[**Jenn**]

How often do you put on a happy face just to get through the day? I feel like I've been doing this for the longest time (months, years, who knows anymore) when in fact I'm completely stressed out, frustrated, etc. I just feel like nothing ever goes our way and everything is this huge struggle and I'm just so so tired of it. I know dh is just as stressed/depressed/etc so I can't talk to him about it because it just makes him more stressed. I have no IRL friends to talk to and although I'm close to my family I'm not that close that I'd share deep feelings with anyone--in the past that has only come back to bite me as its used as ammo against my dh and even though things are better between him and my family I know the tension and judgement is still there (even though he's never done anything to warrant it). I'm able to confide in my MIL some but not a whole lot, she's great and has listened to a lot of my crap but I feel bad always unloading on her. The only person in my whole life that I could ever really talk to about anything was my Aunt and she passed away when Lochy was only a couple months old. I guess I just haven't felt the same since... I don't know where I'm going with all this, I guess I'm just exhausted from trying so hard for so long and not having anything work out.

[CandaceDianne]

Im sorry you are feeling like that! Life can be rough sometimes!

[Frozendesire]

I'm sorry! We all have those days, I'm sorry that it seems like for ever for you. That's really unfortunate. Feel free to unload here! No judgement and only a caring ear

[Mars]

[**Jenn**]

Thanks, I just don't even know what to say anymore...

[freesiangel]

((((huggles)))) I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

[Resi]

I know it's hard when there isn't someone in your life besides your DH that you can talk to. It would be soo nice to have a close friend in person to confide in with our struggles. I know I have my days of frusteration and worry among other things. Hugs.. I hope that things start looking up for you. I'm always willing to listen. I don't give the best advise but I care.

[LisanAndy]

Your life sounds so much like mine. I can totally relate to everything you said. We struggled A LOT during the first 3 years of our marriage and are still dealing with things I don't post about... SHOOTINGS in our neighborhood, registered sex offenders that live here, cops always around, ect. I'm SCARED every day for myself and my kids and as soon as our lease is up, we're OUT. You think you're getting ahead only to get knocked 2 steps back. Hang in there girl ((HUGS))

[*krista*]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I wish I was good at giving advice that would actually make you feel better... we need Kyle! I'm assuming it is not a case of baby blues since it sounds like it has been going on since before Lila got here.

I hope it might make you feel better when I say you must be doing something right. You have the sweetest children who are just absolutely beautiful. You are a great mommy and a wonderful person and I'm really sorry to see you feeling like this.

[**Jenn**]

Thanks everyone.

This is exactly it though--it's a very defeating feeling.

Originally Posted by LisanAndy

You think you're getting ahead only to get knocked 2 steps back.

Its not ppd because I've felt this way for a long time. Thankfully dh and I have a great relationship otherwise we'd probably crumble under the stress instead of it bonding us closer. I think I'm still grieving the loss of my aunt too, she was like another mom to me along with being my best friend and it kills me she's not here to be a part of my kids lives. She would have loved that I have a little girl now and ecstatic her own daughter is expecting her first baby in July (a boy). She would have loved seeing her grandson together with Lila.

[Chelnae6]

(((((((((HUGS))))))))) I cant empathize what you're going through but I can only imagine how tough it is not to have someone IRL that you can just vent away to. We're here though if you need us. We have the private section and fb too. Vent away if you have to.

[♥Ashley♥]

Im sooooo sorry Jenn I hope you start to feel better soon, I cant even imagine how hard it is to not have someone to talk to