Hi girls,
I've been MIA lately but have been reading posts here and there. I wish I had more time to get on JM. Things in my life have been crazy, busy and full of CHANGE!!! I am trying to remember the last time I updated on here. It was probably around the time of my post in the private section about my divorce.
In the last few weeks, I moved out of my old 1 bedroom apartment (that I shared with Eric) into a 3 bedroom apartment with my younger sister, Kari. She graduated from college a year ago but has only been able to find part time employment since, so she moved to my area to see if she has any better luck here. Our parents have been visiting often over the past several weekends, helping us get moved in and settled, and just providing both of us with lots of emotional support. Living with my sister has been great so far. She gives a lot of attention to Dominic, and having her watch him from time to time lets me do chores and errands that would otherwise take twice as long. It's also been really nice for me to have her there to talk to, joke around with, make dinner with, watch chick flicks with... actually, it's the kind of sister relationship I always hoped we would have.
The new place is only 5 minutes from Eric's new place so it is fairly easy to exchange Dominic when he has a visit at dad's. Dominic has been going for afternoons over there a few times a week, plus one overnight per week. I have more to say on that subject, but I will have to leave my opinions for the private forum. We are beginning the process of mediation to establish a permanent custody agreement. Thank goodness that so far we have not gone crazy fighting each other. We are only a couple of steps into the process, though I hope that things will keep grinding on with as few problems as possible.
We also still have the nanny we originally hired, who watches Dominic during the day. She mostly stays at my house but sometimes goes to Eric's when he will be off work earlier than me. The nanny is good with him, and obviously has established a caring relationship with him, so I'm happy about that. I'd much rather know he's getting one on one attention as long as we can continue to afford it. Even regular daycare isn't much less expensive, though, so plans are to stick with the nanny for a while. It is hard for me to "employ" someone though, because I have a hard time expressing my needs in an assertive way (may have something to do with the downfall of my marriage... I've been learning a lot about myself lol).
Most importantly... I feel better than I have in years. This is so strange to me. I expected to be hit with depression or anxiety, both of which I've struggled with in the past (while I was with Eric... hmmm). I feel incredibly free, confident, and optimistic. It's not easy, and I'm busier than ever, with more responsibilities and less money than ever. But I love being a mom, love spending time with Dominic... enjoy establishing a closer relationship with my sister and parents... have regained my sense of purpose in my career... I like myself and love myself more now than I can ever remember. And I feel that my future will bring me to a better, happier and more loving place. I truly feel that I have righted a mistake and am now on the correct path. Whenever I have a difficult moment, I stop and think about what my alternatives were, and then I feel at peace again with my decision.
Well, an update post wouldn't be complete without some pictures of an adorable baby, so here you go:
This was so cute, he fell asleep with his hand like this.
Visiting the Easter Bunny. Sorry it's so grainy, my sister had to take this undercover to avoid detection by the "real" photographer lol.
My dad with his grandson.
First St. Paddy's day.
With his Aunt Kari.
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How I've been (plus new Dominic pictures)
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