Pity Party

ShannonMVT · #1 December 5th, 2009, 08:52 PM

Can I just have a little pity party? Dh is being a butt and totally unsympathetic.

I'm so tired of doing this stupid diet but I can't ditch it because something is helping a little I guess, because Matthew isn't having quite as much mucus in his poo, but it is still there. I'm off dairy, nuts, corn (as much as I can) and most soy. I'm so tired of obsessing over everything I eat. I guess Dh thinks I should just eat whatever I want because it isn't making that much of a difference. Yeah except the days when I was eating corn tortillas he was waking up at night crying with gas.

The other stuff, I dunno, I could try to introduce it again but I was trying to stay off it for awhile to get it totally out of my system, especially dairy.

I'm tired of everytime he is fussy wondering if I've eaten something that is hurting him. I don't know, I need to take him in because he's been pulling at his ear and coughing a bit so I'm afraid of an ear infection too. I still need to call the GI specialists because they never even called me to schedule his appointment like they were supposed to.

My birthday is this Thursday and MIL was asking about getting together and getting something for dinner. Well, I can't even have food from a restaurant or a birthday cake because everything I'd like is going to have dairy in it. How depressing is that? Again, Dh just acts like "it isn't that big of a deal" and like I should just suck it up and make the sacrifice if I think it's important.

What I'd REALLY like is to be able to have some time of my own. Time for me to go out and do something, sans baby. Or a date night with Dh. But I can't because #1 I have barely any "clean" milk, everything I have stored up is from when I was eating dairy. And then #2 Matthew is so dependent on me nursing him to get to sleep I can't really leave him without being afraid he'll just scream for me while I'm gone. He isn't napping well and he gets very overtired and cranky and won't calm his butt down and go to sleep. Oh and #3 we don't have family close by so there's never anyone to watch him anyway since my mom won't visit again till after Christmas, probably not till Feb. My in-laws are only ever in town Tues night through Thurs night and only on certain weeks and I can't depend on MIL because she has an autoimmune disorder that leaves her tired/in pain a lot of the time.
I can't go to Dh's work's holiday party because, again, no one to watch Matthew so Dh will go without me. I probably wouldn't have been able to eat anything at the restaurant anyway.

I'm just moody about everything today.

I know I shouldn't complain, I have so much to be thankful for, but I'm feeling down tonight.

Okay that's my pity party. Feel free to offer a hug and/or a kick in the rear to make me snap out of this.

#2 December 5th, 2009, 09:42 PM

I'm sorry Shannon. I would be upset too. When Jack was throwing up a bunch when he was first born I thought it was my milk so I went on a modified diet. I was only on it for a week and it sucked major so I stopped. Luckily, his symptoms stopped soon after too. So I know it must suck monkey junk to have to do this for so long. And that stinks you can't go to the Christmas party! I am spoiled in that all of our parents live in town and love watching Jack, but if I was in your neck of the woods I would watch him for ya. Maybe you could join a meetup.com mommy group in you area and meet other moms. Then you could go on mom night outs while dh watches Matthew (that's what I do), or swap babysitting favors.

What did the tests on the poop show? Jack had a piece of mucous in his poop the other day that was weird. But I have been wondering what exactly mucous in poop looks like. Jack's has always looked kind of mucousy. Is it like strings of mucous or just slimy looking?

alicenwonderland · #3 December 5th, 2009, 10:05 PM

Now i'm totally a supporter of exclusive breastfeeding, and i'm completely uneducated about infant reflux.... But is it possible that formula feeding would be of benefit? If not, please educate me.

#4 December 6th, 2009, 12:38 AM

If it was me, I'm afriad i'd be tempted to wean

Angelaosaurus-rex · #5 December 6th, 2009, 03:09 AM

I'm sorry Shannon!!! Every thing about that diet sounds pretty annoying. And I know how hard it is not being able to leave baby. Most people just don't understand and get frustrated that they wont just fall asleep. I hope you still have a nice B-day and get at least a bite or two of yummy cake!

Hey if you are ever in super need of a sitter my most reliable and trusted one lives near you.

midnight_starr · #6 December 6th, 2009, 06:34 AM

(((hugs)))

ANGWife · #7 December 6th, 2009, 06:38 AM

It really sucks that DH isn't be supportive about this diet.

Not only did you have the carry him for 9 months during pregnancy, you had to deliver him, and now you're trying to watch everything you eat to help his little body. If it were me, I'd throw a big attitude and tell him he should go on the diet as well and then he can see how hard it is.

I don't know much about breastfeeding, but I'm really disappointed for you that you can't get away for alittle bit. Can you try to go to lunch or an early movie instead of at night time? Or even just go to the store to run your errands but leave him with DH?

Chelnae6 · #8 December 6th, 2009, 07:51 AM

Men just dont understand certain things unless it happens to them. He probably thinks that you're just complaining and b/c its not something that he can necessarily fix, he's just being nonchalant about it.

Have you thought about weaning? It sounds like it could be beneficial to both you and Matthew. You in that you can get your sanity back and Matthew b/c he will probably sleep more peacefully and not be as fussy. Yes formula will cost more, but for what its worth, it might be a good option. Its up to you though of course.

Also have you guys looked into evening sitters? I know many come out to your homes. Are you friends with any neighbors who have kids who could give you some references? I know its tough for mothers to have someone else (non-family or close friend) watch our children, but if that person is referenced from someone you know, that might be beneficial.

I hope you find a resolution soon!

*krista* · #9 December 6th, 2009, 07:51 AM

I agree, I would have him go on it too so he can see how hard it is!

You have every right to be upset, this all must be incredibly stressful for you. I would be tempted to wean too. If it will lower your stress level (and I'm sure it would a LOT) then maybe it would be good for Matthew... I don't know much about parenting, but I'm sure lowering your stress level would effect him in a positive way (and you have every right to be stressed out), you know? I hope you know what I mean and that didn't come across as rude or insensitive because I definitely do NOT mean it that way. I just feel for you because I know you must need a break.

I could watch Matthew for you so you can get out of the house! Although you should know that I have ZERO experience with babies.

Chelnae6 · #10 December 6th, 2009, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *krista*

I could watch Matthew for you so you can get out of the house! Although you should know that I have ZERO experience with babies.

Hey Krista, that could be good practice for you guys then

JediRach · #11 December 6th, 2009, 08:17 AM

Aww! This sucks. I hope you can get something figured out. I would talk to DH and explain that not only did you carry this child for 9 months, now you are its sole food source and its hard to give up your entire existence to another person, no matter how much you love them. Maybe it'll help him understand better.

Resi · #12 December 6th, 2009, 10:08 AM

That does all sound sucky. I have to give you a lot of credit for being on a diet like that. I don't think I could have done it.

I can relate to not wanting to leave Matthew with anyone because of the napping/nursing thing. DH and I are skipping out on his Christmas Party because of similar reasons. I know it's hard to get a break without our LO's and then if we can there is the guilt factor.

**Jenn** · #13 December 6th, 2009, 10:38 AM

I'm so sorry Shannon but does it help if I say I've been there too? I had to go on an elimination diet with Liam (and formula only made him worse by the way--even the special $25 for a small can Alimentum formula). It did royally suck and it was hard because there really is not much you can eat. I had to go off of dairy, all green veggies, anything acidic (anything with tomatos, oranges, lemons, etc), anything even remotely spicy, and could only do eggs in very small quantities. I was able to start reintroducing things as he got older to see how he could handle them but some things he could never tolerate. Both my kids always needed me to nurse them to sleep too so it was rare I could leave as well. If I did need to sneak out I would nurse to sleep and hopefully be able to transfer to DH's chest and then get out to run a couple errands. It does make you a bit nutty to have no free time but it will get better. You'll see, he'll get more independent and you'll be able to do more things on your own. The first year is so hard and you're doing an amazing job! You should be very proud of yourself and so should your dh.

Mars · #14 December 6th, 2009, 01:32 PM

Firstly, I want too give you kudos for sticking to the diet. I'm an avid supporter of breastfeeding but I too would suggest exploring the option of formula to see if it helps. Not being able to go out for your birthday (by choice not by situation) and not being able to go to Dh's christmas party sucks. Sorry about DH not being fully supportive either. (((HUGS)))

ShannonMVT · #15 December 6th, 2009, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MomToJack

What did the tests on the poop show? Jack had a piece of mucous in his poop the other day that was weird. But I have been wondering what exactly mucous in poop looks like. Jack's has always looked kind of mucousy. Is it like strings of mucous or just slimy looking?

Tests on the poop just showed he had no parasites, bacterial infection or rotavirus.

His mucus looks like strands or globs of it kind of mixed in with the poo. I'd say it's a little thicker and chunkier than EWCM.

ShannonMVT · #16 December 6th, 2009, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alicenwonderland

Now i'm totally a supporter of exclusive breastfeeding, and i'm completely uneducated about infant reflux.... But is it possible that formula feeding would be of benefit? If not, please educate me.

It's possible the GI doc may tell us to try hypoallergenic formula, but I'm not sure I want to. Matthew is a big comfort nurser and that's how he gets to sleep so if I take that away he's not going to understand and I know he'll be very upset. I also am not convinced that it would help, since all the hypoallergenic forumulas first ingredient is corn syrup! So since I am pretty sure he has problems with corn I don't know if formula would help. I'm a little afraid of trying it while pumping because I'm scared I'll lose my supply. And then I don't know how to describe it but I just don't feel like I should stop BFing. I know that sounds odd when I am saying that the diet drives me nuts, but I feel like I should keep BFing. Who knows maybe that will change at some point. I hate that this has made me not be as happy with BFing because I love BFing.

ShannonMVT · #17 December 6th, 2009, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANGWife

It really sucks that DH isn't be supportive about this diet.

Not only did you have the carry him for 9 months during pregnancy, you had to deliver him, and now you're trying to watch everything you eat to help his little body. If it were me, I'd throw a big attitude and tell him he should go on the diet as well and then he can see how hard it is.

I don't know much about breastfeeding, but I'm really disappointed for you that you can't get away for alittle bit. Can you try to go to lunch or an early movie instead of at night time? Or even just go to the store to run your errands but leave him with DH?

He does eat what I eat most of the time, but there are times when he gets to eat whatever he wants so it's not the same. Heck, if I could just follow the diet 6 days of the week and then have 1 day to splurge and eat whatever I want, I'd be so happy! But it doesn't work that way.

I just wish he'd support me and even tell me that he's proud of me for making the sacrifices that I am making. A pat on the back if you will. Instead he acts like I'm just trying to be a matyr or something and I should just give up the diet or use formula.

I spoke with MIL and she felt bad about me having to miss the holiday party and she said she wanted to try and come up but I know it's going to mess up her shcedule so I told her not to. But at least now she realizes that I could really use some time away and maybe she'll step in to babysit sometime soon when she can.

Everytime I leave Matthew with Dh and go somewhere he gets all freaked about how Matthew is going to get tired and I won't be there to nurse him. And then he's all "don't take too long!" when I leave which, ugh! Is so annoying! If I'm going to be rushed and feel like I have to hurry back then I'd rather not even go.

ShannonMVT · #18 December 6th, 2009, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by **Jenn**

I'm so sorry Shannon but does it help if I say I've been there too? I had to go on an elimination diet with Liam (and formula only made him worse by the way--even the special $25 for a small can Alimentum formula). It did royally suck and it was hard because there really is not much you can eat. I had to go off of dairy, all green veggies, anything acidic (anything with tomatos, oranges, lemons, etc), anything even remotely spicy, and could only do eggs in very small quantities. I was able to start reintroducing things as he got older to see how he could handle them but some things he could never tolerate. Both my kids always needed me to nurse them to sleep too so it was rare I could leave as well. If I did need to sneak out I would nurse to sleep and hopefully be able to transfer to DH's chest and then get out to run a couple errands. It does make you a bit nutty to have no free time but it will get better. You'll see, he'll get more independent and you'll be able to do more things on your own. The first year is so hard and you're doing an amazing job! You should be very proud of yourself and so should your dh.

Actually it does help to hear someone has BTDT. And in a strange way helpful to know that formula wasn't the solution for Liam (because I don't really want to stop BFing Matthew).
What happened with Liam when you ate a "bad" food? When were you able to introduce foods back in? What about solids, did he end up with food allergies?
And you didn't have to do anything special for Lochy? Omg, I am PRAYING that any future baby(s) don't have reflux or food intolerances/allergies!

Thanks everyone for your ideas and support. I just needed to get all that off my chest. Hopefully I can work on some solutions for Matthew's tummy problems with the GI doc and figure something out with Dh about me getting some baby free time.

Resi · #19 December 6th, 2009, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

He does eat what I eat most of the time, but there are times when he gets to eat whatever he wants so it's not the same. Heck, if I could just follow the diet 6 days of the week and then have 1 day to splurge and eat whatever I want, I'd be so happy! But it doesn't work that way.

I just wish he'd support me and even tell me that he's proud of me for making the sacrifices that I am making. A pat on the back if you will. Instead he acts like I'm just trying to be a matyr or something and I should just give up the diet or use formula.

I spoke with MIL and she felt bad about me having to miss the holiday party and she said she wanted to try and come up but I know it's going to mess up her shcedule so I told her not to. But at least now she realizes that I could really use some time away and maybe she'll step in to babysit sometime soon when she can.

Everytime I leave Matthew with Dh and go somewhere he gets all freaked about how Matthew is going to get tired and I won't be there to nurse him. And then he's all "don't take too long!" when I leave which, ugh! Is so annoying! If I'm going to be rushed and feel like I have to hurry back then I'd rather not even go.

I can relate with that kind of. Damon basicly won't even let me go out without Oliver anymore. He says he cries and wines the whole time I'm gone. Plus I feel super rushed and like I just need to get home to Oliver. It's better to just bring Oliver along or stay home. I have been wanting to catch a movie by myself but I don't see that happening unless I force the issue.

#20 December 6th, 2009, 07:19 PM

Maybe if you wig out on your DH he will tell you to go out and take your time?

After having Jack I had a few coo-koo moments (hormones, I guess) and now he is always telling me to go out with the girls and get my drink on. Maybe once you do go out and your DH can feed Matthew a ton of pumped milk with a bottle so he is full of yummy milk and easier to handle, his night alone with Matthew will go well and he will be more apt to watch him again for longer periods at night. This sounds terrible, but the times when I overfed Jack (on accident), he did throw up some but then crashed, so just leave lots and lots of milk at the ready for your DH to comfort bottle feed? Not sure if it works that way though.

I think you should consider taking you MIL's offer. You need the time with just the two of you, and as a mom herself, she may be able to handle the late night comfort nursing grumpy Matthew. He isn't the first baby to need the booby all night, and it might work out just fine

And maybe mention to your DH how you could use some encouragement b/c breastfeeding means a lot to you. Men don't get it - to them it is just a way of feeding and that's it. But I get it. I wouldn't want to wean Jack off of boob milk either, even if he was struggling. Follow your gut. You are doing a GREAT job with a difficult situation!

edited for misspellings x 2 lol