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Have an appt with my midwife today - very mixed feelings


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  #1  
June 16th, 2010, 01:40 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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I asked my midwife how many other ladies have gone late while attempting a VBA2C and what happened with them....

...she said she didnt know as Im her first....

this scares me for a number of reasons. had I not spoke up and said I wanted to go in for a csection - how long would she have let me go? How much MORE ruptured would I have been? How much CRAP would she have been in? Isabella could have died. and there I sat, 2 weeks late like a stupid idiot thinking that Id go into labor. If my water had broken - she would have gone into my abdomen and possibly suffocated. Does my midwife even know this!? Did she even think of the risks involved with taking on a VBA2C?

I am going in this evening for my first follow up since birth (which she never once offered to come up to visit us to make sure things were going ok, I had to text her the next morning) and I have VERY mixed feelings. Im so upset and frustrated....I know I signed that little piece of paper saying I knew the risks and I wouldnt hold them accountable, but good gawd, ya know? How am I suppose to feel?!

How many other ladies have been in my sittuation and have been shrugged off by them saying "Oh youll go into labor, babies dont stay in there forever..." No shyte shirlock, but my baby almost died just to get my "natural birth" - which I didnt get because I MYSELF had to make the grown up decision and call it quits. I dont think she would have done it herself.

Im so glad Im done having kids. I dont think I could go through it again.

Sorry if this is a rant - I just needed to get some stuff off my chest thats been bugging me since Bella's birth - and also wanted to hear what you would say to my midwife if you were in my shoes.

~Beth
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Last edited by ~*Bethy*~; June 16th, 2010 at 01:43 PM.
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  #2  
June 16th, 2010, 02:09 PM
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i think your situation was very rare, i think that sort of thing would normally be picked up on ultrasound. i hate to say it, but i think your midwife was making the best choices she could with the information she had available to her when it comes to letting you continue your pregnancy. had she known about the rupture beforehand i bet things would have went down a lot differently.

however, not coming to visit you!? that's bull, and very unprofessional. I think midwives here are required by the gov't to visit you at intervals after the birth (24 hrs, 2 days, 4 days, 10 days...soemthing liek that) and if you payed for her services you should definitely have recieved post partum care from her. check any documents you signed to see what they said they'd do post partum.

i'm sorry you're upset with your midwife, but i definitely think you do have good reason!
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  #3  
June 16th, 2010, 02:22 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*sierra*~ View Post
i think your situation was very rare, i think that sort of thing would normally be picked up on ultrasound. i hate to say it, but i think your midwife was making the best choices she could with the information she had available to her when it comes to letting you continue your pregnancy. had she known about the rupture beforehand i bet things would have went down a lot differently.

however, not coming to visit you!? that's bull, and very unprofessional. I think midwives here are required by the gov't to visit you at intervals after the birth (24 hrs, 2 days, 4 days, 10 days...soemthing liek that) and if you payed for her services you should definitely have recieved post partum care from her. check any documents you signed to see what they said they'd do post partum.

i'm sorry you're upset with your midwife, but i definitely think you do have good reason!
I know she was doing the best she could have, and I am grateful. she took REALLY good care of me and baby the whole pregnancy, scheduling multiple ultrasounds, spending the time to talk things out with me, taking care of my concerns, etc. I do agree that the situation I was in was definitely rare. But it still has me wondering what she would have done had I not had 2 csections before, and known the risks, KWIM? I wonder how much was my knowledge jumping in vs her telling me what to do.

They offer a next day and 3rd day visits, then I have to come in at 1 week PP for a visit. This never happened obviously. I was, however, visited by the lovely midwife's assistant whom I LOVE! She came over and sat with me through tears and laughter for almost 2 hours, just discussing how things happened and what I needed to do to get myself and Bella back to tip top shape. Jocelynn did tell me that I am currently the talk of the birth center, for the way I handled things, and the awesome outcome we had. Im REALLY thankful that this was my 3rd baby this happened with, and I was as up to date on VBAC's as I was. Had this happened to me with Morgan, I dont know what I would have done. I was a lot younger, and really just went with the flow of things and let others make decisions for me. ACK!!

The phone call I put in to my midwife later that afternoon after I had Bella, was kind of an awkward phone call. She was pretty much at a loss for words, and didnt know what to say. And yes, not once did she offer to come up to check up on me, all she said was "oh well I thought about going in with you but thought it would make things worse so I didnt..." this is what scares me. In my mind, she should be making a mental note of this experience for next time. If Im her first late VBA2C who was already ruptured, She needs to step up her game. I hope this was a learning curve for her.

~Beth
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  #4  
June 16th, 2010, 02:32 PM
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man sounds like she's in shock! i am sure once she gets a grip she will have learned a lot from being your care provider!
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  #5  
June 16th, 2010, 02:37 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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I concur!
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  #6  
June 16th, 2010, 02:59 PM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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It sounds like what happend to you was very rare and hopfully your experience will make your midwife more aware and keep a closer eye with other people attempting VBAC or VBA2/3/4/5C or whatever.

I think your lucky you called it quits when you did and you have a healthy baby girl out of it and things didnt go the other way.
I guess you will never know how your midwive was thinking or what she would do or if she was influced with what you'd told her. Just be thankfull you did all that research and opted for the c/s.

I hope that made sence, it did in my head anyway
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  #7  
June 16th, 2010, 03:07 PM
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Oh wow... I know how much that must have freaked you out. When we lost our baby last year, a few days later I had a feeling something was wrong. My midwife came out to see me (after I rang her), but told me everything was fine. A few days later I was still bleeding heaps, so decided to trust my instincts and go to A&E. I'm lucky I did as there was placenta still stuck inside me. I spent quite a while being so pissed off at my midwife, but after talking to a number of people about it, I decided to just leave it.

I think that when something could have gone very very badly, it's natural to try to find someone to 'blame' or to think of how much worse a situation could have been. But the reality is that a midwifes job is to attend to women who have 'normal' and 'natural' pregnancies, and 'normal' and 'natural' labours. Your midwife would have honestly believed that your body knew what to do, and would go into labour when your body was ready. I'm assuming a rupture is kind of rare?

As it is obviously a concern to you, I would still bring it up with your midwife and prehaps let her know that you would like her to educate herself some more about the risks... I'm hoping she is a good enough midwife to have enough sense anyway to educate herself some more about the risks of VBA2C after having you as a patient anyway.

I know it's upsetting, but your beautiful little girl is here - healthy and perfect! Try your best to focus on that

ETA: Just read your second post. How cool that everyone is talking about you at the birth centre - it shows they have paid attention to your experience.
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  #8  
June 16th, 2010, 05:01 PM
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I'm not 100% sure, but I believe that I read on the VBAC board that the "window" or incision rupture won't show up on ultrasound. Again, I'm not 100% sure. What I'm most surprised about it that you didn't FEEL you're incision rupture. Normal, when uterine rupture occurs, you feel a sharp pain or a "ripping" or "tearing" pain. During your pregnancy, like you said, she did all she could and was wonderful for both you and Bella. BUT her lack of professionalism and concern for you after your birth has completely stunned me and shows her lack of true interest in the betterment of her patients. I can't believe that YOU had to call HER in order for her to actually check up on you! How is that not apart of your routine care even if you did end up in c-section or had to be delivered by a doctor....she's still your prenatal/postnatal care provider and she has shown a complete lack of duty in that area!

[quote=Kiwi;20559183]
As it is obviously a concern to you, I would still bring it up with your midwife and prehaps let her know that you would like her to educate herself some more about the risks... I'm hoping she is a good enough midwife to have enough sense anyway to educate herself some more about the risks of VBA2C after having you as a patient anyway.
quote]

In my opinion, she should have already been educated in the risks of VBAC or VBAMC for preparatory purposes.
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  #9  
June 16th, 2010, 06:38 PM
Mars's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto what was said already.
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  #10  
June 16th, 2010, 09:25 PM
~*Bethy*~'s Avatar Ian, Morgan and Isabella!
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Well I went in and flat out told her Im honestly confused by the whole situation. She said when I went in to see her at my last appointment, she could tell that something in me had changed and that I was done with attempting the HB. I just wanted Bella out and that was my main priority. I did, however, bite my tongue, and just kinda went along with everything but did make it clear that I was really upset and discussing the HB turned csection was just out of the question. Im tired of talking about it, Im tired of feeling the pain of having something ripped out of my hands that was promised to me. I feel as though the csection was entirely nessessary, and that now takes over the "wants and desires" for a natural birth. She was happy with my reasonings and made me feel really good on calling the shots before anyone else did.

I told her flat out, I have Bella, the HB is behind me, I had a GREAT c-section, and were going to move forward. Not going to dwell on it.

Apparently her and my Ob are "corresponding" meaning my midwife has to be nice to my OB because if my OB goes to the board of midwifery....shyte could hit the fan for my midwife very quick....My midwife is calling the scar a "window" or something like that, like you said brandi - which could honestly be why it was never picked up on an ultrasound. My OB seems to think other wise. So its turning into a he said/she said thing....oh well....

Not going to dwell on it....moving forward and THANKFUL for my baby girl that is SAFE!!!

~Beth
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  #11  
June 16th, 2010, 09:41 PM
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Good on you.
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  #12  
June 17th, 2010, 03:38 AM
LisanAndy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's such a scary situation but I'm so glad you and baby are fine!
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  #13  
June 17th, 2010, 05:06 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm glad you at least had a little talk with her and more importantly I'm glad you listened to your gut about your situation and called it quits when you did and you and Bella are here safe and sound! I think its ridiculous that you had to track her down to receive your post natal care. At my birth center, regardless of where or how you give birth, the midwife continues to be there with you for support--even in the operating room. And you still get the same post natal care. I'm shocked that your midwife dropped the ball with you on that.

The whole point of natural birth is to listen to your body and do what your body needs to do. You did that when you felt like something wasn't quite right and called it quits and went in for the c-section. You saved your baby's life!
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  #14  
June 17th, 2010, 11:58 AM
Adriana's Mommy's Avatar I <3 my kids
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Wow.. How scary..

Like stated above.. Each situation is different.. I only saw one Midwife when I was pregnant with A.J and it wasn't by choice. Lets just say, I will never see another one again.. Worst experience in my life..
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  #15  
June 17th, 2010, 06:57 PM
Mjp121212's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Beth,
You do have a right to be upset and to feel hurt. I would be too. You midwife should have been more educated on the risks and detailed those to you-----she is in the wrong there.

You are also right that you have Bella now. She is safe, alive, and healthy. And her mode of entrance isn't what is important....her physical well being is what is important. You obviously made the right choice in the C-section. And even though it wasn't what you wanted, and wasn't what you had hoped and dreamed for in terms of birth experience, it did get you what you had really hoped and dreamed for and that is a healthy Bella!
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