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She listens to him more than me


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  #1  
September 30th, 2008, 05:41 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
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When Kai tells Gaby off she listens first time & stops whatever it is she's doing... but when it's me... omg sometimes I have to tell her about 50,000 times...... She is 2 in October, so I guess she's too young for the "you're not my Dad yo ucan't tell me what to do" attitude

anyone else found this? particularly with younger children?
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  #2  
October 1st, 2008, 04:28 AM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It sounds like it is all new to her and maybe she is not sure what will happen if she doesn't listen to him. I remember going through that with Kal and Sadie. Sadie never listened to me but always listened to him. That was until she had one of those drinkable yogurts and she looked right at me and dumbed it on the carpet and laughed. I freaked out and told him to pop her on the hand and say no. I was cleaning up the yogurt and she was standing there laughing at me. He came over and popped her on the hand so lightly...I am not even sure that he touched her...and said very softly no. She cried and cried and cried. She didn't talk to him for the rest of the night and really didn't look at him for 2 days. I told him that I should have just let the yogurt sit there and done it. I was living with my mom and she had this really expensive rug and I was afraid that it was going to stain (now I think that was just stupid to be thinking about a rug). After that everything has been fine. She is now 9 so she doesn't listen to anyone.

*I am not saying that anyone should just pop a childs hand...I am just telling a story*
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  #3  
October 1st, 2008, 05:03 AM
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Awww heck, I had that issue with my biological children from time to time at that age! Kids are like that sometimes. The key is to be patient yet firm and don't let them get away with things. Show them that you are the adult in the situation and that if she doesn't listen to you, there will be consequences. Time outs work well --although you may have to put her in her crib if she's still in one, to stay put. It doesn't have to be long...can be 3 minutes. Just so she knows there are consequences. Don't pull the "Wait til your father gets home" because that in itself says you're not the one in charge. Now I would not spank her if I were you, but certainly some sort of punishment is in order when she doesn't listen. I've also found that kids seem to listen better when the threat of a punishment is given in a calm but firm voice as opposed to angry. Stop her and look her right in the eyes and tell her "If you don't stop doing that right now, you're going to have to sit on the steps for 5 minutes!" (or whatever punishment works.) With my oldest son, he could sit for hours on the steps (that was our time out spot) so time outs never worked on him but not letting him have certain toys or go someplace we'd planned on going if the behavior continued did work...my middle son would stop what he was doing with just the threat of a time out and my daughter would stop just by the threat of me getting mad at her. (She was a little drama queen...hmmm...still is, now that I think about it! Her second time out she sat down in a little sobbing fit and immediately said "Ok mommy, you win. I'll be a good girl."...she was 3. lol) Once the punishment is over, let it go. Don't continue to be angry and she'll begin to see that life is so much easier and more fun when you're not mad at her. Thank her for sitting so nicely through her timeout and give her a hug. Tell her how much you like it when she listens well and when she does what you want without threats of punishment, tell her how much you appreciate it. "Thank you, sweetheart! You're being such a good girl!"
It will take some time to find out what works with her. Be persistent. Don't let her get away with things and let her know when she's being good. Kids want to please you. Most likely, she's getting the feeling by your words, tone of voice, or actions that you're not really comfortable being "the boss" and is reacting to that. Make sure Kai backs you up on this! If you're both there and she's doing something wrong, tell her. If she doesn't stop, Kai can correct her and reprimand her for not listening to you. She's got to see that her daddy and you are a team and that if either one of you says something, she needs to listen. If she is getting the idea from him that he's the "real boss" and you're like another child, she's going to resist your attempts at discipline. When he's home, don't leave all the disciplining to him. And if she doesn't listen to you when he's home, still have punishments. Kids need structure and rules and if there is one set of rules when he's there and another when he's gone, she'll get confused.
Talk to Kai and decide what her punishment is going to be. Tell him that you need him to back you up and that you want to continue to discipline her when he's home just as you would when he's gone and that if she doesn't listen, you need him to tell her to do so...NOT to take over from that point, but to back you. If she sees a big difference when he's not home, she's going to start thinking that what you say isn't really the final word on matters. The first few times you put her in time out, you may have to sit with her in your lap to make her stay put. She may kick and scream and fight you. Stay calm and just hold her. Once she calms down, give it about 30 seconds and tell her time out is over. Next time make it a little longer but she has to be calm for a time before she gets up. Otherwise, she'll think she MADE you let her up and she'll continue to act out. Eventually, she'll sit quietly. Whatever punishment you both decide on it should be the same if he's home or not.
I hope that helps!
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  #4  
October 1st, 2008, 06:10 AM
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Hollyann does the same. I believe its because a man's voice is way deeper and he sounds Meaner to them. Their are times i have to say it many times with hollyann. If she knows im VERY angry she wont mess with me then!. She knows she'll end up in her room. *roll eyes*
LOL
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  #5  
October 1st, 2008, 07:28 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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She's not too young, are you kidding me? She's at the age, she's got it all figured out, kids are smarter than you give them credit for. They know & they will test. I've BTDT, it's something they just know. It's not like they sit there & say to themselves "I can get away w/ this cause they aren't my bio-parent" but they know that in their heart of hearts & test that. This is normal/natural.

Not to mention, the child is "2"...they test even if they aren't in a blended family, add a blended family & voila! even more to get away with!



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  #6  
October 1st, 2008, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
She's not too young, are you kidding me? She's at the age, she's got it all figured out, kids are smarter than you give them credit for. They know & they will test. I've BTDT, it's something they just know. It's not like they sit there & say to themselves "I can get away w/ this cause they aren't my bio-parent" but they know that in their heart of hearts & test that. This is normal/natural.

Not to mention, the child is "2"...they test even if they aren't in a blended family, add a blended family & voila! even more to get away with!



[/b]
I very much agree with this..they love to TEST.Hollyann has done it many many MANY times wiyth me and everyone. She KNOWS i wont tolarate much. When she is in trouble..its trouble.!. Im very firm with her and she knows it. Im the mean one . My mom loves to say "Shes only 2 blah blah" Im like Yes and she will LEARN QUICK! also.
JMO (Just my opinion)
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