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Hi ladies, My name is Syleena... I am 22 now, Im with a wonderful guy named Derek who is almost 29... We have a an *almost* 3 yr old Boy, Daemon...
Its started in December 2007, Daemon had just turned 1.. and I was lurking on TTC boards.. It was REALLY givin me baby fever.. So December, I didnt prevent, got AF... Then came January, and I jus DTD all month.. Got AF again.. So in February, I tried charting for the first time.. I DTD every other day, and seen my O on my chart and everything, but still got AF on Feb 28th (My LMP at the time) .. I charted again, and got my on March 27th, 2008.. I was SO excited!!! I was guna have a December baby!! (or late November..) My EDD was December 5th, 2008.. Daemon would be just older than 2.. At 9 weeks 5 days (RIGHT when I felt I was getting to the safe zone..) I started spotting.. I immediately started freaking right out.. I went to ER, and they did an U/S.. Every thing was fine! Baby was happy, healthy.. Spotting was common.. So they sent me home.. The next morning, I was cramping really bad.. then I realized it was coming like clock work, every 10 mins or so.. it started getting closer and closer.. Around 1pm, I was watching baby stories on TLC (which I always do.. always have) texting with my friend who lives in the next privince over (AB, im in BC).. telling her I was so excited to have another one, and I couldnt wait to Breastfeed and have that bonding again.... When I got up to go pee, and I felt a GUSH... A LARGE gush.. I IMMEDIATELY started BAWLING, saying.. No no no.. I felt down there (TMI i know.. but it was my first reaction) and it was red blood.. I was hysterical.. I cant even explain how badly I reacted.. I literally thought I was guna need some psychological help..
I went to ER, and continued to "Hemmorage" as they put it.. It was a SCH (Sub-chrionic Hemmorage) it was so severe, it tore the tiny little placenta completely off the wall of my uterus.. They did an ultrasound, and my little Angel was still alive,.. Kicking around... Apparently the HB was over 200 bpm.. He was panicking as he was cut off from oxygen.. He explained to me, that I would most likely pass everything on my own, but by the amount that I was bleeding he HIGHLY recommended a D&C, I was also very close to needing a transfusion.. My skin was turning very pale, and I was very weak and tired...
I got the D&C done at 10:30pm.. My son was 1 and a half.. so he had no idea.. it was his first night wth out his mummy, and apparently he didnt like that, he woke up screaming for me at 3am..
So I suffered some seriously post traumatic stress.. I was pretty messed up, had several break downs, I made a memory box, and put the PG tests, pics of my belly, a little necklace that had an angel praying on it, and a few other things, inside.. I also wrote letters to my Angel, DAILY for the first 6 months.. I have a little book.. So I obviously took it VERY hard.. I also wrote a little poem type thing, and turned it into a plaque and framed it, I still have it on my wall.. I also got a Tattoo done for my Angel, because I had for my son, and I didnt feel this baby should be forgotten.. I want to remember that baby for ever.. it was my 2nd baby.. and I lost it
So I was told to wait for 2 AFs (Not including my post D&C bleeding which was only some light pink spotting but lasted about 8 days).. Well, I waited for the first one.. and had Temped that cycle, just to see... (Wasnt really a cycle.. I was counting my D&C as day 1) .. And it was whacked.. I o'd on like day 27, and got AF on day 39.. I temped again, and used my OPKs.. (This was only after 1 AF).. I got a + opk, and said, "Sweetie, Lets do it, I got a +OPK" Meanwhile in my head, I KNEW I shoul dhave been waiting ONE more.. But I thought "What if this is my chance? For 'the one'." .. So we DTD that day...
12 days later, I got my We were camping, and I had brouht girly products, totally expecting AF... We came into town for a few hours to shower, etc.. and since I was cramping but AF wasnt showing, I decided to test while in town.. I was only in town with my mum.. Derek and Daemon were back at the campsite with my Dad.. I came out of the bathroom :crying: I remember my mum saying "Dont cryy!!" and she was kinda crying too, and laughing at the same time.. I remember hugging her and saying "Im so scared mum" ..
My EDD was March 28th, 2009 .. I kept this pregnant a secret until 11 weeks when I had my first ultrasound... And everything was good.. I was still really scared.. I had spotting with this baby at 11 weeks 5 days.. and nearly had a heart attack.. Went and got an u/s and was told there was NO SCH!!! I was like THANK GOD .. It was either caused my my placenta, partially being over my cervix (Which later rose up to the top) or a bacterial infection of my cervix, wihich I got anti-b's for and it cleared right up.. I was sick my entire pregnancy.. I never ofundo ut the sex, altough I did catch a glimpse on the pictures, when I was choosing which one I wanted.. and I didnt see a pecker! ..
My water Broke 40 minutes after having sex, @ 11:30pm on March 7th 2009.. I went to the hospital at about 12:30 (which was actually 1:30 becuase it was daylight savings night!). I was in labour for about 15 hrs with barely any dilation, before I got my EPI and put on pitocin... after receiving those, I dilated a full 10 cms and her head was crowing with 4 hours.. I got to watch her be born in a mirror (My first was drug free so there was NO! way I was even in the mental starte to want to look.. This time I couldnt feel a THING!) She came out @ 8:28pm on March 8th after about 8 minutes of pushing.. I remember triyng to see what she was, looking at the reflection in the mirror, of her laying down on the bed, but I couldnt quite see, and My doc said "Derek, why dont you tell her " He looked at me with his eyes welled up with water and said "You got your girl" and kissed me.. I BAWLED of course..
And theres my story.. I got pretty emotional again when I was writing about my loss, Im still VERY upset about that, but I call Mykaila my "My March Miracle" becuase if I hadn't gone ahead and went for it that Cycle.. I wouldnt have her.. If I had listen to my doc, and waiting 1 more.. She wouldnt be here today.. Yes I might have a baby, but it wouldnt be her.. And same with if I didnt lose my Lil' Angel to heaven.. I wouldnt have her..
I hope some of you ladies, feel some hope from my story.. I really do.. Loss is the hardest thing... But it does get easier... You never get OVER it, but it does get easier as time passes...
Here are some pictures.. 1 of my Tattoo I got for my Lil' Angel and the Memory box/stuff and the plaque thing.. and a few of my Daughter, Mykaila Mae
(This was when it was first done, I need a new one lol.. In this pic its BRAND new, like 20 minutes old..)
I got all choked up reading about your loss. I think that must be what I had too (The SCH), but it was never confirmed. Same story as you, spotting then the next day passing clot after clot. I took it extremely hard to. I was very depressed for a long time. You're right, you never totally get over it (I still get upset talking about it) it just gets easier as time goes by.
Your baby girl is totally stunning. Absolutely adorable. Congratulations!
Mom to a 2 year old baby girl, 2 week old baby boy, and one in Heaven.
In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.