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  • 3 Post By KMH
  • 4 Post By smsturner
  • 4 Post By KMH
  • 2 Post By Ari2
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  #1  
January 6th, 2014, 05:51 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Hello Ladies~ I hope you are all doing well. This is my first post on this forum and I thought I would write and ask for help or some feedback because after reading through the threads I know the way I am feeling is not normal.

I received my IVF cycle calendar and am on the BCP right now. I should be starting with the meds next week....but I am not happy. In fact, I am angry, upset, and resentful of my husband that I am having to go through this. We are doing IVF mainly because of my age, 38, and the fact that I travel for work a lot and it seems like every time I ovulate I seem to be traveling. All our tests are excellent and we have no fertility problems. We only TTC for 2 months, then we couldnt because of travel, and now we are doing this.

It kills me that I am not happy. I don't feel normal. My husband would love a child but I don't exactly feel the same way. I feel terrible just saying that. Just to keep you in the loop, I have been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds since I was 22, and against Doc's orders, I went off them because I dont want to risk passing anything on to my baby, even thought Ive been told time and again that I should be on them and it's safe. So one can imagine the mess i'm in at the moment. Life does not feel OK.

It's like im doing everything to prepare myself for a child and yet im sad and petrified. I know this is not normal a from your posts all of you are excited and thrilled. I dont know what to do. Do I need to call a therapist? Is anyone here on antidepressants or feel the same way I do? Please help.
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  #2  
January 6th, 2014, 06:47 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,759
You need to go see a therapist. And actually talk to your husband. Because if you don't want a child, why are you doing ivf?

And if they say you need to be on the meds, then you should not be taking yourself off meds without proper supervision medically and a plan to safely ween yourself off then.
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  #3  
January 6th, 2014, 07:03 PM
KMH KMH is online now
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Location: right of center
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Some of what you are feeling is normal...IVF is stressful and overwhelming for everyone.

Honestly, though, it sounds like you aren't ready to have a baby. And that's okay! It's okay if you never want a baby. It's not okay to go through with this when you don't want to be a mother, or aren't ready yet. It isn't fair to you, your husband, or a future child/children.

I would strongly suggest speaking with a doctor and/or therapist about your meds and get yourself healthy FIRST. Then you and your husband need to have some serious conversations about whether or not you want a child and if so, how to go about achieving that goal. To be honest I have no idea why anyone would volunteer for IVF...why not give it a few months of trying on your own? If you can't arrange your travel around your ovulation, how will you handle having a child to care for?

You may feel like you are out of time because of your age, but don't press forward because it is what your husband or society or your family think you should do. You have plenty of time to take a step back, get healthy, and then move forward with a clear head.

Good luck to you!
*Melissa*, amberbanegas and jshizz like this.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2014, 01:50 AM
amberbanegas's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Fahad Al Ahmad, Kuwait
Posts: 1,393
Ari2-
Maybe part of what you are feeling is normal… But not all of it. You should really take a long look in the mirror… and Do a bit of soul searching… Not for your husband… But for yourself and for your possible future children. I am not a doctor… But if you need medicine… You should stay on it. Especially if the doctors say that it does not interfere with becoming or maintaining your pregnancy. You are not too far in the IVF process, so… You can wait. There are women that I know, personally that are in their 40s and pregnant. If you are not ready… Nothing can change that.

Good luck in what you decide.
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  #5  
January 7th, 2014, 07:38 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Hi Ladies,

Thank you very very much for your replies below. This is exactly what I was talking about~ that I am unsure about: In the morning I am excited and happy and want to have a child...but come nighttime when it gets dark at night all weird crazy thought resurface!!

I got married partly because I wanted a child! I look at what I wrote yesterday and wow!! It scares me...these ups and downs...It seems so real when I feel it, but I wake up in the morning and it all goes away.

I probably need to stay on my meds~ I got off them because Im petrified I will harm or hurt my baby in some way....I might not be able to forgive myself...so I didn't want that on my conscience...
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  #6  
January 7th, 2014, 08:07 AM
*Melissa*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Oregon
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It's good that you recognize what is going on though! That you are smart enough to voice your thoughts, put them out there, be open and honest with us.

I bet your husband would be receptive to hearing your feelings as well. He really should know your inner monologue too so he can understand and support you.

It does sound like whatever medication you were on is working ourt great for you, so I wouldn't mess with that.
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  #7  
January 7th, 2014, 08:31 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari2 View Post
Just to keep you in the loop, I have been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds since I was 22, and against Doc's orders, I went off them because I dont want to risk passing anything on to my baby, even thought Ive been told time and again that I should be on them and it's safe. So one can imagine the mess i'm in at the moment. Life does not feel OK.
I'm butting in from the regular TTC MA.
This is going to sound all judgy and like a lecture. I don't care. You need to get some sense in your head honey! I have lived with a major depressive disorder, and anxiety forever. I have also been on anti-dep and anti-anx meds since my very early 20's. Please listen.

DO NOT stop taking your meds without your dr's orders! If you NEED them, then you NEED them. It's not a choice. I have been there!! And I understand trying to do the best for yourself and family, but taking away your necessary meds is NOT the answer. Have you been diagnosed with a disorder?
If your liver weren't functioning properly, would you go off of your meds against dr orders? Surely your brain is more important than your liver right? Your brain is not functioning properly. Again, that's not a choice! It's not a choice for your brain to not make the right chemicals in the right amounts. This is why we need meds.
And why would you do it, if your dr felt it was the wrong choice? If you don't trust your dr, then find a new one. But don't stop taking your necessary meds because you don't trust his medical advice.
AND OF COURSE you're feeling unhappy and lousy and not normal!! You have cut off the meds you need to function properly. Please get yourself back on your meds. And see a counselor. Before you make a permanent decision about having a child. You need to be able to think past the depression and anxiety to make those decisions.

I feel bad for your husband. You really need to be honest with him. About the meds too. He should know that you aren't yourself because you aren't on them. It's very hard to support a family member with a depression and anxiety disorder, especially if you aren't doing your part by treating yourself.

PLEASE do something for yourself. It will be for your family, and if you do choose to have a baby, you will need to be yourself and healthy for a baby too.


ETA: Oh, and btw. I have been on my meds my whole pregnancy, and have had a very normal healthy pregnancy. It's hard enough emotionally being on the meds, I don't know how I would have handled some of these emotions without them. It's important for ME to be healthy for my baby.
*JenJen*, KMH, *Leah* and 1 others like this.
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Last edited by smsturner; January 7th, 2014 at 08:36 AM.
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  #8  
January 7th, 2014, 09:00 AM
KMH KMH is online now
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Susan, if I could like your post more than once, I would
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  #9  
January 8th, 2014, 02:40 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Honestly, I cannot thank you ladies enough!!

After reading your replies to my post and reading my post numerous times, I totally realized I was absolutely not ok! I promptly went back on my 150mg effexor after taking half the dosage. I feel SO much better- today even better than yesterday. I am so happy I found you all. Once again, thank you very very much. Here's to a happy healthy time
smsturner and amberbanegas like this.
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  #10  
January 8th, 2014, 07:49 PM
amberbanegas's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Fahad Al Ahmad, Kuwait
Posts: 1,393
I am glad that you decided to go back on your meds. I hope you have an outstanding cycle
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  #11  
January 13th, 2014, 06:05 AM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari2 View Post
Honestly, I cannot thank you ladies enough!!

After reading your replies to my post and reading my post numerous times, I totally realized I was absolutely not ok! I promptly went back on my 150mg effexor after taking half the dosage. I feel SO much better- today even better than yesterday. I am so happy I found you all. Once again, thank you very very much. Here's to a happy healthy time
I'm REALLY really glad to hear this. Being on meds full time forever is hard. It's hard to accept, and hard for others to understand. I know very, very well. A counselor is also a good addition to any meds you're on. If you ever need someone else to talk to about it, please pm me. I have definitely been through everything depression and anxiety wise, and am happy to be there for anyone with the same problems!
And btw, Effexor XR is what I'm on too. My dose is higher, 225mg/day. But I've had a good pregnancy, and have a healthy baby that should be here in just a few weeks. My dr's opinion is that the hormones created by anxiety and stress and depression are far more toxic than my meds could be. Also my blood pressure went sky high when we tried to step down my dose for the third trimester. My baby is better off with me healthy on my meds!!
Good luck to you!
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I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26
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  #12  
January 14th, 2014, 08:30 AM
*Leah*'s Avatar TTC the newfashioned way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,480
I"m glad you are back on your meds and feeling better!!
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