[Kiwi]

I posted this yesterday, over on the 'TTC with Medical Assistance' board, but thought I may as well see what you girls think too...

>>

I have a question for you ladies...

As a few of you may know, my partner and I terminated a pregnancy in November last year, as our baby girl wasn't going to survive. After the termination, we all (baby included) had genetic testing to find out why she had the issues she did, and we discovered I have a 'Balanced Translocation' in my DNA.

Basically, most couples with this genetic disorder will have a number of miscarriages throughout their journey to parenthood, and it all depends on which chromozones match up with which (ie: if my 'normal' chromozones 3 and 15 match with my partners, we get a normal, healthy baby, however if either one of my 'normal' chromozones match up with one of the 'abnormal' ones, I should miscarry).

The doctor explained that if a couple conceive a baby that has an 'Unbalanced Translocation' in it's DNA, that they should miscarry. If they miscarry around, say 7 weeks, then the next time they conceive a baby with that same genetic make-up, then a pattern generally starts to emerge, and they should miscarry around the same time (7 weeks).

The problem is that I didn't miscarry when I should have. The doctor told us that if I conceive a baby with the same genetic make-up as our last baby (normal chromozone 3 matched with chromozone 15 that had a little bit of 3 on it, so baby ended up with too much 3 and not enough 15), then I will most likely carry it until 11 weeks, when we'd have the CVS, then most likely have to terminate again.

The doctor is encouraging us to try again naturally before considering anything like IVF with PGD. He said we do have a chance of conceiving a 'normal' baby, or even a baby that has the same disorder that I have, who should develop normally but will have the same fertility problems that I do. He said that IVF is a very 'horrific' process and should be more of a last resort at this stage. I should, however, be covered for IVF if we do decide to go down that road (which is great - saves us over $20K).

But for me, I can not imagine going through terminating again. THAT was horrific. It was the most heartbreaking, most emotionally painful experience I have ever been through... I in no way regret my decision as I know we would have lost her during the pregnancy. I know I 'should' have miscarried, but the doctor feels that because the baby ended up with so much extra '3' which is a really important chromozone, that is what kept her developing.

After much discussion, we have decided to try naturally. But over the last few days we have had so many friends telling us they think we are nuts. I wish we had been able to keep this quiet, but everyone know about what we went through and are now all asking questions and giving their options, saying they would start IVF as soon as possible. I'm now starting to wonder if we should be going through IVF, just to prevent having to make a decision like terminating a pregnancy again...

So my question for those currently going through IVF... Is what you are going through truly that 'horrific'? If you were faced with what I'm going through, would you pick IVF with PGD over trying naturally?

(Or to those girls on WWTC Grads - what would you do in my situation?)

It no longer feels like making a baby is this beautiful, private thing between my DBF and I... It's feels like it's now public property and everyone can discuss it with us... The other day, my Mother even asked me when I'm ovulating next

I know that only my partner and I can be the ones to make this decision, as we are the ones that have to go through this... but I'm feeling so confused about it all

Thanks if you made it this far. Hopefully this all makes sense.

I am sorry people are making this more difficult for you If it were me I know I would do IUI again in a heartbeat, but that is sooooo very different from ivf of which I have zero experience. You are of course right in that you have to do what you and your partner feel is right, and that will ALWAYS be the best decision, no matter what anyone else says

[Chelnae6]

I have no experience with this. Its a tough decision but if you feel confident about trying natrually then I'd go that route first and maybe do IVF 2nd. A lot of people say that they'll do IVF until they're in your shoes.

I think that IVF is more time consuming than horrific. Shoot if it was that horrific Octomom wouldnt have done it a million times.

[bittersweet]

Tasha


I cannot imagine making the choices you've been faced with. You are such a brave woman.

I have no first hand experience with IVF, but I would rather do that. At least with IVF, one of two things will happen: you'll conceive a baby without worrying about those chromosome abnormalities...or you wont conceive at all. I'd rather those two options than being faced with an 11+ week terminatin again.

Hugs.

[**Jenn**]

Originally Posted by bittersweet

Tasha


I cannot imagine making the choices you've been faced with. You are such a brave woman.

I have no first hand experience with IVF, but I would rather do that. At least with IVF, one of two things will happen: you'll conceive a baby without worrying about those chromosome abnormalities...or you wont conceive at all. I'd rather those two options than being faced with an 11+ week terminatin again.

Hugs.

I agree with Erin. I can't imagine going through what you have gone through already with a termination and I don't think I could go through that again. I can't imagine IVF being worse than what you've already been through.

[Trannyfromtheuk]

But, what ever you choose, it has to be something you and your DH have chose, on your own with no outside influence x

[*krista*]

That is such a personal decision... I would at least start off by asking people to back off, it is a private issue and you don't want to discuss it with others. I'm sure they will understand.

If I encountered your situation while I was ttc, I would have probably jumped to IVF. Now that I'm not ttc anymore and no longer experiencing the heartache that is ttc, I would say I would try again naturally.... that probably didn't help much did it? Then again I have never gone through what you have, so I really have no reference point. Do you think you could handle it if it happened again? If the answer is no, then I would go for IVF. Are you prepared to handle a multiple pregnancy if it came down to it?

[Kiwi]

Thanks for your words of support ladies. I know this is something we need to decide for ourselves, but with DBF overseas at the moment, it's giving me way to much time to think about it.

We have one possible cycle we could TTC in before our next appointment about IVF with PGD in May. I think we'll just try and see what happens. I'd be very surprised if I fell pregnant first month trying, like last time.

Hmmm... multiple pregnancy... Don't know. It would be nice having twins and having our whole family at once (we want two kids), but obviously a multiple pregnacy would be so stressful and hard on me physically. I'm only 163cm tall and 54.3kg's, so am a very small person. I don't know how my body would deal with that!

[sara~b]

I was forced to terminate my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. It was something I would never want to do again. I thank God every day that Gemma and this baby are both healthy. Maybe you will be blessed with a miracle as well? I would NEVER want to terminate again but I don't know that I would want to give up on TTC either. Obviously I didn't give up on TTC or we wouldn't have this miracle. I was going to see an RE around now if we hadn't conceived just to find out what I needed to do. Do what is right for you and your DP. There is no easy answer but its not really an easy question, either. You have to do whatever your heart can handle at this point. There's no reason you can't do IVF to get a healthy baby and then TTC naturally for #2 or vice versa. (((HUGS)))

[~*Bethy*~]

Im so sorry that TTC has lost its spark. Maybe make your requests to be left alone known so that others can butt out. This is a joyful time between you and DBF, so I would imagine even your mother would get the hint to back off. I hope things start looking up for you! I do agree with you that TTC naturally is a good idea for now...what if that first time was a fluke thing? (forgive me if I sound harsh...but Im just wondering what are the odds...?)

~Beth

[midnight_starr]

Originally Posted by bittersweet

Tasha


I cannot imagine making the choices you've been faced with. You are such a brave woman.

I have no first hand experience with IVF, but I would rather do that. At least with IVF, one of two things will happen: you'll conceive a baby without worrying about those chromosome abnormalities...or you wont conceive at all. I'd rather those two options than being faced with an 11+ week terminatin again.

Hugs.

I agree!

If the IVF is covered then I would do that so I wouldn't have to face the possibility of terminating again..

[alicenwonderland]

I've been trying to find the right words.. but i'm not sure there are any in this situation. I think that if you and your SO feel comfortable, that you should try again, and not let anyone discourage you. You are making an educated decision and you know the risks. Only you guys know what you can handle. Yes IVF would reduce the risk of termination, but you'd probably have to wait a long while and go through a long difficult protocol. It's going to be tough either way. I would go with your gut, and maybe not tell people your decision at first, if you don't want them to discourage you.

[ShannonMVT]

I'd have to consider the percentages personally. Like are we talking a 50% chance the baby would not be viable? Did they give you your "odds"?

If IVF was covered, I think I might go for IVF/PGD, but I can tell you right now my Dh would probably not want to, so we'd be at an impasse. But knowing how hard a loss is and I can only imagine how hard it was to terminate the pregnancy, I'd want to do whatever I could to prevent having to go through that again.

If people are getting up in your business too much I'd say something like "I appreciate you thinking about me but I'm not up to discussing it right now" if people start asking questions you dont want to answer.

[IamMom]

My heart aches for you Tasha as you go thru your TTC journey....I am saying many prayers for you and your decision. I personally am a Christian and truly believe in God's will....if I were in this situation I would try again naturally trusting that God would do his will in my life and bless me with a healthy baby....but that is me and my faith....everyone has their own belief system, and I have never been in your situation and never experienced what you have...so I say that now but it may just be because I don't know how it is. God has blessed many people with many talents when it comes to creating life in a more medical way, therefore I would turn to that if need be....I believe those babies are still miracles created by God overall...no doctor can actually make that egg and spermie become that new life and grow in that mommy. HUGS Tasha.

[*vi]

personally I would just go for IVF myself. I know it must be extremely tough to terminate a pregnancy and don't know if I would have the strength to go into a pregnancy knowing it was possible I'd likely have to terminate... In the end it is your call but I wouldn't be tempting it by trying naturally again.

[Frozendesire]

I've been thinking all day about this and what to say. I think personally I would go to IVF, I couldn't imagine terminating a pregnancy... and having that possibly happening again.

My heart is just broken for you. I can't imagine being in your situation. Just know that whatever you guys decide we are ALL behind you 100%. We can all say we would do this or that... but that means nothing compared to what you think and feel. I also suggest not saying anything to any one about your decision. Just keep saying that you are thinking about it, or something to keep them quiet. Ugh. I can't imagine THAT on top of everything else. You are one VERY strong woman.

I'll be praying/thinking of you while you make this decision.

[Kiwi]

Technically speaking, the percentages are as follows (depending on which chromosomes match with which):

Good:

- 25% normal, healthy baby

- 25% chance of baby having the same Balanced Translocation in their DNA as me

Bad:

- 25% chance of okay chromosome 3 matching with chromosome 15 that has a piece of 3 on it - this is what happened with last pregnancy and may miscarry, but will most likely have to terminate again

- 25% chance of okay chromosome 15 matching with chromosome 3 that has a piece of 15 on it - doctor feels this option will miscarry very early (so early, I won't even know I was pregnant, as in it won't even implant)

Unfortunately, as the doctor explained, it isn't quite this 'clearcut'. For whatever reason, women will generally either hit the 'good' options around 75%-80%... or hit the 'bad' options around 75%-80%. He said the worst case situation of what he has personally seen, is a couple who had 5 miscarriages before they got a baby.

I am honestly going around and around in circles right now...

[LisanAndy]

Originally Posted by IamMom

God has blessed many people with many talents when it comes to creating life in a more medical way, therefore I would turn to that if need be....I believe those babies are still miracles created by God overall...no doctor can actually make that egg and spermie become that new life and grow in that mommy. HUGS Tasha.

I COMPLETELY agree with this! I wouldn't take the chance in having to terminate another pregnancy or the chance of losing multiple babies to get to my healthy one. If it was covered, I'd definitely go for it. ((HUGS))

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

This has to be so hard . I would probably do what my doctor suggested, but only if I thought I could handle it. ((HUGS))

[Mars]

I think that if I was in your position I would probably be thinking like Erin but this is only something that you can decide.

If you were to conceive naturally, how soon will they be able to tell if the baby is OK? For me, if they could tell in a few weeks, then perhaps it wouldn't be too bad for me but if I had to wait until I was further along like close to 20 weeks or so, I would be pretty upset if things didn't work out.