[♥Ashley♥]

I dont know why...after all this time, this is just now hitting me, but im SCARED I wont be a good mom. Im scared that i'll end up being the horrible mom that my mother was, ive told myself my entire life that she was exactly how I didnt want to be. And I know I wont be just like her because there are some terrible, terrible things she did. But im just scared I wont be a good mom. Im scared I wont be able to handle the stress, im scared I wont have a bond with my baby like most mothers do, I feel like im always that one person who gets the bad luck, and im scared that will be me when a baby comes as well. That i'll be that one mom who doesnt just have the motherly instinct. Its so weird because I grew up with NO picture perfect family. And that always showed me that I wanted the complete opposite, and here I am a year into trying to have a child and these feelings all just now hit me. Why? Maybe its because I know that most likely when I get pregnant again we'll actually have a child and not just lose the baby again. But why am I feeling these things? I hope its normal and some of you other mothers have gone through this. Thinking that you wont be the perfect mom you always hoped you'd be...

[HopeWishWait]

I don't think ANYONE is the perfect mom they thought they would be. Everyone says oh I'll never....and then does about something. I had no idea what it would be like, what I would be like, before Conner came. All I knew was that I LOVED my son from the minute I found out he existed and that coupled with knowing I would do my absolute best (maybe not perfection, but MY best) to be a good mom and raise him right...gave me confidence. And I know the same about you Ashley. You are going to love your baby with all your heart and I know he/she will be well taken care of. That's all you can really go on and say to start with. The rest will come in time

[midnight_starr]

Oh Ash, you are going to be a great mother!!!! I think we all have fears of certain things of motherhood because we never know how things will go until it happens.. I am scared that I won't be the perfect mom, but I know in my heart that I am going to do the best that I can!! You will be an amazing mother when the time comes!!! I think its pretty normal to have fears!!!

[Chelnae6]

You are going to be a great mother Ash, dont you worry.

Because you are fully aware of the type of parent that you mom was, you have a pretty good idea of the do's and dont's to not end up like her. You have a wonderful and supportive husband by your side to compliment your parenting.

sometimes these things cross our minds though. The "what ifs". Nobody is perfect and all you can do is be the best Ashley that you can be in hopes that your child grows up in a respectable and loving home.

[fromGirltoMommy]

Ash I have NO doubt in my mind that you will be an AMAZING mother!! You are so caring, and loving even not knowing you in RL I can tell. Honey dont doubt yourself. Take me for example I am scared terrified (no joke) of other babes. My cousin and bestfriend had baby girls before I had Kennedi. I was 4 months along when my cousin had her beeb, and 6 months along when my bestfriend had hers and I was terrified of them! Even now I wont hold them or play with them, cuz I seriously dont know what to do. And I thought I was going to be the same way with Kennedi scared of her and not know what to do. But I promise once they hand you, your little beeb youll never even think these thoughts again. I used to worry about being a good mom too while I was pregnant, but that hasnt crossed my mind once since I had her.

[faith*hope*love]

I think you will be a great mom! I think I will end up being the same way when it gets closer to time for me to ttc

[~*sierra*~]

you're going to be a great mom ash the fact that your worrying now means you will be more aware when the time comes.

[sara~b]

I still worry all the time and Gem is turning FIVE! It's totally normal! Sometimes parenting involves choices and we face those right from the beginning (BF or FF?, CD or sposies?, epidural or NCB?). No one knows for sure what we do is right or wrong. All we know is that we try and if you believe you are making informed and competent decisions then your a step ahead of most parents. I don't have the super strong bond with Gemma that most parents have. I think it's because I was alone and pregnant at 19. I was terrified of what was happening to me and around me. But that doesn't mean I don't love her and it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. Your situation is pretty ideal. You're married to a man who will be a GREAT father, you have a beautiful home, your financially stable, you have supportive friends and family around you.... You will be wonderful!

[CandaceDianne]

I think its a fear that hits all mothers at some point, while your TTC or 6 months pregnant. But you will be a great mother, you have already been on the other end as a daughter with a mother who wasn't as good. Just breathe, girl, you will do just fine.

[Mars]

I think you will be a great mom. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect mom. We will all make mistakes at some point in time. I think what really matters is that we not ill-treat our children (emotionally or physically) and that we try our best to raise them with values (self respect, respect for others, honesty, etc.). In raising them we try to let them know that we are there for them so they can open up with us about anything yet we need them to know and understand that we are the ones in authority. It won't go smoothly and there will be challenges and other factors that add to or subtract from the principles we are trying to instill but we have to stick it out and work with it.

[Resi]

You won't be a perfect mom because who is perfect? If your anything like me you will have frusterating days when you have little patience and feel gulity because of it. I know your going to be the best mom you can be. Look at how much love and effort you already have put towards motherhood! Plus you have a great husband to support you.

[ShannonMVT]

I agree with the others, there is no such thing as a perfect mom. You will make mistakes, I know I still do, but you dust yourself off and learn from them. When Matthew was little and so colicky/refluxy I had a time when I really thought I wasn't a good mom. It took me a little time to grow into my role as mom and realize that I really was/am the best mommy for Matthew. You will love your baby, I promise you.
The fact that you are worried about it shows how much you want to be and WILL BE a good mom. I think sometimes we are our own toughest critics.

It's normal to be scared. I never felt comfortable around babies before I had my own baby. You grow into it and it truly is different with your own.

[ANGWife]

I felt the same way!!! I told Ed, if you ever feel like I'm acting too much like my mom, slap it out of me!

Obviously, I turned out okay. But there are tons of things I never want to repeat with my children. Just educate yourself and make an active effort to avoid the things you don't want to repeat.

[♥Ashley♥]

Thanks girls...you all are so awesome and right in so many ways. A few of your posts made me tear up! I know I will try my best to be a great mom, but im just scared I will fail. My sister is my #1 role model as far as parenting, I never in a million years thought I would look up to my 21 year old little sister as a role model but she is the most amazing mother..it almost puts tears in my eyes to think of. We both obviously went through the same things as children and always talked about how we would make better lives for our kids. And I can say 100% that she has done that, my nephew will grow up to be an amazing person because of her. And I hope I am the same way.

Originally Posted by ANGWife

I felt the same way!!! I told Ed, if you ever feel like I'm acting too much like my mom, slap it out of me!

Obviously, I turned out okay. But there are tons of things I never want to repeat with my children. Just educate yourself and make an active effort to avoid the things you don't want to repeat.

Well, I know for a fact I will not be like my mother in alot of ways (drugs, stealing, drinking, dropping us off with my grandma and not returning for days, then once I was older and she had my twin little brothers she would leave them with me and not come back for days, spent a few years not talking to her, then she cheated on my step dad and was MIA for a few weeks...etc. She was a HORRIBLE role model and person) I know I wont be like her in those ways, but im scared that since she's my mom im more prone to not being a good mom, like its in my genes. OMG I know that sounds so silly, but its real to me.

[ShannonMVT]

You know Ash I thought of something else...I've seen in me and others who had a difficult road in having a baby. When you've tried so long and suffered infertility/loss sometimes there is a tendency to think that everything has to be "perfect" because you have waited so long for it. So therefore I have to savor every moment and do everything exactly right. I don't know if it that is part of why you feel the way you do (might not be, may just be due to the problems you've had with your mom) but thought I'd mention that as well since I've seen the tendancy in myself and with others.

[ANGWife]

Originally Posted by ♥Ashley♥

I know I wont be like her in those ways, but im scared that since she's my mom im more prone to not being a good mom, like its in my genes. OMG I know that sounds so silly, but its real to me.

Not silly at all! I didn't have a good female role model either (in the mothering dept.). When I started working in daycare and LOVED my job, my mom would ask "who's kid are you? you didn't get THAT from me." I would never tell her I consider that a compliment

[♥Ashley♥]

Originally Posted by ShannonMVT

You know Ash I thought of something else...I've seen in me and others who had a difficult road in having a baby. When you've tried so long and suffered infertility/loss sometimes there is a tendency to think that everything has to be "perfect" because you have waited so long for it. So therefore I have to savor every moment and do everything exactly right. I don't know if it that is part of why you feel the way you do (might not be, may just be due to the problems you've had with your mom) but thought I'd mention that as well since I've seen the tendancy in myself and with others.

Absolutely. That is probably a huge part in how/why I feel the way I do about this.

Originally Posted by ANGWife

Not silly at all! I didn't have a good female role model either (in the mothering dept.). When I started working in daycare and LOVED my job, my mom would ask "who's kid are you? you didn't get THAT from me." I would never tell her I consider that a compliment

That would definitely be a compliment for me as well, if someone said something like that to me!

[freesiangel]

I know you'll be a great mom Ashley!!

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

I think the fact that you're so interested in pregnancy and parenting, etc. puts you on the path already to being a great mom. You have spent so long here on JM just educating yourself about the choices you'll have as a pregnant woman and as a parent. I don't think one 'parenting style' vs another makes any woman a 'bad' mom - but I do think that being aware of the options makes you a better one. You care enough about your future children already to be spending so much time here online exposing yourself to other moms, other children and learning what works/doesn't so when you do have your own you'll have a whole toolbox full of skills to try out with your baby. The fact that you're hyperaware of everything you don't want to do that your own mother did means you'll notice if you start repeating some negative behaviors and you'll be quick to break the cycle.

Seriously girl, don't sweat it... you won't be the 'perfect' mom, but you'll be the mama your little one needs you to be, no doubt about it!

[JediRach]

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I'm scared I will be a bad mom.