[ShannonMVT]

I am so sick of reading everything that touts putting your baby to sleep "drowsy but awake" and acts like if you do that, then all will be well and your baby will sleep sooo great. What a load of B.S. (in my case). Matthew has been going to sleep awake about half the time for several weeks now at least and it doesn't make one difference whether I put him down asleep or awake.


Here is how last night went:

6:45 p.m. He got laid down in his crib after bedtime routine (including nursing), he babbled and played in his crib for a bit, then started fussing. I came in and nursed another 5 minutes since he really hadn't nursed that much before (before pulling off and playing) He got put down again awake and fell to sleep by himself at around 7:30

9:30 p.m. He wakes up crying and I go in, pick him up and bounce him for about 2 minutes, lay him down awake and he goes right to sleep. Success!

11:30 a.m. He wakes up crying and I try the boucing again but he gets upset. So I nurse for about 3 minutes, take him off awake and lay him down. Crying again so I pick him up several times to comfort him, then lay him down again. After 20 minutes I lay him down and he is calm. He then takes 30 minutes to fall asleep! He was wiggling in his crib, babbling on and off, but did fall asleep on his own. So again I think things are going to settle down for the night.

1:45 a.m. He wakes again and I am irritated and vow no more nursing. He cries and SCREAMS for an hour! I go in every 5-10 minutes to try and comfort him. Some of the time I picked him up (he mostly kept crying in my arms), some of the time I just patted his back while he stood up in his crib. He fell asleep just for a minute or two a couple times with me rubbing his back but then woke up screaming again. Eventually he fell asleep on his own and I thought okay now my hard work will pay off.

3:00 a.m. (30 minutes after he had fallen asleep): He wakes up again screaming. I say F this and nursed him. He was probably mostly out when I laid him down but I couldn't really tell. Then he slept the rest of the night (about 4.5 hr)

I feel horrible for letting him cry and I don't think it worked considering he woke up 30 minutes later screaming.

I don't think CIO is going to work in our case. He just got more and more pissed off and he was rubbing his eyes constantly, obviously exhausted but he just wouldn't or couldn't go to sleep. And I know he can do it, because I put him down awake some of the time, but he was just too upset. So what's the freaking point of letting him scream for no reason?

I'm just frustrated because nothing I do works. Add to this his naps are crazy and he only wants to take one nap a day and still needs two. The crappy night sleep transfers over to being tired during the day and a bad daytime schedule which then makes the night worse, and on and on. It's a horrible, miserable cycle.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening to me vent. Someday I will sleep again, right?

I feel for you Shannon! That sounds pretty rough. We have ditched cio too for the time being. Things got worse and I couldn't handle it. It isn't for all babies at all times, I guess.

Have you tried giving a bottle as his last feeding? Just throwing it out there, even though I have no idea how it would help.

[**jessie**]

That sounds really rough, Shannon. Sorry you guys had such a rough night.

I don't know if advice would be appreciated because I have never had a baby Matthew's age, but I have taken several graduate behavior classes. The first thing I might comment on is that he is getting an inconsistent reward schedule (sometimes getting nursed and picked up when he wakes and cries, and sometimes not). This type of reward produces the most extreme negative behavior. Much more that if you would never do it or always do it. I would chose what feels right to you and STICK TO IT no matter what. If you give in one time, then you go back to where you started. If you want to nurse to sleep everytime, then you should and don't feel bad about it. Just know that you will be needing to do this for a very long period of time.

Also, if you are trying the extinction technique like Keri mentioned in the other post (cold turkey no nursing or being picked up at night), then you have to expect what is known as an 'extinction burst'... basically the animal/baby/kid will just blow up at first and the behavior will get much worse for a time, and then it will rapidly improve.

I don't know if that helps at all. I find behavior very interesting. I know it is very rough following through with plans. I stopped picking up Jax at night (besides for his nightime feed and diaper change) at 3 months and it was so hard, but after a week it definitely paid off.

I wish you and Matthew some great sleep to come

[Frozendesire]

I agree with Jessie. I think you need to either nurse/cuddle him to sleep or go in and only pat his back and not pick him up. Each and every time. I have never done the CIO technique, but I hear consistency is key and I can see how it pays off with babies/toddlers in other areas.

[Chelnae6]

I might not be of any help. Have you tried using a binky. I dont know if you're against it or not but it could help. I know rubbing miki on the back when she woke up in the middle of the night worked wonders. It was one of those "I'm not alone" assurance type things I guess, esp if I didnt wanna pick her up or put her in our bed. Her crib was in our room at the time (had a 1 bedroom). Eventually one day she woke up, stood up and cried out to get our attention, I look at her said "its ok, go back to sleep" and rolled back over. I dont think she ever tried to cry out again lol

Jessie posted what I was going to say. You need to do the same thing everytime so he understands it and quickly. He will get very annoyed indeed, but I would say the first night or 2 will be terrible, then it should get easier, then from experience, it'll get bad again for 1-2 nights, and then smooth out.

If it eases your mind any, Kirsty woke up once most nights, sometimes twice for feeds, until she was 10.5months. Only at 10.5m id she start sleeping through, and it wasn't a gradual thing, it just happened overnight. Her daytime napes were awful too.

It does sound like he's in an overtired phase & can't get out of it. Would he nap if you took him out a walk in the buggy? At least that way you can get him off stress-free and easily? More often than not I have Kirsty nap outside in the buggy, she goes off easily, sleeps longer & more restfully when outdoors. It works for us, so I'm happy with it. Today it rained so I put her to her cot and she slept about 1.5hrs but woke up after 1hour, gave her her dummy & laid her down and she snooze for 30mins. When in the buggy she can sleep straight for 1.5-2.5hours.

[Resi]

Since he isn't eating a lot of solids could he still be hungry to nurse every couple hours at night? That is how Oliver was for a long time. He might also need extra nursing for teething comfort. It must be so rough on you to have to get out of bed so often. It would frusterate me a lot. That was one reason I chose bedsharing. I didn't have the heart to cio (it wouldn't have worked for him either) and I got my sleep this way.

[soImarriedAnerd]

I have no real advice......heck most adults have major sleep issues of some type (hense why some of the most popular drugs on the market are sleeping aids). I think some people are just born crappy sleepers no matter what.
Since the day of birth london is still a 3 hr then wake up (a couple min to nurse) sleeper at night. We had one horrible week and I didn't know why---then I got AF AND he got his first tooth later that week.

[IamMom]

AWW shannon I'm so sorry it isn't working....it is true it doesn't work for everybody...and I agree with the other girls - consistency is the key to this method. I guess this is one of those times I have to say my extra thank you prayers to God for giving me these good sleeping kids and letting CIO work...I dont' know what I would do in your position and I just hope something works soon....I wish I had a magic wand to wave over Matthew (the same wand my friend wishes she had to wave over her 3 year old who won't poo poo on the potty....she holds it until she's in the doctors office so backed up...arrrghhhh kids!) HUGS shannon!

[ShannonMVT]

Yeah I know the inconsistency is not good. But I really have been trying to avoid nursing him all the way to sleep for at least several weeks now. Which is supposed to help but it hasn't.

I don't think the CIO (or not really CIO but whatever you want to call it) is going to work. I can't do extinction (not going in there) or even something where I'm not allowed to pick him up. So I guess I have to come up with something else because he just got more and more worked up and he wasn't "learning" anything and I don't forsee him learning how to go to sleep that way.

Keri, sometimes I want to smack my MIL when she says God never gives you more than you can handle. She likes to say that's why she had two calmer low energy kids b/c she is low energy too. Well what about me?! I am not a high energy person and my boy is crazy! Sometimes I def. feel like I have more than I can handle!

We never bed shared because when he was tiny every noise would have me on high alert (still does to some extent) and he was such a refluxer that my bed would have been covered in puke! We just maybe in the last month or two have gotten to the point where I could potentially nurse him laying on my side, have him drift off to sleep (without burping him) and not have him spit up everywhere!

Well and now that he is older he can crawl and he's a big mover in his sleep and thinks mommy's bed is fun. So I can't really co-sleep with him, he just crawls all over my bed if he gets the notion to not sleep.

I have thought about moving his crib in our bedroom. I just havne't committed to doing it yet. At least that way I wouldn't be going up and down the stairs. I could use the pack and play too I guess but he seems to wake up more in that and it is hard to transfer him from my bed into it. I guess I'd have the same problem if I moved the crib in there. For some reason it's much easier to move him from nursing in the glider than from nursing in my bed.

I do think he probably needs one night feed. The rest is all just comfort. There was one night he woke up only once after sleeping 7 hours or so and he was really guzzling it down! I have no problem with that and I do give him a longer nursing session at least once per night since I think he still is hungry for it.

Fi, I've never have him fall asleep in the stroller. He's happy to go on a ride, but he doesn't fall asleep. And he hates being in there when the stroller isn't moving.

Chelle, I'm not anti-paci. I tried and tried to get him to take one when he was younger and he would never take it. He prefers my nipples!

[Alison81]

He sounds a lot like Elsa, she was a HORRIBLE sleeper! She did not go to sleep on her own, and CIO for her would mean her screaming for 30 minutes, finally falling asleep, and then waking up 10 minutes later screaming. It was really exhausting! I thought it was me, but Kylie is 100% different. She goes to sleep without a problem, comforts herself when she's tired and needs to sleep, and sleeps through the night. I am parenting her exactly the same as I did Elsa. I have to say, Elsa still has sleep issues. She will often wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back to sleep, and has trouble falling asleep. I agree with Angela, some people, even when they are babies, are born with sleep issues. I say, do whatever works to get him to sleep. I wish I had just put Elsa in her swing or something, because nothing was going to magically make her a good sleeper.

[Resi]

I feel so bad for you having to get up at night and walk up the stairs to tend to him. I know in the past you said co-sleeping doesn't work for the reasons you mentioned above. He sounds a lot like Oliver with waking to comfort nurse at night. I hope he gets to sleeping better soon. Maybe in the next few months? My niece started sleeping through the night at 1 year old. Maybe Matthew will too once he is eating a lot more solids.

[Mars]

I don't have anything to add. I couldn't do the CIO and I just coped until Amara started sleeping better on her own. Right now she sleeps through about 3/4 times a week and usually gets up once the other time. Most times I don't have to feed her, I just pick her up and comfort her and she goes back off.

[IamMom]

You are handling it sweetie...you are reading things about sleep, you are trying to do what is best for him and you are handling it even though you feel like you cannot....so MIL is right in her own little way!

I feel bad for people with sleep issues, even adults because good sleep is so important to overall health. Soooo many people rely on drugs, or don't get enough sleep cause they are doing so many other things in life and that just isn't right and its too bad any person (baby or adult) has to deal with that. If I had sleep issues I'd do whatever I had to do to get better sleep - I'd get even get a sleep number bed and be hypnotized!!!!