[~*sierra*~]

Ok, i think i'm really going thru something right now. I have always wanted a home birth and i'm fully confident that it is safe, especially for me because i live only 10 min away from the hospital (actually several of the top mother/baby/children's hospitals in the country). after my recent illness though i think my dh is worried about me and the baby when my birthing time comes. the hospital was such a help, and it was really scary to be so incredibly sick and unable to get to a hospital (i was stuck in that plane). i can understand how he feels, and i'm really thinking about going to the hospital for the birth. my midwives have full priveledges at the hospital (rare for midwives in my area), meaning if i needed anaesthesia they dont have to transfer care to an OB, and the only way they would transfer care would be for a c section. so that is reassuring because the idea of a random stranger putting their hands in certain places makes me cringe. i really really trust my primary midwife and her student for that matter. i'll also have a doula with me, to help things go more the way i want them to, and i'll be able to labour at home for as long as possible. and i'm going to start hypnobabies soon...

am i just throwing in the towel by being willing to accomodate my husbands wishes/fears? i just really want to have my baby in my arms, and i want me AND dh to feel secure and safe about the birth. i know what women's bodies are designed to do and i'm cool with it just happening, but its all so scary and foreign to guys, kwim?

advice?

[LisanAndy]

I have my births in a hospital with a midwife and it's so enjoyable, seriously. It's quiet, the nurses are respectful and super supportive of my decision to go natural (heck, the nurses I've had don't get epis!) but you have the benefit of having ORs around if needed but I pray they never will be. My hospital is designed like a birth center though so it's very personal and private with very little interference. I think if it would make Andy happier and more comfortable, I would do it in a hospital, though I understand the desire to have a home birth. We seriously contemplated it with this pregnancy

[bittersweet]

I think to have a successful homebirth you need 100% support from your partner. If your DH isn't feeling confident about it, a hospital birth with your doula and midwife is a great choice.

Personally, I could never do a homebirth. I think it has to do with working in healthcare and always seeing the worst case scenerios. If the baby started going into distress and instead of being in a hosptial I was in my bath tub at home..I'd lose it.

I had a hospital birth with a midwife (I had an OB I saw regularly, but the midwife all call took all the non-complicated deliveries). I never felt like an epidural was pushed on me. They asked when I came in if I needed something for pain and I said no. They told me let them know when/if I wanted something and it was a simple as that. I was already 5 cm when I was admitted so I wanted an epidural pretty soon there after. I had a wonderful experience with it and will be getting one again next time. I was relaxed, pain free, and enjoyed my birth. Plus I had hours of reduced pain down there without taking narcotics after she born and the epidural was removed.

[LuvMyLwAaMr]

I don't think you're just throwing in the towel. Giving birth to your beautiful baby is one of the most important things you will ever do, so you and your dh both need to be 100% comfortable with your decisions.

The hospital I deliver at also has the labor & delivery area set up like a birth center and my nurses were amazing. When I told them I wanted to go naturally, they were actually impressed and said "Wow... we don't have very many that come in and tell us that anymore! If you do change your mind and decide you want something just let us know." And that was the last I ever heard about meds... no pushing from them or from my drs.

[Oriyan]

You and DH should sit down and discuss it. At my hospital the nurses and midwives were supportive of ALL my decisions. We even had it set up so that if I asked them for an Epi, they would not give it unless my husband went to them and said -- She wants and Epi, and then they would confirm it with me. (Which is what happened at 5am after my water was broken). We discussed everything about my induction (going slow, only uping the pitocin if my contractions got spacey, not to up it just to make things move faster). Everything was how I wanted it to go (delayed eye goop and vit K so we could bond first). It was perfect.

HOWEVER! I would love to have a different experience of a home birth next. I love the way my son was born, however, it was the following 30 hours that killed me (which is why I left early) because it was constant in and out in my room by nurses checking my bleeding and stitches, checking my temperature and BP, pediatricians checking on JJ, people asking me if I want to order picture/food/tv/cable. Lactation consultants, PP social workers making sure i don't shake my baby, interns, residents, etc -- i NEVER got to rest and it was terrible. Plus, I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours, and then I had family and friends visiting for SEVEN hours (Umm hello?! My parents got there and I had barely gotten out of the shower which i had to BEG for!).

So just weigh the pro's and con's. Because it's not the birth part you need to only think of -- it's the ENTIRE experience as a whole

[szczepanski]

Why don't you arrange a meeting with the midwife and DH so he can address any of his concerns with someone who will have all the answers?

I had an amazing natural birth in the hospital with a midwife. My birth was beautiful and I had 100% support from my nurses to go natural. I never once was offered an epi or pain meds...in fact, it wasn't even mentioned!

[~*sierra*~]

we had a big talk this morning and i think we are good. i think we are both in a good place about trying for the natural water birth(if possible) at the hospital. i feel really good that we are on the same page now, and honestly he sounded so concerned that i still be able to get the birth i wanted at the hospital. he hopes we can get a tub in the room just as much as me i think! i'll probably call around tomorrow and try to find out whats what, just so that i can stop worrying about it.

[*krista*]

Just go with your gut. If you are having second thoughts about a home birth, go ahead and go with the hospital -- it isn't "thowing in the towel". It would be difficult for me to give birth in an environment where my dh wasn't comfy too. It is okay to change your mind.

I can also tell you that I had a great experience in the hospital. Everyone was wonderful and kept my wishes in mind. Granted, I've never had any other kind of birth so I have no reference point, but it really was perfect to me.

[~*sierra*~]

while i'm not having second thoughts about me birthing at home, i am not sure i'd be able to handle it well if my dh was really stressing out. the other thing is at least i'd know we'd have privacy at the hospital, which will be really nice, and that's something i'd really have to fight for at home i think (ie all my IL's would be coming over).

[**jessie**]

I'm glad you too decided on a middle ground. That's half the battle.

I know I always heard stories about nurses/doctors pushing meds and whatnot, but I know when I got into L&D one of the first things they said is that they will never offer me any pain meds (except with a c/s, of course) unless I come to them and ask. I also never had to stay in bed, had to do 15 min fetal monitoring every 2 hrs or so, got to be in the birthing tub (they hooked up the monitoring stuff and it must have been waterproof), and did aromatherapy/music/birthing balls. And this was a regular hospital, not a birth center. I think if you want a med free delivery in a hospital then it should certainly be possible.

[Kiwi]

I'm sorry you are getting grief from your DH regarding a home birth. I think you are doing the right thing in researching all your options (visiting the hospital etc) before deciding what to do.

I know how frustrating it is. Although I have a very supportive DF who is more than happy for me to have a home birth, my family are being pretty horrible about it. My sister even told me I'm going to die if I try to give birth at home (we don't get on at the best of times...). I really do wish I hadn't told anyone our plans.

[ShannonMVT]

A hospital birth sounds like a good compromise since you'll still be with a midwife who'll be more natural birth oriented. And there's no reason why you can't still stay at home for the earlier parts of labor so long as you're both comfortable with that. I was in the hospital and while there were parts of it I didn't like, it wasn't bad either.

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

Do what ever both you and DH feel comfortable with! I'd go to the hospital if I were you because of all your IL's and also barking dogs lol!!! For me noise was awful while laboring I ended up being taken out of my room at the hospital because my room mate and her 20 visitors were being too loud that I tried to throw something at them . Whatever you do I will support you 100%!

[Resi]

I think it's great that you are considering your husbands comfort in your L&D. He will be more comfy, your midwives will still be with you, you can labor at home. To me it's a win win for the most part.

Maybe your husband will feel better about a homebirth the second time around.

[Resi]

I wanted to add that I loved the hospital I was at. The nurses did respect my birth plan, didn't offer any kinds of drugs at all (I asked for the epi). There were no problems. When I was on the pitocin I could get up and move as much as needed. After I got the epi I was bed bound but that was because I was numb and could not move much from the waste down without a lot of help.

[Frozendesire]

I think taking his feelings into consideration is a great idea. Checking out all your options is a great idea too. I've had three wonderful births in hospitals and 2 amazing recoveries (Curtis' wasn't so nice but it was due to being roomed with five other ladies!). With Dustin and AJ I had an awsome support system of hubby and the nurses and I imagine a midwife and doula would be even better!!! My nurses never even offered or spoke of the epi, and I never asked them not too.

[Alison81]

I had Kylie in a hospital with an OB and I found the nurses were really understanding of my wishes and how I want to labor and give birth. They also respect wishes to be left alone, and they are not constantly checking vitals, the only person who checked me was my OB. I guess it depends on the hospital, but where I go, it's like having a motel room for a few days and you call if you need anything. I am weird, but I enjoy it, it's like a vacation and I don't have to worry about cleaning while I'm there I think as long as you have a midwife, you can still have a very natural experience. And then, once DH sees how "easy" it is, he might be more open to a home birth next time.

[Mjp121212]

I loved my hospital birth. I wanted a homebirth but was too nervous about it myself. I remember seeing a pic of a lady in Africa who was a patient of my dr's who had a "homebirth" in a tent in Africa on a mission trip! I told my mom I'd love to do that but I was afraid something would go wrong. Now I'm glad I was afraid since he was born not breathing! There was nothing is ever forced or pushed and there is even a birthing tub on the labor floor here! I had an OB birth in a hospital and never even saw a nurse or anyone else unless I asked for them! I wasn't even checked except for the 2 times I asked after the first time. Meds were never pushed. I was told to just ask for them if I felt I needed them. And it wa actually a huge deal when I delivered with no pain meds because they all kept bragging about it as if I was some sort of super woman LOL. I did have pitocin because I wasn't contracting and I did have antibiotics that I could have refused because my group B strep hadn't come back yet. I could have eaten or drank if I wanted, but I didn't feel like it. Then afterwards they help you shower if you want to shower or bed bath or let you do it yourself or however you like, and you get your regular meals and then a snack cart goes by every 2 or 3 hours and offers cookies, sandwiches, fruit, etc. And they give extras if you are breastfeeding LOL! Here also we have special birthing rooms that are like hotel rooms and are very lovely and very quiet. There's also 2 surgical units on the floor in case of emergency. you can go from emergency to baby in less than 3mins I'm told lol. Then you only have 1 nurse for the duration of your stay after the birth, and of course your celebration dinner is a bonus LOL

[~*sierra*~]

tash, my sister gave me grief about the home birth too. she told me i was 'making the biggest mistake of my life'! she was being melodramatic, she works with sick babies though so i can understand her perspective.

um missy, i think i want to have my baby at your hospital!!!!! LOL that sounds pretty sweet!

i am looking forward to seeing the L&D on our tour....i might phone my midwife today and ask about the birthing tub, pregnant ladies do wierder stuff than randomly phone up and ask about tubs right? oh well she'll still probably think i'm an oddball! hehe see i have a midwife/hospital birth to compare this to (SIL's) and the more i've been thinking about it the more i realize that my situation will be a lot different than hers was. part in thanks to the fact that got to be at hers and know what to ask about now, but also my circumstances are different and my level of preparation (ie using the hypnobabies, SIL didn't have any coping mechanisms planned for, plus doula etc). also my midwives have told me that the hospital SIL delivered at isn't that great for having babies, but sings the praises of my hospital (could be biased, but i do trust her judgement).

i can kind of understand why SIL didn't do much preparation for birth though, because honestly after these past few days i'm kinda sick of thinking about it. bad i know, but really i mean no matter what i plan for its going to go how its going to go & i'll get a baby at the end!

[**Jenn**]

I had Liam in a hospital and it was fine. I did get the natural birth I wanted it was all the after stuff I could have done without. Maybe though you'll be able to leave early since you'll be under a midwife's care and not an OB.

I wasn't ready for a homebirth with my first and I think Ian wouldn't have been comfortable with it either. He was one of those that didn't even want to look or cut the cord or anything when I was pregnant with Liam. Then I started pushing and everything changed, he was so into it! I think your dh will surprise himself when he's actually in the moment and he'll be more on board for whatever you want the next time definitely. That's what happened with Ian--he was all for the natural birth and very supportive but everything was so alien to him, he didn't really know what was going on or what to expect and really didn't want any parts of the whole baby coming out part. Now he was just as disappointed as I was that we couldn't get our homebirth with Lila and that she came too quickly for him to catch.

I think its great that you're weighing all your options and that even if you do end up in the hospital its great that your midwife and doula will still be there for you. You can absolutely get a natural birth in a hospital and I believe you will if you decide to go that route.

Like Angela, I also need silence when in labor and to have a bunch of inlaws especially milling about and making noise would drive me insane and make my labor painful because I know I'd tense up because of it.