[~*sierra*~]

Ok just up front, i loooooooooooove my DH and our relationship has been utterly amazing for the longest while.

But he actually bet me $100 that I would want an epidural. WTH?! I am NOT getting an epidural unless I need an emergency C section. I'm not opposed to pain relief during labour, but I plan on doing a home birth med free because I want to avoid interventions that can lead to epidural use. He knows how much pain i was in with my neck injury and for SO LONG, and how depressed and hopeless I was. It wasn't a laughing matter, I was in really bad shape. And to risk injury to my spine after all the work I do to keep it feeling good (exersize, posture corrections, acupuncture, chiropractic)....well it just seems obvious to me that an epidural would be the last resort for me, kwim? i dunno, i guess i am just wondering how i can get thru to him if he doesnt get it after witnessing all that horrible neck pain stuff?? maybe he doesnt really understand what an epidural is.....hmmm

(also guess i just kinda wanted to vent that out a bit!! hehe)

[Bre*n*Will=Reid]

Hmm, you need to sit down and really talk to him. If you truly do not want an epi, you need his support 110%. When you are in labor, hurting, and at that point where you're asking for pain relief, he needs to be the one there with you helping you get through that part. He needs to encourage you, not tease you or bet against you. He probably just doesn't understand. You need to explain it to him. I made sure everyone around me was encouraging. I talked about game plans before I went into labor - how they could help me when I was asking for the epi...which I did....and everyone was very encouraging and tried to talk me out of it. Unfortunately for me, I did end up getting the epi, but bless my husband's heart....he tried SO HARD to help me go without it!

I had friends who did the same thing as your DH and it really bothered me. The last thing a woman in labor needs is someone betting against her and her wishes

[~*sierra*~]

i'm getting a doula lol

but that's a good idea, i will definitely explain to him exactly what the epi is and why i dont want it....well hopefully he will realize why i dont want it when he finds out exactly what it is! i know he just wont want to see me in pain so that's why i'm getting a doula, on top of helping me she can let him know that its ok if i'm in some pain!

[alicenwonderland]

I wouldn't make a bet about "wanting" and epidural. Maybe on "getting one". I've heard from many a NCB mama, that in the final stretch they asked several times for the epidural, but luckily were too far along in their labor to get it!

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Like Alice said, most mamas on the NCB board will say that when they hit transition they may have said they wanted an epi, but knew they wouldn't have gotten one if someone brought it -- besides which, by transition its pretty much over anyway. But yeah, make sure the bet is against getting one, not saying you may want one, lol.

It would bother me that my DH wasn't on board a lot... but when it all came down to it, it would be even more motivation to prove him wrong! I think explaining it to him and trying to get him to support you is certainly your best bet, but if he doesn't ever get it... well, you'll have your doula on your side, and proving him wrong will be a GREAT motivator!

P.S. -- I have all my stuff photo copied, I just need to rip the CDs so it should be in the mail tomorrow or the next day, I'll let you know when its officially on its way

[ANGWife]

If you're planning a home birth, then DH needs to be on board 100%. Maybe he truly just doesn't understand all the options and what an epi actually is.

[Mars]

Ditto Breanna, you need to have him on board because unless things really don't go according to plan, you will need him to be firm with your wishes when you get to a point where you start asking for everything.

[Resi]

He most likly is thinking about how painful childbirth is suppose to be and betting you will end up asking for one because of the pain. If you're having a hb the option for an epi isn't there unless you go to the hospital. He must know your plans for a hb and that it's not an option as long as your at home?

My husband knew all along I wouldn't be able to handle the pain and he was right. He didn't rub it in my face and supported me in wanting a ncb. He just knew me and he was so right.

[*krista*]

My DH had no faith about the epi for me either. That is one thing I wish we would have done differently. I bought him books on being a labor coach but he just didn't read them. I wish he had taken a more active approach to being a labor coach. If he had (or if I just bit the bullet and got a doula) I might have made it without the epi.

I hope you can get him on board with you! Hopefully you will have a little more luck with that than I did.

[Alison81]

I think if you know what to expect, and how labor works, it is a lot easier to avoid an epidural. With Elsa, when I got to the transition stage, and contractions were back to back, I was asking for pain meds because I didn't know what point I was at or how long the pain would last. I didn't realize once that part is over, you start pushing, I thought I had hours more of horrible pain like that. With Kylie, I didn't ask for pain meds once. I knew the more pain, the closer I was to having her, so I just worked through it. And I cried a little when I reached the transition stage, and even cursed, but I was even able to talk to people during contractions, even when I got to like 8cm. I kept thinking, pain is good, that means it's almost over. I am horrible with meds so they weren't an option unless my labor was really, really long and I wasn't progressing due to not being able to relax. And an epidural I don't think I'd ever do because something in my back freaks me out more than pain from labor! Maybe you can show him the side effects of epidurals if they don't go as planned.

[~*sierra*~]

thanks for everyone's responses.

oh thanks for remembering the hypno stuff shan, i am still addicted to the affirmations track for getting to sleep. i can't wait to get the rest of it!

and ali, i think sharing epi horror stories with dh might actually help my case! (i know epi's arent all bad, but i gotta get him on my side somehow!)

[Babybear4]

I agree with Allison. Knowing what to expect and educating DH on the stages of labor and how to coach you through them will be a huge help.

I wish I had known what I know now. I was 7 CMs when we got to the hospital and I was BEGGING for meds. I got them, and I really wish I hadn't. I was already at the worst part of my labor, and I wish I would have gotten to experience contractions after my water broke. That being said, I know now what I want to do differently next time, as does DH and he will be there to support me through it.

I hope you are able to get DH on board with the NCB you want!

[*kyle*]

From my experience and NOT to scare you but educate you:

I didn't want an epidural. I got through over 13 hours of med-free pitocin contractions without one. Unfortunately, I began vomiting and passing out from the pain. I was severely dehydrated. I couldn't see straight or respond to the medical personnel anymore and was starting to get delirious. Maybe if I hadn't had an epi I wouldn't have gone on to a c-section, but I probably still would have. You just don't know what's in store for you. My story is scary but real. If I could go back and do it differently, #1 I wouldn't agree to the induction in the first place. My doc got me so worried about everything at the end (baby was going to be over 10 lbs, I was going to develop GD etc). I wasn't brave enough to stay at home and exDH would have never agreed to that anyway. So I got put through the hospital birth assembly line. Then again, I also had a rare "Bandl's ring" keeping Dominic from descending through 3 hours of pushing... that may or may not have anything to do with inductions, epi's etc... could have been unavoidable for me.

Get a doula and an emergency safe word that means "I'm not BS'ing, or just talking out of pain, I really NEED an epi to go on right now." Mine was "Jose Cuervo." I finally gave in and said it, but I knew if I hadn't, no matter what, my doula would have kept the epi out of the room for me, as that was our prior agreement.

[LisanAndy]

The epidural was the WORST decision of my life and has caused irreversible damage and I refuse to ever get one again. Andy is so for natural birth and really helping me sike myself up for it this time after seeing what I went through before where as before he said the same thing as your DH. When epidurals work properly and are done correctly they can be amazing, just like my delivery with Taylor. That said, I'd GLADLY take the pain of pain med free birth if I can deliver as quickly as I did last time and despite the horrible spinal headache, I felt better "down there" much faster, had less bleeding, and the BF... well, that was like an opiate for sure