So....

Mjp121212 · #1 October 16th, 2010, 10:06 AM

I caught Matt ring shopping. I know he wants to "pop the question." But I'm not really wanting to get married.....right now. I like my freedom. Is this horrible of me?

Mars · #2 October 16th, 2010, 03:06 PM

I don't think it's horrible of you considering all that you've been through. Perhaps if he does pop the question you can have a long engagement but I think you will have to let him know your feelings about it. He'll need to know your feelings of what you want from the relationship in the long term. I'm not sure how to explain what I mean properly by typing and I don't want it to come out the wrong way.

~Caroline~ · #3 October 16th, 2010, 03:43 PM

I agree with what Mari wrote. And you're definitely not a horrible person.

JediRach · #4 October 16th, 2010, 06:35 PM

I agree with Mari on this one.

BaconsMama · #5 October 16th, 2010, 08:06 PM

Not a horrible person at all, you've been through a lot! Mari is totally right

*krista* · #6 October 16th, 2010, 08:06 PM

I don't think it is horrible at all. You feel how you feel, you know? You can't help that. Although I don't know... if you don't want to be tied down, what about all these oopsies?? (I don't meant that in a rude way, let me just clear that up now.

) Maybe you do want something long term and you just aren't willing to admit it yet.

Mjp121212 · #7 October 16th, 2010, 08:41 PM

That's why I told him to stop with his "opps" habit. I'm ok for long term.....I just don't want to feel trapped and bound by contract hahahaha! I told him I didn't want to plan to get married for at least another year to 3.

and let me add: He is really REALLY good to us. And that kinda scares me because I'm just not used to it....I know....I'm nuts.

**Jenn** · #8 October 17th, 2010, 10:40 AM

I agree with Mari on this one.

There's nothing wrong with a long engagement either--mine was almost 2 years, even though we both really wanted to get married! And who knows, after you've been engaged for a bit you might really want to get things moving a bit more.

rubyredslipperz · #9 October 17th, 2010, 12:41 PM

I agree with Mari too. I'll be the last to tell you to jump into a marriage you're not ready for. I don't think it makes you a bad person, in a way it makes you responsible...

~*Bethy*~ · #10 October 17th, 2010, 01:55 PM

Long engagments are fine! hubby and I were engaged for 2 years before we got married. Had Ian not come along, we probably would have waited another year.

Mars · #11 October 17th, 2010, 04:35 PM

Sometimes it's hard to open up and accept a "new" person after being treated so badly before but at some point, you will need to decide and the only way is to get those feelings out in the open from both sides. He may be understanding of your "fears" and give you some space/time for a while but he may or may not be willing to continue undecided for much longer after that.

Mjp121212 · #12 October 17th, 2010, 05:21 PM

Yeah I don't think he'd really wanna wait an extended period of time. I told him I wanted a cool date like 11/12/13 lol or 12/13/14 he asked about 9/10/11 and I said I'd consider 10/11/12 LOL. But we did go together today and look at some things, he wanted to. I was engaged once before exdh....we were engaged for a year and then broke up. I don't do well with being engaged I don't think. On a bright note, my lil cousin proposed to his high school sweetheart last night by carving pumpkins that said will you marry me.

*krista* · #13 October 17th, 2010, 07:57 PM

Your date negotiation made me laugh!

And omg that is such a sweet way to propose!!!

LisanAndy · #14 October 18th, 2010, 03:40 AM

Long engagements are fine!

The way your cousin proposed was SOO sweet

Mars · #15 October 18th, 2010, 05:22 AM

Love the cool dates and the proposal....how sweet and totally cool!

Mjp121212 · #16 October 18th, 2010, 08:27 AM

Yeah I also told matt he had to top that if he chose to attempt to make me legal.

*Mrs.J.2011* · #17 October 18th, 2010, 05:45 PM

Nothing wrong with a long engagement! By the time we get married we will have been engaged for almost 27 months. What a sweet way for your cousin to propose!

*kyle* · #18 October 19th, 2010, 11:30 AM

Missy, I am so totally understanding of you being gun-shy when it comes to the "contract" of marriage.

For those of us who have felt the suffocation of being married to the wrong person, it can be terrifying to think of going down that same road again. After all, when you married your ex, you had thoughts of it lasting forever. It is very, very hard to trust your own instincts or emotions after divorce.

My advice is to let Matt know that you enjoy just being committed to him and that you appreciate the fact that an un-contracted couple re-commits every day in a conscious way to making the other want to stay. There is no falling back on the "well they married me, they're stuck with me" and taking each other for granted. Maybe down the road consider an engagement and/or commitment ceremony. IF your feelings toward marriage change, then you know you have a willing husband-to-be. You have to take the lead on this. Matt needs to understand and respect your feelings on this because if you felt forced into a 2nd marriage, you could end up feeling trapped just because you weren't 100% on it yet. Even 99% isn't 100%. And 2nd marriage end in divorce even more often than 1st marriages.... NONE of us wants to be THAT statistic...