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Does your Family know???


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  #1  
October 9th, 2008, 06:22 AM
jodifer's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 293
I am a very private person and when we were TTC #1 we didn't tell a single soul until it happened and I was 3M along. We were 1 month away from IVF procedure and I got pregnant naturally. But TTC#2 has taken 5 years and IVF is inevitable. 3 of my girlfriends know that we are doing this but our family does not. I would just hate to spread the word and it fail and have to explain it/or talk about it.

Maybe I'm different since this can be our 1st and only try at this. I don't mean for this to sound as if I'm ashamed or I would be letting anyone down kind of thing, both of our families know our medical issues. I would just hate to have it brought up by family members after the fact just in case it didn't work.

What are your thoughts on IVF and telling family members?
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  #2  
November 12th, 2008, 05:41 PM
Regular
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 21
Quote:
I am a very private person and when we were TTC #1 we didn't tell a single soul until it happened and I was 3M along. We were 1 month away from IVF procedure and I got pregnant naturally. But TTC#2 has taken 5 years and IVF is inevitable. 3 of my girlfriends know that we are doing this but our family does not. I would just hate to spread the word and it fail and have to explain it/or talk about it.

Maybe I'm different since this can be our 1st and only try at this. I don't mean for this to sound as if I'm ashamed or I would be letting anyone down kind of thing, both of our families know our medical issues. I would just hate to have it brought up by family members after the fact just in case it didn't work.

What are your thoughts on IVF and telling family members?[/b]
I told my family members. I wanted some kind of support system, but I didn't want everyone in the world to know for the exact reason that you stated. I didn't want to have to tell people that it didn't work, if it failed. I didn't want to have to talk about it if it didn't work out. I would at least tell your parents and your siblings.
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  #3  
November 12th, 2008, 06:14 PM
sethsgirl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: SC
Posts: 9,652
I'm a lurker here for now because DH doesn't want to start MA until he's back from deployment but we haven't told our family about it and don't plan to either. I understand where you're coming from. I have 3 friends that know as well and there's a guy on DH's sub that he talks to about it (which really surprised me!) and that guy and his wife are also going through medical assistance. We aren't telling family about it because some people in my family are a little nosy and really I would only want my parents and sister to know but I know it would leak out to extended family as well. While I would like the support at times from my mom and mother-in-law I feel that the negative things that would be said out weigh the comments and support that I would feel would be helpful to me personally. That might sound awful but its the decision we made. We'd rather just surprise them with a BFP some day or adoption if it gets to that point (where we would most likely tell them then that we tried with MA first).
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  #4  
November 12th, 2008, 06:46 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
We were pretty out about all of it from the start. By the time we got to IVF everyone knew we were having problems. They all knew as we were going through IVF - not the details, like what day things were happening, but we did tell them roughly when it was, and when it didn't work/worked.

This time I'm struggling with it a little bit more, because everyone is waiting expectantly for our big announcement.... and I feel a little more guarded about it. Especially since I have a new job where I need to work with a bunch of people every day. But I don't know what to do about family, since we're not certain we want to tell people if it *does* work. If it doesn't I'll let everyone know. If it does... we kind of feel like we want to keep it quiet until we see an ultrasound. So.... I'm being a little vague about dates.

I think you have to look at the whole situation: who you're dealing with, and what kind of person you are. I happen to be the type of person to talk about anything with everyone, so answering questions didn't bother me at all. Telling people it failed didn't bother me either. But for my husband it's a lot harder.... he's very uncomfortable with a lot of the talk and kind of wishes I wouldn't talk so much!
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  #5  
November 13th, 2008, 09:50 AM
bcowley's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 410
When I was ttc my first child everyone pretty much knew what was going on. It took us 15 months to conceive and on my secound iui I got my bfp. Since everyone knew about our struggles they were anxiously waiting for the news and as soon as I found out I was pregnant I told the world. When I was ttc the second time around again everyone was aware of what was happening and when I got that bfp I told everone the good news. 11 weeks later I lost my baby and needless to say I was devistated. I just wanted to crawl under a hole and hide from the world. Of course everyone wanted to reach out to us and I didn't want to face nobody. It was really hard on me. So I decided this time around things would be diffrent. The only people that knows what we are doing now is my mom because I need her to help me with my 4 yr old once I do my transfer, and my bff because I just really need someone to be able to talk with while I'm going thru this whole process. Nobody else knows and I plan to keep it that way after we find out weather it worked or not. If I am pregnant I'm not making any big annoucement, frineds and family will finally figure it out once they see my belly.
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  #6  
November 16th, 2008, 08:36 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 373
Each of the above ladies have said some very sweet and positive things. No, I would not tell but my situation or maybe in-laws are different. First, I am the much disliked old ugly somehow deficient person their wonderful handsome brilliant son married after they felt sure he never would. Were my parents here, they would perhaps have had the thought that the situation was reversed! Folks that live here and with whom I work are aware I am pregnant although they have not asked how-I guess they assume the usual way. But this is a 'Bible belt' area and many people talk about the Lord's meaning and natural things and women are meant to suffer and so forth. My MIL is especially fervent in her religious interpretations. Adoption and fostering is the thing to do--we already have dogs. We are not interested in either and two dogs are enough. I chat online because I am a private and cautious person. I do try to keep work separate from home. My in-laws live on the other coast and I have not agreed husband can tell them we are expecting-I have miscarried before so no need to get anyone's hopes up. Of course, you can guess, only a boy would be desired. I can tell you that this child, our last frozen chance, will be a girl. My family does not know-I have only unloving siblings and deceased parents. I see no reason to involve them, having left my home state, of my new and very happy life. I have read and overheard people's views that IVF and that sort of thing is unnatural. I am not interested in hearing nor even letting my child hear such garbage. I hope your situation would never merit these sorts of negatives but perhaps I can help you in whatever decision you might make by sharing my decidedly different experiences from those already related. Please have a good heart and know that those here are with you no matter what.
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  #7  
March 15th, 2009, 07:59 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 3,145
We didn't tell anyone we were trying. We kept it that way until the day before the retreival, then we only told our parents. They were more curious and asked tons of questions, but that's cause they didn't know anything about the process
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