[sara~b]

I should probably post something like this in private but being so freshly back I don't want to ask for the new password.

Anyway, when I moved in with Shane he had taken me up to the attic and shown me his 'baby stash' (yes, he has one!). He has two giant rubbermaid bins filled with baby clothes, burp clothes, receiving blankets, etc. He had always planned on kids with his ex-wife and he didn't give up that dream after they divorced. Well, I assumed he showed me because he could see us having children together. Now I'm doubting my sanity.

The first few months we ALWAYS used protection. Then, around when I moved in, we began starting without it and finishing with it. The last 2 months we have just not used anything alot of the time. I didn't consider it a big deal since my ob/gyn said I would probably need clomid to conceive anyway and he knows that. Then I was a week late last month and we started to think it was possible we were having a baby. Of course, I started bleeding soon after and we went back to our old ways. Well, last night we DTD and he stopped short and grabbed a condom. I was a little shocked and I guess it showed because he said "No more accidents".

I guess my obvious shock and distress showed because he kept asking me what was wrong the rest of the night. I just don't know how to explain it to him. This woman he was married to told him before they were even engaged, let alone married, that she would divorce him. She always said "When we get divorced", not "If we get divorced". She cheated on him multiple times and that finally led to the demise of their short (less than a year) marriage. Yet he wanted children with her and supported her and bought an SUV and baby clothes and a house with a spare room, etc to have babies with her. Now he's with me and I live there and I don't cheat and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have a great job and make three times what he does. I take care of myself and Gemma and I help out around the house (not just chores but projects too). Yet, suddenly he has stopped talking marriage and started using protection again and he cancelled the internet installation date without asking me (I'm using the computer at work - hope they don't check it!). It all points to him thinking I won't be there to pay the internet bill anyway, let alone for years (and babies) to come.

Should I be this paranoid? What would you think? Did anybody else's SO suddenly get cold feet? What did you do? Should I try to talk to him? Should I just be patient and wait for him to talk to me or go back to normal? HELP! I'm pulling my hair out over here!

[Resi]

The two of you have only been together for around 6 months, right? Maybe he is thinking it's better not to risk getting pregnant so soon into the relationship. He might have snapped into reality after your last pregnancy scare.

He might still want a child in the future but wants to wait until the time is right and he knows your relationship is going to last. Maybe he prefers to be married before having a child.

I don't know why he cancelled the internet being installed. Why don't you talk to him about it? Ask him why the changes with condoms and the internet.

[sara~b]

I asked him about the internet and he said "what if we break up?" which was weird to me because we've never had a fight and we had talked about what we would want out of a wedding, etc. I told him that if we broke up I would pay the cancellation fee or I would just pay for the year up front and he could keep it if I moved out. Apparently that wasn't good enough because he still cancelled the installation.

We went to my nephew's baptism yesterday. Before we left I just casually said "Maybe I should ask my sister if her offer to let me move in still stands?" He acted really shocked and was like "Why?". I pointed out all the things (except the condom because it hadn't happened yet) that made me think he was ending it or thinking of ending it and he denied it all but didn't have any reasons for it either. I'm beginning to think it's subconscious cold feet and he's going to keep pushing me away for fear of getting hurt again. I'm sick to death of this scenerio. It feels exactly like what Zack did to me. Now I'm thinking I should just plan my get away before I get anymore involved and build anymore of a life in this town.... UGH!

[♥Ashley♥]

I agree with Resi. No matter how much I knew and loved someone, I would still be nervous to not use protection and openly try for a baby after only 6 months. You just never know what is going to happen, I know everyone is different but I wouldnt feel comfortable trying for a baby in a new relationship. Also I agree with what Resi said...he may have gotten a scare when your period was late and realized that he wanted to wait until the time was right and know the relationship will last.

I am stumbled, though, as to why he cancelled the internet install date without telling you or talking to you about it! Have you asked him about it? I would wonder about that, too, if I were you!

[Resi]

Hmm.. I hope he doesn't get cold feet. It souds like everything is going very well for the two of you. Maybe try sitting him down and talking about it again? Ask him if he feels the relationship is moving to fast and if he would rather the two of you live apart? I don't know... I hope he isn't pulling a Zach on you.

[sara~b]

I don't know. Maybe I'm paranoid because of Zack but it just feels the same, like we're cruising along all fine and then just hit a brick wall. We used to cuddle on the couch when we were watching TV after Gemma went to bed, now we sit on opposite sides or he sits with the dogs and I sit on the floor. He used to hold my hand when we were driving and now I can't remember the last time he did that. I want to go to the Renaissance Festival this weekend and he's hesitating about. I was chosen by UA to run Baltimore next month and I'm thinking "Score! Free getaway!" and he hasn't even said he will go with me yet.

Then I was cleaning and found his wedding ring in a drawer. I don't know about guys but I know after Zack and I broke up the ring was a reminder I didn't need laying around so I pawned it. After that I was cleaning the counter and I picked up the jar that holds our cooking utensils and I noticed it says "The *his last name*'s" and he just had it turned towards the wall. Turns out it was a wedding gift. Why would he keep that? He also has a bottle of sand and a bunch of shells they picked up on the beach during their honeymoon on a shelf in the living room. I have tons of shells we could replace them with! I also suggested we take a vacation and go get our own but he insisted those are HIS and they are staying. I'm sure if I started putting out things and reminders of my years with Zack he wouldn't like it so is he purposely hurting me? Does he enjoy thinking about his ex? Is he not over her? I don't know but I'm starting to think he's not ready for this and I'm ashamed of myself for letting him talk me into moving in. I told him I wanted to move in with my sister for a year until Gem was ready to start school but he said "We're not getting any younger" and I was reminded again about how far apart Gemma will be from any future children. I guess I put my dreams in front of reality again. And again I'm let down. We don't have Gemma this weekend, my mom is taking her. So I'm going to get answers this weekend for sure. I'm sick of wondering. The last week has been heck since all this started.....

[CandaceDianne]

I would sit down with him and ask him for his opinion. Assumptions USUALLY dont turn out very well, they can blow up in your face. It sounds to me like he is still VERY hurt from what his ex did. I am not saying its right for him to hold on to those items, but I think he isn't 100% ready to move on from his pain (not HER but the pain of it all). Obviosuly, I am not him adn I dont know exactly what he is thinking...but those are the first thoughts that came to my head. Again, my advice is talk to him, dont assume. GL sweetie, I hope it works out!!!

[Resi]

That stinks. It sounds like he isn't over the break up of his marriage. How long ago did he get divorced? Does he still have contact with her. I really hope he isn't stringing you along or getting cold feet. I think it good that you will have some one on one time with him this weekend to talk it all out. I hope it turns out to be nothing and you can move on as a couple. GL!

[bittersweet]

It sounds like neither one of you have a clear picture of where your relationship is headed. Maybe you moved in together too quickly? Sometimes moving too fast, too soon can create problems. Espeically if he is/was still healing from his divorce. And just because he was ready to be a dad with his ex, doesnt mean he is ready to have children with you. I think backing up and giving him some space would be best. His actions are saying he doesnt want kinds yet/now, but dont take it personally. Your relationship is still developing and growing...that is a good thing. Time will tell if this will last or not. Until then, pushing children on him might make him run the other way.

[Mars]

You've received some great advice already so I'd just say to have a good conversation and perhaps you may want to back up/move in with you sis because of the uncertainties and see how things go from there. It doesn't seem as though he's really ready for this as yet.

[sara~b]

Thanks ladies. I've decided I'm just going to wait it out for now. Like a PP said, his actions are saying he isn't ready to be serious. I think I'm going to see my ob/gyn about getting a copper IUD. I always have horrible side effects from hormonal birth control so maybe the copper IUD won't be so bad. Plus I think if I tell him I want to get a 10-year birth control then I might get an honest thought from him on our future plans. Plus I am slightly latex sensitive so at least I won't have to deal with the dreaded condoms anymore. It sucks to feel like I'm back to square one but I guess I'd rather have a relationship with a genuinely good man who treats my daughter and I well than end up a single mom of two (although I wouldn't mind that too much either.... GRRR). I just need to realize that I can't have my cake and eat it too and another child might just be out of my realm of possibilities. URGHGH.... FML! Sometimes I really can't stand the trade-offs!

On a positive note, I am sick of my job (that's actually positive!). I have my real estate license so I called a brokerage and should hear back about starting as a realtor tomorrow. I'm going to do it on the side until I get a few sales under my belt or realize I hate it. Then if all goes well I will just do real estate full time and quit the NDE/QC. I'm hoping I can make the same/more money and have more flexible hours for Gem's cheering, tumbling, etc. Plus then maybe we'd be in a better position for a future wedding, children, etc? Who knows... *sigh*

Just wanted to give some

[Chelnae6]

I agree that the other ladies have given some great advice. You guys need to communicate and open up to one another. Its not easy but it makes the relationship last much longer and helps to build up trust and a good foundation.

And only get the Copper IUD if you dont want any kids for 10 years. A doc might give you a slightly hard time esp if you're young. Its almost like wanting to get your tubes tied at 25 and you've only had 1 child (just an example).

I hope that you guys can figure this out together.

[sara~b]

I can get it removed in as little as two years though. That seems like good timing if things work out.

I mentioned to Shane that I was thinking about getting a copper IUD and he was like "A what?". I explained a little bit about it and told him how I had the Mirena and the hormones made me really sick and I blame it for my fertility problems now. I told him they have one without hormones but it's a 10 year deal (he was getting ready for work so I didn't get into the fact it can come out sooner). He just said "I've got to go. We'll talk later." So at least I know we're going to talk (hopefully) and it seems like he didn't like the idea of me getting a 10 year BC.

Then before he left he came over and kissed me and said bye. He got to the door and stopped suddenly and turned around and said "I love you". He almost never says it first and I was shocked. Maybe the fact that I brought up totally preventing for a long time made him realize how unsure I really am in our relationship right now. I'm pretty sure that's the first time he's ever stopped in the middle of heading out the door to say those three words. So I just hope this weekend brings us some time to think and talk because another cheer mom had a 5 week old at class tonight and it about brought me to tears. I had to sit with my back to her the whole 2 hours. I felt horrible for shutting her out of our conversation but I can't even look at a baby without feeling like my world is crashing down anymore! UGH!

[CandaceDianne]

GL and KUP!!

[Mjp121212]

In all honesty, I can't blame him for being cautious give his "marriage." I'd be a bit paranoid too if I was him. He may think you will do the same thing, even if he doesn't vocalize it or realize it. Turst me....BTDT