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  #1  
July 25th, 2008, 05:51 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So my DD decided to play a prank on her SD. Not a vicious one. It was kind of funny. She had temporary tattoos on and JOKINGLY told them they were real. When they found out she was joking he I guess was pretty PO'ed at it.

So supposedly he is telling everyone he is either suing me for custody of Marissa (HA! FAT CHANCE! He hasn't been there for her at all!) -OR- signing his rights away to her. Another HA! because he can't just simply do that! His motivation? So he doesn't have to pay child support anymore.

Just to give a little extra background. I dated him on the rebound from my first love. I got pregnant. As soon as he found out, he bolted. My ex was there for me and we got married. Marissa was born. In the course of divorce proceedings I was granted SOLE custody of her when she was less than a year and a half old. That is the LAST thing in court involving custody/visitation of Marissa. He has never even taken me to court for any type of visitation. So I in fact do have sole custody. I already talked to a lawyer. Besides some headaches he seriously doubt he would be granted any type of visitation this late in the game, let alone custody.

The ONLY thing we have ever had done was paternity testing and child support set up. In the child support order it still says I have sole custody. They gave him the option to take me to court for visitation but he has never tried.

I didn't tell Marissa to play the prank and she didn't tell me about it till AFTER the fact. But I think it's something stupid to get upset over!


Grrrrrr why can't he just be a man?????
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  #2  
July 25th, 2008, 08:26 PM
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I think that is a silly thing to get upset over. I think that it is a little funny but then again I love tattoos and all of my children have them all the time.

That being said...I think that you have nothing to worry about. If he is never there than there is no way that a judge in their right mind is going to give him anything.

Keep us updated because I wanna know what is going to happen. I think that it is silly that he either wants her fully or he is going to sign over his rights...How odd is that?
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  #3  
July 25th, 2008, 10:33 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it's pretty odd too.

And there's more I just found out.

Marissa's bf happens to be the best friend of her brother at his house. The brother set them up and the very next day he said he doesn't want Marissa & Jacob to be bf/gf. He is doing everything in his power to break them up now, including telling Jacob that Marissa said stuff about him...which she isn't. Jacob is a good kid and comes from a good home. His parents love Marissa to death and welcome any opportunity for Marissa to come over there to swim and spend time with them. We took Jacob to the zoo on Monday with us.

So with that, now Marissa & Jacob want to pretend to break up and sneak around behind her brother and SD's back. I told her there is no need to do that. I guess her SD is planning on listening into the conversation. How immature. Why are they insisting she break up with Jacob just because THEY have a problem with it??

I told Marissa I am going to call Jacob's mother and tell her what is going on. I think she needs to be informed. But Marissa is BEGGING me not to get involved, as she said her father said the ONLY way he will stay in her life is if she stops seeing Jacob because he is her brother's friend and he doesn't think it's right.

I am so torn on what to do here. I don't think her father should be making these demands. Or her brother either. Marissa & Jacob like each other a lot and she has had really high self-esteem being around him. He tells her how pretty she is, he bought her a necklace at the zoo (we bought him a bracelet with his name on it), they are always talking on the phone.

She has had self-esteem issues and when she has talked to the school counselor, she has pointed out to me a lot of it she thinks is the rejection from her SD. So seeing her actually happy is making me happy. But she started crying tonight telling me about the plan to fake break up just to keep her SD and brother happy.
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  #4  
July 26th, 2008, 07:33 AM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OMG what is he 5? That is just mean to be doing this to his own daughter. Have you thought about saying something to him about all of this? I think what he is doing is very childish. And in the end he is just hurting her. I would call him and tell him what a child she is being and that he needs to just let her be. I would tell Jacobs mom. I would do it in private and ask her not to share. If I was Jacob I would tell the brother that I do not want to be his friend because that is a jerky thing to do.
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  #5  
July 26th, 2008, 01:22 PM
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My own CHILDREN aren't that childish! When I was dating before I met my DH, I was involved with a man that all three of my kids hated! They were incredibly supportive of me when I was upset over the breakup and never once told me they hated him until AFTER I met Tom! Then they told me how glad they were that I wasn't with the other guy and how happy they were that I had found Tom whom they all love dearly! I can't imagine a parent trying to break up their own child's relationship over soemthing as silly as that! That is truly pathetic! I'm so sorry your DD is having to go through all of that. Tell her to be strong and not to let him or brother come between her and her first love. He sounds like a great kid and someone she needs right now in her life.
When my own daughter was 13, she was raped by a "friend" of hers. She and her first boyfriend got together shortly therafter because he had heard about what happened to her and was so supportive and sweet to her that she just fell head over heals. The relationship lasted for over a year and during that time he helped her go through the court process and counseling and in my opinion, she would not have come through that as easily as she did if it weren't for Jake. (are all first loves named JAKE or JACOB? lol) He was a good kid and we are both thankful that he came into her life when he did because of how good he was to her. It sounds to me like your DD's bf is equally good for her and your ex should be singing his praises for how he is helping her to develop self esteem. What a jerk!
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  #6  
July 26th, 2008, 04:13 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I sent him an e-mail. I have no way to call him, as his wife doesn't want me to have the number. It's not like I harass them or anything. But whatever. I know where they live but I don't want to go cause a scene. So I am stuck e-mailing him. Of course he is putting the WHOLE thing on Marissa. Whatever again.

Jacob decided today to tell the brother that he doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. Now her brother is sending nasty IMs to her on MySpace IM. I have intercepted a couple, saying "this is her mom, Marissa is not available." I'm not going to get mean and nasty. But apparently they think Marissa is the one on and lying. I don't care.

I am just so sick of the BS with them.
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  #7  
July 28th, 2008, 05:45 AM
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I am speechless, something that is unlike me to be.

Why are you even giving ANYONE the time of day to discuss a "faux tattoo" to begin with? Why is this even a debate? If this were a real one, then perhaps I could understand ANY arguments, but to be arguing, getting upset, what ever over something so trivial, I don't understand that.

This IMO, so take it for what it's worth. Let it go. Don't give him fuel for his fire, that's what he wants.

If this man wants to get out of child support or sue for full custody, let him, because I can guarantee you that NO COURT will take ANY child out of their current living situation UNLESS you are a threat/danger to the child. Perhaps the courts will give them legal custody (50%) & regular visitation, but aside from that, I don't see that happening, it just doesn't. Again, unless you have a past that could be brought up as harmful for the future of the child's concern. As far as child support goes, he has to pay, period the end. Even if he doesn't want to see his child again, he STILL has to pay, until the child is 18 (sometimes earlier or later depending on the circumstances). He can't get out of that obligation no matter how angry he gets. That's not an issue to even think about on your behalf. He's trying to scare you by making these statements that aren't even valid or going to happen.

If it's child support that he's trying to get out of, let him threaten all he wants, if he is the father, he has to pay, period! If he signed the birth certificate, he HAS to pay, even w/ out a paternity test. He can ask for one, but again, it's on HIM to prepare for that & for you to comply, but I wouldn't even worry about this.

Seriously, sounds like this guy is trying to get under your skin, and from what you've said, it's working. When he gets his "panties" in a bunch, just hang up the phone or start another conversation of topic. If he continues on trying to get you all upset or angry, simply state "we're obviously not getting anywhere discussing this at this point since our emotions are influencing our decisions that should be focused on the most important person involved, our child, I think we need some time to cool down before we try to discuss any future issues, until then, good-bye (hang up or close the door). Seriously. Don't go there. You are giving him a payoff to his anger & that's EXACTLY what he wants.

Again, this is JMO, take it for what it's worth. But it sounds like you have many other things going on in your life that can occupy your mind & this isn't one of them. Let him make threats & comments, let him rant, then say "is that all?" and kindly hang up or say "good-bye"...KWIM?

I truly hope that this is helpful for you & that things can get better. If you continue to give him this fuel to his anger/fire, it's just going to continue. My DH & his ex wife are CONSTANTLY at it. Thankfully, I don't have this issue (no longer) w/ my ex & haven't for years. We put our child's best interest first, and arguing over dumb stuff like a fake tattoo isn't one of them. Sorry... this guy is looking to get you mad, that's about as clear as the water in my glass.

HIH, GL
~C
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  #8  
July 28th, 2008, 12:48 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Actually I don't talk to him. The only contact I have is through e-mail. And since my last e-mail to him, I haven't heard a thing from him. Just as well. I know I got him in trouble with his wife and the idiot deserves it. For him to want to get on IM and talk sexual with an ex (I didn't return the talk, I kept changing the subject) while you are married....well that speaks something for character. I only wanted to talk about Marissa, not relive things. So I did mention that in e-mail but like I said...it shows character of the kind of person and father he is. I also told him I fear for his sons, seeing the example he leads for them. Are they going to knock up some girl and seeing what he did, not take care of their obligation?

I am not upset about this for myself as I am for Marissa. She has been sad because of this. She WANTED this relationship with him and for him to act like this hurts her. My opinion? I could care less if he ever steps foot in our lives again. But I want my daughter to be happy. And clearly she isn't.
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  #9  
July 31st, 2008, 06:54 PM
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LOL, the tattoo incident reminds me of one similar that happened to me. My ex was in jail when we separated and when he got he didn't want to see me so pick up/drop off was always with a friend of ours (not a problem because he makes me sick to my stomach to see him). TJ was 4 and wanted to have red hair gel in his hair so we went and got his hair cut so it would spike and I bought the gel and it was so cute. I told the friend to make sure she tell my ex that it washes out. Well TJ ran inside before she could say anything and he flipped a lid. He called me AT WORK and started cussing at me about putting hair dye in his son's hair. Blah blah blah. it was pretty amusing. I started laughing at him which made him angrier and I told him that he should be thankful that I didn't use Kool-Aid He shut up pretty quick and then I hung up.

I don't see anything wrong with your DD playing a trick on him like that and he just needs to get his trousers untwisted. As for the bf, I am not looking forward to that age. I am glad that he has put his foot down with her brother because it is none of his or her SD business now. I really hope things get better. I would still mention it to the mom though just in case.
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