'll really fight that one. The nurse even said the only reason they have continuous fetal monitoring is because it's a pain in the butt for the nurses to have to constantly strap the monitors on and off. But you know what? I don't care if it's a pain for them. Those things are **** uncomfortable and I will not wear them for hours on end just to make someone elses life easier.

Great suggestion on checking out the L&D rooms ahead of time. Since I already had to spend the night in L&D once for my pre-term labor I really got to know those rooms! I can already say that just knowing what it's like in there (and learning they have heated floors!) I am way more comfortable. Our hospital actually has really amazing LDR rooms. As mentioned, there are heated floors, we can also control our own temperature and lighting, they have those nifty beds for delivery that lend themselves to pretty much any position (and our hospital is pro-changing position during delivery to get the baby out instead of making you lie on your back, so that's cool), and there is also a shower in my room. Oh, and there is a big whirlpool tub at my disposal, but it's not in the room - it's in the common area of L&D for all of the patients to use, therefore I can't birth in it or anything, I can only use it for a set amount of time...

You're all right on the coach training. I need to write a bunch of stuff out for him because he does really well with lists. I was going over the whole when to let me get an epidural thing last night with him and he got really confused, so I know I'm going to need to have something in writing. lol. He was all like "what if you're yelling at me, how am I going to know if you really mean it or not?!" and what-not. And that's perfectly understandable, I know this is probably going to be very confusing for him... He also knows to rub my back and/or hair pretty much constantly unless I tell him otherwise. And no watching baseball. lol.

Thanks again for all of the responses. I feel a million times better just having typed it all out, so I appreciate everyone taking the time to read and/or respond.

[Resi]

I bet your hubby will do great. I know how it is to get pushed into things at the hosptial but if you are strong and stand your ground you should be okay.

[ANGWife]

I just told DH and my MIL from the very beginning no drugs and don't let me break easily. It wasn't until my uterus nearly burst that I couldn't take it anymore and asked for the epi. The girls have some good suggestions. But just remember that even if you do decide you need meds, you are a strong woman and no less of a fantastic mom.

[bittersweet]

I understand your Drs point. But he/she has probably never started an IV before either. In my expirence, even people with 'good' veins, once dehydrated with a large loss of fluid volume, no longer have good veins...they collapse are are difficult to access. When you first come in you are the most hydrated and your veins are easiest to access. They can put it in your forearm with 1 poke and if its not connected to anything, you can move your arm about and wont even notice it. If you wait until the 30th hr to get one, you might get poked multiple times and it will probably be put in the crease of your arm where it is annoying. So...if you have good veins coming in, you'll get poked less and have more options on where the IV can get put...it really is better for YOU to just do it then. So It has nothing to do with what is easier on the nurses. They are not the ones that may end up being poked multiple times and getting fluids/meds they now need delayed.

I'm not at all trying to be pushy, just trying to give you a better understanding about IVs. And if there is nothing to infuse into you they wont infuse anything through it...arm is totally free. This is what you were calling a heplock, but the terms IV and heplock are used to talk about they same thing. So you dont need to ask for a heplock vs IV.

[Mars]

I think he will be okay. Just keep coaching and encouraging him. It's so hard when they push a whole bunch of stuff at you but you have to try and be firm.