[Chelnae6]

My cousin just called me and told me that my Great Aunt (Dad's aunt) passed away today. She was the last living relative of that generation. I was really close to my grandma and her and my aunt were really really close, so when my grandma died, I would visit her often (when I lived back home) b/c she was like the closest to my grandma. BTW I look just like my grandma, just darker. I'll post a pic when I get to a scanner.

She died of pancreatic cancer. She refused treatment for it and just opted to "go home" on her own (she was ready). She's been sick for a while for various conditions. She was 91 years old and I visited her often when I lived back home and she'd always be happy to see me. My mom and dad visited her yesterday and said that she was pretty out of it. In and out of a coma. I just found out about her pancreatic cancer last week when my sister told me. I really wanted to visit her again b4 she passed, to at least say goodbye. I knew she was going to pass eventually, I just wish I wouldve taken the time to go see her when I had my baby shower down there. I think that upsets me the most. I never had a chance to say Goodbye to my grandma either. My grandma was going into surgery the next day and I told my grandma "I'll see you later" anticipating that I'd really see her later b/c she was going to get a tumor removed, I really didnt expect her to die when they moved her from the bed to the operating table due to a blood clot. Sorry I'm just rambling on, as you can tell, I really miss my grandma, both of them. My moms mom passed the year b4 my dads mom passed. Both on the 2nd day of school in 10th and 11th grade.

Now my only great aunt (there were 10 children) is gone and I'm sad b/c its like a piece of my grandma is gone too. I'm pretty good at accepting death, esp from a family member who has been critically ill for a long time. Its just the not saying goodbye part that breaks me down. The last time I saw her was last summer b/c she moved out of her daughters house and into an assisted living home) and I didnt know where. And I wont even get to go to her funeral on thursday b/c they're 3 hours away and I'm about to pop!

[~*sierra*~]

*hugs* that is so tough. i know its hard that you werent there to say goodbye but i believe these people you love so much are with you every day and i'm sure they love you just as much now as then.

[szczepanski]

Lots of hugs to you Chelle. I am so sorry for your loss.

I too believe that people are never really gone and they are always with you. It's especially hard when you don't feel like you got a chance to say goodbye. But her memory will live on in the love you have for her and all the stories you will get to tell your sweet baby girl about both her and your grandmothers.

[ShannonMVT]

I can imagine it is really tough to feel like you didn't get a chance to say goodbye. But I bet they know how much you care for them even if you didn't get to see them that one last time.

[~*Bethy*~]

Im sorry Im happy she passed at home, where she was comfortable

[Mars]

I'm soooo sorry Chelle!

I'm so sorry Chelle!!

[*krista*]

I'm so sorry Chelle. I wish you could have gotten the closure you are wanting.

[alicenwonderland]

*Hugs* I'm so sorry chelle. I know this is a very emotional time for you as it is. More *Hugs*

[faith*hope*love]

*hugs* so sorry for your family's loss, I couldn't imagine how you especially are feeling

[.Brandi.]

Awww!!! Chelle I'm so sorry!!!! You're a much stronger woman than I am because I don't know how I will live when my grandmother dies....she's my best friend and I go to her for all my mommy advice!!! I'm here if you need to talk! Hugs!!!!

[greeneyes]

Aww, Chelle, I'm so sorry to hear that!

[CandaceDianne]

Oh, Im so sorry Chel! Ill keep your family in my thoughts and prayers!! It sounds like she lived a nice, full life though! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[Chelnae6]

Thanks ladies!!!

I spent some of the day crying yesterday, luckily I was able to get out of the house for a few. But that was short lived as I felt like crap, literally exhausted, fatigued, kinda weak and sick of being pregnant.

My aunt was more than ready to go and be with her brothers and sisters. Although we all knew she was going to go, its like a huge piece of my grandma just left. A piece that I wont get back until I get old and "go home". I really didnt think it would affect me this much, but I'm pretty sure that this p/g is making me wayyyy more emotional than normal. I am glad that she is where she wants to be though.

I am sorry for your loss

I know it must be tough to not be able to say goodbye. I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but I have an idea and I wish I could give you and your preggo belly a huge hug. It is comforting to think of her being with your grandma and her other brothers and sisters now

[IamMom]

Oh Chel I'm so sorry you have to go thru this right at a time you should be getting excited about Lani coming....prayers are with you and your family

[soImarriedAnerd]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Chelnae6]

Thanks ladies! I doing good. As my sister says, "its crazy how we're embracing death in our family and at the same time, waiting to embrace life."

[*kyle*]

I am so sorry you have a loss right before you gain your new baby into the family. It does resonate in a "circle of life" kind of way. Still, no matter how old or sick someone is you still feel a loss when they pass. And the fact that she was the last of her generation makes it even more so.

Since you did not get to say goodbye, and won't get to go to her funeral, I have a therapy suggestion for you. Write a letter to your aunt telling her what she meant to you, and saying your goodbyes. Then go somewhere where it is safe to light a small fire (lol) and burn the letter. As the smoke and ashes rise into the air imagine that they are going out into the great beyond and reaching your aunt and she is receiving your message. Plan a trip to visit her grave once Kalani is here and she can "meet" the great aunt who passed away so soon before her birth. You might want to do the same for your grandma since her loss is still feeling raw to you, too.

[Chelnae6]

Thats a good idea Kyle! I have a feeling that that will be a very emotional day!