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Well the poll is back!!! My dh told the bio mom that she can't have him!! I guess she was mad at first but kind of came around to it. She wants me to take parenting class and we are going to send the kid to conselling. I agreed that i would go because even though you might think that you are a good mother you can still use some pointers!!! so i called the place to get parenting classes and they asked 'are this court order' i said no. lol so she asked me other question about me and then said so what is going on and i replied my step son's mother doesn't think i'm a fit mother. She said you have family issues that you have to work out. YEP!!! so she just set me up with a conselor and she can decide what i need. i'm sure that will work for the bio mom. i really hope that it help. I know that i have angry issues so it is a good thing!!! if you are wondering at the end of this what is she talking about TRY to read Mom wants him back!!!!
Parenting classes, I have never been to any of them but I can't think of any reason why they'd hurt the situation.
Therapy for the child "AND" all persons involved, as a family, individual & child, I would HIGHLY recommend. It really helps if you find the right therapist. My DS is in therapy & it's been the best thing I could have done for him. My personal experience w/ therapy hasn't always been positive but I've found that if you find the right "match"....it works as long as you put into it as much as you want to get back. And family therapy, highly recommend, sounds like a lot of work, but having a professional mediate & help a situation is key. It sounds like you would or will be busy w/ all this therapy but again, family is number 1 & if you don't have the right foundation, you will never have a good family structure. Children need to feel safe & not have adult issues around them. Once they hear or see adult issues, they start to get nervous & scared, then they act out in the only way that they know how, that's their voice because a child cannot articulate how insecure or scared or even angry they are, so they act out in odd, and even bad ways.
Let's just say I've experienced therapy in all fields & although I have never left my children home alone for even a second, I know what it's like to have the world around you seem like it's falling apart. Take it from someone w/ experience, therapy, again w/ the right therapist, can only help, not harm.
I wish you lots of luck & it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.
I also wanted to add that "if" bio-mom fights for physical custody & the court allows her to have it, it's not going to be a surprise to me. Unless she is homeless, and is doing illegal things, no court wants to take any child away from their mother...unless...the mother wants to relinquish custody "or" they are doing illegal things or acting erratic & needing some in-patient therapy. Try to remind yourself that this mother (even if her past hasn't been fantastic) does love her child, & I am sure wants what is best for the child. It's hard sometimes for us blended families to separate ourselves from what is really at focus, the child's best interest. All in all, the courts will make that decision based on past & present & keep a close eye on the future.