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Evil step-father/BF!


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  #1  
September 7th, 2008, 08:14 AM
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Im wondering if anyone here is going through what i am . Have you or have you known anything that had an evil step father.... or their mom datted a evil BF!!!?????????

My mom made me move back here... WHICH I DIDNT WANT TO! but i lost my job due to their relocation =(.
My moms BF treats me with NO RESPECT what so ever.. and he compeletly REMINDS me of hollyanns FATHER! (im not with him). He is CONTROLLING, he think he OWNS this house which is DOESNT. He basically just moved his crap in and not give a D***amn. My mom is a total push over when it comes to guys and lets them walk all over her. So she lets him say whatever he wants to me..
The other night.. we were eatting dinner and he started yelling at me cause i sat at a sit that DIDNT CURRENTLY have a PLATE at it.. and he says VERY loudly "Theres NO Flipping plate there is there???" Im like yeah im getting one. And he said NO MOVE. this is all when my daughter was RIGHT THERE!... then im like fine whatever i'll sit in the living room..then my mom makes me sit at the table by HIM!. like i wanted to.. them i got some food and he says you could of ASKed!!!. im like this is my MOMS food you dont need to tell me what to eat and what Not to eat. I just walk away..Then he say infront of everyone INCLUDING MY 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.. hE SAYS : F*U*C*K YOU! Grow the f****** up!.. No joke.. i ran back and i said Dont you EVER I MEAN EVER! say that infront of my DAUGHTER!.. i grabbed her and left! He has 3 kids of his OWN. but he never sees them expect holidays.. its HIS own choice too.. he has No lic.. cause he has to pay child support.He barly has a job..only has one cause of my mom.
He has told me before im a worthless mother ectect... he thinks he is better then me for some reason.. and when i didnt live here. and would visit he would be like "WHY ARE YOU HERE!" AND SO on... He has NO respect for me at all! I hate it here.. Once i find a job and save a lil im sooo gone!!
Im at the point where once i leave i NEVER want him near my DAUGHTER again... i dont know if im wrong for feeling/thinking this... but he has NO respect for me! Im her mother!. Im so sick of this.. i have only been here a week. Each day its almost like this.. I just would like some advice anyway..
I know if it wasnt for my daughter i wouldnt be here but since i have her they think they have too.. but if i had no kids he would just say theres a street...go there... i can totally see that.. Part of me is like well you dont want me here i'll just leave then,.. but i dont think i could do that... Me and my mother have NOT a good relationship because of him..
any advice PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  #2  
September 7th, 2008, 09:01 AM
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You are 100% completely right to feel the way you do and I would do anything I could do at this point to get my child OUT of that environment! Do you have any friends you can stay with or other family members? If not, can you talk to your mother about his behavior? It is completely inappropriate! The situation sounds quite volitile and I have to wonder #1 why your mother puts up with his behavior and #2 why you had no choice but to move in with them.
What is obvious to me, in light of your statement that he reminds you of Hollyanns father, is that this is a cycle of behavior with men that is continuing along the generations. You're following in your mother's footsteps and what is MOST alarming is that unless you get yourself out of that environment and stop this cycle, your daughter will learn this is acceptable and have the same life. Do whatever needs to be done to get the two of you out of there and work toward a better life for you and your child. I would strongly recommend counselling for you so that you can rise above what you've learned and take control of your own life. Your job in raising Hollyann is to be a good role model for her and teach her to value herself and take pride in herself and her accomplishments. She can't learn that when she is subjected to such demeaning behavior--and make no mistake about this--HE WILL EVENTUALLY BEGIN TO TREAT HER THIS WAY ALSO!!!!! She will learn that this is just how men are and it is something we women need to accept and deal with. That isn't a good lesson for ANYONE! You need to be strong right now and to do whatever has to be done to get the two of you out of there. there are agencies that can help you get back on your feet and that can help you get an education so you can support yourself and your daughter....USE THEM! You've paid into them for years while you were working and although none of us want to be on welfare, that may be the option that you have to choose for now. It doesn't have to be a permanent solution but it can keep you and your daughter safe until you're able to get back on your feet. You may only need assistance for a month or two and then you can find a place for you and Hollyann that's nicer, but to stay where you are is just inviting disaster in my opinion.
You're obviously not lazy and are willing to work to gain a better life for the two of you. Needing a little help in doing that doesn't make you less of a person and frankly, this isn't the time to let pride stand in the way of that life! I strongly recommend that you do NOT wait until you find a job and save a little money to get out! There are women's shelters and aid to dependant children that can help you get back on track. Don't stay there hoping things will be ok. They won't. And once you're out of there, I would not ever go back. If your mom wants to see you or Hollyann, make her come to you and let her know that her BF is NEVER allowed in your home under any circumstances and that if she shows up with him in tow, you will not allow her inside either!
I despise men like this! Scum of the earth!
I hope everything works out for you. We're all here if you need encouragement or advice. Feel free to PM me if you want to also.
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  #3  
September 7th, 2008, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
I strongly recommend that you do NOT wait until you find a job and save a little money to get out! There are women's shelters and aid to dependant children that can help you get back on track. Don't stay there hoping things will be ok. They won't. And once you're out of there, I would not ever go back. If your mom wants to see you or Hollyann, make her come to you and let her know that her BF is NEVER allowed in your home under any circumstances and that if she shows up with him in tow, you will not allow her inside either![/b]
I agree 100% with everything that Dani said, especially this statement! I was thinking the exact same thing, you need to find a women's shelter. There is no reason to continue living under these circumstances. You need to make a visit to the department of human services and find out what help they can offer. They may even help with rent/utilities at your own place for a few months.

Your daughter does not need to be subjected to this at all! If he used the "F" word once, he will again and again along with other obscenities. You have already said that he does not respect you so you know that he is not going to respect your demand of not using those words around your child.

Your mother is a grown woman if she chooses to put up with that treatment there is nothing you can do about it. However, you are the only person that Hollyann has to protect her. You need to do everything in your power to do just that. I strongly agree with Dani that you are not far from him beginning to treat your baby this way. You do not want her to believe that this is acceptable. You need to show her how strong a woman can be even at the lowest point in her life to protect her children. She is learning from you everyday. Please, go to DHS tomorrow and get some assistance and get yourself and your daughter out of that mess!
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  #4  
September 7th, 2008, 03:24 PM
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I actually am going down the road to the assisant building tomamrrow morning...
i hope to god they can help me. I hate the situation i am in. I have two interviews on tuesday also.Please say a prayer for me!
Thank you ladies so so much..
and i agree with both of you Extremly!
Thanks ladies so much... im so glad im not alone.... i was wondering if i was being selfish taking my daughter away from them KWIM???
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  #5  
September 7th, 2008, 07:20 PM
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Not at all. You are not being selfish, you are being smart. Like Dani said, tell your mom she is welcome to see her granddaughter as long as she comes to your home without her BF. I would not allow him around my child at all. GL
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  #6  
September 8th, 2008, 03:37 AM
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I'm so glad you're doing something to get out of the situation tomorrow. I will say many prayers for you between now and Tuesday and I wish you all the best luck in the world! I can only imagine how hard that is on you and I'm glad that you've decided to get out of there ASAP! Let us know how things go!
You're never alone as long as you reach out to the women on this board and agencies that are there to assist you. We are of course, here to help you get through this as best we can and will encourage you and listen to your problems when you need to vent. I hope that very soon we will also get to rejoice with you about your new living arrangements so let us know how things go! And remember-- ANYTHING you do that is in the best interests of your daughter cannot be construed as selfish! If it benefits you as well, that's gravy. Staying where you are and doing nothing because it's too much trouble or because you're embarrassed to seek help would be selfish but never putting the needs of your child first. You're absolutely doing the right thing by getting out of there as soon as you can!
We're here if you need us...
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  #7  
September 8th, 2008, 08:21 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I actually am going down the road to the assistant building tomorrow morning...
i hope to god they can help me. I hate the situation i am in. I have two interviews on Tuesday also.Please say a prayer for me!
Thank you ladies so so much..
and i agree with both of you Extremely!
Thanks ladies so much... im so glad im not alone.... i was wondering if i was being selfish taking my daughter away from them KWIM???[/b]
God i have no advice love except to get out of this house immediately. Your mom is buried there but it is her choice. This was not our choice and it is so sad. What i find unbearable is the disrespect some people have for their fellow human beings. I mean ok he doesn't see you as a daughter, a relative or even a neighbor (as it looks) but heck he can at least act civilized for the shake of his wife......i mean *** ? Did she search long to find him? I know that if a man treated my children like that i would have kicked him out the door and down to hell.......He seems terribly obnoxious and not educated at all. Keep your kid away from him and get out as soon as possible......

Good luck
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  #8  
September 8th, 2008, 07:05 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Sweetiez, welcome to the board, I am SS that it's based on these circumstances. I am Chantelle, one of the co-hosts here on Blended Families. I am a step & bio mom, have good & bad experiences to share, sadly, this is one time I can't relate too. My mother didn't raise me, my grandparents did. My mother was very young when she had me so her parents took the responsibility.

Now, if I were in your situation, and I am not, so it's just an opinion. I'd be calling shelters & all the state assistance out there. There has got to be a way to get you out of there & in a safe & healthy environment. From what you've described, and it's all from your post & some posts can come across differently than intended so forgive me if I am not reading the true info or saying something totally off in this situation....

To the point I am trying to make. You are obviously old enough to be out on your own & doing your own thing. This is a free country, you have the right to leave if you are not happy in your situation. Any judge would say "you are an adult, leave if you are unhappy w/ your environment, no one is forcing you to stay in that home. It's sad that your mother is putting up w/ that, but that's her stuff to deal w/, not yours & being in that situation isn't healthy for not only you but for your daughter. As a parent and an advocate for your daughter, being in that house is not only bad, it's abusive emotionally. That's traumatizing to anyone, let alone a child, they sense that stuff & react as a result of it. Children deserve a safe home, not something to what you are describing.

My only advice is a shelter, there are many out there that take in kids, single parents, etc. I know one locally here in my town that my friend works for called "Battered Woman's Resources" it's not only for abused women, but for women who need a safe place to go w/ kids & get on their feet again. Clearly you need to get out of that house.

As far as your relationship w/ your mother, that's sad. I am sure you've already talked to her on how this is impacting your mother/daughter relationship (if you haven't please do), then it's time to realize that this is her path that she is choosing. Sometimes, children don't approve of a step parent or boy/girl friend, but it's really not their choice to make, it's the parent's choice, they have a right to be happy & if your mother is happy in her situation, then great, let her be in her situation but obviously you are not happy (for obvious reasons that no one would be happy w/ so ITA you need to get out ASAP), it's time for you to get into your own place, how ever you do that. There are so many programs out there to help, WIC, Food Stamps, Welfare, State Health Insurance, etc. Not sure where you live or what your process is but in my area, if you were in my situation, after walking in any of these places, you'd be automatically getting ER assistance based on your circumstances.

I feel for you & wish I had more advice for you. I guess I don't have much else to add other than I hope you can get out & be happy. You deserve to feel safe & what you are in is not. Please keep us posted, let us know that you are okay & if there is anything we can do to help let us know. Check in when you get a chance to let us know you are doing well or better.

Take care
HUGS
Chantelle
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  #9  
September 9th, 2008, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
I actually am going down the road to the assisant building tomamrrow morning...
i hope to god they can help me. I hate the situation i am in. I have two interviews on tuesday also.Please say a prayer for me!
Thank you ladies so so much..
and i agree with both of you Extremly!
Thanks ladies so much... im so glad im not alone.... i was wondering if i was being selfish taking my daughter away from them KWIM???[/b]

You are not being selfish! Anything but! You are protecting your child! Speaking from someone who has "Break the cycle" HollyAnn deserves that & so do you!

I hope you get out of there asap! My prayers are with you!
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  #10  
September 9th, 2008, 02:48 PM
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Thank you ladies so much..
Well i talked 2 them.. and i asked about housing.. but she told me to stay where i am..but move out as soon as i can get a job. I havent seen him much thankfully. Me and hollyann are avoiding him untill i can afford to move out. but right now im getting a lil assistance...
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  #11  
September 9th, 2008, 06:48 PM
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GL!! If I were you I would be going to work anywhere I could to get out of there. I hope that you find something soon. Just remember there is always the option of Women's shelter. They will not turn you away. I am glad that you have been able to stay away from him as much as possible but the household sounds to be "toxic" IMO I just can't imagine that there are very happy vibes in a home with such a rude person living there KWIM?? Children absorb EVERYTHING!!
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  #12  
September 11th, 2008, 10:44 PM
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Thanks for the comments... I have even worse news now =(.
Im so depressed right now. im almost crying...
Today my car broke down! Now i have NOOO car..
But i got a call today for a job... but REQUIRES a car...
I feel nothing is going right..i dont understand why me.......
I hate this... i feel my heart is breaking everywhere.. I hate feeling this way..
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  #13  
September 12th, 2008, 05:19 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Boy when it rains it pours. I've been in your exact situation. Where there is a will, there is a way, do you have a friend that can help & you give them gas money? A bus that goes by or a cab? What will it cost to repair your car? I've had a lot of crappy cars in my past that I had to "tolerate" & figure out ways to do do things but it always worked out. Not that it's not a stressful thing to deal w/ but know that things always find a way of working themselves out, keep a positive spin on it, keep your chin up!


(((HUGS)))
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  #14  
September 19th, 2008, 10:17 AM
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I thought i'd update. My parents ended up kicking me out. since i was selfish and i 'use' people or them to live there. So i said Fine..we are leaving.. i packed up this big tot we had. with clothes,diapers,some toys of hers...basically stuff we needed.. And my BF took us into his home. He had a roommate for a BBBB**** AND she acted like iit was her house she owned.. and SHE DOESNT.and people were not allowed over unless discussed before hand. and she was OK with it since she has a 7year old.. well my bf had me and hollyann put ina hotel for a night to talk 2 her. and she basically flipped and said it was her or me. who do you think he will choose? ME and my daughter. DUH.Well she flipped again because she was suppose to OK this.. she is a control freak! His family and friends wont even come over cause of her. He can be kinda a push over. Well she basically said if we are here then she is gone. Well she packed like half of her stuff and she should be out by sunday or so. We went funiture shopping since a good amount of it is hers. which is fine. e got my car working.. and i applyed like crazy around this area (like 40 minutes from my rents) to get a job! i have a job interview monday! WOOHOO!!!. its only nights and weekeds..but it would help. I checking out this local area for doing daycare at home. Its a nice house so i figure since im home with hollyann then maybe we could get a little extra to help out another family. So i posted ads around ect. His friends dont live far from us also.. so we are having a bon fire tonight!! so it should be fun. Im going to cook dinner for everyone also . well the boys will help also.! Some of his friends kiddos will be comming by also. since hollyann will be here. We plan to paint the house over. and we want to get a kitten soon. then a dog by spring.Im sooo excited. He treats hollyann like his own. (He doesnt have any kiddos thou). And decided instead of working durning the day and paying so much for daycare i'll work nights and some weekeds for now for a lil extra money. and he will take care of hollyann while im at work.It was his idea also.Thank god for him!.We have simillar pasts so he knows exactly what im going through. He told me this is our home now. and wants me 2 stay.We are better off out here.and its a better situation. Well when his roommate moves it will...
but anyways i had to update you ladies
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  #15  
September 19th, 2008, 10:36 AM
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I'm so glad for you!

So glad that you got out of there & have a safe place to go.

So glad you found a great guy! Sounds like a keeper!

Good luck on your job interview!
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