[sara~b]

I figured that if we moved our wedding from next year and decided to run off to the JP that it would get very small, very fast. I did not figure that only ONE person would show up and that would be a NON-FAMILY member.

I called my mom as soon as we scheduled our wedding and she said that Mondays are too busy for her, she doesn't want to take off work and she doesn't want to miss her class so her and her husband aren't coming.

Then Shane's parents came over yesterday for Gemma's birthday and they were acting really weird. They ate cake, watched Gem open her gift and then bolted for the door. Gemma kept begging Shane's mom to play with her for a couple minutes but she kept saying no. As soon as they left I looked at Shane and said, "Your mom is NOT happy we're getting married." He told me I was nuts. But then I got home from work today and his dad was here working on our new kitchen cabinets/counter with him. As soon as his dad left Shane was like, "So yeah, my mom's mad." I was like, "Did your dad tell you what the issue is?" And Shane was like, "No, I didn't ask."

How the HECK am I supposed to try to get along with his mother if she's going to be a passive-aggressive witch and his dad won't tell us WHY she's mad and Shane won't ASK?!?!?! And talk about the pot calling the kettle black anyway! Shane's mom and dad were both newly divorced (he had three kids, she had two) and met in a bar. They had a one night stand and she got pregnant with Shane so the GOT MARRIED! And they are still married 30 years later! So what is the big F*ing problem?!

Okay, end rant. I just figured SOMEONE would show up to our wedding besides my best friend who IS taking the time off work and driving down to witness our marriage and then joining us in the park for pics afterwards!

[Frozendesire]

My goodness. That's awful. I can't believe your mom wont even take time off work!!!! What does she do???

Maybe you should talk to Shane's mom, or get him to. I'm sure you'll want to get that sorted out before the wedding. That would drive me nuts.

Do you only need one witness? Here you need two.

[A*LOT*OF*HOPE]

Im sorry things suck!!! I would confront his mom!!! I would so come to your wedding!!!

[sara~b]

My mom is a patient coordinator or something like that. Nothing she can't miss. She takes days off to go to the zoo or whatever. She always covers for the other people in her office so it's not like they wouldn't cover for her. Her big issue is missing a day of class. I understand that some professors are jerks but she can take him a letter from the JP or some of our wedding pics or something! I'm sure they would let her make up any work or whatever. Really I think she just feels like she's 'rid' of me and doesn't want to bother. Oh, but she wants us to go to her husband's club's Easter party and his son's graduation.

I tried to talk to Shane about his parents but he just says he doesn't care. He thinks her problem is that we're not getting married in a church. I can't see how she can pull the 'religious' card when we live together pre-marriage, got knocked up pre-marriage and Shane is the result of her one night stand turned marriage! I think she's mad because she thinks I 'trapped' Shane. He's only been divorced 14 months (officially) and now he's getting married again. I moved in 3.5 months after we started dating, got pregnant 8.5 months after we started dating and now we're getting married just a week after our one year anniversary. I think if I was a mom I would be concerned the chick was trapping my son too! But the fact that she treated my daughter like that on her birthday because she is mad at me is STUPID and PETTY! I don't understand why she just can't say, "Have you guys really thought about this?" And then we could tell her that, yes, we have known since about 2 weeks after I moved in that we were getting married at some point. We were still going to do it next year but I just foresee too many problems (baby's last name, health insurance, taxes, etc) if we wait. So we're just doing it now and it's not 'just because of the baby'. We love eachother and want to spend the rest of our lives together. Plus we're not 18 anymore. He is 29 and I am 25 so we came to a mature decision together.

But I guess she won't just talk to us so I can't share with her that I never wanted to force the marriage issue but that I brought up all the reasons to get married pre-baby and Shane agreed they were more valid then having a 'big' expensive 'church' wedding next year.

It just got driven home to me tonight how messed up the situation is because my Grandma is the only person who called to ask how to spell my new last name and verify our address so she could send us a card. And she APOLOGIZED for not having money to put in it! She is so thoughtful and caring and it broke my heart that she thought the money in the card would matter to me! But she lives two hours away and I can't ask her to make that trip and spend money she doesn't have on gas and turnpike tolls just to see us go through the JP's office.

If only all my family that only lives less than an hour away cared so much!

Oh, and they didn't tell us we need witnesses. I think their personnel can witness it. If not I will grab someone walking down the sidewalk in the plaza and beg them for 5 minutes of their time. At least a stranger might be willing to witness my marriage!

[*krista*]

I'm so sorry Sara. I'm totally seeing some of our own experiences in yours and it sucks. Your mom finding a convenient excuse not to go is just so mean and hurtful -- DH's mom and brother did the same thing to him. It's your wedding, for goodness sake! I don't really know what to say about that other than it is really hurtful of them.

As far as the future in-law situation is concerned... I won't go into much detail, but our in-law situation is not the best either! DH is no longer speaking to his mom and brother because they would not accept me (there are other things behind it too though), and right now I am trying to get DH and my mom on good terms. I let the tension between DH and my mom go hoping it would work itself out, and let me tell you it most certainly didn't, and only made things worse. Much worse. Now I am sitting here wishing that I had spoken up for my husband in the beginning, before we got married. I know the situation is a bit flip flopped since it is you having problems with Shane's mom, but I really hope you guys can get this talked out instead of letting it fester like I did.

I've found that if there is one thing weddings are good at, it is hurting people's feelings!

[Frozendesire]

Sara! I just googled and I don't think you need any witnesses I think just the JP has to sign.

Sorry about that.

[alicenwonderland]

I have to say I am uber pissed at your mom. You'd think there'd be nothing that would get in her way to see your wedding.

[JediRach]

Sorry that people suck and yay for your best friend that doesn't suck. Hugs!

[midnight_starr]

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry everyone is being sucky...

[sara~b]

Thanks ladies! My mood just keeps swinging back and forth from anger, to hurt, to just sad. Gemma's not even excited about the wedding because it doesn't seem special at all. No one except Shane and I are talking to her about it or anything. In fact, I had to ask Shane if his parents knew we were getting married because they never said congrats or even wished us well/good luck.

I thought we were on good terms with Shane's parents. They watched Gemma 1-2 days a week so I could go to work/class/etc. I worked today and Shane watched her and I'm working tomorrow and Shane is going to watch her again. It just sucks because he gets home from work at 7AM and now he has to stay up until noon with her. After that he will put on a movie for her, feed her lunch and then go to sleep (hopefully). And we are just going to cross our fingers that she will sit tight and not freak out until I get home. Wednesday I have class from 12-3 so she'll only have to sit and watch a movie from like 11:30-1:30 when Shane gets up. His mom being like this just makes it so much harder on all of us. And now Gem has to grow up way too fast because she's a witch and is going to take out her anger on my poor baby.

I swear to God she had better not play favorites or act like Gemma is the odd one out (especially since Shane plans to adopt her) after this baby is born because I will knock her lights out! Gemma has been through enough with her real dad ditching her and then Zack promising to be there forever and ditching both of us. She told Shane she wants him to adopt her and she wants to have the same last name but she refuses to call him dad because daddy's always leave! His mom needs to just butt out before I knock her out! I'm getting more and more upset just thinking about how hurt and confused Gem must be about her 'Nanny' not liking her anymore!

Ugh! I'd better go to bed or I'm never going to sleep! I am ALL worked up! LOL.

[ShannonMVT]

That is really crappy! I can't belive your mom won't take off work. Shane's parents are being dumb about the whole thing too, the only thing it's going to hurt is THEM and their relationship with Shane and their grandchild.

Sorry they are being buttholes.

[faith*hope*love]

I'm sorry this whole situation is getting really crappy. I'm happy for you and I would totally show up if we lived anywhere close to each other I think Shane needs to talk to his mom face to face about the issues, I have been going through the same EXACT thing, and having him talk to her seems to have helped a bit. I'm REALLY REALLY sorry about your mom, will she not reconsider?

[sara~b]

I'm not going to ask my mom to reconsider now because I told her it was okay when she said she wasn't coming. I mentioned to my gram that I'm kind of upset that no one is coming so maybe she will mention it to her? At this point I just give up. Plus my mom is supposedly taking Gemma to Disney World for a week in April so I don't want to make her mad and see her cancel the trip Gemma is so excited for.

And in the end I am just reminded why I spend probably 10-15% of my life on here. It's kind of sad that the people who care the most about my wedding are the ones I've never met in real life but at least I have people who care. I know it has to kill Shane that none of his parents, four living siblings, fifteen nieces/nephews or anyone is coming. He swears up and down he doesn't care but that HAS to hurt. It hurts me just knowing that they don't care enough about HIM to just suck it up and smile for 20 minutes. I really think they don't believe he is happy. I'm giong to have to grill him tomorrow to find out if there is any reason or anything he might have said that would give them the impression he doesn't want to go through with this....

[JediRach]

PS: I would be there if we lived closer. :[

And I think both your kids are awesome.

[Chelnae6]

Wow Sara that sucks!!! I'm sorry that not even your mom is coming. Although my mom would rather me get married in a church and may not completely like whomever I marry, I know she'll be at my wedding.

My heart is hurting for you! But you know we're here. If you web casted it, I'd watch!

[LisanAndy]

I'm so sorry Sara! I can't believe your family

[Mars]

That sucks! I'm really sorry they're being so crappy. (((HUGS)))

[Resi]

It stinks that none of your close family members are coming and don't seem to want to come. I really hope that Shane's parents get over what ever grudge they are holding. It's too bad his mom doesn't have a talk with you and Shane about her concerns.

Try not to be upset that no one but your friend is coming. It's your and Shane's day. You will have Gemma there too. That is the most important part! When Damon and I eloped it was only the two of us and two friends. We didn't tell any family members until over a year later that we got married because we didn't want them to be mad or lecture us.

[Trannyfromtheuk]

Im sorry your feeling so let down - Its understandable, id feel exactly the same if it happend to me.

Cant you just talk to your mom and tell her even though you said it was ok before your acutally feeling really hurt that she cant come? Maybe if she seems how much it means to you she may reconsider?

As for Shanes parents - I have no advice really. Maybe you two can talk to her and she will see that you and Shane are very serious about this wedding and maybe tell her the reasons behind why you've brought it forward?

Also, Ifi lived closer I would come to your wedding x

[CandaceDianne]

Sometimes you just have to give everyone the middle finger and do what you feel is right for YOU. I know its very bothersome when the ones you (or Shane) love the most aren't supportive, but you're never going to make everyone happy. They will come around, just hang in there and hold your head high!