[A*LOT*OF*HOPE]

Im sorry I have been MIA!!! Failed cycle after failed cycle has really gotten me down. I feel like if I don't want to talk about TTC then I have no buisness on a TTC forum!! It is also hard for me to see new people post who come to us pregnant or get pregnant so fast!!! It's not that I am not happy for anyone, it just hurts that I can't also share in that happiness. We have had 2 failed IUI's, my meds make me sick, we have paid over 5 thousand dollars for TTC and 19 months later have nothing to show for it but empty hearts!!! I feel like I am letting Kyle down because if he was with someone else, he would have the baby he so deperatley wants. I feel so defeated. There are only a handful of people who truly know how I feel, so I find it hard to relate to anyone when I feel really down. It's not like I don't think you care, but when a person gets pregnant in months, they truly don't know how I feel. It's like when someone experiances a loss, I can feel sorry for them, but I don't truly know how he feel. We are not doing another IUI this cycle, I can't spend close to a thousand dollars to be heartbroken in the end.
Im sorry I m rambling, I just want to explain myself so I don't sound like a total b!tch.
Im thinking of seeing a counselor, to help me get overt he sadness and desperation, and anger I feel. I feel so selfish at the same time though. There are things in the worls way worse than this, there are people who would kill to just have TTC issues, and not the more serious issues they are dealing with. I guess I will get over it, I mean, I have to get over it, I just don't know how to do it.
I have told to many people about all of this, so I am reminded of it daily, people asking me all the time. Telling me to "just stop trying" or "your so young" or "have you condsidered adoption"?? or the best one is when people say "are you infertile or is it your Kyle"?? I am so sick of advice.

OK OK OK, I will stop all the madness. If you made it to here you are amazing!!!

[ShannonMVT]

Aw, Morgan, I'm so sorry things are tough for you right now. But I can certainly see why. I know there are more "serious" issues out there as you say, but you are allowed to feel hurt by all this. I think infertility is a very painful "special" (not the good kind of special) situation. It really takes over your life.
I know sometimes I had to take breaks from the online world so we understand if you need to. It's just like you said, I was happy for everyone who was getting preggo/having their babies but I was still incredibly frustrated and angry that it wasn't happening for me.
I hated all the stupid comments too, like my inlaws telling us to take a vacation.

Lots of Morgan.

[~Caroline~]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this but I do understand how you feel. I just reached a year of TTC myself. And I'm coming back after a 3 month break from JM. I had to get away for a while, not because I didn't love the girls here, but just because I couldn't deal with anything pregnancy/baby-related.

I wish there was something I could tell you to make you feel better.

[soImarriedAnerd]

I understand the absence....but know that your always in my heart and mind and i'm here for you through the good and the bad

If you don't want to talk baby/TTC stuff thats fine....but how about some forks talk?

((HUGS)) TTC sucks. It sucks even more when you have problems and it takes so long. It sucks even more then that when you go through fertility treatments and they fail. Being upset about this doesn't make you selfish at all! I don't know what to say exactly to help (and I want to help somehow!) I took a lot of breaks, had a few breakdowns, and had my share of negative feelings when ttc. And I wasn't always happy for others. TTC can be VERY difficult emotionally. It is such a personal struggle when a woman has difficulty becoming a mother. But I know you will get there, and I hope it is very soon! We all have our paths I guess. I got pregnant my 4th IUI after 6 months of non-stop fertility treatments, yet a woman over at ttc#1 got her twin girls after stopping fertility treatments. You just never know. I hope that gives you some hope, but totally understand if it just makes you want to roll your eyes . I will always listen if you need to vent. Hang in there, things will look up again soon! ((HUGS))

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

((hugs))

[Mars]

I don't know how to respond except to give you loads of hugs. I'm really glad MJ responded because sometimes it helps to talk to persons who have been there because they can more understand what you're going through. I can understand why you may stay away but know that we'll always be here for you.

[**Jenn**]

I'm so sorry Morgan. I've never been through fertility treatments so I don't know the scope of what you're going through but I can imagine the heartache of being so hopeful in the beginning only to be let down again at the end. I totally understand you needing a break, I needed a couple myself during our TTC process. Just know that we're all here for you, we're all routing for you, and I hope it happens for you very soon!

[Resi]

I always have a hard time responding to a post like this because I have never been in your position. But my heart does break for you and the other girls on here that have been trying for so long. HUGS.

[*JenJen*]

* hugs* I really understand. We're on cycle 39 now since we started NTNP, and gave up on MA almost a year ago now and have several more years befpre we can do IVF.

sometimes you just have to step back in order to survive. I really understand that.

[midnight_starr]

We are all here for you!! It is totally understandable if you have to take a break from JM every now and then!

[szczepanski]

I tried to type out a response for you....but I just don't even know the scope of your feelings to even try and make you feel better.

I think you are an awesome person and I'm so sorry that you are having to take the long path through this journey. There are two things in life that hurt the very most - when you love something so much & it is taken away from you, and when you want something so bad, with every bone in your body and it always feels just one step away.

Please take the time you need to recoop and heal, but don't feel like you need to leave completely. And don't feel like you have to put on a fake smile and pretend like everything is okay - we are all here for you. Even those of us who don't even know how you are truly feeling.

[bittersweet]

I've missed you around here. I hate to ask where people are b/c I know everything has personal things going on outside of JM. My heart aches for you. Your TTC journey has been long and hard and isnt over yet. But there is a beginning and an end to everything. I hope that someday soon you have a baby in your arms.

[IamMom]

HUGS Morgan....I really missed you and I was hoping that things were okay - I know you are not totally okay (but its really good to see you back on here!) and I wish there was something I could say....although I have medical issues that affect my fertility I have somehow by the grace of God been blessed with two beautiful babies and I wish that for every woman who wants it! I don't know what to say but I will definitely keep you in my prayers and I send all the internet HUGS I can!

[LisanAndy]

I've wondered where you've been! I'm so beyond sorry that this is happening to you and Kyle. I'm praying that one day soon you'll be blessed with a baby ((HUGS))

[♥Ashley♥]

Oh, Morgan... im so sorry you are going through all of this heartache. I cannot even imagine how you feel and I totally understand you needing to get away and stay away from baby/pregnancy/ttc talk. I really wish you and Kyle could get the little miracle that you deserve, I know you will, I just wish it could be now

I understand how you feel (in a way) when I had my losses, it made me so sad that I was going through all of this hurt/fear/heartache/sadness etc and everyone was just going on with their lives (pregnancy, ttc..you know) it hurts to know your hurting and no one around you really understands so you just distance yourself. Im so sorry you have to feel this way and I hope it gets better for you soon sweetie.

((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

[LadyGamer]

I can't possibly understand how you feel, but I wish so badly that you didn't have to feel this way. I wish that TTC was easy and that you could just hurry up and get the BFP that you so deserve. It's not fair and it sucks

I understand if you need to take a break, but we love talking to you in general even about stuff not TTC/baby related. I too want to hear about your Forks trip!!

[petalfuzz]

I'm sorry, Morgan!! I can't know how you feel, of course. But we're going on in our 24th month of trying or not preventing and honestly it sucks. But sometimes it doesn't. We still have hope. I still have hope for you too!!

One of the things that drew me to this board originally was because we didn't always talk about ttc or babies, but other things too! So post about your trip, fo sho!

I wont say I understand how you are feeling as I haven't gone through MA and it would be insensitive of me to try to imagine your pain. We've had short messages and so you know I'm here & thinking of you guys right now. The pain of BFN month after month drove me to become a psychob*tch... I just cannot imagine how much worse it feels when you're receiving MA and getting BFN. Michelle is right, it sucks... it sucks like a big hairy @ss sucky thing.

I'm just so sad for you to have to be going through this Morgan. It's really unfair. I remember that feeling of not being able to be nice in threads of BFP announcements and yet feel so guilty for feeling that way. It wasn't anything against the girl posting the thread, but sadness that it wasn't "my turn".

My head wants to say miracles do happen (Kirsty is my miracle), but my heart tells me that wont help and it's not something a person in your shoes wants to hear right now... However I will send you a virtual ((((Huggle))))

Thank you for letting me "bug" you