[JediRach]

He went in for testing on Monday and his appointment was at 10am. Well they didn't do his aspiration until 1pm so needless to say they didn't do his consult on Monday. They pushed it to next week and they want to do some more testing.

Basically what is sounds like happened was they pulled his anti-rejection meds back too far when he was sick and it gave his own bone marrow room to grow and attack the donor marrow. He is not illegible for another transplant as they feel doing it would be cruel and goes against the doctors code of ethics. Basically trying again would diminish his quality of life to zero and cause him to go into massive organ failure. They are testing his bone marrow to see if there are leukemia cells present. If their are cancer cells they will give him chemotherapy to manage it and give him more time. If there are not they are going to pull his current meds and see if his donor marrow will fight his own marrow and take over. If that happens he could be okay but there is only a 10% chance that would work and would only work if no leukemia is in his body. Currently the donor marrow is at 59% and his own is at 41% so it pretty evenly matched.

Needless to say it doesn't sound like there is much hope at this point and I'm just heartbroken. I feel like I am having a heart attack all day long. On top of that he probably will not graduate from high school in May as planned, will not be able to go on his Make A Wish trip to New York in two weeks, will not be able to go to prom or on his annual marching band trip or grad night at Disneyland. On top of that he was planning on moving in with us in the fall and going to college in San Diego in pursuit of a fine art degree.

This weekend was just a serious of low blows. His college housing expemption notice came in. His placement testing ticket for SDSU came in the mail. His band leader called to get his final payment for his band trip. Someone else called to ask him about his Disneyland tickets. It was just really rough.

[sara~b]

That sucks so bad! I will hope with all my heart that the extra 18% of donor marrow will win! Miracles happen every day (just look at that little one growing in your belly!) and I have lots of faith that one will happen for your brother. Big (((HUGS))) for you and your family and especially Spencer!

[faith*hope*love]

Just keep faith! I know sometimes it is hard to do, but hold your head high. I will keep praying for Spencer, it sounds like he has made it through alot already so he can overcome these issues again, he is tough!

[.Brandi.]

OMGosh Rachel I'm so sorry!! I'm completely heartbroken for you!!!! But I agree with Sara!! Miracles happen and I'm praying extra extra hard for you and more importantly your brother!!! Keep us posted Hun!!!

[~*sierra*~]

you and spencer are always in my thoughts and prayers

[Chelnae6]

Man all of that sucks soooo bad!!! I wish you didnt have to go thru this. He doesnt deserve it!!!

[Mars]

This is just so, so sad. I will keep praying and holding on for a miracle for him.

[♥Ashley♥]

Wow, I dont even know what to say to all of this Rach. I cannot even imagine. Just know that we are all here for you through this extremely rough time... Man, I just cannot even bare to think about this happening to my sister who is also my best friend, like your brother.

[alicenwonderland]

*Hugs* Still praying. What a rough time for you all.

[ShannonMVT]

Praying for him and that there will no leukemia cells present.

[A*LOT*OF*HOPE]

I am so sorry Rachel!! This is just so not fair for your brother!!! You will all be in y thoughts and prayers!!!

[Frozendesire]

He will be in our thoughts and prayers! Praying there is NO leukemia cells present and that the donor marrow fights hardcore and wins. I can't imagine being in your situation or his!

[LisanAndy]

Oh gosh Rachel, I'm so beyond sorry Still praying for a miracle!! ((HUGS))

[*krista*]

Oh Rachel, I can only imagine what you guys are going through. I really hope he pulls through okay.

[**Jenn**]

I'm so sorry Rachel. Spencer will be in my prayers!

[CandaceDianne]

I will continue to pray for him! {{{{HUGS}}}}

[midnight_starr]

(((HUGS))) I wish there was something I could do for you.. I will continue to pray for you and your family! No one deserves to go through this..

[*kyle*]

I am heartbroken right along with you. It sounds like there is some hope, but not an overwhelming amount. At this point, the doctors are making all of the decisions and it is out of your hands. While that can make you feel helpless, I urge you to instead see it as relieving you of the responsibility for the outcome and freeing you up to just use all of your energy and love right now to simply connect with your brother and surround him with as much love and support as possible. Say everything you've ever wanted to say to him. Don't hold back. If he does pull through, you'll still be glad that you took advantage of the darkest days to be there for him and let him know what he means to you. No matter the outcome, it can never hurt to communicate your feelings over and over to your loved ones.

I also encourage you to seek support for yourself. He is not the only one who is suffering right now. Everyone around him who cares for him is suffering, including you. And that little baby growing inside needs mama to stay as healthy as possible. So if you need to lean extra hard on your hubby and friends, or if you need to seek out a counselor... make sure that you carve out blocks of time that are all about YOU, and your needs, and your pain.

I will continue to send healing vibes out into the universe with your names on them. I don't know if it helps but it can't hurt.

[amazing_love]

I am so sorry! He will be in my prayers.