[faith*hope*love]

Did any of you have to deal with a DH who was scared to ttc? I feel like that may be what is going on with us. He says he wants children, and talks about how much he loves our nephew etc, but when it comes time to talk about us actually having kids, there is always an excuse. It used to be how hard it would be with me finishing up my education, but I brought it up last night how by the time baby got here I would be finished with my last few classes and you could practically see the wheels turning in his head for a new excuse. Then I was tired so I went to bed early but I had forgotten to take my bcp so I got back up and he asked what I was doing. I told him I forgot my medicine and he said oh you dont have to take it. I knew full and well he didn't mean it, and called him out on it. He then agreed that he didn't mean it and he still wanted me on bcp. I tried to explain how bad things like that hurt me but I don't think he understands. What do I do in this situation? Do I try to wait it out a little more, or do I press the situation?

[LisanAndy]

That sounds completely normal to me... GUYS I HATE when they do that! Before my first came along he said he didn't want to have kids before we were 24... well I'm 23 with 3 kids His excuse was wanting to get finances in order... looking back, sure, we would be a lot better off with no kids right now but we're not living poorly by any means and my kids are worth it. It was a struggle in the beginning though. We didn't plan my first even though I had baby fever like nobody's business LoL. We didn't use condoms twice in the month of Jan 07, Jan 11th and 14th, which means I must have been ovulating then (I thought every woman O'ed on day 14 which would have been back in December 06 and my period must have been late... very uneducated on everything at the time LoL) and I got my BFP Jan 31st. Andy made me test because I was craving pickles and tired all the time (anyone that knows me knows that I have limitless energy LoL!). If it's hurting you I'd definitely talk with him about it. It always helped me to have a time frame in mind when baby fever was really getting to me

[**jessie**]

Yeah sounds pretty typical. My DH was the same. He KNEW he wanted kids but didn't like the committing to a time frame too much. Maybe thats why we didn't ttc until after 4.5 yrs marriage?! I also found that when we were ttc, he didn't want to know the 'details'. He just wanted to dtd and not know about when I was ovulating ect.

I really want a 2nd child and this time it was even worse trying to get a time frame out of him. Finally this ended up being our conversation last month:

ME: You know, I am going to run out of bcp's in 3 days (I really was). Soooo.... do you want me to go get another script or do you want to pick them up for me?
DH: Sure I'll go get them. What kind do you like?
ME: I don't like any of them.
DH: Well, you have to pick a kind because I don't know.
ME: Actually I don't want to take them anymore. Would that be okay?
DH: OK
ME: So you know that means you are responsible for using condoms if you don't want a pregnancy right know.
DH: Okay, but I don't think I want to use anything.

So I guess that was our ttc talk, lol.

[Mars]

Sounds pretty typical. If it's ok with you to wait, then I would allow him to cool off and then ask him to meet you halfway with an idea as to when you could try. If it's really bugging you and you're very upset by it, then I would ask him to sit down and chat about it.

[~*sierra*~]

my dh was the exact same, if not worse. i was a complete wreck at the time & pretty devastated. i think if you wait a bit, he will come around. that's what happened with mine. basically he eventually realized that everyone else was doing it so there must be something else going on besides all the negative stuff he was focusing on before. now he tells me like every other day to hurry up and get that baby out so he can play with it hehe anyways i can only suggest patience because i seriously had to stretch mine to the limit when it came to this

*hugs*

[JediRach]

Originally Posted by Mars

Sounds pretty typical. If it's ok with you to wait, then I would allow him to cool off and then ask him to meet you halfway with an idea as to when you could try. If it's really bugging you and you're very upset by it, then I would ask him to sit down and chat about it.

I agree. If you feel like you need to talk to him about it then do it. If you are ok with waiting a little longer, maybe just let him know that he needs to not say things like don't take you bcp if he doesn't mean it.

[faith*hope*love]

We have tried to talk things out and set a time frame. but he just doesn't understand so I get frustrated and give up. I told him last night not to say things like that because it does hurt me. I guess I am just gonna wait it out a little while and see how things go, it just sucks because it does hurt me and sometimes I can hold in all the negative and we end up arguing about it

[*vi]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that hun. unfortunately I have no advice except try telling him how you feel about it. I know it can be frustrating but it can't hurt to try.

[Resi]

It's a normal guy thing. Mine wasn't ready to ever ttc. I would always throw dates out there to ttc and he would say maybe. It drove me nuts. We always had sex around ovulation time and he only pulled out. After a year of doing this we got pregnant and he was fine with it. He loves having Oliver but said he most likely never would have actually ttc. He thinks it will happen by a slip up if it's meant to be. He has the same way of thinking about a second child. I swear my husband is the only one who won't ttc for a second child on here and IRL.

I'm sure you hubby will come around. Have you asked about what goals or age he would like to be before ttc? He is most likely scared of al the changes a head. Give it some time and see what happens. Once you are pregnant and have the baby he will be happy and the timing will work out!

[alicenwonderland]

Keep the conversation going. My DH wanted to wait till i was 25 to start TTC. (i am 23) I kept the conversation going, and we ended up trying when i was 21 and i'm glad we did because it took us 2 years to conceive. The more i talked about it and the more i educated him, the more he got used to the idea. He kinda liked the thrill of DTD without protection.

[faith*hope*love]

Resi, I think our husbands could be twins, what you described is exactly what I feel like he is trying to do. We have tried to talk about ages/goals/where we want to be in like etc and I basically get "I don't know" for every single answer. I really don't think he is afraid of the taking care of the baby/spending time/ changing diapers etc aspect. So I'm not sure if it is the whole process of ttc and the stress, or if he is worried about the other aspects of having a baby like being free to go do something on a whim, or hanging out with friends late and those kind of things.

Originally Posted by alicenwonderland

Keep the conversation going. My DH wanted to wait till i was 25 to start TTC. (i am 23) I kept the conversation going, and we ended up trying when i was 21 and i'm glad we did because it took us 2 years to conceive. The more i talked about it and the more i educated him, the more he got used to the idea. He kinda liked the thrill of DTD without protection.

We have actually even talked about the what if's and it does worry me that I will having trouble to actually conceive because of the rest of my familiy's history. I'm worried about educating him too much and freaking him out, wjat kind of things did you guys talk about?

[LuvMyLwAaMr]

My dh doesn't like the thought of being responsible for actively trying to bring a new life into the world... kind of like a thought process of "If I screw something up, it's my own fault for wanting to bring this baby into the world in the first place." Our committing to ttc chat for #3 was similar to a couple others mentioned, but bcp make me sick and crazy so I had other reasons to quit them... I counted down the days of pills left then when I was out and af was gone I said "Ok... birth control has been my responsibility for the past 10 years! Pills are gone, if you want to avoid #3, you are responsible for wrapping it up... I will not be reminding you!" Needless to say I conceived the first month off of pills and baby will be joining us in May... and DH is very excited

Maybe you could try to have a heart to heart, not discussing at all when you will ttc, but just to find out what his concerns and hesitations are?

[Trannyfromtheuk]

We didnt have to have the TTC talk 1st time around as I was on BCP.

However, when Mia turned 6 months I went from never wanting another ever to wanting, At 1st DH was like no, one is enough then went to maybe then to no again. So I stopped asking. Night after my hen do he told me he wanted to try for another baby, to get rid of my BCP. I thought he was joking - teasing me because I was drunk. I asked him the next day if he was serious and we got rid of my BCP...that was 18 months ago and he still flicks between TTC and not wanting too...I blame the not wanting too on us having to go the MA route...we both thought with us having Mia on BCP TTC on our own when we want too would be a peice of pie!

[alicenwonderland]

Our first step was getting off the pill. We started charting and using natural forms of birth control. We learned togehter how my body worked so we would be ready to try, and the hormones would be out of my system. That made it easy to spontaneously start trying on our cruise vacation. We hadn't planned to start then, it just seemed right. (we conceieved on another cruise 2 years later)

[faith*hope*love]

Thanks for all the advice, I haven't completely decided what I am going to do right now I'm just letting everything sink in, and try to figure out what to do next, but I am headed more in the right direction with all of your advice

[rubyredslipperz]

My DH is the same. When I knock down one of his excuses he 'reels' for more. we had a rough patch and separated for a month and when we got back together I told him "I want a baby, maybe not tomorrow but soon. You have to be ok with that or we can't do this." and he said "I've been thinking about that lately and I want that, I want a family with you someday." so we've been working on things.. but when everything smoothed over I brought it up again, he said he wants us to have our house completed and a newer vehicle for me. I asked him "Will that be done within a year?" he laughed and said "That's like $40,000 so no it wont." Needless to say I was pissed. I think my DH is a lot like some of the others on here though, if it DID happen he would be happy. I bought some HPTs on Saturday and he was putting THAT bag away and asked "You think you're pregnant?" but the way he said it, he sounded excited about it. I said "No I just test because we're not really preventing-preventing" (Just PnP). He nodded but looked like he was mixed with emotions. My friend told me earlier that day when I said Dan just never seems to be ready, she said "Men are never really READY until they have to be ready... sometimes it just needs to happen." So I'm waiting and hoping it just does. I try not to bring it up too often because he gets irritated sometimes and feels like I'm pushing him. IDK if thats really any advice for you but I can definitely relate.