[ANGWife]

I don't know where else to vent about this and I am super peeved.

Why do some moms (or grandmas) feel the need to tell you everything you are doing "wrong with your child? Why must some moms fights and turn their noses up to moms that do things alittle differently?

Every since DS was born I've had people IRL (family, friends, coworkers, strangers) and on JM try to make me feel inferior to their mothering skills. Why does it matter so much to other moms?!?!

I don't care what you feed your baby, just feed them SOMETHING. I don't care what kind of diaper you use, as long as they are changed. I could go on with the list of things I do moms have argued with.

[**Jenn**]

Try not to let what other people say/do make you feel bad. You're a great mother to Henry, we can all see that. He wouldn't be thriving like he is if you weren't! Some people just need to look down there noses at other people to make themselves feel better--like the bully on the playground. What works for one Mother and child may not work for the next. What I did with Liam I couldn't necessarily do with Loch, and vice versa, because they are different kids and require different things. Honestly, I just feel bad for people who have to put others down to build themselves up, it's really quite sad.

[HopeWishWait]

I hear you, I think we all go through that. Especially if you're a young mom or if it's your first baby....or if you're a young mom with your first baby. Everyone and their mother has told me what I should or should not be doing with Conner, and I've told them all the same thing "Thanks for your concern, but Conner is MY child and I will do what I think is best for MY child. You can do things your way with your own children" Just go with what you feel is right for your family, and if they don't like it they can shove it.

[*kyle*]

What I see is when people become convinced that something is really good, they sort of adopt it as their "cause." Then they feel like they need to go around and tell everyone about it, like evangelizing it because "if everyone knew how much better ______ was, they would choose to do it too." The problem with this is that people don't like being told what to do. It can also come off as the person needing to show the superiority of "their" way.

Anytime you try to argue someone out of doing something their way, you will meet with defensiveness and resistance. Then both sides become entrenched because they aren't listening to one another's points, they are just defending their own. So then the negativity scale starts to rise, and both end up angry.

With parenting, it seems like EVERY aspect of parenting can be very touchy, very sensitive. No one wants to feel like a bad or inferior parent. People are understandably very defensive about their own parenting choices. Being a good mom or dad is pretty central to our identities now. So to have someone come along and seemingly question that, will raise people's hackles on both sides.

To be fair, there really are some areas of parenting where one way IS better than another way. For instance, not hitting your kid is better than hitting your kid. But in many cases, there could be points made for either way (diapering, breast vs. bottle, cosleeping, even CIO). And there are always be individual cases where one way becomes better because of circumstances (such as a mom who doesn't have an adequate breastmilk supply, or needing to use formula in order to go back to work... etc etc). So to blanket-judge people based on a choice, without knowing WHY they made that choice, is pretty ignorant.

[niknok]

The flip side to this coin is that when someone gives their opinion, or says what works for their family, others always take it personally. Maybe it's not personal. I've found this with my blog, since it's tended to piss many a person off. But I'm truly not looking down at other mom's who do it different, I just want to share what is working for our family. And share research that others may not have seen/read. I think *some* people who get their feathers so ruffled, do so because maybe they are actually questioning their own decisions. At least that's what happens with my one SIL.

I think alot of this really depends on personality too. I never get offended or feel inferior because of what someone else says about my parenting. But, I'm also 100% sure that what we are doing is right for our family. I have a very assertive and stubborn personality, so it's just natural to me.

I'm sorry people are being crappy. You have a happy and healthy baby, so you are obviously doing a wonderful job!

Kyle...Amen

[Kiwi]

There is something with both pregnancy and raising children, that makes everyone feel that they can give you there opinion, isn't there! Like both those things somehow belong to everyone.

I'm already dreading even telling my mother that I'm pregnant as she is a very controlling person, and I can already see all the arguments between now and me actually having the baby.

Just trust in your own instincts and ability as a mother, and you'll be fine.

[*Mrs.J.2011*]

I had this EXACT conversation with a girl friend of mine yesterday when we realized that we will be TTC at the same time in 2 1/2 years!

[~* Helen *~]

Hun this will happen for the rest of your life with kids ... ryan is nearly 6 and we still get it with him now !!!! GRRRRR

IGNORE and go by YOUR baby and what HE wants x

[*krista*]

I like Caitlyn's response!

[ShannonMVT]

I agree with both Kyle and Nikki. Sometimes things are taken the wrong way, but then there ARE some people who think their way is THE way to raise a baby.
But all moms are different and all situations are different. I know what's right for my family isn't right for every family. We don't co-sleep but I can see how that would work for some. I breastfeed and cloth diaper, but that doesn't work for everyone out there.
I think it can be hard especially if you ever have a time (I did) where you are questioning if you are doing a good job as a mom. The last thing you need is someone questioning every aspect of your parenting.
And if you ARE confident that you have made the best decisions for your child/children then it is just plain annoying to get unsolicited advice from others who think they know better than you!
I think there's a way to be passionate about what you believe in without being condescending to others. I am passionate about breastfeeding so I choose to try and help others (at La Leche and one of my friends) with any questions they have and encouraging them. And if for whatever reason they decide they can't do it anymore then that is okay too.

[Nami]

I understand where you're coming from! I've been called "selfish" for not breastfeeding my son many times, had so many ladies go into how important it is to breastfeed and how I am depriving my son of all the good that comes from it.. none of which ask WHY I did not breastfeed.. Truth is, I wanted to badly but I was unable to produce any milk at all, I tried for two long horrible months but was never able to and was heartbroken every time I gave my son a bottle.

It's one thing voicing how you feel or giving an option, which is fine, but to put someone down for their choice is just too far and wrong.

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

Ugh I know what you mean. I'm crazy for breast feeding and co-sleeping so long !!! So annoying. And I don't see them taking their babies bottles away at age 1... its the same thing right errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

[petalfuzz]

While I don't have kids yet, I get in these types of conversations with both my mom and my sister. They are both very opinionated and I just have to sit there and listen. Then when they are done ranting and raving I just say quietly, "Oh, I might have to try that then."

But the thing I don't understand is when my sister went on and on about making her own laundry soap. She rattled on about it for a half hour maybe. So I finally broke down and did my own research on it, made a batch and told her proudly what I'd done. She actually went off on me! She said it'll ruin my machine! I asked her if she was still making her own and she said yes! So it was right her her to do it and me to listen to her talk about it, but wrong for me to do it too! Whaaa?

I dread when I have kids for the above example...

[ShannonMVT]

Carolyn your siggy is making me want pancakes. And I will let you make them anyway you want, no advice from me, so long as you share.

[Resi]

Speaking of pancakes... This is the best homeade from scratch pancake recipe ever!

Truck-Stop Buttermilk Pancakes - All Recipes

[**Jenn**]

I think there's a big difference between writing your beliefs on a blog and sharing your opinion with someone who asks for it, and just going around throwing out your two cents completely unsolicited.

I've gotten a lot of negative comments for breastfeeding this long, breastfeeding while pregnant, co sleeping, etc and at no time have I ever asked that person's opinion on it. To me, that's just trying to be holier than thou and my way is better. If I ask it's because I'm looking for different solutions/opinions, but if a person just comes up to me and starts in on the way I parent my children, that's what I have a big problem with.

[petalfuzz]

^^ I agree, Jenn!

And Shannon, I'd love to make pancakes for you! I even have fancy syrups

[soImarriedAnerd]

kyle and Nikki said everything I would have said. But I also want to add..
its because we are women. and this society we are always competitive with each other and seem to really bash each other for whatever reason. I believe its a society issue as well.


oh and nikki--speaking of your blog---I don't like your new settings, I can't leave comments!

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

I want pancakes with fancy syrups!