Question--About Bridal Showers

**Jenn** · #1 September 29th, 2009, 10:59 AM

I'm the MOH for my sister who is getting married in February. She requested her shower to be before the holidays so we're having it on November 8th. I made the invites which are just about ready to be sent out. There are 4 other bridesmaids besides myself. 3 of them are her friends who all live in that same area, I am at least an hour and a half away, and my SIL lives a lot further in Virginia.

Anyway, I just sent an email to them all with the things we have left to do. My thought was that since we all don't live in the same area to just divide what has to be done so no one person is left holding the financial bag and doing everything. Also since me and my SIL don't live close to everyone else it'll be easier for us (and probably everyone) if we just each have our own set things to do and we all come together on the day of to put everything together.

I am handling the invitations, the centerpieces, and the cake. I figured we could all pitch in on making food and providing drinks. That leaves tableware, decorations, and favors to divide up between the 4 of them. Now depending on what you want to do this could be as expensive or inexpensive as you make it, depending on what you want to/can afford. Regardless of price I'm certain it will look nice as we all want her to have a great day.

One of the bridesmaids got back to me (one of her friends) thinking it would be better if we all just bought things along the way and kept track of how much we spent, etc. To me this seems like a pain in the butt. Since we don't all live close there will be at the very least tons of emails going through seeing who bought what already (and they're not all quick in responding to emails--my SIL rarely responds in the first place), what everyone spent, trying to make costs even, etc. It seems like a big headache to me to do it this way. Am I wrong?

Also, she said we need to buy thank you cards as well. I've never heard of this and I've been to plenty of showers. As a bride-to-be I assumed it was my responsibility to send out my own thank you cards to people (same as with a baby shower). This shower is not a suprise so my sister knows it's coming. She also suggested we bring the envelopes and have the guests address them while at the shower so my sister doesn't have to do it later. I think this is incredibly tacky and I've been to a shower where they did this and I didn't appreciate it. Am I wrong here too?

CandaceDianne · #2 September 29th, 2009, 11:05 AM

I dont like the envelopes/thank you card idea...at all. I havent been to a lot of bridal showers, but I have never heard of it, yes, I agree...tacky!
I liked your idea of splitting the responsibilities between the BMs. It can be up to them how much they want to spend. If someone is financially tight, maybe the rest of the BMs could mail her some extra money if that's what they are worried about? I hate waiting for someone to respond via email, especially when they are super slow at it. I would think it would be easiest for each person to be responsible for one 'area' (i.e. decorations and then one gets the tableware and the other gets the favors). Thats just my opinion.

♥Ashley♥ · #3 September 29th, 2009, 11:11 AM

First of all, YES I think bringing the envelopes and having the guests address their own envelope is TACKY as heck! They are giving her a gift and coming to her shower, that thank you card is supposed to express how thankful she is it doesnt seem thankful if they have to do 1/2 of the work on their own!! Thats crazy!

Second yes I agree with you the other bridesmaids idea is just silly. So if someone goes and buys really expensive plates they should be done helping? NO! It is up to them to find deals and get the things they are assigned to get!

**Jenn** · #4 September 29th, 2009, 11:30 AM

Thank you guys! And not just because you agreed with me!

I have to say, the shower I was at that I had to address my own thank you card envelope I didn't appreciate it. My thinking is, we are all coming together to "shower" this woman with gifts, the least she can do is write her own thank you card!

If we all lived close to each other, obviously we could all pick a day, go shopping, combine our money, and get what we need. But that's not an option so I thought we could take a category and spend as much or as little as we can afford. There are great, cute options in every price range.

szczepanski · #5 September 29th, 2009, 04:18 PM

Would it be easier if you all agreed on a set amount to spend on the shower and since you and SIL live closer, you two be in charge of the decorations (tables, centerpieces, cake, etc) using a set amount of money that the 4 of you decide on. Like if you wanted to spend $200, each of you chip in $50 and whatever is left over you could divy back up. And then let the other girls do the invitations? It seems like it would be easier to have one or two people in charge of decorations, rather than keeping track of who has spent what and who has purchased what.

The thank you notes thing is so tacky. You do that at the dentist's or gyno's office for your next appointment, not for a thank you card. You guys shouldn't even be worrying about the thank you notes, that's the bride's job - to thank everyone for coming to celebrate with her.

~*Bethy*~ · #6 September 29th, 2009, 04:28 PM

I agree on the set amount idea. Not using my brain too much on that one, sorry.

But yes, I agree the thank you card envelope is tacky - obviously she had the addresses to send out the invites, how come she re-needs the address for the thank you cards? Lazy?

~Beth

*krista* · #7 September 29th, 2009, 04:35 PM

I wish I could help you! I've never been through the process though.

Mars · #8 September 29th, 2009, 06:18 PM

I'm right there with Ashley and I do agree on setting a budget for the items. As for the envelope addressing/thank you card thingy, I think that's an awful idea.

ShannonMVT · #9 September 30th, 2009, 07:50 AM

Just wanted to chime in that the addressing the thank you notes at the shower is pretty tacky. The only time I've done that is at a baby shower I went to, but the woman had already had her baby and he was in the NICU, so I guess I can understand in that case.

Resi · #10 September 30th, 2009, 09:37 AM

The bride should buy her own thank you cards IMO. I also think it's tacky to have the guests address the thank you notes. I did that at my boss's daughters baby shower and it was a pain for me! I was holding my 2 month old baby. I think the gift receiver should take the time to address them because it's more personable.

Your plan of action makes the most sense to me.

**Jenn** · #11 September 30th, 2009, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by szczepanski

Would it be easier if you all agreed on a set amount to spend on the shower and since you and SIL live closer, you two be in charge of the decorations (tables, centerpieces, cake, etc) using a set amount of money that the 4 of you decide on. Like if you wanted to spend $200, each of you chip in $50 and whatever is left over you could divy back up. And then let the other girls do the invitations? It seems like it would be easier to have one or two people in charge of decorations, rather than keeping track of who has spent what and who has purchased what.

The thank you notes thing is so tacky. You do that at the dentist's or gyno's office for your next appointment, not for a thank you card. You guys shouldn't even be worrying about the thank you notes, that's the bride's job - to thank everyone for coming to celebrate with her.

Actually, my SIL and I don't live anywhere near each other. She's in Virginia and I'm in NJ (about 25 minutes outside the Poconos in PA). So getting together with her just doesn't happen much.

Thanks everyone for your advice and input. I think I'm just going to go with my plan and if people don't start getting back to me soon I'm just going to start assigning jobs.