[bittersweet]

I have everything I always thought I wanted now. I'm out of the Army, moved back home to where all my family resides, and I get to be home with my darling baby full time. We are lucky enough to be able to live comfortably from the work DH does. I have always looked forward to being a SAHM.

I went back to work full time for 3 months after Jenna was born and I HATED it. Nursing shifts are so long, that I would leave when she was sleeping and get home after she had gone to bed. Plus I had to pump in the bathroom which was pretty miserable. I was so glad to finally get to be a SAHM.

Now that I have what I thought I wanted, I'm worried maybe I've made the wrong decision. I've worked so hard for my degree and all my certifications. I know the longer I stay away from the hospital, the harder it will be to go back (get hired)...especially working in critical care.

I've thought about going back, but it terrifies me. I am in a new place now. It would be at a new job at a new hospital with all new people. If we still lived back in DC and I could just go back to my old job once or twice a month, that would be perfect. Starting a new job seems like a huge undertaking to me now. I feel like I'd need to be full time to get used to the hospital and proficient there...but I don't want to be away from my girl that long. Then I think about all the things I hate about work (and working when you have a baby at home) and I'd be crazy to go back.

Is it worth it to leave your child with someone else to go work if you don't 'need' to?


*I will keep my nursing license active regardless, but all my other certifications will lapse if I don't go back.

[LisanAndy]

I feel, for my own kids, their upbringing is the MOST important thing and they will always come before my career. I understand where you're coming from. I went to school for 2 years to get my license and I became a manager at my job and I quit to SAH with my kids. I still use my skills on family and friends though. I miss the adult interaction sometimes and my own spending money or even money to contribute to the bills but I know this is where I need to be. The more kids you have, it's crazy expensive to put them in daycare anyway so there will never be a good reason to put them in daycare. All my money would go to that, it wouldn't even touch our bills! My husband was in and out of daycare his entire life and he said "you know how much I just wanted to come home to MY house with MY things and be with MY parents? I hated it". That cemented it for us. Plus, the joy I get (though it's very exhausting, and honestly sometimes lonely and I feel like locking myself in a bathroom some days LoL) from watching my kids every first and watching them grow and learn, NOTHING could compare to that. They grow too fast and I'll have the rest of my life to get a job if I wanted. It's not like we make a ton either, I'm talking $45,000 a year. Is it tight? Sometimes. Is it worth it? YES

[IamMom]

You are not alone Erin...I've said it before and I'll say it again...I could be a SAHM and I chose not to be. I love my work...I also worked very hard to get my degrees and my license (CPA) and I truly love who I work with and my clients and everything. I like having that time to do my thing....and the money helps to do extra things and give the kids extra things. ( I agree with Lisa though, if the money is not even enough to cover the costs of daycare, etc. its probably not worth it). I am blessed to have a very flexible job that is really family friendly so it makes it easy to still be there for the kids when they really need me, sick, vacations, things going on at school, etc.

It gets easier as they get older because they really LOVE school and they need it in my opinion to learn vital real world skills you can only learn in a group (social skills). Once Harrison is in kindergarten I plan to work only until school is out...that is something I want to be able to do - hang out with them after school.....and in my current job I'm able to have the best of both worlds in that regard.

Good luck with what you decide - you can PM me if you ever want to!

[CandaceDianne]

I love my job, but I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could...unfortunately, we need my income too to cover bills.
Everyone is different and there is definitly nothing wrong with working even if you don't have to. Plus, its nice to change things up every once in a while!

[**jessie**]

If you would have asked me a few months back, I would have said I would give anything to be a SAHM forever. I was lucky in the fact that I got to stay home with my son until he was 9 months old and was petrified by the idea of leaving him even for awhile.

Now that I have been back to work for almost 2 months now, I have changed my opinion. I feel I have the VERY best of both worlds. I work M-W, and then am home Th-Sun. I wouldn't change a thing.

My reasons:
-It's helped soooo much with Jaxon's independence. He had begun to show quite some separation anxiety and getting to go to his grandparents a few days per week has eliminated this. He is so much more happy and adjusted with other people and strangers.
-We only speak English to him in our house, so this is a great opportunity to become fluent in German, as well.
-The same reasons you mentioned about getting a degree and having specialized skills. And even though you think you will never lose the skills you have, you do. Yes, they come back but it is rough going for awhile.
-I began to get resentful of my husband. He would come home and tell me all the awesome things he did during the day and I could not participate in the conversation at all. Maybe you can relate to this one?
-I enjoy it. I love my clients, my patients and my work colleagues. I love the adult conversation and being intellectually stimulated.
-I feel like a better mom because I do get that break and I am much more involved when I am home.
-I only work 3 days per week but I can still swing about $40,000 per year which helps us hugely financially.

[LuvMyLwAaMr]

I'm a sahm and am soo thankful that I was able to have this opportunity... I worked til ds #2 was 3.5 months, mostly because I needed to carry the health insurance for my family. DH's family owns a bakery, and once MIL realized I was only working for the health insurance, she got us a policy. Her goal from the moment I got pg for ds#1 was to make sure I could stay home.

Like others have said, yes it gets stressful and $$ can be tight... it's probably the hardest, yet most rewarding job you could ever do. I love that I don't have to miss any school field trips or parties, and my ds loves that I'm able to come... and I love that I'm the one that's going to be able to bring them school and pick them up... by the time they are 5-6 yrs old and in school all day, between sleep and school, we really only get like 5 or 6 hours out of a 24 hr day with them... so I want every minute I can get!

My mom worked from 6am til 7pm while I was growing up because we needed the $$ and she had no choice... now that the youngest of us is 19 (im the oldest of 4), she was able to find a new job with less hours, but she regrets all time she lost... says she feels like she wasn't ever home and now all her babies are grown and she doesn't know where the past 25 years went.

Good luck with whatever choice you make!

[Mars]

I understand where you're coming from.

Have you ever thought of volunteering for a few hours at a hospital or centre? I'm thinking that you could still use your volunteering efforts on your resume and in addition it will keep you abreast of any changes going on.

I'm not sure if I could be just a SAHM, I would probably be more suited for a WAHM and if I couldn't run a business, I would volunteer at a centre, school or some other facility.

[alicenwonderland]

As much as i really want to be a sahm, i have a feeling i would miss the interaction at work. If we could afford it, i would probably work per diem. Unfortunately that's not that case and i do have to work at least part time.

[Resi]

I think it wouldn't hurt to look for some PT nursing positions in your area. To me it seems to be the best of both worlds. You can keep your skills up, have adult interaction, and still have a lot of time with Jenna. Then you can always go to FT or decided you would rather stay home full time if it isn't for you. I babysit for a L&D nurse who works 3 day, 12 hour shifts which I'm assuming is considered FT in the nursing world. Maybe you can find something like that?

I do enjoy being a SAHM but I might consider doing some kind of office work very PT if I had my mom close enough by to watch him at my house. But it isn't an option with her working and living 30 mins away. Or if I found something that was in the evening or weekends. BUt that would only be if I didn't watch other children. The best to me would be staying at home with Oliver and not watching any older children but my own. I never had a career that I loved so it's different for me.

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

I LOVE being a sahm and hope to be able to until he is in school. I do not have a degree though and if I did I probably would go back to work. Part of me wanting to stay home is so I can start taking classes to get a degree lol!!!! I think you should do what makes you happy Jenna wants a happy mommy!!! Maybe you could work less hours (if that's possible) and get a few days off a week?

[Resi]

Originally Posted by Angelaosaurus-rex

I LOVE being a sahm and hope to be able to until he is in school. I do not have a degree though and if I did I probably would go back to work. Part of me wanting to stay home is so I can start taking classes to get a degree lol!!!! I think you should do what makes you happy Jenna wants a happy mommy!!! Maybe you could work less hours (if that's possible) and get a few days off a week?

Do you know what you would like to go to school for?

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

Originally Posted by Resi

Do you know what you would like to go to school for?

Special education !!! I'd really like to work with deaf kids!

[*kyle*]

I had the opportunity to become a SAHM when I was married. But it was all wrapped up in the yucky dynamics of the relationship. HE pushed me to be a SAHM because (as I slowly realized) his vision was of a maid, cook and free babysitter in a 50's dress and red lipstick. Of course after the gourmet meal was served, cleaned up, the baby bathed and put to bed (all by me, of course, since I'd have "nothing better to do"), I would then pay all my attention to him physically and otherwise. NONE of that has ever been me so I don't know why he married me thinking I'd go in that direction. Also, there were some ugly expectations around earning money in that marriage. He figured if he supported us, he'd also make all of the decisions about how to spend, save etc. And I would get an allowance. Cringing yet? I sure did, before walking out of there. I can't say if I'd feel the same about being a SAHM if it hadn't had so many other emotional anchors attached. I certainly can't afford to do it now that I'm a single mom. If I ever remarry, and the new guy makes a lot, I feel like there would have to be some healthy boundaries around money and dependency, as well as a clear idea of what's "my job" as the SAHP. Does it apply to cooking, cleaning and basically ALL household chores? i.e. does your partner expect to never wash another dish or pour another beer, because your job is to cater to him 24/7? I think that all of these are considerations in addition to the simple financial question of can you afford to pay bills on one income. Can your marriage afford the role shift and are both people in agreement on the expectations.

I relate to the degree/career accomplishment angle. I worked hard to obtain a master's degree and 2 licenses as well as my current position. I didn't like the idea of letting go of the level I'd worked to so far in my career. That doesn't mean that my job is EVER more important than my baby; just that I always valued finding a way to be both a good therapist and a good mom. I believe you can do a good job in both realms. It is not easy. I'm currently looking for a way to cut drastically down on my commute times and use flex time to my advantage. Someday in the future, when I don't need to carry insurance on myself through my job (Obamacare anyone?) I may look into private practice, which potentially could be more lucrative while taking up fewer hours per week. It's an ongoing, evolving situation. Next year I may be in a totally different place or mindset but this is what works for me now.

Above all, I knew Dominic needed to be around HAPPY CALM people and that wasn't going to happen in the situation he was born into. I am a happy, calm mother now because I made, and continue to make on a daily basis, sacrifices and difficult choices to provide the best emotional environment for my son.

[Oriyan]

I don't think i could be a SAHM. I give praise to the moms who do it but it is not for me. I need to get out and have me time every day when I am at work and just be able to work. I do however plan once the kids hit 1st grad to make sure I am home for them afterschool. That is a must! I want to get them on the bus or get them to school, go to work and then be home for them to get them off the bus and do homework or take them to activities.

Not only that but I worked hard for all of my degrees and paid royally for them. I would not want to have wasted 10 years of college.

ETA: I could not get back to work fast enough. I went back at 4 weeks PP even though i was granted an additional 4 weeks off (ran out of personal leave by that point). I just needed adult interaction with someone other than my husband.

[LuvMyLwAaMr]

As I've read everyone else's thoughts on being a sahm, I realized mine may have come off as me thinking being a sahm was the only right thing to do, and that is far from the truth!! That is simply what I feel is the best for my family and what I love to do. I got a 2yr degree for business management and considered continuing towards an accounting degree... but my heart was always set on being able to get married, have kids, and stay home and take care of them... every summer since I was old enough, I babysat my 3 siblings plus 3 to 5 more kids every day... that's just what I've always loved to do!

Follow your heart and do what you love to do... you've worked hard towards your career, and you also work hard to be a mommy... in the end you will make the best decision to keep yourself and your family happy!

[ANGWife]

I worked as a daycare teacher for years before having Henry. So I have nothing against daycare as I know there ARE quality care providers out there. But with my career field, it felt really stupid to have someone watch Henry while I watch other kids, KWIM? And unfortunately, none of the centers around here allow you to enroll your children at the same center you work for any discounted rate. That would be the best of both worlds, right? I didn't in home care for a few kids to bring in some money. But in a small town home it was anxiety producing that I could never get away.

Being a SAHM is hard at times. It's lonely and repetitive. But then other days are awesome. Alot like going to a convention job. I never dreamed I could be at home with Henry this long. Finances are getting tighter so I need to start doing something part time. I'm going to start substitute teaching a day or 2 a week, cause that's the most I can have family babysit DS.

[~*sierra*~]

Originally Posted by Angelaosaurus-rex

I LOVE being a sahm and hope to be able to until he is in school. I do not have a degree though and if I did I probably would go back to work. Part of me wanting to stay home is so I can start taking classes to get a degree lol!!!! I think you should do what makes you happy Jenna wants a happy mommy!!! Maybe you could work less hours (if that's possible) and get a few days off a week?

i am going to be a SAHM. I am a SAHW right now getting my degree, same as angela. i love my school work and would love to pursue a career after i'm done my degree, but i would likely do something that i can do out of my own home, i have a few ideas, but nothing concrete!

[Bre*n*Will=Reid]

I had a pretty bad case of the baby blues when Reid was an infant. I hated staying at home with him full time. I was so bored, felt like I had no time to myself, wasn't able to accomplish things like cleaning/cooking (which made me feel kind of worthless, to be honest) and overall, I just felt like I had lost myself. I didn't start to feel "normal" again until after I went back to work at 6 weeks pp. I loved having adult interaction and the 1 hour lunch that I got was AMAZING. I could shop on my own, eat on my own, make phone calls, etc. I always said that I wanted to be a working mom, and nearly the whole time that I worked, I felt that way. I made quite a bit more money than the cost of daycare so it was also worth it financially. DH was also ADAMENT that I be a working mom. He felt like being a SAHM equaled complacancy and even told me that one of the reasons that he fell in love with me was because I had goals and aspirations and basically hinted that he would lose respect for me if I wanted to be a SAHM. Harsh, right?

Well, as many of you know, earlier this year I didn't really have much of a choice when it came to leaving my job. I was devestated and didn't know what I was going to do. Lucky for me, DH was very understanding and knew that unless I found another high paying job that it was not worth it for me to take a job that payed not much more than the cost of daycare. At the same time, I was also starting to make money doing photography so he saw the fact that we could save money on daycare AND I could make money on the side. He ONLY thinks logically (not about the fact that it could be beneficial for Reid to have his mommy every day) so this made sense to him. It has been working out well for us and now that I've stayed home with Reid for 5 months I really can't imagine going back to work full time and putting him in daycare I love it now. I am a much better toddler mom than I was a baby mom and I'm not afraid to admit that. I also feel satisfied because I am making money doing photography and I get to contribute financially to our family. The adult interaction is nice, but even if I weren't busy with photography I am good about allocating "me time" even if that means leaving Reid with DH while I go shopping or have lunch with a friend by myself. When we still lived close to family, I would even have Reid spend the night with my mom so that DH and I could have friends over, go out, and sleep in! I loved that. It really helped since I no longer worked.

Ideally, I would like to work outside of the home part time even more than I already do. However, with DH's school schedule (he's a full time student now and doesn't have income other than his financial aid) I need to make sure that whatever I do covers (and goes over) the cost of part time daycare. Lately I have been doing my photography work at Starbucks because I find that I can't get work done at home with all of the distractions. I take my laptop to Starbucks and edit photos, design albums, update my site, and create ads every other day for about 4 hours.

If you really feel like you would enjoy going back to work, why don't you at least just start off part time? I'm sure you can still learn your surroundings and it will ease you into it. You can also get a feel for how you feel about daycare and being away from Jenna for longer periods of time. It sounds like you would really enjoy being out of the home a bit which is TOTALLY normal. I think JM, as a whole, tends to have more SAHM's than working moms, so it's kind of hard to see all these SAHM's that love what they do and strongly advocate for it (I've seen some pretty harsh statements in DDC's and PR's that were extremely judgey) but every mom is different. Every family is different. You have to do what works for YOU.

My mom worked from the time that I was 6 weeks until I was 12 months old. Then, we moved out of state and she was able to be a SAHM until I was 6. I loved it!! But, after that, when I went to daycare....I didn't mind at all! I had my friends and I just thought it was what we did. I never felt bad that my mom didn't stay home with me.

[soImarriedAnerd]

I could have written this post myself! I don't have the option to go back and continue to travel, and the traveling trumps the working for me right now. But I MISS nursing BAD! In my perfect world I would SAHM till 1-1.5 yrs old then work PRN or a Baylor RN job.
SAHM... It is one of the most reward jobs... I'm told. I don't see it yet to be honest. I'm sure one day I will look back and be so glad I did it this way but right now its hard to see that. Its mind numbing at times, I do the same thing almost every weekday. I don't feel I use my brain let alone my degree. I often wonder if he would be better at a daycare because of the breaks from mom. I wouldn't want to hang out with my best friend day after day like london hangs out with me! LOL
I my HEART I think SAHM for me is going to be the best choice... Now my BRAIN however has way different thoughts many times..
will I ever be ABLE to get a job again, will I know what I'm doing then, Will I have to start over in *gag* medical floor or nursing home (no offense to those who are but it WASN'T for me!). I have an "expensive" brain (college degree) and I worked 4 yrs full time before stopping... its been 4 yrs (as of THIS week) that I haven't worked as a nurse. So I went to college for 4.5 yrs to work only 4?! When COULD I go back? I want one more kid and I would want to stay home with them also..... this is one of the reasons I want to keep them close--so I can get the under 5 (out of school) phase "over with" faster so I can go back to work while they are in school. But does it make me a bad mom i think that way? Man If I could even type out half the things I think I 'm sure I would get a good debate going! LOL I know there is a debate in my head once a week on this topic! So far the SAHM part keeps winning..... and once it stops winning I may relook into it.
ok that was a long, non-sense ramble LOL
My point...... there are days your going to hate being a SAHM and miss work a TON, and then there are days that you love it. ...as long as the good days are more than the bad keep with is

[soImarriedAnerd]

Bre---- I'm the opposite, but SO know what you mean!.. I feel I'm a better baby mom and I suck at "non-running/climbing/physically able" toddler mom. I KNOW I suck at dealing with kids from walking to playing ball phase. I'm so lost on what I should/can do with him... I just want him to get to the age where he can play sports and I know I will be good again.