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Calypso- The Whale Rider


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  #1  
November 24th, 2007, 06:04 PM
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I guess first my dear sweet baby I'll tell you about your name. When I first went into the Hospital on May 2nd of this year, I had 2 names picked out. Ceridwen Paikea Rhyder and Taliesin Eomer Drake. We didn't know if you were a girl or boy. I needed strong names because you already were so strong.

We chose Ceridwen because it went with our God/Goddess theme.
Paikea Rhyder was after the Maori tale of Paikea (The Whale Rider) Paikea means humpback Whale.

Taliesin was after the Welsh Bard. Eomer was from Lord of the rings and went with Freja's middle name Eowyn. Eomer and Eowyn were brother and sister. And Drake. Drake was after your dear cousin Drake Alexander 2/1/06-2/5/06.

At 26 weeks we found out you were a girl but for some reason the name Ceridwen just didn't seem to suite you well at all. I wanted something that went with your middle names and had to do with the Ocean. Your daddy brought me in a Pirated DVD of Pirates of the Caribbean 3. And in the DVD was the name Calypso!!

After much researching we found out Calypso was the Greek Sea Nyph! It was PERFECT!!

So when you were born I named you Calypso Paikea Rhyder Lane. My Whale Rider. Since you have died whales, ocean scenes, and lighthouses have been reminding me of you so much.

My Little Whale Rider. My heart yearns for you. My heart breaks in your memory. My heart will always be scarred and sewn up with golden strings of love.

I hope my beautiful baby that in Heaven there is an ocean and that there are Whales for you to ride.
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  #2  
November 25th, 2007, 10:29 AM
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How are you doing today dear sweet one? We're doing a little rough right now on earth. We miss you so bad. Your sisters are eating lunch right now and daddy is asleep. He's off tonight so maybe stop by and leave us a sign that you are ok. I miss you so much my heart is shattered.

Love,
mummy
xoxoxox
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  #3  
November 26th, 2007, 04:35 PM
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My Dear Sweet One,
I hope you are doing well today. It's getting colder out now, and it makes my heart colder also. I wonder if you would like the snow. Would you star in wonder at the fairy lights on the tree. Would you think the presents are there for eating? The closer it gets to Christmas the sadder my heart gets.
I miss you

Love always,
Mummy
xoxox
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  #4  
November 26th, 2007, 08:03 PM
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My Dear Sweet One,

It's nearing Bedtime, so here is mummy to tuck you in. I wasn't sure which song you would like to hear tonight. So here is one very special to my heart that makes me think of you.

Candlelight dies at the window
And the night wind blows soft from the sea
Though I lie in your arms, I'm a thousand miles away
On the waves sailing fast, sailing free
Now I'm bound for the heart of the ocean
I'm riding the sea in my soul
In the dark and the deep
She will rock me to sleep
Down below... where the black waters roll
When the sea birds cry out in the morning
And the sun lays its kiss on the sand
I'll be drawn to the shore
Like so many times before
As I long to be far from the land.
Now I'm bound for the heart of the ocean
I'm riding the sea in my soul
In the dark and the deep
She will rock me to sleep
Down below... where the black waters roll
I can still hear your voice on the trade winds
I can still taste your tears on the foam
But the lure of the tide that I'm feeling inside
Will not rest till my heart finds its home
Now my heart is the heart of the ocean
There are storms from the sea in my soul
I'm restless and deep
And before I can sleep
I must go... where the black waters roll
where the black waters roll

Please tell Ryan, and Bill, and my grandmum Nellie goodnight for me also. And please please dear sweet baby. Don't EVER forget that you are very much loved and missed.

Love Forever,
Mummy
xoxox
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  #5  
November 27th, 2007, 09:26 PM
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My Dear Sweet One,

I know it's late. I'm sorry for not writing and tucking you in sooner. Freja and Raeden and I watched Charlie Brown Christmas tonight and then worked on the Angel Tree. Raeden is asleep now but Freja is still awake. And it's 11:30 pm!! Silly girl.

Today mummy saw the dr and had some blood work done. We'll know if everything is ok in the morning. I called them this afternoon but they didn't have the results yet. Daddy is at work tonight. He's been there for an hour and a half now. Please watch over him and us here at home tonight.

We chose your headstone today. I hope you will like it. The little angel praying reminds me of you. I really ought to turn off the trees and get some sleep. So Good night sweet little one. I miss you and love you and Freja says hi.

Love Always,
Mummy
xoxoxo
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  #6  
November 28th, 2007, 09:17 PM
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Dear Sweet Baby Angel,
Once again I'm tucking y ou in late. But I hear that there are no bedtimes in Heaven so I think it's ok.

<div align="CENTER">Words, words are not enough,
For me to say how much I miss you.
You flew away too soon,
I feel so alone not with you.
But when I close my eyes, every night

I hear your voice,
Like an angel,
And you're here again by my side.
I swear I hear your words,
They sing through me,
And I'm back where I belong.
You are here even though you are gone.

You're here everywhere I go,
Deep inside my heart forever. (forever, forever, forever)
And *one, one sweet day* I know that we will be back together,
But until we are here in the dark

I hear your voice,
Like an angel,
And you're here again by my side.
I swear I hear your words,
They sing through me,
And I'm back where I belong.
You are here even though you are gone,
And I know that inside you'll live on.

I hear your voice,
Like an angel,
And you're here with me by my side.
I swear I hear your words,
They sing through me,
And I'm back where I belong.
You are here even though you are gone,
And I know that inside you'll live on.</div>

I think I'm going to put that song down on paper and into your memory box. It fits how I feel perfectly. I hope you and the other angels are doing well in Heaven tonight. Your sisters have been asleep for about 4.5 hours now. Freja threw a big fit to go to bed though. She had a tiny scrap of an old blanket and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't cover her.

I've been working on the angel tree and have 11 more names to add tonight and then I'll take pics and post them tomorrow. I'm still trying to decide what to get you for Christmas BUT I think I've narrowed it down. I still need to pick up our advent candles. I think I'll do that today though.

I'm going to go to bed dear sweet one. I miss you and love you just as much as I love your sisters. They miss you a lot also.

Love Always,
Mummy
xoxox
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  #7  
December 2nd, 2007, 08:04 PM
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<div align="center">Dear sweet little one,
It's that time of night again. Freja, Raeden, and Daddy are all in bed. So it's time to tuck you in nice and tight and cozy. I wasn't sure what song you would like tonight so I chose this one.

Rain is pourin' down like the
heavens are hurtin'.
Seems like it's been dark since
the devil knows when.
How do you go on, never knowin'
for certain,
Will the sun ever shine again?

Fells like it's been years since
it started to thunder.
Clouds are campin' out in the valley
and glen.
How do you go on, when you can't help
but wonder.
Will the sun ever shine again?

What if the rain keeps fallin'?
What if the sky stays gray?
What if the wind keeps squallin',
And never go away?

Maybe the soon the storm will be
tired of blowin'.
Maybe soon it all will be over, amen.
How do you go on, if there's no way
of knowin'?
Will the sun ever shine?
Wish I could say.
Send me a sign-
One little ray.
Lord, if you're list'nin', how long
until then?
Will the sun ever shine again?

It's been raining all day sweet one. And I mean ALL day. Earlier the rain drops were so fat they felt funny splattering on our heads. It seemed like the heaven's were crying. But it seemed to fit my mood. So I'm going to let you go for now dear one. I love you. Sleep tight Calypso, The Whale Rider

Love always,
Mummy xxx</div>
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2007, 08:39 PM
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Good night Dear Sweet Angel. My letter tonight will be short I just want you to know I love you

Love always,
Mummy
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  #9  
December 9th, 2007, 10:32 PM
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To my Precious One Above,
Tonight was a bad one sweet baby. We missed the candle lighting service, however my purple advent candle I lit at 7 pm and is still burning at 12:21 am. Daddy is sick now also sweet baby. Please send us some feel better dust.

2 weeks from today is Christmas Eve. I can't believe that. It hurts. Really bad. Thursday will be the 1 year mark from when I found out I was pregnant with you, and you aren't here!! Last night I swear I heard your music box playing Swan Lake. But when I got out here, it wasn't.

<div align="CENTER">little child, be not afraid
though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
and I am here tonight

for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight

well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you'll know...

everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but I'll still be here in the morning
</div>
I'm going to head to bed soon little one. So this is goodnight. I love you. I miss you Calypso.

Love always,
Mummy
xxx
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  #10  
December 12th, 2007, 10:36 PM
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Dear Baby Angel,
1 year ago today. 12 days till christmas on December 13th. I found out I was pregnant with you. I planned everything. Not once did I stop to think you would have been here and gone by now. I love you baby. Please watch out for us.

Love Always,
Mummy
xxxx
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  #11  
December 22nd, 2007, 07:22 PM
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Dear Sweet Calypso,
Tomorrow we're going out to start decorating your place at the cemetary. We're going to take some balloons, a picture, your first christmas ornament, your windchime, and a few angels. Some other odds and ends also, I'm just not sure what.

I made up and framed a graphic. I put on two pictures of you and ballet slippers and a ballet dancer. It says 'Heaven's Prettiest Dancer' and has your dates and a poem at the bottom. It will go out tomorrow. I waterproofed the picture before framing it too.

Christmas Eve is the Day after tomorrow. I hope against hope you'll peak in on us and let us know you are here with us. I went ahead and wrapped your present and it's under the tree.

I'm crying again, I wish so so much you were here with us baby. It's not fair that you aren't!! Why did you have to leave me? I love you dear one.

Love always,
Mummy
xxx
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  #12  
December 24th, 2007, 02:12 PM
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Dear Calypso,
It's hard to believe tomorrow is Christmas and you are not here with us. It hurts. Really badly. Tonight we're going to a Christmas Eve Candlighting service and I'll light an extra candle for you. I hope you are with us today and tomorrow Dear Sweet one. My heart aches for you.

<div align="center">"My First Christmas in Heaven"

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
with tiny lights, like Heaven's stars
reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular.
Please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear,
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above,
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift
more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
In the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or the love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.....</div>

Love Always and Forever,
Mummy
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  #13  
December 25th, 2007, 10:17 PM
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Silent Night
Holy Night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon virgin
Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in Heavenly peace
Sleep in Heavenly peace

Sleep tight tonight in Heaven Dear One. I love you. Merry Christmas
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  #14  
January 6th, 2008, 08:21 PM
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Dear Calypso,
I'm sorry it's been a bit since I wrote you a proper letter. As you know today was Freja's 4th birthday. And while I'm so very happy at the same time I'm so very sad. I wish so badly you would have been here today.

You'd be crawling by now, and I can just picture you crawling all over and trying to eat the wrapping paper off of the presents. And I can just see you trying to eat everyone's cake also. lol

Tomorrow is 6 months since you left us to go to Heaven. I'm having a really sad day about it. I miss you and my heart is hurting. It's so odd, I can be so happy and so proud and at the same time so sad and so hurt that you aren't here. I've been trying to hide my tears more often and not let people see me cry. Today at the store I felt like bawling but I've been saving it so I could cry at home when I'm alone.

I love you my dear little one. And your sisters miss you and love you so much.

Love Always,
mummy
xxx
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  #15  
January 13th, 2008, 10:15 PM
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Dearest Calypso,

You are 7 months old today! Can you believe it?! You are getting so old! Maybe ask Jesus for some extra hugs today and please send us a sign so we know that you are with us today. We're taking some stuff out to your garden today (if the weather lets us)

Yesterday was Raeden's birthday party and I know ytou were with us as we celebrated it! Tomorrow is Raeden's actual birthday though as you know.

<div align="CENTER">Tears
by David Pawson
© 1999

Tears of joy and tears of grief
Tears of sadness and relief
Tears for every high and low
Tears that let our feelings show
Private tears and tears we share
Tears that let us know we care
Tears shed with friends in sympathy
The tears we shed in symphony
Tears at weddings births and wakes
Whatever kind of tears it takes
Happy tears and tears of pain
And sometimes tears we can't explain
To ease our hearts God gave us tears
To ease our minds to ease our fears
Tears of loss and tears of hope
God gave us tears to help us cope
Beware the man who will not cry
For he his feelings would deny
The tears we cry show our devotion
So cry your tears to fill an ocean.</div>

I miss you sweet one, so so much. My heart hurts for you. Sleep tight tonight Angel.

Love always,
mummy
xxxx
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  #16  
January 17th, 2008, 10:30 PM
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Dearest Calypso,
Please have a good night tonight. Tell Alirene and Avonlea and Lily that they are missed and please make sure to show them around in Heaven.

I miss you dearest one.

Love Always,
Mummy
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  #17  
January 23rd, 2008, 09:24 PM
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Dear Calypso,

I'm missing you really bad tonight little one. I changed your song on your site to be the one I sang to you the morning you died. Freja and Raeden miss you a lot also.

<div align="CENTER">Candlelight dies at the window
And the night wind blows soft from the sea
Though I lie in your arms, I'm a thousand miles away
On the waves sailing fast, sailing free

Now I'm bound for the heart of the ocean
I'm riding the sea in my soul
In the dark and the deep
She will rock me to sleep
Down below... where the black waters roll

When the sea birds cry out in the morning
And the sun lays its kiss on the sand
I'll be drawn to the shore
Like so many times before
As I long to be far from the land.

Now I'm bound for the heart of the ocean
I'm riding the sea in my soul
In the dark and the deep
She will rock me to sleep
Down below... where the black waters roll

I can still hear your voice on the trade winds
I can still taste your tears on the foam
But the lure of the tide that I'm feeling inside
Will not rest till my heart finds its home

Now my heart is the heart of the ocean
There are storms from the sea in my soul
I'm restless and deep
And before I can sleep
I must go... where the black waters roll

where the black waters roll</div>

I hope you and the other angels up there are having a lot of fun. It's bedtime now so sleep tight and I hope your nightlight is very bright tonight.

Love always,
mummy
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  #18  
February 7th, 2008, 02:54 AM
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Dearest Calypso,
Today you’ve been gone 7 months. 7 long months. I miss you so very much. My heart is shattered with mourning for you. I wonder what you’d be doing today and what you are doing that I can’t see.

<div align="center">I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.</div>

We’re still waiting on your headstone. When it gets installed we’re going to have a balloon release. You’ll be 8 months old next week! Can you believe you are already getting so old!? It’s amazing! I took your ballet shoes out to your garden, did you see them? I really hope you like them! Freja picked out where to put them.

I don’t know if you know but this summer I’m taking some workshops on cemetery preservation. And hopefully will be getting together a restoration group to fix up the old stones at the cemetery around you. I’m going to start cleaning them in Spring. I’m going to let you go now sweetie. I hope you have a wonderful day, and a beautiful angel day. I miss you and will forever.

Love Always,
mummy
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  #19  
February 14th, 2008, 04:36 AM
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Dear Calypso,
Happy 8 months birthday! And happy Valentine's Day!!!! I hope you guys are going to have a nice party in heaven! I miss you so badly today little angel. My heart hurts. I wish I could see you growing up. How big you are. What you would be doing today. I think about what you would be doing if you were here with me. You are just reaching that super fun age and I'm missing it. I'm missing your first crawl, you smiles, your babbling. It's not fair and it makes me hurt.
Today big sister Raeden has a pulmonary appointment at Riley. That was your hospital you know. And Freja has a party at her school. While they are gone mommy is going to work on a flower arrangment for you. It's the first one I've done so I hope you'll like it anyway. We got a bunch of pretty carnations and an orange rose that Freja picked out just for you.
We'll be taking them to your spot this afternoon.

<div align="CENTER">This Valentine is not of the ordinary kind,
Its still filled with love...and blessings inside;
But mine has to be sent on the wings of love...
You see its destination is the Heavens above.

Its not being sent to my parents so dear,
For my Mom is still with me each day of the year;
Its being sent to my child...who left earth so soon,
Who's now in the Heavens with the stars and the moon

The message is the same as your valentine,
"I love you...my sweet precious child of mine;
My love is still deeper than the ocean is blue,
And its sent with hugs and kisses...from me to you

"I don't know why we have to go through this pain,
Our lives without you will never be the same;
"I know you are with me each and every day,
You listen as I talk to you...and hear what I say;

"I know you are in the best of care,
But it's so hard for us left on earth to bear;
Could you put in a request from us left behind...
For God to send us some peace of mind."

"Happy Valentines day Calypso...I miss you so much,
I know you know how many lives you have touched;
You'll always be mine...I love you with all my heart,
I know we will be together again...and then we'll never part."

For that is one thing that death cannot do...
...you'll always be apart of me...and me a part of you.

So you see the meaning is still the same...
The method of delivery is the only change;
Mine must be sent by a little white dove...
On the wings of Love. </div>

We're going to get you a heart balloon today Calypso and we'll let it fly up with a message so I hope you are ready to catch it. I'm getting ready to end this letter dear one, but know you are ALWAYS in my heart and thoughts. I miss you my sweet ballerina.

love always and forever
Mummy
xxx
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  #20  
April 13th, 2008, 11:03 PM
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Dear Calypso,
10 months old already! Can you beleive it!? I swear I just found out I was pregnant with you. Now it's your 10 month birthday. Nearing 1. Hard to believe.

I miss you still though. I know people think it should all be over with and I should be 'better' but I'm not. I'm just truly beginning to really greive. And it hurts. The support is all gone, people shrug now at your memory. This poem says it all.

<div align="center">I've lost a child, I hear myself say,
And the person I'm talking to just turns away.
Now why did I tell them, I don't understand.
It wasn't for sympathy, or to get a helping hand.
I just want them to know I've lost something dear.
I want them to know that my child was here.

My child left behind something which no one can see.
My child made just one person into a family.
So if I've upset you, I'm as sorry as can be.
You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist.
I just want you to know that my child did exist.</div>

You did exist baby girl, even though other pretend you didn't. And daily I cry and mourn for you. My heart isn't whole without you. I miss you darling. I miss you so much.

Happy 10 month birthday in Heaven Love

Love Always
Mummy
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