[Trannyfromtheuk]

Im a little annoyed.
My parents have 3 grankids (and a 4th on the way).
Mia is the youngest at the moment and then there is my sisters two (4 and 10)

My mum listens to my sister when she says no when her kids ask if they can have choclate but if i do it they give Mia it anyway.

Its got to the point where they have given Mia some sweets when i've said no and I have had to take them back off her again. (I try to limit what she eats because she isnt a big eater and I want to encorage eating healthy main meals not eating clats and stuff)

We was there last week for a family meal. Mia had her tea and then she had a yoghurt, Id bathed her and put her in her pjs. It got to about 6.30 and mum started offering choclate gattouex (sp?) around. Mum asked if Mia could have a bit and i said 'No, Its a bit late now and shes ready for bed, Plus she had a yoghurt after her tea' And then I was being called cruel and stuff because I wouldnt let MY CHILD have choclate cake at like half 6 at night I stood my ground and said no & went to sit down. Next thing i know i heard a lot of laughing and giggling coming from the kitchen. I turn around and Mia is in my big sisters arms (this surpised me as my elder sister is very strict when it comes to giving her kids sweets and things) and my mum is SPOON FEEDING MIA CAKE! seriously I was like 'W.T.F are you doing? I said no!' I just then got told i was beingd a 'mean mummy' Ummm No.

I've tried telling them no, taking the sweets off Mia and they still find a way to sneak her them. I dont mind her having them... Just not all the time.

I've tried asking why they listen to my sister and not me and my elder sister pitched in with 'I stick with what i say, I dont give in' - How is it giving in when your doing it behind my back without my knowlage?!?!

Also, My neices treat Mia like shes a strech armstrong. I've told them not to pull her about but then my sister just tells me 'You used to do it with Kayleigh' - Yeh but I was always told to leave her along (I was like 10 when she was born), They say nothing. (I know kids will be kids but this is more then that, they pull her around so much she just falls over and hurts her self) I've resorted to telling them to leave her alone or be a little soter with her, to no avail.
I found my youngest neice and Mia behind the curtains at my mums and my neice had hold of Mia's arm like she was pinching her.

So yeah... if this happend to you, WWYD?! Im at my wits end because everything I seem to say gets disregarded.

If you made it to the end, well done! give your self a pat on the back

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

I would tell them not to bother to invite me back unless they plan on honoring my wishes. And about the kids pulling her around, I HATE that and parents seem to think its cute when their kid way bigger then yours is pushing and pulling them around and then get all defensive when you say something.

[LisanAndy]

I couldn't agree more with Angela. I would let them know I won't be coming around until you respect me as Mia's mother.

[Mars]

Ditto Angela!

There are creating a situation that will get really bad when Mia grows older if it is not stopped now. They are totally disrespecting your authority and Mia will be learning to do the same. They're teaching her that your word or decisions mean nothing and she can go behind your back and get what she wants.

I believe that a child learns to make associations from a young age so they may think nothing of it but it will escalate and become worst the older Mia gets. If they can't respect your wishes with your child then you have to resort to firmer methods to ensure this happens. You're the one who will have to deal with it when the problem becomes worse and more than likely, they're the ones who will point fingers at you and blame you for not being firmer.

I'm not sure how you would tackle the rough playing. I guess I would ask Mia if she wants to play and let her know that if they hurt her or are mean to her that she doesn't have to play with them.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sucks.

[Trannyfromtheuk]

Thanks girls. It just sucks because its my parents and stuff.
I dont want to stop going around there but I need them to listen to me IYKWIM?

I think im gonna tell them one last time and just maybe ask them to respect me a bit more.

I do think they are like this because I am a young mum. Arggh families!

[freesiangel]

Ugh, I'd be so mad if my mom was going behind my back/wishes like that. I agree, tell her if she keeps it up that you won't be coming around until she can learn to respect your wishes as a mother. She's the one that's going to suffer the most, so if it's worth not seeing her granddaughter because she wants to give her chocolate, then it's her fault.

[ANGWife]

I want to scream for you!

I'm also having problems with my in laws giving Henry foods that I do not approve of and have asked them not to give. But I must say that is quite bold to give it with you around. I guess at least when I'm there, no one dares try. And I HATE HATE HATE when they look at baby and say "sorry, MOMMY says no, but I would give it to you." I just want to say you know he loves you, you don't have to pin him against me at 10 months of age!!

Oh, I feel for you and I'm sorry you deal with this crap too. I have no advice but I understand.

[.Brandi.]

I agree with the other girls!!! I'd just stay away!!!

[Chelnae6]

I'd stay away too. But I'm pretty sure after you make that demand. Dont whine, dont reason just state "When I tell her no, that does not mean "Oh i'll sneak it to her anyway" and if yall want us to keep coming around yall BETTER respect my wishes... no disrespect mom". You got to add that last part in there b/c nobody really wants say something like that to their mother but when it comes to certain situations sometimes things need to be said.

It seems like you are the one in the family that everyone feels like they can take advantage of in certain situations. And that trickles down to Mia. B/c trust me, if they knew better than to mess with u, they wouldnt let their children pull on or pinch Mia. I'm speaking from 1st hand experience with Miki. Although she's not my child, im quick to straighten out any kid and their parent (even if they are family). Dont ask how many times I've had to put kids in their place at Chuck E Cheese and how many confrontations I've had with parents b/c they have wild and untamed kids. Yeah we rarely go there anymore b/c the big kids dont know how to act.

Ok I went off into a tangent but hopefully with you being a bit more aggresive and assertive, they'll back off testing you.

[fromGirltoMommy]

I agree with Angela, if they couldnt do what I was wishing then I wouldnt go back. I get the same thing with my aunt, she calls me a mean mom and tells me that poor Kennedi gets nothing good to eat in her life I mean COME ON!! Like my mom says, they have their WHOLE life to eat junk why start young?!?

[**Jenn**]

I agree with the other ladies. I know how infuriating it is too. My in laws do this too and we live with them so there is no way around it. We just keep having the same conversation and it is getting better. Though they still do undermind us as their parents its not nearly as bad as it was. It feels like beating a dead horse the amount of times we've had to talk to them but it's important to keep at it. We have had to limit the time they spend with them in the past (which is hard being in the same house) but it did make an impact. It was like a wake up call that if they can't honor the way we parent our kids then they won't have as much contact with them. I hope it gets better for you soon, I know how hard it is.

[JediRach]

I know I'm going to have this problem with my mom and I have no idea how to deal with it. We already have it with her feeding the dogs table scraps.

[Frozendesire]

I agree with the other ladies. I would for sure stay away, family or not, my kids come first!

[Trannyfromtheuk]

Thanks girls. you've given me a lot to mull over.

you girls rock

[~*Bethy*~]

I AGREEEEEE with everyone - your the mum, NOT THEM! I wouldnt go back, if it were me. SCREW THAT! If they want to laugh and put you down, its not the right environment for you and your children. What does hubby say about the matter? Im so sorry your going through this

[*vi]

Originally Posted by Mars

Ditto Angela!

There are creating a situation that will get really bad when Mia grows older if it is not stopped now. They are totally disrespecting your authority and Mia will be learning to do the same. They're teaching her that your word or decisions mean nothing and she can go behind your back and get what she wants.

I believe that a child learns to make associations from a young age so they may think nothing of it but it will escalate and become worst the older Mia gets. If they can't respect your wishes with your child then you have to resort to firmer methods to ensure this happens. You're the one who will have to deal with it when the problem becomes worse and more than likely, they're the ones who will point fingers at you and blame you for not being firmer.

I'm not sure how you would tackle the rough playing. I guess I would ask Mia if she wants to play and let her know that if they hurt her or are mean to her that she doesn't have to play with them.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sucks.

I absolutely agree with Mari. I don't have experience with this but I know from common sense, it is not a good idea for them to be going behind your back like that.

[Trannyfromtheuk]

Beth - Gary dosent really think much TBH. He dosent understand why it bothers me so much about them giving her sweets. (I dont think he would have the same mentality if Mia was like 40lb and tubby, but cus shes so small and skinny he dosent see the problem. Shes 2.5y.o and weighs 27lb)
He hates the fact that my sister just sits on her sweet fat butt and does FA when her kids are treating Mia like a toy. Its gotten to the point where we dont sit with the adults, we go and sit in the room and make sure they aint pulling her about too much.

The solution is for you to act like a major B* and hold your ground. Don't let anyone disrespect your wishes, and don't let them pull Mia around like that. Get that tough sort of no BS mentality, and when the moment arises, the mama bear will be out and compel you to respond in such a way that they will not dare do it anymore (including your nieces/nephews)! GL!

[*krista*]

I would get very, very angry. I would have a serious talk with them alone. They have no right to undermine your authority as a parent, nor should they be making you look like the bad guy. Your daughter, your rules, they need to respect them, end of story. A little granddaughter spoilage is okay occassionally, but certainly not after you specifically said no. What message does that send to Mia? It's okay to break mommy's rules? Ugh, that just makes me so mad for you!

As far as the neices... are they bullying her or just playing rough? If the parents won't say anything I would just correct the behavior of the girls myself as it is happening and see where that goes.

[*krista*]

Originally Posted by *ETanny*

Thanks girls. It just sucks because its my parents and stuff.
I dont want to stop going around there but I need them to listen to me IYKWIM?

I think im gonna tell them one last time and just maybe ask them to respect me a bit more.

I do think they are like this because I am a young mum. Arggh families!

I just wanted to add, I think if you really had a heart to heart with them (maybe one-on-one so they can't gang up on you) and told them it is unacceptable that they undermine your authority as a parent, it would be difficult for them not to take you seriously. Don't do it in the moment when it is happening, make it into a discussion about respecting you as a parent. I don't think sweets are the issue here (although it is a problem obviously) so much as they are disrespecting your parental authority infront of your child.