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  #1  
April 18th, 2012, 08:41 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I am having so much baby envy right now. Every other day I find someone I grew up with, or their younger sibling has had a baby. People who's diapers I changed have babies. Seriously... I've had enough. I had my first miscarriage at 19, my second at 20. One at 21. Four at 24. One at 26. I was using something to prevent for every one. And now.. 3 cycles ttc in.. and nothing. When the heck is it going to be my turn? Will I always so envious of my friends? I'm terrified my cousin is going to get pregnant before me. I love her to death, but she found Mr. Right first. Got married first (by 2.5 weeks.. but that's besides the point)... I do not know if I will ever be able to handle her having a baby first.
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Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


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  #2  
April 19th, 2012, 05:36 AM
Cassie.S's Avatar Sophia's Mommy!
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Believe me, you're not alone on the baby envy. I had a serious case of it while we were WTTC and then once we started trying. It can be really hard to see everyone else getting what you want so badly. It took us 5 months of trying to get pregnant, which I know for some people it can take even longer, so don't give up yet. Have you talked to your doctor to find out the cause of all your previous miscarriages? I hope you get your BFP soon and have a nice little sticky bean!
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  #3  
April 19th, 2012, 07:19 AM
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I'm sorry, Ashley

For me, it's pretty much the same situation right now. My family's Irish Catholic and there's like 8 babies at least born a year. I have 16 brothers and sisters and I'm #8. My niece just turned 18 and she has 2 kids, just had her son in December. My sister is almost 18 and she just had a little boy. My sister who are twins and a year older than me both just had kids, for F. it was her second and for B. it was her 4th. My cousin's wife is due in August with his 2nd daughter. My brother and my best friend who is a year younger than me has 3 kids. Even my best friend is 23 and she just had a tubal done after her 4th child.

Plus to top it off I work at a preschool...so that just makes my baby fever even higher everyday. Honestly sometimes I'm not even sure why I do my job because it leaves me aching a little bit inside but I love it so I keep at it.

It goes on and on down the line but most of all it just leaves me stressed out, left out and disappointed. I'm only 22 but I want a large family and sometimes I feel like time is running out - I guess that's dumb. Hopefully this cycle is our cycle though...I'd love to be in the January DDC.
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  #4  
April 19th, 2012, 11:18 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassie.S View Post
Believe me, you're not alone on the baby envy. I had a serious case of it while we were WTTC and then once we started trying. It can be really hard to see everyone else getting what you want so badly. It took us 5 months of trying to get pregnant, which I know for some people it can take even longer, so don't give up yet. Have you talked to your doctor to find out the cause of all your previous miscarriages? I hope you get your BFP soon and have a nice little sticky bean!

losses 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 I was using hormonal birth control. I can ovulate, and get pregnant, just can't stay pregnant due to lining issues and the fact the pill kills my natural progesterone production so once the pill stops, I don't make enough to sustain the pregnancy. 5 of those were chemicals, #7 I managed to hold on to her for 8 weeks before my progesterone levels dropped. the day I lost her my hcg was in the "normal" ranges, but my progesterone was only 3. I didn't miss an AF, so I didn't even know I was pregnant until the second cycle when I tested. I thought I'd had a chemical the month before (cause I'd tested) but when I passed her and went to the dr, they said she was 8 weeks.

Loss #3 was genetic. The boys had Trisomy 8 complete. This is supposed to be a fluke, but their father has the partial version of Trisomy 8, and has since lost a daughter at 18.5 weeks to Trisomy 8 complete. Needless to say, the genetics dept at home thinks that someone needs to do more research.

And my most recent loss was a combination of a fall, and a weak pregnancy. Identical twin girls, sharing a placenta. I was only 8 weeks, but the two umbilical cords were inserted in almost exactly the same spot, and the placenta was less than 1/4 what it should be for a singleton pregnancy at that point. I didn't miss a period here either, had been a few days late but had a pretty normal af. It wasn't until the fall that I realized something was amiss. I've never seen that much blood. Augie made me take a hpt and it was positive, so I went running to the doctor... I'd lost one baby by then, they removed her from my wide open cervix. Went home knowing I was most likely going to lose the second.. but that she'd had a heartbeat when I'd left... but I passed her over night.

so it's not been an easy 10 years... but the doctors I've spoken with have said that it looks like a string of bad luck. I've never had a loss that has given them reason to think that there's anything wrong with me at all. I don't have any clotting disorders (in fact I have low end of normal/high end of low platelet counts), my genes are clear for most major issues (I have a cousin who had tay sachs, and one with battens disease... so I've been tested) and when my body isn't being pumped full of chemicals I build a perfect lining. I do have some mild pcos like my mother... my right ovary goes cystic when it ovulates (meaning the follicles don't dissipate as quickly as they should and it hurts a bit).


But we may have MFI now. DH has metal poisoning, which can affect the sperm counts. But we wont have any answers to that until this fall, or maybe not until next summer. I swear, if I'm not pregnant by next summer I may need to be put in a mental hospital.

it was so much easier to wait when I was on the pill and the chances of something happening (I was on one that actually worked, no ovulation.. where was this one 5 years ago?) were very slim...Now.. something SHOULD be happening, and isn't. I think it'd also be easier if he didn't already HAVE a son.. so I know the parts all worked at some point!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aillidh View Post
I'm sorry, Ashley

For me, it's pretty much the same situation right now. My family's Irish Catholic and there's like 8 babies at least born a year. I have 16 brothers and sisters and I'm #8. My niece just turned 18 and she has 2 kids, just had her son in December. My sister is almost 18 and she just had a little boy. My sister who are twins and a year older than me both just had kids, for F. it was her second and for B. it was her 4th. My cousin's wife is due in August with his 2nd daughter. My brother and my best friend who is a year younger than me has 3 kids. Even my best friend is 23 and she just had a tubal done after her 4th child.

Plus to top it off I work at a preschool...so that just makes my baby fever even higher everyday. Honestly sometimes I'm not even sure why I do my job because it leaves me aching a little bit inside but I love it so I keep at it.

It goes on and on down the line but most of all it just leaves me stressed out, left out and disappointed. I'm only 22 but I want a large family and sometimes I feel like time is running out - I guess that's dumb. Hopefully this cycle is our cycle though...I'd love to be in the January DDC.

*hugs*

DH only wants one more, but we've agreed if we can have them soon as we start trying, and quickly that we can try for two. He wants to be done by 40, which means being done by November 10 2016... that's only 4 years away. (I'm allowed to be pregnant, but he wants to book his vasectomy for the following week)
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #5  
April 19th, 2012, 04:26 PM
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I'm so sorry about your losses , Ashley, hopefully something positive will come this cycle and maybe we'll be in the January DDC together

Have you talked about other fertility aids if your DH has serious fertility problems like IUI/IVF or even adoption?
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  #6  
April 19th, 2012, 06:39 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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He'll consider IUI with his own sperm. That's one step up from our original conversations 18 months ago where he wouldn't consider any MA at all that involved him.

IVF and Adoption are out. For a few reasons. 1-he's very frugal. 2- there's no guarantee 3- he'd only consider a closed adoption and an infant. We'd never get one before the end of our ttc time. Besides that, we'd never be able to afford it.


there are all kinds of things he's willing to try prior to that. Clomid (for him), Vitamins, etc. There's also the possibility the problem is me... I'm at my all time heaviest, and not losing. I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating, since my cycles are quite normal... but my hormones could be out of whack and I'm ovulating dud eggs.

and the list goes on and on. But I so feel like I'm running out of time. He knows I'm feeling desperate, and depressed... he's caught me crying a few times over it. Course all we can really do is have sex and see if it happens for right now. I told him I wanna buy a microscope
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #7  
April 19th, 2012, 11:06 PM
SammyJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tithen~
He'll consider IUI with his own sperm. That's one step up from our original conversations 18 months ago where he wouldn't consider any MA at all that involved him.

IVF and Adoption are out. For a few reasons. 1-he's very frugal. 2- there's no guarantee 3- he'd only consider a closed adoption and an infant. We'd never get one before the end of our ttc time. Besides that, we'd never be able to afford it.

there are all kinds of things he's willing to try prior to that. Clomid (for him), Vitamins, etc. There's also the possibility the problem is me... I'm at my all time heaviest, and not losing. I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating, since my cycles are quite normal... but my hormones could be out of whack and I'm ovulating dud eggs.

and the list goes on and on. But I so feel like I'm running out of time. He knows I'm feeling desperate, and depressed... he's caught me crying a few times over it. Course all we can really do is have sex and see if it happens for right now. I told him I wanna buy a microscope
Aww, ashley! Hugs, girlie! I'm so sorry you've had such a crazy road through all of this. I do understand your frustration though. I never thought this would be such an emotional journey. I've been off bcp now for eight months and nothing besides our loss back in feb. granted we weren't actively trying until jan., but we hadn't been too careful either. My body just doesn't wanted to ovulate and the waiting among daily pregnancy announcements in fb are killing me. One girl on fb just announced yesterday that she is expecting #2 on the same day I would have been due had I not miscarried.

It's just frustrating and I totally understand where you are coming from. I hope it doesn't take MA or anything crazy for it to work out for you guys! I've got every finger crossed for you!
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  #8  
April 20th, 2012, 02:09 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Thanks Sammy!

The pregnancy announcements just make me want to start deleting people. I know a girl I went to high school with, her "baby" just turned five... she herself is two months younger than I am.. and baby is #3 for her. Another, her baby just started walking, it's #2 for her... It's like the world is just rubbing it in my face!

I guess I shall see what the next couple of cycles will bring for me. Part of me would love to go home pregnant this summer just because then I'd have a reason to be fat and my family couldn't say much about it. Another part of me would like to not be pregnant this summer so I can go out dancing with my mom (yes, I'm well aware most people do NOT wanna do that. lol. My mom's always been the cool one), and while I could go pregnant, the last 5 or 6 times I've gone out I've been on meds that weren't compatible with alcohol so I drove.. I'd like to have a few drinks, come home and jump my husband. lol.

My Nan said last night "so you're going to come down here and get pregnant in my house again huh?" I died laughing. My first big loss, the twin boys, were conceived in her house, just a different one. All I could say back was "nooooo!" and she laughed and said "oh we'll see." Would work perfectly if it did happen and it was a girl.. since we're planning on her middle name being Scotia.. and we'd be visiting Nova Scotia.... and then baby would still be little next summer when we go back.
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #9  
April 20th, 2012, 05:36 AM
Cassie.S's Avatar Sophia's Mommy!
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Oh wow, Ashley, you've been through so much. I can't even imagine how hard that all had to be for you. Well I'm keeping my fingers crossed really tight for all of you girls that you end up in the January DDC together! Good luck!
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  #10  
April 20th, 2012, 07:13 AM
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I'm so sorry about the rough time you've been having, Ashley hopefully you'll get into one of the early DDC's in 2013.

I want one of those microscopes too or a fertility monitor but I think I'll have to wait a while before DH agrees to the monitor. Which ones were you looking into?
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  #11  
April 20th, 2012, 02:40 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aillidh View Post
I'm so sorry about the rough time you've been having, Ashley hopefully you'll get into one of the early DDC's in 2013.

I want one of those microscopes too or a fertility monitor but I think I'll have to wait a while before DH agrees to the monitor. Which ones were you looking into?
oh I'd go buy a science microscope, the kind that can see things as small as sperm, I'd make sure they work myself! LOL. I'm working on DH to get him to consider letting me home school the kids eventually, so I'd want the microscope for science (I was a big science geek), would just be sure to not tell them why I initially bought it

I saw a fertility monitor at Walmart today and nearly fell over. $190... good word!

Waiting on him to get out of the tub and eat dinner so I can jump him today. I got the positive opk over 24 hrs ago.. we dtd last night, and I want to get another round in tonight!

I have been taking the cough syrup (same ingredient as Mucinex), and I've been getting loads of very fertile looking cm! My opk from today was very negative, so I'm 100% sure I surged... let's see if AF starts in 11-13 days!


eta.. or let's see if she doesn't show for nearly 2 years (I plan on nursing and don't count postpartum bleeding as af)
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)

Last edited by plan4fate; April 20th, 2012 at 02:45 PM.
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  #12  
April 20th, 2012, 06:46 PM
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Yeah, those fertility monitors are crazily priced but I want OvaCue (though realistically I don't think it'll happen unless I don't get pregnant for 4 years or something - the darn thing is $249).

I heard that about Mucinex and Robitussin...interesting. Hopefully the BD'ing brings a BFP!
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  #13  
April 20th, 2012, 08:59 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm starting a 2 week program of Prilosec tomorrow. I have been suffering from very common GERD/Reflux symptoms... which are causing me to pack on weight. In order to sleep my stomach has to be full. If I'm not, I feel hungry and will not sleep. During the day my calories have been perfect, water good... and then I added the nighttime food in, and I'm going over my calories by nearly 1000 a day.. make no wonder I've been putting on a pound a week!

Friday I'm going to go purchase my thyroid blood tests (private lab), and will try and get them done the following week. If the levels are off (I have what my normal's should be), we will make me a doctors appointment at an Urgent Care clinic about 30 miles away that also offers PCP care. Hopefully a doctor there will be willing/able to get me the medication I need.

I'm hoping, praying that between maybe fixing the reflux and getting back on my meds will help me drop some pounds, which might increase our chances. It's a class C drug, so if I end up pregnant this cycle it is a slight risk.. but morning sickness plus the GERD would be a nightmare, one that could cost us thousands. So I'm willing to take that risk.


I didn't mention it over here, but DH was considering quitting his job because things have gone very bad very fast. A lot of favoritism, people being paid wages for jobs they aren't doing etc... It put me into an absolute panic. We've not gotten a lot put back from this job, and if he was to quit, we couldn't afford our trip to Canada. So we talked tonight, and he's agreed no matter how bad this job is, he will stick it out. I need to see my family, he needs time off, and he really would like to try and get into his wind tech repair course this fall instead of winter/spring (yay!) He said "I need a real job, so we can stay at home and raise this baby that we're gonna make together."
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #14  
April 21st, 2012, 06:21 AM
Cassie.S's Avatar Sophia's Mommy!
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So my mom does online sweepstakes and while we were still TTC, she had won this Spermcheck Fertility home test for DH. (I know, weird thing to get from your MIL! haha) But before he ever got around to using it, we got our BFP! So if any of my girls here would like it, I'll send it to you if you just pay for shipping. Let me know if anyone is interested.
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  #15  
April 21st, 2012, 09:27 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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lol that's a pretty nifty device! DH wouldn't go for it yet, so I won't jump at the opportunity. But I'm going to book mark the page for the future.

I've been able to refrain so far from buying the fertility tests for women at the drug store... because I know if one of us got a negative test, I'd want answers.. but I'd rather us have some kind of insurance to cover even a part of it!


His alarm woke me up this morning and he felt bad. I haven't been sleeping good. When I got up to pee, and take him the phone (his alarm) he gave me a sweet kiss and said "You looked so peaceful sleeping, I wanted to wake you up and love on you this morning, but I thought you needed the sleep more than you needed that." Love him for being sweet.. but dang it coulda used those swimmers!
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #16  
April 21st, 2012, 04:53 PM
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So hope you caught that egg, Ashley! Looks like I will be just behind you again this cycle. I never did Ovulate last time. (darn, pcos) so I am back on the clomid this cycle. According to my OPKs I will likely O Monday or Tuesday. Soooo impatient. It's frustrating that my body isn't doing what it should. Would be awesome if we end up in the Jan ddc together
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  #17  
April 21st, 2012, 06:41 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I agree Sammy! I don't want to go alone

I'm going to do my very best to not test early this time.. well... going to try and wait until cd 10 anyway. I might save my eyesight for a few extra years when I'm not squinting at tests. lol.

my CM has dried up quite a bit today (had a lil fertile this morning, and nothing since) so I'm pretty sure that I O with in 36hrs of the +opk since it's happened two cycles in a row now. We've dtd the last four or five days in a row.. so I think we've got it covered. My sex drive is massive this month, so I'm sure we'll keep it up for a bit longer. lol.

I'm really surprised that with how nervous I am for tuesday (my immigration interview) that my cycle didn't get totally thrown off.
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)

Last edited by plan4fate; April 21st, 2012 at 07:04 PM.
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  #18  
April 22nd, 2012, 02:12 PM
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I'm really hoping your immigration interview goes well, I know how nerve wracking those can be and all that BD'ing sounds like it may pay off!

Many many tons of baby dust heading your way!

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  #19  
April 22nd, 2012, 05:48 PM
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we skipped tonight. I made two special dinners and both were awful.. so I didn't feel good enough to bother. He was tired too... so we snuggled looking at all the pictures I'd taken over the last year. I did tell him to try and wake me in the morning if he woke up early.

I'm hoping this is our month.. especially if there is a risk for my immigration to be delayed (would only be until my long form birth certificate came in the mail, so just a few extra weeks)... it would make the month a good one anyway.
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d,Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d,Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d,Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d


Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant.
150mcg Synthyroid, 500mg Metformin (aiming for 1500mg)
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  #20  
April 23rd, 2012, 02:22 PM
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Got my fx for you, Ashley! Hope all the immigration stuff goes well too I am pretty sure today is I day for me. According to yesterday's opk and today's lack of cm, today would be logical. I didn't have a temp dip today like I normally do on o day though. But I am trusting the other signs more over that one. If I didn't o this time, I am going to be so mad and frustrated.

Should know more tomorrow I guess!
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