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Went swimming with Step Mom


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  #1  
July 30th, 2008, 04:54 PM
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Location: texas
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This is one of the summer weeks that the boys are with their dad. I had to go to the town where their dad lives. So I called and invited them (boys and their step mom) to meet me and Eli and go swimming. I was surprised that she accepted the invite.

We met at the pool. I was so happy to see the boys. It was a little awkward at first but it ended up okay. She is really young and has no bio children. Not long after we got there, I noticed that her hands were shaking. I think that she is really intimidated by me. I tried very hard to make her completely comfortable. The boys had a bit of an issue listening to me at first but I just explained that it doesn't matter who they rode there with, I am still Mom and they have to obey. We had no more problems with that. She used to have a major problem with over stepping her bounds and one time even told Parker that he didn't have to listen to me when he was with her. It was nothing like that today. I think after 5 years she is really starting to understand things.

Anyway, just wanted to share =)
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  #2  
July 30th, 2008, 06:22 PM
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First of all. It is great to see you posting here. Second of all, you are very brave. I do not know if I could actually do that with the step mom. Now, with Alex's BM I probably could. I will correct him right in front of her. It is weird because it is like she is the step mom and not me.

Anyway, glad you had a great day with seeing your boys and I think it was a nice gesture to invite her along.
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  #3  
July 31st, 2008, 04:02 AM
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I absolutely agree that it was a wonderful gesture to invite her! I think she was probably a little afraid that you might have ulterior motives or that something might happen that would cause some trouble between the two of you. I wish I could have had a good relationship with and I did try. I quit doing that when it became apparent that she simply could not get over the fact that Tom and I were not going to fall apart over her insinuating herself into our lives (things like calling him and saying "I need to talk to you about something". When she got to our house, I left the room thinking that it might be something about the kids and I'd let them go over things together. Come to find out she's having problems with her married boyfriend and wanted advice! LOL GET A GIRLFRIEND FOR THAT, YOU MORON! )
Anyway, I think it was really terrific of you to invite her along and good for the kids to see that the two of you are not enemies and they don't have to walk on eggshells when talking about one to the other. I'm so glad that you had a good time with the kids and with her!
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  #4  
July 31st, 2008, 07:35 AM
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Quote:
I absolutely agree that it was a wonderful gesture to invite her! I think she was probably a little afraid that you might have ulterior motives or that something might happen that would cause some trouble between the two of you. I wish I could have had a good relationship with and I did try. I quit doing that when it became apparent that she simply could not get over the fact that Tom and I were not going to fall apart over her insinuating herself into our lives (things like calling him and saying "I need to talk to you about something". When she got to our house, I left the room thinking that it might be something about the kids and I'd let them go over things together. Come to find out she's having problems with her married boyfriend and wanted advice! LOL GET A GIRLFRIEND FOR THAT, YOU MORON! )
Anyway, I think it was really terrific of you to invite her along and good for the kids to see that the two of you are not enemies and they don't have to walk on eggshells when talking about one to the other. I'm so glad that you had a good time with the kids and with her![/b]

I get along with DH's ex because I have to but he has absolutely nothing to do with her. She and I have all the conversations. DH and I make decisions together and then I communicate with her. She has tried so many stupid things to come between us. She even called him one time and said that he needed to come to her house and take care of her because she passed out at a party and was raped. (She has made false reports of rape/attacks and even almost had one guy arrested) so I knew this was BS. We had just started dating. I told him that if he went to be with her I would not stay in the relationship. Even if it had happened she needed to lean on the guy that she left DH for not him. Also I do all the pick up/drop offs because we do not trust her at all. One time when she thought DH was picking DSD up she answered the door in nothing but a cut off white tank top and thong. I am sure you can imagine the shocked look on her face when she saw me standing there She is evil. Every now and then she will tell me that she heard DH is cheating on me. I always tell her that he works his butt off to support us then comes straight home to be with his family so I know without a doubt that he is not cheating. She is truly a miserable person who will do anything to make everyone around her miserable.
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  #5  
August 1st, 2008, 03:09 AM
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Oh my God! I think your DH was married to my DH's ex! lol Aren't they evil, miserable creatures? has done so many things to try to make DH miserable (and me too) that I no longer worry about things when she announces something that a normal person doing would send me into a tizzy. Things like announcing a few days before Christmas that she and the girls are moving 1500 miles away...just before our wedding telling him that when we got back from our honeymoon she needed to talk to him but refused tell him why...come to find out it was something completely unimportant--how much do you want to contribute to Courtney's car? Things like that which are designed to cause him to worry and cast a shadow over what would otherwise be a good time because she herself regrets the decisions she has made in her life. Well, I am very sorry but perhaps you should have considered that BEFORE you cheated on Tom and broke up your family...although I must say THANK YOU FOR BEING A ! The other day she called and asked him if she could borrow his truck to drive to the next town over (about a 20 minute drive) because her car has a bad fan belt and she worried that it may cause problems. Now this is a new vehicle that she bought with (MUCH MORE THAN) her share of the tax money...and she has no bank account and has now had not only her cable and phone shut off but is past due on the electricity bill. She had to have it even though she had a decent enough car because she likes driving a mini van. Well, sweetheart I like driving a Jaguar, too but you don't see MY family going without so I can have one! Anyway, Tom asked her "Do you have insurance?" Answer? NO! She is driving around in an UNINSURED VEHICLE with those kids! Now, one would think that after losing the last mini van she had because a 17 yr old uninsured motorist T-boned her (thankfully the children were not in the car at the time!) she would not want to risk losing another vehicle to an accident but no. She needs her money to go out drinking and playing darts two or three times a week.
It's easy to see I have absolutely no respect for this nor do I even like her. She is a cold hearted, self centered, irresponsible B but unfortunately, I am now tied to this idiot for the rest of my life because of those girls. (They have a son too but he lives with us and since she gets no CS for him because of that, she sees him about once a month for 5 minutes or so while she picks up or drops off the girls.) Because I love my DH and his children so much, I deal with her and keep my mouth shut on most things simply because I know my DH doesn't approve of her any more than I do but he surely doesn't need me adding to the stress when she starts her crap. So when she prances into MY HOUSE without even glancing my way or answers DH when I ask her something, I just smile and know in my heart how much it must BURN her to see us happy together and to know she made a horrible mistake which I have profited from enormously! It must make it even harder on her to see my smiling face and have me be sickeningly sweet to her when she walks in the door or sees us at one of the girl's softball games. And every time she fights with her married boyfriend that she cheated on Tom with, it must really get to her knowing that he will never leave his wife for her and after almost 6 years of trying to get him to do that, he lets her know it in no uncertain terms! Meanwhile, Tom and I have been married almost a year and a half and have never even had a disagreement. Yeah, I have my little victories. lol
Anyway, if you can have a decent relationship with your DH's ex, then I think it's terrific. I tried very hard to in the begining but gave up once I understood who I was dealing with. I wish it could be different for the sake of the children but since it can't, I deal with it. I think it's terrific when adults act like adults and get along for their children's sake. I only wish WAS an adult!
KUDOS to both of you for managing to keep a good relationship with your DH's ex! I wish we could all have that!
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  #6  
August 1st, 2008, 05:44 AM
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Wow, congrats! Sounds like you guys are making a great relationship work w/ all of you. It's hard to be nice to someone who has given you a sour taste in your mouth in the past. To be able to set those feelings aside & become one to get along for the sake of the children, its important but doesn't always happen. I get along w/ my DS' step-mom, at first it was just for DS, but I get along w/ her b/c I like her. Unfortunately, as much as I've tried to have that same relationship w/ my DSS' mother, I've been unsuccessful which has made things EXTREMELY difficult.

I've been in the situation where DSS' mother said to him "you don't have to listen to her when you are there, she can't tell you what to do"... and I'd say "oh yes I can, this is my house & when you are here you will follow the rules" & my DH has backed me up on that but it's been hard.

Congrats on your breakthrough!
~C
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  #7  
August 1st, 2008, 12:33 PM
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Wow that's great! I'm glad it work & hopefully you can continue to build a good relationship.
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  #8  
August 4th, 2008, 07:16 PM
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I think thats great that you invited her!! I hope that I can eventually have a good relationship with my bf's daughters mom. I know its not something that happens over night. Im just very hopeful and open to her and I having a good relationship. She is the mom and I don't ever want her to think that I am trying to take her daughter away, because that is never what I am doing! I love my bf's daughter and I want to be a part of her life, but I am not her bio mom and I never ever want to take her place. I just hope that she can understand that.
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