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  #1  
October 4th, 2008, 02:49 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
Okay so heres the deal, Mias dad gets her the 1st 3 weekends of the month from sat 10am til sun 6pm. Well Mia told me that her dad is moving AGAIN 2 times in less than a year.He never gave me his addy from where he used to live and Well when he came to pick her up this morning and he asked if he could keep her til monday, I told him if he told me his addy, he said if we can discuss the visitation arrangements "HE" made. Here are his options for me to follow...

A. He gets her every other week for a week long--

My answer-NO, its completely unstable and MY daughter needs her mother more than she needs him who doesnt have a stable job obviously a stable house, and who knows about the "relationship"!!

B. He gets her every other weekend Friday night(330 pm) til monday(8am) and wednesday nights every week!!!

My answer-every other weekend and one day a week is fine IF he can prove he is going to be home on that weekday and that it will be sat-1oam til Sun 6pm.

He said no to my revision of Option B because he cannot stop the childsupport and cannot claim her on taxes if I do it that way!!!!

Anyways thats the laydown-I told him we already discussed the "options" and I said NO. and he is unwilling to comprimise. He then said well he isnt giving me his add. I said well keeping my daughter with him where I have no idea where she is, is completely out of question. Its not going to happen.
I only want it because I get worried not know at least a base of where my child is when she is with him. Is he required to let me know where he lives and if so, could I actually hold her in my care on his granted visitation days until I am given this info?

Thanx for everything in adavance!

~Amber
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  #2  
October 4th, 2008, 04:25 PM
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Location: Texas
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I don't know the answer to that but I am VERY curious what it is. We live in TX so I don't know how different the rules are. Dh's ex has moved 8 times in 3 years, and now she doesn't even have a physical address. SHe is staying in a travel trailer on her bf's family's property (even tho she now claims to have NEVER dated or been engaged to him). She told us to mail things to her mom's house in another town. Is that legal? Aren't we supposed to have her PHYSICAL address?

I also have to add a question about phone numbers. She has had at least 5 cell phones in 3 years. Now she has none and we have to call and leave a message with her bf (the same guy she claims she isn't and never has dated) in order to get a call. I told DH to call every day or every other day, to record the times and dates of his calls, and to record when she calls back (if she calls back). Aren't we supposed to have communication with DSD within reason?

So I'm not trying to take over your post at all, just curious as well and wanted to add some questions related to this. Sorry if it seems I'm taking it over.
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  #3  
October 4th, 2008, 06:37 PM
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no problem at all...any answers will help us in this situation.
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  #4  
October 6th, 2008, 06:21 PM
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You have the right to know where your child is at all times!

He must provide an address. It's standard. Sounds to be like you need to get everything in a court document if you don't have it already.
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  #5  
October 7th, 2008, 08:02 AM
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Let's put it this way. If I show up and ask to take your child for the weekend and you don't know where I live or how you can reach me if you need to...will you let me take him/her? OF COURSE NOT! You NEED to know where your child is and how the caretaker can be reached at all times! What happens if you're in an accident? What happens if the person caring for the child is hurt or killed? How will you find your child? How are you going to call them and say "I'm in the hospital and need you to keep her for a few days." if you have no phone number? How do you know WHO is living with your ex and what kind of things he/she will be exposed to in that regard if you don't even know WHERE they live???? Would you let them go for visits if you knew your ex lived in an area known for high crime rates and drug deals?
On another note...how the hell does he get off thinking he can deduct her on his freaking taxes anyway???? She has to live with him for MORE THAN HALF THE YEAR! I hate it when parents use the children as tax shelters! Yes, it's nice that we get to deduct so much for the cost of raising our children but that isn't why we had them and it should not be what's important! Now, if YOU decide to let him deduct her, then that is YOUR choice. He doesn't get to make that decision UNLESS the child spends more than 182.5 days a year with him. You have physical custody and he has visitation. That in itself says that she is at your house more than she is with him. He doesn't want to let you know where he lives? Why? What could he possibly be afraid of? That you'll show up on his doorstep in the middle of the night while he's spending the night with a girlfriend? Who cares? You're divorced! That maybe it isn't the best place in town for a child to be? Then you NEED to know that to keep your child safe--which he obviously isn't worried about! There is NO LEGITIMATE reason for him not to want to give that information to you and if he doesn't, he doesn't get to have her. PERIOD!
IMO, it would be irresponsible of YOU to allow her to go spend the weekend with him if you don't even know where he lives. As for not having a cell phone or house phone like the other post? You have every right to be able to talk to your child, talk to the custodial parent within reason) and to be able to reach him or her if you need to. This leave a message that I may or may not get with so and so who I may or may not be seeing and who may or may not decide it is a message worth giving to me is just CRAP! Can you pay for a phone at the house? bare basics...no long distance, no 411, no 3 way calling etc. Just your basic phone so that in the event of an emergency, someone can call 911 and get help. What happens if mom falls down and gets hurt and the child can't get her to wake up? Does she know what to do? is she then supposed to walk two miles to the nearest house to get help? Does she have someone she can reach easily? What is she supposed to do if that person isn't around? It is absolutely NECESSARY to have some sort of communication possible in the event of an emergency! Kids need to know what to do if something happens. So, lets say the child is injured. Is mom going to leave her lying there bleeding and hysterical while she runs the quarter mile to the neighbors house to use the phone? What if they aren't home? In emergencies, every second counts. None of us really believes that until we're faced with something life threatening. Then it's too late to wonder what if. If it were up to me and I had a child living out in the country with no phone, I would pick the kid up and take him/her home with me until that situation was changed! It isn't safe and the safety of the children is what is PARAMOUNT in these situations! It is YOUR DUTY as parents to these children to make sure that they are safe at all times....even when they're in the other parents care. Obviously, you can't stop emergencies from happening and it wouldn't be your fault if the child fell and broke an arm while at the park with daddy but if you allow your child to go somewhere that you don't know is safe, then IMO you do share some responsibility if something happens to the child. Having some way of reaching emergency personell is also a safety issue and makes a home unsafe. Did you know that even a cell phone that is not being used under a providers plan can be used to call 911? It's true. You take a cell phone that you used to have that still works and charge it up, even if you don't sign that contract with Verizon, you can STILL use it to call 911. So, keep those old phones. Charge them up and when your child is going somewhere that doesn't have a phone, give it to them and teach them how to use it to call 911. That is the ONLY number that can be dialed and yes, if the phone is locked it will override the lock so you can leave it locked so they don't run the battery down playing with it. And yes, they can track you down with that phone...even if you're moving! So, your kid's new favorite toy that he takes with him everywhere he goes, is that old discarded cell phone that he keeps charged up...most dead phones can still have enough to turn on and call 911, too. Teach them to THINK about that call FIRST in any given emergency situation...and teach them what an emergency is. Anytime the adult in charge is unable to respond--you can't wake mommy or daddy or the babysitter, anytime there is bleeding involved that soaks through more than one tissue or any kind of situation that scares you and there isn't an adult around, and especially, anytime...ANY TIME you feel you're in danger!!! So they lose the old phone. Big deal! I am sure you know someone who just upgraded their cell phone.
I hope that helps you ladies. It's easy for me to say these things because I am not in the middle of them. It's harder to do for you. Just remember you're doing this for your children/stepchildren. THEY are what's important.
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  #6  
October 7th, 2008, 11:15 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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You need to know where your child is, address, location, phone #, at all times, period. It's your child.
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  #7  
October 7th, 2008, 01:49 PM
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I agree with everything said. If you do not know where he lives then he does not get the child...end of story.
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  #8  
October 9th, 2008, 03:43 PM
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wow, i just read the posts, sorry I havent been on, I am really sick right now.
I posted an update in a previous post but if you guys did not see it, here it goes!

I call friend of the court. They stated that I dont have the RIGHT to know where he is and he doesnt have the RIGHT to know where I live. It is my choice, as it is his choice, to give that information but he doesnt have to.

I was pretty pis**d off hearing that information! As you can imagine. Well thank you for your responses. but our feelings dont matter in this situation Michigan sucks!!!!
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  #9  
October 9th, 2008, 05:50 PM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would double check that with another person. That does not seem right to me. There is no way that I would be letting any of my children go somewhere if I had no idea where they were going to sleep that night.

Do you have a child support order with custody and everything in it? I think that some states are now calling it parenting time.

If not I would tell him that he can tell you where he is living or he can visit her at your house.
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  #10  
October 10th, 2008, 06:29 AM
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I agree with Becca...I don't find that to ring true. Not when there are children involved. Now if there weren't, yeah...ok. But you NEED to know where your child is. Call again. Call a lawyer if you have to. Just to find out what is really the truth.
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  #11  
October 10th, 2008, 12:23 PM
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I agree - call a lawyer immediately!

I live in Illinois & my ex HAD to provide an address & I had to provide him with one. And at the time he had court ordered supervised visits. But he still needed to know where she was and have a phone #.

Most lawyers will give you a free consult.
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  #12  
October 12th, 2008, 01:57 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi,

We are on the other side of the coin here, as i am married to a man that has a daughter from a previous marriage, which he takes every other weekend. The law were we are at does not force him to give up his address to the physical mother or to let her know where he takes her on vacation in between exactly because when she is with him he has custody. But maybe that is different in different places i really don't know. But we never had an issue with that since the birth mom never actually asked where we lived or where we were taking her when on the our weekend together. Of course she has full telephone access to her daughter and she has met me. But i really don't know. It is kind of complicated....and depended on each situation. I really wish you guys to settle things for the best of the kiddo...because to be quite honest they are the only ones not to blame and the only ones to carry the burden.....

Wishes for the best
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  #13  
October 15th, 2008, 06:21 PM
merkelsgirl
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I'm sorry to hear you are having this issue.
He doesn't have to pay child support if he keeps her sat from 10am to sunday 6pm? That is strange. Stick to your guns and make sure you get what is best for you and your daughter.
DSD's mother has moved so many times we lost count!
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