[Capns Girl]

I need to get this out of my head. Otherwise I'm going to say something and (hopefully) I'll regret it.

I have a friend whom I talk to about everyday. She's been TTC for 3.5 years with no success. I really feel for her most days. It has gotten to the point where its all she talks about anymore, and I don't have a problem with that.

What I do have a problem with is that she hasn't/won't get medical help. She hasn't seen a dr. at all about it. A part of her doesn't want to hear that there are problems, I get that. The other reason is they don't have any insurance and they can't afford to go. What is driving me absolutely nuts is that they can't afford a drs visit but they can afford weekend get aways to Vegas, they are constantly buying new BluRays and needing all the latest and greatest toys. Last year I asked her how they were going to cover thier hospital bills, plus all the extra expenses baby brings (I was being nosy!). Her answer was state assistance. Now I don't have a problem with people needing help now and then. Things happen and sometimes help is needed. I do have a problem with people expecting hand outs.

What has me over the edge is that she knows we just started trying for #2. She told me that if I get pregnant before her again that she isn't going to be happy for me at all. WTH! I can understand being upset at first but you don't tell someone that. I just want to ask her not to talk to me about her problems anymore. But that will offend... Plus thats not what friends do.

Oh, well. I feel better now! Vent over

[Mars]

There are so many persons out there who have their priorities in the wrong order and so many who abuse welfare/state assistance programs.

I have to blame some of these programs too because if I was running them, before I could grant you assistance, I would run background checks and gather info on your spending habits, etc. If you are making some kind of money, then I would work out a budget with you and if you need assistance, then so be it. I would also have a revaluation at least annually to see how it's going. I know it requires a lot of resources to manage these programs properly but they are set up in a way where they are constantly abused and while people think it's the government's money, it is not. It is the taxpayers' money that pay for all these things.

[SandKmommy]

Im a horrible person (and JM has made that known many times). Because I have to have medicaid to have my babies, and the kids are on it. We don't make enough to pay for dh's work insurance which is casualty insurance only ($600/mo for insurance then a 9k deductible to be paid before anything is covered), and we are too fat to get private insurance which I've been trying to get.
Granted we aren't like your friend and taking trips of having fun gadgets, we have very minimal bills and "frills" in order for it to work to have kids and be done now so I can get to school soon and find a job.

[*krista*]

Originally Posted by SandKmommy

Im a horrible person (and JM has made that known many times). Because I have to have medicaid to have my babies, and the kids are on it. We don't make enough to pay for dh's work insurance which is casualty insurance only ($600/mo for insurance then a 9k deductible to be paid before anything is covered), and we are too fat to get private insurance which I've been trying to get.
Granted we aren't like your friend and taking trips of having fun gadgets, we have very minimal bills and "frills" in order for it to work to have kids and be done now so I can get to school soon and find a job.

There is a big difference between your situation and the friend's situation! It is one thing to genuinely need the help when you are spendIng your money responsibly -- that is nothing to feel guilty about at all!! And it seems to be your situation. It is another to spend it frivolously and then turn to taxpayers to make up the difference, which is what the friend is doing. There are plenty of gadgets I would love to have, but don't get because we have other things we need to pay for. I am all for helping those in need, but I would expect those receiving help to spend the money they do have responsibly. That is like lending a friend in need a few hundred bucks and then watching them turn around and buy a 50" flat screen tv when you don't have one yourself! That actually happened to us and I couldn't understand it because I thought most people have enough of a sense of responsibility to make paying back debts a priority over expensive toys. This friend is what give social welfare a bad reputation.

To respond to the original post -- although it is her business whether or not she goes to the doctor, I can see how she must be frustrating! I can understand that fear of going to the doctor, but you would imagine after that long her priorities would change. We have seen a lot of women go through the heartbreak of desperately ttc for a long time and my goodness my heart goes out to those ttcers. I suppose everyone deals with it differently. Maybe doing these extravagant things is filling the void that her tough ttc journey is probably creating for her? Not to make excuses, that certainly wasn't the nicest thing she said to you when she said she wouldn't be happy for you if you got pregnant. I wonder if they will spend their budgeting priorities will change when they do get pregnant?

[LadyGamer]

Originally Posted by SandKmommy

Im a horrible person (and JM has made that known many times). Because I have to have medicaid to have my babies, and the kids are on it. We don't make enough to pay for dh's work insurance which is casualty insurance only ($600/mo for insurance then a 9k deductible to be paid before anything is covered), and we are too fat to get private insurance which I've been trying to get.
Granted we aren't like your friend and taking trips of having fun gadgets, we have very minimal bills and "frills" in order for it to work to have kids and be done now so I can get to school soon and find a job.

Needing the help does NOT make you a horrible person

[Capns Girl]

Originally Posted by SandKmommy

Im a horrible person (and JM has made that known many times). Because I have to have medicaid to have my babies, and the kids are on it. We don't make enough to pay for dh's work insurance which is casualty insurance only ($600/mo for insurance then a 9k deductible to be paid before anything is covered), and we are too fat to get private insurance which I've been trying to get.
Granted we aren't like your friend and taking trips of having fun gadgets, we have very minimal bills and "frills" in order for it to work to have kids and be done now so I can get to school soon and find a job.

I definately wouldn't put you under the "horrible person" category! Kids need insurance, and it sounds like you're living within your means. Big difference!!

[artisticmind]

popping in from the WTTC board and had to put in my 2 cents The first situation irks me like no other. We live paycheck to paycheck for the most part, some weeks we end up floating a check on wednesday eveing/thrusday evening until friday to get groceries for the end of the week and next, and pay as much of our bills as we can. Riley is on medicaid due to my company only offering indemnity insurance (pay for your treatment first then get reimbursed-which we don't have the money for-the reason you pay for insurance so you don't have to pay the whole amount up front) and hubbys company has some gimpy insurance that is $20/wk for a family and his coworkers are always having problems getting the insurance accepted and to cover anything. that $20/week could be more useful going towards a bill at the end of the month. so he's on insurance and we aren't. thankfully we don't sick often or at all. We do have dental insurance through my job because they have a decent plan for it. so for the most part we do spend out money responsibly, we dont go out and buy new toys, we take care of our cars. We bought a new tv in January because ours croaked but waited until they went on sale before buying one and this fall i will have to use my leftover school money to buy a new computer for school, but when we do by new electronics its because we need them for a reason, not because we are trying to keep up with the jones'
Now back to my rant. We live 3 blocks down from a section-8 apartment housing complex. irritates me to no end the number of brand new tahoes, trailbazers, minivans, sedans, cadillacs, and denali's that i see in their parking lot. here i am driving a crappy old 85 buick and paying my own bills, again for the most part,, which based on income as i only work part time/full time student, and hubbys wages we would probably qualify for more assistance but we don't apply for it because for the most part we choose to make our own way. and here these people are getting housing assistance and what money they do bring on is spent on a brand new vehicle or other toys instead of saving it to get off off assistance and making their own way.

Right now we're WTTC so i can get more of my schooling done and to pay off some bills before we have #2 but more than likely due to insurance we will be applying for medicaid to help with the expenses of appointments. Unfortunately my state does not have a tiered help plan which i would be more than willing to participate in, pay a copay and have them cover the remainder, and us pay a portion of the final bill. As far as i know it is an all or nothing coverage plan. So i'm in the same boat as SandKmommy in needing help to cover expenses. Maybe our luck will change and hubby will have a better job with better insurance before then but i don't forsee that happening.

Hopefully my long book makes sense.

[Resi]

I can understad the frustration. Krista made some good points regarding the spending money and not seeking out medical help.

Justine - No one should make you feel bad about it. Your family just makes it month to month like so many other families.

[Mars]

Justine, you situation is very different and you qualify to have the assistance. You are not taking multiple pleasure trips, etc.

There is nothing wrong with getting assistance if you need it. There's a problem with getting it, if you can finance things that aren't necessary.

[Capns Girl]

Originally Posted by Mars

Justine, you situation is very different and you qualify to have the assistance. You are not taking multiple pleasure trips, etc.

There is nothing wrong with getting assistance if you need it. There's a problem with getting it, if you can finance things that aren't necessary.

That was very well put!