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giving up their rights?


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  #1  
September 3rd, 2008, 05:15 PM
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i was talking to my ex on yahoo messanger the other night and out of the blue we talked bout him giving up his rights.... i told him i wanted to do a way with child support due to the fact that they are really screwed me over... ( that in its self is an other story ) so i told him they wont stop it unless he signs his rights over... well needless to say he said he would....THANK GOD.... so now i am in the process of getting an atternory and getting the paper work together to get this done as speedy as possible.... he also offerd to pay half of all the costs to get it done... wow... i have been waiting him to do this since the day we got divorced... sorry i dont know if this is a place to post this or not... but i had to tell someone
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2008, 05:45 PM
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I am glad that everything worked out the way you wanted it to. I would be heartbroken if my ex or DH's signed over rights and didn't want to be a part of our kids lives! I know that every situation is different and I really hope that your sons will benefit from this.
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  #3  
September 3rd, 2008, 06:21 PM
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for my boys it was the best thing he could have ever done for them... he has not seen my boys in over two months...and the two months after that... he pretty much see them for 24 hours every 3- 4 months... my boys get so confused and have no clue what is going on half the time... so i am just glad to have all this up and down feelings for them out of the way and they can go back to living like normal 5 and 2 year olds
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  #4  
September 3rd, 2008, 06:28 PM
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Awww.... poor babies that would be so confusing. You certainly cannot make someone be a parent. It sounds like your sons have a wonderful step father (from reading other post)! I am sure you have been heartbroken many times by their POS father not wanting to see them. At this point, I can understand why you would only feel relief. GL
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  #5  
September 3rd, 2008, 06:55 PM
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they have an awesome step-dad.... he loves them so very much..... my oldest had some major problmes in the beging of our realtionship... and my DH has really showed he is not going to do what his real dad did... my boys are at the point now that if you ask do you want to see your dad... they say why.... i see my daddie everyday... they really look up to him.... and its a huge relife off my shoulders... and i have spent many nights crying my self to sleep wondering my my ex could give up on them .... but now the kids and i have become so numb to it that this is a blessing to us and the rest of our family
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  #6  
September 4th, 2008, 03:24 AM
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I do think that this is a blessing! Congratulations! Your sons may someday decide to find their bio-father (as I did with mine) but your DH will always be "DAD" to them no matter what the future brings. I've never understood why or how someone could give up their child but I have no problem saying that I respect someone who does so for the good of the child. It takes a lot of guts to realize that you just don't have what it takes to be a good parent to a child and to relinquish your rights to someone who does. Yes, most of the time they're doing so for selfish reasons and not because of any feelings of responsibility to the child but whatever their reasons, it is much better to do that, than to pop in and out of a child's life unexpectedly for the next 10-15 years and so much less confusing!
I searched for and found my bio-father when I was 20. I wanted to meet him and form some kind of relationship. I admit I had this fantasy in my head about how it would be and that he would become a big part of my life. Well, reality hit home and I figured out why my mom left the SOB. He's a charmer...and a liar and a cheat and a useless, self serving piece of garbage. I don't even know or care if he is alive right now. My dad is my step dad and he has always been "DAD" to me and always will be. Donald is just an unfortunate bit of my genetic makeup and that is all!
Anyone can be a father....it takes someone special to be a "DAD"!
Your ex is a father, your DH is a dad. Congratulations again!
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  #7  
September 4th, 2008, 05:10 AM
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I am glad that this is working out the way you & your family wanted it too. Sounds like everyone is happy about this decision. Great!

~C
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  #8  
September 4th, 2008, 05:11 AM
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I know this is going to sound bad but "YOU ARE SO LUCKY". I have been begging my DD BF to give up his rights now for about 8 years. Sadie is 9. When she was under a year old he met her once....for ONE hour. Then I didn't hear from him for the next 6 years. I thought that he was just going to stay away. I knew where is was because I had a child support order that the state of MN dealt with so every now and then we would have to go to court. This last time was the final straw when he claimed that because he has a wife and child at home and that he is going to school part time and working part time that he couldn't pay his support and they AGREED with him and knocked my support down to $50 A MONTH. I sent him an email shortly after I found out...back in July I believe...asking him if I payed for it would he just give up his rights and let my DH adopt her because I was sick of dealing with him....YES I LOST MY COOL. I have heard nothing from him since. Sadie got a phone call last September from him and the last email was in October so I really do not think that he needs to be around. He bugs me.

Sorry for my ramble. I hope that you and the boys are happy with this arrangement!!!! (i know I would be)
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  #9  
September 5th, 2008, 02:52 AM
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I am glad your happy but can i offer my point of view? As a child of a divorced family where my dad gave up his rights on me when i was 5 years old, and they even changed my last name i have to tell you that i am terribly sore, bitter and i still ask why after all these years. Both my parents are dead now, but believe me i cannot come to grips with it. And i still give blame to both my father and my mother for asking him I really hope this doesn't happen to you guys. I really do....but it is not a nice situation with the kid. And i came to realize and feel bitter about it wayyyy later. After i was 25....

Good luck
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  #10  
September 5th, 2008, 10:13 AM
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oh i have thought about that with my boys... and i alson came from a divorced famliy... my real dad never saw me and never wanted to... i wish he would have giving up his rights and not made me suffer like he did.... my ex only sees my boys as a way to get even with me and money.... they dont need it and since they have been lil he has been in and out of our lives all together... they really dont member much of him any way... i just could not afford my divorce sooner then when i did... i just hope when my boys get older they understand it was their dad and i still loved them and want them un like him....
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  #11  
September 5th, 2008, 12:15 PM
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... i just hope when my boys get older they understand it was their dad and i still loved them and want them un like him....[/b]
Oh my dear, i wish you that also. To your boys i mean. From the bottom of my heart. It is so nasty to feel sore so many years And as nasty as it is for my dad not to ever cared, it is also cruel and unforgetful to use kids for your own means.....

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  #12  
September 6th, 2008, 08:04 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I think everyone is different really. IMO I would be sad if my ex would want to give up his rights but on the same note I would like him to allow my DH to adopt him & let me change my DS' last name to our last name. But I know my ex wouldn't approve & that's okay, I understand.

I think again, what ever works for you, in your situation, is what is best. Only you know what is right & what you need/want & what is best for the kids. In the end, hopefully all will work out great. Some men just want to give up legal rights to get rid of the whole CS thing, others feel that they aren't cut out for fatherhood & would rather have the active step-parent be the primary custodial parent to the child & don't see it as a bad thing. Either way or for which ever reason, I am sure you have talked this all through in detail.

My ONLY suggestion would be to talk to a lawyer (sure you already have) about all the positives "AND" negatives. Then I'd be talking to a therapist for your family & really work on what this all means to everyone & how to handle the possible set backs. Other than that, I think you are doing fine & I find it noble that you're DH is willing to take on that responsibility. That's a big job & he obviously loves them enough to do that. That's a REAL man! Kudos to him... (and everyone involved who are for the kids & not out for drama). I am impressed, truly.

(((HUGS)))
~C
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  #13  
September 8th, 2008, 07:10 AM
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YAY!!!!!!

Seems like there's a lot of this going around here now!!!!!

We are in the middle of the process of DH adopting my dd. It to is the best thing for her. I'm so happy for you!


Chantelle, yes it is a little sad but your situation is way different. Without my DH, Lucy wouldn't have a dad at all. At least now she has a daddy in every sense of the way!

There is nothing worse than having your 5 year old crying & saying "Why can't I have a dad like everyone else?"
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  #14  
September 8th, 2008, 05:30 PM
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yeah, you ask my 5 year old if he wants to see his dad and he all ways says.... why? i see my daddie every day when i wake up? then we have to ask him if he wants to see my ex... and then he goes into a long story on how he does not want to go over there and how we can make it happen
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  #15  
September 8th, 2008, 05:47 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I wanted to add that anyone can be a sperm donor but it takes a REAL man to be a Father/Dad & the fact that yours is willing to do just that (which he seems to obviously be doing already) but to make it official, that's fantastic & again, very sweet.

Nice to hear positives on the board. I think we often talk about the negatives & forget that there are positives to discuss, such as yours. I love to hear these stories & keep them coming!

Chantelle
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  #16  
September 9th, 2008, 08:57 AM
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yeah that is what my moms says to nate and i all the time......ANY MAN CAN FATHER A CHILD ... BUT IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO BE A DAD.... my boys call my step dad...grandpa....and for me you have to earn the right to be called grandpa in my eyes...and nate is going to be a great dad for my boys and grandpa when that time comes in 40 years....lol
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  #17  
September 9th, 2008, 12:39 PM
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yeah, you ask my 5 year old if he wants to see his dad and he all ways says.... why? i see my daddie every day when i wake up? then we have to ask him if he wants to see my ex... and then he goes into a long story on how he does not want to go over there and how we can make it happen[/b]

That's so sweet! It totally warms my heart!

I always tell Lucy how lucky she is that she got to pick her dad & he picked her. His other 3 kids were "given" to him but he CHOSE her!
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