Finally telling my manager tomorrow, need advice update in post 15

*krista* · #1 November 16th, 2009, 04:47 PM

This may sound silly, but I work with a bunch of guys. Not just regular guys, but geeky, socially awkward programmer guys (I'm a programmer too so I can say that

). So it is going to make it really weird telling my manager I'm pregnant.

Any advice, I mean on the actual dialog? It will be after my performance review tomorrow, at the "So, now that we're done do you have any questions" part. Is it weird that I think it is weird to just say "Oh yeah, something I've been meaning to tell you -- I'm pregnant." It is that "I'm pregnant" sentence that I just don't know how to word. Maybe it is just because it is a guy and I don't really told to him about personal stuff, so it makes this VERY personal thing hard to come out and say. That and I know he won't be happy when I tell him I don't plan on coming back after having the baby.

sara~b · #2 November 16th, 2009, 05:45 PM

Tell him your pregnant. Maybe don't tell him just yet that you don't plan on coming back. They can't punish you for being pregnant. Act happy and he won't be able to do anything but at least act happy right?

ShannonMVT · #3 November 16th, 2009, 06:46 PM

If you don't want to just come out and say "I'm pregnant!!" you could always word it, "I'm expecting a baby and I'm due in June".
Even though I was fairly certain I wasn't coming back to work, I kept my options open (just b/c you never know about Dh's job in this economy) and plus I didn't want to be treated differently. I didn't think i would be but you never know. So I wouldn't lead them on but you could say you are not sure yet whether you will return to work. Or if that is not really true at all for you could say you are mostly likely not returning. I dunno just me but I didn't want to close any doors.

OR you could go totally old school and tell him "I'm in the family way." :LOL: LOL Haha, if he's anything like the programmers I know he'd have NO idea what you were even talking about.

Chelnae6 · #4 November 16th, 2009, 08:22 PM

If your review goes well, then I'd say something like "Glad I did well, i would celebrate by going to have a drink but I cant". And then he'll ask why and then you'll tell him and then it'll turn into a conversation. But DONT tell them that you're not coming back. Just give them your 2 weeks prior to you leaving.

I work around a bunch of guys (engineers) and I had NO IDEA on how to tell them so I just kind of waiting until a conversation came up in which I could kind of sneak it in there. Which so happen to deal with drinking lol.

LisanAndy · #5 November 17th, 2009, 03:41 AM

I think these girls have given great advice. Good luck!

Angelaosaurus-rex · #6 November 17th, 2009, 04:17 AM

I would do what Shannon said. Good luck I hope it goes well!!!

~* Helen *~ · #7 November 17th, 2009, 04:23 AM

shannon !!!

Mars · #8 November 17th, 2009, 04:55 AM

Yep, you got some great advice already. I wouldn't tell him yet about not planning to return to work after having the baby.

*krista* · #9 November 17th, 2009, 05:08 AM

Thanks ladies! I'm totally on the fence about whether or not to tell them I'm not coming back. I know I probably should because I'm a supervisor, so they would have to plan for someone to head up my team permanently once I'm gone as opposed to just a temp replacement.... I was in training for a year to become a sup, so it isn't something that happens overnight. But on the other hand, I know it would probably be in my best interest not to tell them. Especially with this company, it can be cut throat.

CandaceDianne · #10 November 17th, 2009, 05:39 AM

I would honestly wait to tell them. You never know what the future holds, plus you dont want them to 'find' a reason to let you go earlier than you wanted.

Resi · #11 November 17th, 2009, 05:40 AM

Good luck on telling him. I remember how stressful and scared I was to tell my boss. I like the advice Shannon gave. If you are 100% sure you are not going back maybe it's best to tell him up front. Do you think they might let you go early if you tell them you don't plan on coming back?

IamMom · #12 November 17th, 2009, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *krista*

Thanks ladies! I'm totally on the fence about whether or not to tell them I'm not coming back. I know I probably should because I'm a supervisor, so they would have to plan for someone to head up my team permanently once I'm gone as opposed to just a temp replacement.... I was in training for a year to become a sup, so it isn't something that happens overnight. But on the other hand, I know it would probably be in my best interest not to tell them. Especially with this company, it can be cut throat.

When I was pregnant with Harrison I had a very open relationship with my employer and I knew that they would respect me if I was open and honest with them...more so then if I sprang something on them and didn't respect their side of things (hiring someone new, telling my clients, etc.) I knew I'd be moving 6 months after coming back to work so its kind of the same situation....I was a manager and supervised people so I knew that they would have to spend some more time finding a replacement and I would have to transition my clients and all that so I DID tell them way in advance that I would be leaving. I was not treated differently and I got just as good of a raise and all that. It all depends on how your relationship is already I guess with your bosses and coworkers....you could be like...."I haven't made any definite decisions but I want us all to be prepared should I decide to stay home with my baby when it is born, since I just don't know how I will feel when the baby is here and I may want to spend some time raising my child instead of working. I want to be a part of the transition process to someone new." That way you show that you care that they are prepared for if you leave but also don't tell them flat out you've already made up your mind. You'd be surprised how understanding people can be when it comes to babies. Do any of these geeks have kids

??? They might be able to relate to how their wives felt/feel etc.?
Maybe I just had a great experience and got lucky?

#13 November 17th, 2009, 03:45 PM

Good luck! I would definitely leave it open to you coming back. Will you be collecting pay during maternity leave or disability?

Chelnae6 · #14 November 17th, 2009, 05:38 PM

Any updates?

*krista* · #15 November 17th, 2009, 06:20 PM

Well, I told him! He actually made it easy for me because he was saying "it's been a busy year, I don't think it could get much busier." It left it open for my "oh yes it can!" He seemed happy for me, but remember the socially awkward part? I told you he would be! You know what he asked me? "So uh, was it planned?"

Normally I think that would tick me off, but I know it was just one of those awkward must-blurt-out-something moments and that's what came out.

He surprisingly didn't ask me about my plans, so I didn't tell him yet. I'm sure he will soon.

And yes, he has three kids, so he can kinda relate. And I have disability/maternity leave, but I don't think I can take it if I'm not coming back. Or at least I'm not supposed to. Anyone else experience anything different?

A*LOT*OF*HOPE · #16 November 17th, 2009, 06:34 PM

Im glad telling him went well!! I say take our maternity leave and then when it is up just choose to not go back!!! I guess that's not the proper way to do things, but you deserve it!!

LisanAndy · #17 November 17th, 2009, 06:45 PM

Glad he took it well, despite the awkward outburst

Chelnae6 · #18 November 17th, 2009, 06:46 PM

I have no experience with that but I definitely say dont tell them until about a month before you leave. Or you could play the whole, I dont know if I'm coming back, take maternity leave and while on maternity leave give your 2 weeks notice.

If I dont get the job that I recently interviewed for back in my hometown, I dont really plan on going back to my current job after I give birth. I plan on looking for a job in my hometown. I'm not going to tell them that though, just going to make sure that things are in order before I go on maternity leave and then give them my 2 weeks during maternity leave. thats the plan, idk how things will happen though.

ShannonMVT · #19 November 17th, 2009, 08:05 PM

I took my maternity leave (used up all my sick time and vacation time) and didn't go back. Honestly though I might have gone back part time if they had let me work 8-10 hours a week instead of my normal 20 hours per week. So it was kind of "their loss" for not being able to work with me on that.

Glad it went well and LOL at the awkward part. Hehe.

Frozendesire · #20 November 17th, 2009, 08:18 PM

Glad it worked out

I took my full year maternity leave. I just had to give four weeks notice. No biggy. Gave it a month before I was due to go back to work. Got my maternity pay, benefits, and discount! haha