[Resi]

Oliver is starting to drive me up the wall with his nursing which is mostly comfort nursing. Has anyone else dealt with this? During nap time he wants to stay latch on almost always unless I can sneak him off and slip away. Right now he is napping on the sofa because I got away without him waking up. There is no way I can unlatch him and move him to his bed. He will wake up and cry for the "nay nays". At night time since we co-sleep he is on and off ALL NIGHT LONG. Last night was ridiculous. If he even slightly wakes up it's straight for my boobs. If I try to comfort him in another way to get him back to sleep he cries and doesn't stop. Same with nap times. I always was against CIO but I have thought about trying it. BUT I don't think it will work because in the past when he was crying with me right there the whole time it just worked him up sooo bad that he did that hyperventilating cry and I can't do that to him. It's heart breaking. I just feel like he should be able to stay asleep and be able to fall back asleep without my boobs! I know I created the problem and I feel like it's never going to get better. He is nursing more than ever these days! He is teething so maybe that is making the night time worse? And it's not like I can try to get him out of my bed when he can't even nap or start the night out in his own bed. Any ideas? Or can someone reassure me that it will get better and I have not ruined him? I can live with it if I know he will figure it out as he gets older but I worry that it will only get worse.

[LisanAndy]

Personally, I would do a gentle method of CIO and getting him used to his own bed. I've done it with both of my girls, and while it's by no means easy to hear, I have two perfect sleepers and are happier because of it. Around 6 months of age I started letting both girls cry for 10 mins, I'd go in and soothe them but never picked them up. I just reassured them and rubbed their back for a few minutes. Every 10 mins I'd go back in and do the same thing. This usually went on for about an hour to an hour and a half. It took 2 nights and now both girls sleep through the night. I couldn't have done it without Andy's support, it's heartbreaking and makes me anxious to hear my babies cry. I had to remind myself, it becomes a habit for them to wake up. They're not in any pain nor are they starving, especially if they eat enough before bed time. The sleep training is THE hardest part for me but because I've done this, both my girls sleep from 8 or 8:30 PM till 7 or 8 AM. Good luck with whatever you decide Resi!

[Resi]

Lisa, now that Oliver is 14 months I'm guessing it would be harder? I feel like he will think I'm not there for him all of a sudden or that I'm unwilling to let him nurse. It's so hard!

[LisanAndy]

Oh Resi, I know how hard it is It's never easy or fun to have to do that part of parenthood. I dreaded sleep training with Rylie. I knew it was coming and just wanted so slow time and keep her little so I didn't have to hear her cry, it's so tough. If I were you I'd try it for a week. To me, he might need that amount of time since he's older. Maybe skip the nap if it's possible and get him good and tired so by bedtime he might cry a little bit when you lay him down but he WILL go to sleep. It's worked with both my girls.

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

Landen is the same exact way! It has driven me banana's many time's. Let me know if you find something that works.

[IamMom]

I have nothing to offer because I did cry it out with Harrison and it worked like a charm...but I didn't breastfeed very long so he didn't get attached to all that. Nora has slept on her own from the get go so I haven't even had to do CIO with her...she just sleeps....guess I'm lucky. I'm sure you won't have a 9 year old in your bed or on your boob but until then I'm not sure what you'll be dealing with (just kidding - trying to make you smile a little cause I can tell you're over it). Good luck Resi!

[Miracle]

Resi, I'm going through the same exact thing! Ella doesn't know how to go to sleep on her own- if she wakes up, even if it was just a half an hour after I put her to bed, she wants to nurse. I have started just saying "no" and then she'll cry for a little bit but eventually just lay on me and fall asleep without nursing but a lot of times in the mornings if I say no she will wake up for good and I'm still tired.. but I'm sick of nursing her non-stop.

[Resi]

From what I have seen it's the norm with co-sleeping and demand nursing toddlers! I'm really not ready to give up the co-sleeping because I love it so much when he isn't on top of me comfort nursing on and off all night. I already changed his bed crib into a toddler bed so if I wanted to try some type of CIO I would have to change it back which isn't a big deal.. I don't know what to do. I'm torn but my heart tells me not to do CIO and my husband says no way to CIO. Of course Damon doesn't lose any sleep over this.

[ShannonMVT]

I feel for you. The vast majority of the time Matthew needs to nurse to sleep for bedtime, naps and when he wakes up at night. We don't co-sleep unless he is having a bad night and waking up a ton.
How did your mom get him to sleep whenever she watched him? Or when he was with Damon?
I'm afraid to leave and be away from Matthew b/c I'm afraid he'll just get super overtired from not going to sleep and end up screaming b/c I'm not there to nurse him to sleep.
I've been trying to get him to fall asleep some nights without nursing. If he doesn't go right to sleep and is awake I lay him down in his crib. Then he will play for a bit and start crying. I don't let him cry more than a minute then if I'm sure he's had enough to eat, either me or Dh will go rock him and calm him down, then lay him back down again. We FINALLY did it the other night when I was about to give in, it took an hour but he feel asleep on his own and we didn't let him cry for more than a couple minutes at a time. If he had ever gotten hysterical I would have nursed him. I just want him to get used to falling asleep without boobies some of the time so I can go out with Dh sometime and not feel like he's going to get crazy without me.
Do you have the Dr. Sears baby book? It has some tips in there.
Can Damon take care of him and try to get him back to sleep so the "need" to have boobies gets broken? Maybe on a weekend when he doesn't have work? If nothing else he will learn what you are dealing with each night.
One thing the Dr. Sears book mentions is the dad telling the baby "Mommy go night-night. Daddy go night-night, nay nay go night night, Oliver go night night." (I used your names) and so he learns that everyone goes night night when it is dark outside, including nay nays.

[Chelnae6]

I'm sorry that youre going through this. Unfortunately, you might have to just let him cry it out until he realizes and understand that you're not giving in.

Whenever we'd have Miki, although never bf, she'd wake up in the middle of the night and cry for us to come and get her. I went in there to make sure that she was okay and then told her to go back to bed. If she cried, eventually she'd fall asleep. Ever since then she stays in her room all night. Granted she's almost 3 now. But when she was younger, thats what worked. In the mornings, if she woke up and we werent ready, we'd just cut on the TV on low and go back to sleep. We eventually woke up to her asleep.

[Resi]

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

I feel for you. The vast majority of the time Matthew needs to nurse to sleep for bedtime, naps and when he wakes up at night. We don't co-sleep unless he is having a bad night and waking up a ton.
How did your mom get him to sleep whenever she watched him? Or when he was with Damon?
I'm afraid to leave and be away from Matthew b/c I'm afraid he'll just get super overtired from not going to sleep and end up screaming b/c I'm not there to nurse him to sleep.
I've been trying to get him to fall asleep some nights without nursing. If he doesn't go right to sleep and is awake I lay him down in his crib. Then he will play for a bit and start crying. I don't let him cry more than a minute then if I'm sure he's had enough to eat, either me or Dh will go rock him and calm him down, then lay him back down again. We FINALLY did it the other night when I was about to give in, it took an hour but he feel asleep on his own and we didn't let him cry for more than a couple minutes at a time. If he had ever gotten hysterical I would have nursed him. I just want him to get used to falling asleep without boobies some of the time so I can go out with Dh sometime and not feel like he's going to get crazy without me.
Do you have the Dr. Sears baby book? It has some tips in there.
Can Damon take care of him and try to get him back to sleep so the "need" to have boobies gets broken? Maybe on a weekend when he doesn't have work? If nothing else he will learn what you are dealing with each night.
One thing the Dr. Sears book mentions is the dad telling the baby "Mommy go night-night. Daddy go night-night, nay nay go night night, Oliver go night night." (I used your names) and so he learns that everyone goes night night when it is dark outside, including nay nays.

I have read some of Dr. Sears stuff online. I tried the night night thing but I think he is too young to understand. Dr. Sears says it's best to try that around 18 months. As far as Damon helping with getting him to sleep it's not going to happen. Damon doesn't feel like he can get him to sleep and I would just rather do it myself. Oliver was able to fall asleep with my mom and Damon by a bottle or just being held.

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

I know what you mean I am not at all ready to give up co-sleeping or breast feeding but its getting so hard. And Chris is no help... he wont even try to get him to sleep. And I hate letting him CIO it does not work he just gets so angry and pukes. And its super embarrassing when we have company and I have to nurse my toddler to sleep and then again in 20 minutes when he wakes up because I am not right next to him. And it makes me feel like a bad mom that I have not got this under control yet. It is nice to know I am not the only one with this problem!!

[Resi]

Originally Posted by angelalesina

I know what you mean I am not at all ready to give up co-sleeping or breast feeding but its getting so hard. And Chris is no help... he wont even try to get him to sleep. And I hate letting him CIO it does not work he just gets so angry and pukes. And its super embarrassing when we have company and I have to nurse my toddler to sleep and then again in 20 minutes when he wakes up because I am not right next to him. And it makes me feel like a bad mom that I have not got this under control yet. It is nice to know I am not the only one with this problem!!

Have you ever been to the attachment parenting board on JM? It seems like everyone on there that has BF and co-sleeped goes through the same thing. I also met another mom IRL with a 2 yr old and her daughter did the same thing at 2! I think that it will all work out for us. They just need us still and because we have always been there to BF and co-sleep they know it's there for them and we won't refuse.

[Adriana's Mommy]

I don't know if this will help since your son is older then mine, but I figure I'd throw it out there..

But my Pediatrician told us to start a routine. Have me nurse, then keep him awake and then put him to sleep.. He'll be to tired to nurse, then when he wakes up, he'll be hungry again and repeat the cycle. This is to get them into a routine and teach him to self sooth himself to sleep..

I don't co-sleep, so I don't really know what to do about that..

I hope this helps in some way..

Good luck..


Oh.. As for the CIO method.. It worked wonders with my daughter.. But she was bottle fed, so this nursing thing is all new to me..

[**Jenn**]

Ugh! I had this big long response typed out and stupid JM logged me out when I tried to post it! Grrrrr.

I feel your frustrations. I went through the same thing with Lochy. Teething will definitely have them nursing more and I believe he was the same age as Oliver when he picked up more nursings. He would be on my all night too. BUT, it does get better! For Lochy, he decided on his own when he was ready to give up nursing to sleep and then the night nursings and then nursing all together. It may not have been the timing I would have liked but he did it when he was ready. But the point is, he did it and so will Oliver!

Have you thought about taking the side off his crib and side-carring it to your bed? That way he has his own space but he's still with you. Then you can gradually move him to his own room, at least to start out the night. Lochy still winds up in bed with us for half the night most nights but that's because he has night terrors, which are awful to deal with.

I never did CIO with Lochy and he learned on his own when he was ready to sleep on his own and whatnot. I did try CIO with Liam when he was little and it's just something I won't do again. I know it can work great for some kids but it doesn't for mine (they cry so hysterically they throw up--even going in every 5 minutes to soothe them). You have to trust your instincts, and I think you're doing a great job! Nursing, especially full term nursing, is not always a bed of roses. It can be very frustrating and I know I had a love/hate relationship with it. But in the end you know you're doing what you believe is best for your child and it makes it totally worth it.

[Chelnae6]

I agree with the other ladies. You just have to do what works for you and what you can handle. Any approach you take probably will not be what you want to do, but it will be what works. i.e. if you let him CIO (I had to look that up lol) then you'll get frustrated with the crying. OR if you let him try to ween himself, you'll get frustrated that its taking a while.

But I do want to let you know this. I slept in my parent bed until I was SIX!!! My mom HATED it and would sometimes kick me out, my dad was the softy and would allow me to do it. But I only did that b/c my dad allowed me to do it. Yeah so talking to my mom and seeing how that frustrated her lets me know that aint no way in Hell, Earth, Water, Jesus, Buddha, or the Galaxy will I co-sleep lol. I'd fall asleep in my own bed eventually, wake up in the middle of the night and cry for them to get me (but I never had to cry long b/c my dad always came to the rescue). One night I just slept thru the whole night and when I woke up I got all kind of accolades and gifts and treats, so I just stopped lol.

[Resi]

Originally Posted by **Jenn**

Ugh! I had this big long response typed out and stupid JM logged me out when I tried to post it! Grrrrr.

I feel your frustrations. I went through the same thing with Lochy. Teething will definitely have them nursing more and I believe he was the same age as Oliver when he picked up more nursings. He would be on my all night too. BUT, it does get better! For Lochy, he decided on his own when he was ready to give up nursing to sleep and then the night nursings and then nursing all together. It may not have been the timing I would have liked but he did it when he was ready. But the point is, he did it and so will Oliver!

Have you thought about taking the side off his crib and side-carring it to your bed? That way he has his own space but he's still with you. Then you can gradually move him to his own room, at least to start out the night. Lochy still winds up in bed with us for half the night most nights but that's because he has night terrors, which are awful to deal with.

I never did CIO with Lochy and he learned on his own when he was ready to sleep on his own and whatnot. I did try CIO with Liam when he was little and it's just something I won't do again. I know it can work great for some kids but it doesn't for mine (they cry so hysterically they throw up--even going in every 5 minutes to soothe them). You have to trust your instincts, and I think you're doing a great job! Nursing, especially full term nursing, is not always a bed of roses. It can be very frustrating and I know I had a love/hate relationship with it. But in the end you know you're doing what you believe is best for your child and it makes it totally worth it.

Thanks Jenn. I almost PM'ed you about it because I know you have BTDT. I really wanted some reassurance that it will all fall into place and I'm not creating a huge problem that will only get bigger when he is older and done with nursing. I do feel that I'm following what is best for him and I do still love to nurse and co-sleep. But as you know at times it can be a little too much and then I question if I'm doing the right thing for him.

Originally Posted by ~ChelNae6~

I agree with the other ladies. You just have to do what works for you and what you can handle. Any approach you take probably will not be what you want to do, but it will be what works. i.e. if you let him CIO (I had to look that up lol) then you'll get frustrated with the crying. OR if you let him try to ween himself, you'll get frustrated that its taking a while.

But I do want to let you know this. I slept in my parent bed until I was SIX!!! My mom HATED it and would sometimes kick me out, my dad was the softy and would allow me to do it. But I only did that b/c my dad allowed me to do it. Yeah so talking to my mom and seeing how that frustrated her lets me know that aint no way in Hell, Earth, Water, Jesus, Buddha, or the Galaxy will I co-sleep lol. I'd fall asleep in my own bed eventually, wake up in the middle of the night and cry for them to get me (but I never had to cry long b/c my dad always came to the rescue). One night I just slept thru the whole night and when I woke up I got all kind of accolades and gifts and treats, so I just stopped lol.

I think it's really sweet that your Dad was a softy and let you co-sleep. I guess for me it's different because I do love the co-sleeping and I'm not ready to give it up. I would be sad if he wasn't next to me but I do know that one day he will have to be in his own bed. It's just frusterating on the nights when I get woken up so many times because he wants to comfort nurse back to sleep.

Jenn - I have thought about doing the side cart thing but I don't think it would be worth it for us. He likes to be close to me and I like to snuggle up to him too. I know if I tried to move him he would wake up and reach for the boob. The co-sleeper never worked for us either because he didn't have me close enough to him.

I no longer BF (weaned at 5.5months), but OMG I hear you on sleep issues. Kirsty was doing FAB until she got a cold last week.... right now I'm in a living nightmare. That makes me sound like such a bad mother and that I don't love my child... seriously BIG nightmare, to the point of me being in tears as well as her.

She started refusing to daytime sleep in her cot about 3 weeks ago, so we switched to napping in the buggy which worked fine - not ideal but weigh it up - 5mins of slight buggy rocking resulting in sleeping baby, compared to 1-1.5hrs of screaming in cot and still not sleeping, only to have to put her in the buggy and take her out a walk to get her to calm down & sleep.... I chose the first for a stress-free day!

Then she caught this cold, and was waking up at 10pm because she was so blocked, and the only way she'd settle again wwas the buggy - no big deal, this happened last cold too then when the cold was gone, she was back to cot-sleeping just fine.

Not this time. She wont even GO to sleep in the cot now. She just screams as soon as we start leaving her room.

I have tried:

* Pick up/Put down (baby whisperer method)
* controlled crying where we go in every 5mins to calm her, then leave
* standing by the cot until she is asleep (worked last night but not today for nap)
* Heck I even tried CIO for 15mins as a last resort

Nothing works!!! I don't know how you do this with added frequent nursing as well. I couldn't! I take my hat off to you! Well done!!

I have no advice since Jack is just 5 months and we have never co slept. But I will say I don't want to move him to his crib b/c I love having him next to me all night, and I really miss him when he is asleep. So I can understand how hard it is to stop co-sleeping or nursing on demand. I hope it gets easier for all of you ((HUGS))

[**Jenn**]

Originally Posted by Resi

Thanks Jenn. I almost PM'ed you about it because I know you have BTDT. I really wanted some reassurance that it will all fall into place and I'm not creating a huge problem that will only get bigger when he is older and done with nursing. I do feel that I'm following what is best for him and I do still love to nurse and co-sleep. But as you know at times it can be a little too much and then I question if I'm doing the right thing for him.


Jenn - I have thought about doing the side cart thing but I don't think it would be worth it for us. He likes to be close to me and I like to snuggle up to him too. I know if I tried to move him he would wake up and reach for the boob. The co-sleeper never worked for us either because he didn't have me close enough to him.

Feel free to PM me any time! I've doubted myself many times too, that's just the nature of being a Mom. Especially when you have family/friends/etc telling you that what you're doing isn't right. You'll see, it'll all work out. In the mean time just take a deep breath and continue on doing the best you can for Oliver.

The co-sleeper/side car thing never worked for us either. My boys needed to be touching me (if not on me) when they slept. Even now when Lochy has a night terror and comes into bed with us (which is usually nightly) he still has to be touching me to some degree while he sleeps. It's something we're going to have to figure out when the new baby comes because I don't think I'll be comfortable with him being so close to me and Lila while we sleep.

You're doing a great job so don't ever doubt that!