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If you could do it again would you???


Forum: Blended Families

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View Poll Results: Being Part of a Blended Family
Yes, I love every minute of it! 3 27.27%
No way, I'd run for the hills... 1 9.09%
Well, I don't know, both answers are appealing. 7 63.64%
0 0%
Voters: 11. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
October 18th, 2008, 02:26 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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If you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now about your situation (ex's & step children in all) would you be part of a blended family or would you be outta there?

This is a tough one... be honest.
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  #2  
October 18th, 2008, 02:37 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Well this is tough b/c I have no choice. I have a son w/ an ex, so I have to deal w/ a blended family even if I wanted too or not, but I wish I didn't have to deal w/ it if I could avoid it. As far as my DH & his ex, if knew how difficult she was or how difficult DSS would be, I probably would have chose otherwise, but again, I love my children & my DH has given me 2 wonderful boys & I wouldn't want to take that away either. That's something I don't think I can be 100% on. KWIM?
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  #3  
October 19th, 2008, 01:20 PM
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With all the frustrations of the and the fact that she has succeeded in turning the kids against me (except for my stepson who lives with us and I get along just fine with) I still would not have chosen differently. Tom and I have the kind of marriage I never dreamed I could have. I always thought (when I was married to my ex) that there was something wrong with me...that I could never be happy and that I ruined people (namely my ex, who seemed so wonderful when we first met...) I honestly thought that it was all my fault for a very long time and that quite honestly, people would be better off if I was dead because I was such a horrible person. I know now that it wasn't all my fault and that I am not a horrible person--that was my ex talking. I believed it when he blamed me and thought that I had somehow "changed him" into this mean, angry, spiteful, abusive person. NOT SO! He was like that all along. He was just very successful at hiding it until we were married. Tom has proven to me that I am capable of having a healthy, loving relationship with someone and that I can be very happy with my life even when there are things in it that I would like to change. I'm not only a happy person now, but a more loving and patient one as well. I no longer blow up and scream at the kids because something isn't done and I don't feel like a shrew all the time when I do get angry. He brings out the best in me and apparently, I return that favor. We've never even had a disagreement, let alone a fight. We talk and agree on what to do about issues. I love that!
So yes, I would still marry him....kids, ex and all!
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  #4  
October 19th, 2008, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Tom and I have the kind of marriage I never dreamed I could have. I always thought (when I was married to my ex) that there was something wrong with me...that I could never be happy and that I ruined people (namely my ex, who seemed so wonderful when we first met...) I honestly thought that it was all my fault for a very long time and that quite honestly, people would be better off if I was dead because I was such a horrible person. I know now that it wasn't all my fault and that I am not a horrible person--that was my ex talking. I believed it when he blamed me and thought that I had somehow "changed him" into this mean, angry, spiteful, abusive person.[/b]
I totally feel the same way. I am lucky to not really have any issues with his ex. Unfortunately I have no choice but to deal with Mias dad. I hate him, I cant stand his face, and I dont know why I have to deal with drama. I try sooo hard to be civil to him but he is a borderline and regardless of what I do or what I try he is never happy. Life would be perfect for EVERYONE if he were not in our lives. I cant really answer the question but I guess I just commented
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  #5  
October 19th, 2008, 03:26 PM
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I put both. I love my dd but I HATE her bf. There are those people out there that say that they love the ex because they have their child And I really disagree with that in my life. I do not love him nor do I like him. I just wouldn't change anything with that because if I did I might not have my Sadie.
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  #6  
October 19th, 2008, 05:11 PM
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If you hated him, that means you'd still have feelings there, if you loved him...well...you'd be w/ him. If you have no feelings either way & don't give a rats behind if he was alive or dead, well...that pretty much sums it up. You are happy that he has given you Sadie (of course) but he's a waste of human life & has done nothing to contribute to Sadie's life, which is sad. But we all know that she has a dad in her life that loves her.

Any one can be a sperm donor, it takes a REAL MAN to be a DAD...

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  #7  
October 19th, 2008, 07:20 PM
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Quote:


Any one can be a sperm donor, it takes a REAL MAN to be a DAD...

[/b]
A-FREAKING-MEN, Chantelle! That is absolutely the truth and in our cases (those of us who have married someone who does), how lucky we are to have someone to pick up the slack for that sperm donor! My two oldest kids even refer to their father as "the sperm donor". I find that very sad because THEY deserve to have a decent father. I love the fact that they prefer to talk to me rather than deal with my ex. I do feel sorry for my ex in that I know how miserable he is and what a sad life he has and will continue to have--especailly in his older years when they have no time for him and he is all alone. HOWEVER, that being said, he brought it all on himself! I warned him but he would not listen. TOUGH!
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  #8  
October 20th, 2008, 11:39 AM
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The answer I would answer wasn't there.

Yes, I would do it all again - but I'm not loving every minute.

I love my husband. He's the world to me & he's a great dad to my children. So I wouldn't throw that away because of the evil sd. But I certainly would have done things differently in regard to her...

As for me ex, he's completely out of the picture now. I'm glad I have Lucy & wouldn't change her for the world.

As far as feelings for him , I do have them & that is HATE. Not anything else. He tortured Lucy & me for so long. The hate grows less strong the longer he is out of our lives but it will always be there to some extent. I rejected him not the other way around. I'm not mad our marriage didn't last - I'm angry at the way he treated Lucy & me for the last 4 years. I'll never forgive him for what he did to her.
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  #9  
October 20th, 2008, 02:27 PM
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Yes, I would do it all again - but I'm not loving every minute.[/b]

I like that statement.... I should have included that. I know EXACTLY what you mean in that. You would cause you love your DH & so on, you love certain aspects of your life & adore a lot of the memories & what is to come, but there have been times you would have loved to be NOT part of the equation, I think any of us here not saying that we haven't felt that way in the past would be lying. I feel that way this very second actually. I feel that way almost daily. It's just the way things fall. It's how my DH is pulled in different directions, how he has a separate life w/ his DS & how his DS refuses to adjust to his other family (us)... then there is my ex, we've had our moments (still do) but for the most part it's okay. I worry some times but again, most of the time we're okay. Nothing like my DH & his ex-wife's drama. That I could just scream. I hate that garbage. I don't like having to pick which in-law to invite to a holiday. Like this Thanksgiving, we are having it here (as usual) & I always leave it up to my DH to choose which one he wants over, his father & his wife or his mother & her fiancee (his parents are also divorced)... he usually chooses his father, he doesn't have a relationship w/ his mother & I am not a fan of her either but I leave that decision up to him. Still... it stinks, we have to "choose" on all levels, even w/ my in-laws, it's dumb. Then I have to decide who sits next to who at the table. Do I sit next to my family that has traveled all the way from Canada to be w/ me? or do I sit w/ my in-laws that I never see as they are a guest in my house too? again, I am forced to choose. I can NEVER win.

It stinks. I am constantly choosing "who" or "where" & "when" & my choices always hurt someone. But I've learned over the years that I can't make everyone happy. What I wish is that they would grow up (as older adults) & realize that I am 1 person & I can only do so much. Stop making me feel bad, stop telling me how to raise my kids, stop telling me that they don't see their grandkids enough & just enjoy the meal! I swear, it's so darn stressful I look for the bottle of wine & it's barely noon. Sounds bad but to deal w/ them all, strong French background on my end & strong Italian background on my DH's end, well... you get the idea.

It's like WWII in my house. Then after they leave...OMG...the next day, the phone calls. I have to screen them. I get the calls on how so & so said this & this was offensive & how dare they say this & why would they wear that & who are they kidding acting this way & why are they doing this? I can't hack it. My recovery after the holidays takes a good 2 weeks. I cannot WAIT for February. Unfortunately, I have my son's first Eucharist coming up in May, that outta be fantastic w/ the family... talk about blending everyone & everyone getting on each other's nerves & talking negatively behind one another's back. I can't wait! NOT!!!!

Sorry... I rambled & ranted there but you get the idea. It's crazy, insane. That's why when I hear of these young gals who meet "Mr. Wonderful" who have no baggage of their own & Mr. Wonderful has 2 kids w/ two different gals, he's living at his baby mama's house (just for support & $ purposes) & she wants advice from us on how to manage/cope. This is why I say "RUN GIRL RUN!!!! AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!!" Not because I think people are not deserving of a second chance in life. But when you are fresh & have a lot in life to offer & have no drama, why go there? Why even do that to yourself? There are so many FISH in the sea. Don't settle for the BIG MOUTH BASS that landed in your lap. when you can get an angel fish from Hawaii that is willing to give you the world. KWIM?

Okay, enough analogies. Just thought I'd spin that off a bit.

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  #10  
October 28th, 2008, 12:27 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
If you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now about your situation (ex's & step children in all) would you be part of a blended family or would you be outta there?

This is a tough one... be honest.
[/b]
I'd do it over again because i adore the man i am with and i think he is really one in a million.......what comes with it is part of the pack if you KWIM BUT it's not easy and sometimes the hills look appealing.....only for a short time though......so i guess both answers for me.....
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  #11  
November 1st, 2008, 09:59 AM
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I answered I don't know, both answers are appealing.


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  #12  
November 20th, 2008, 04:18 PM
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Sorry... I rambled & ranted there but you get the idea. It's crazy, insane. That's why when I hear of these young gals who meet "Mr. Wonderful" who have no baggage of their own & Mr. Wonderful has 2 kids w/ two different gals, he's living at his baby mama's house (just for support & $ purposes) & she wants advice from us on how to manage/cope. This is why I say "RUN GIRL RUN!!!! AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!!" Not because I think people are not deserving of a second chance in life. But when you are fresh & have a lot in life to offer & have no drama, why go there? Why even do that to yourself? There are so many FISH in the sea. Don't settle for the BIG MOUTH BASS that landed in your lap. when you can get an angel fish from Hawaii that is willing to give you the world. KWIM?[/b]
OMG!!! I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!! Only, I am the girl that should have run. We have been dealing with DH's crazy greedy ex even more lately. As a matter of fact, we had to visit our Attorney just this morning. Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones talking but I truly feel like I have screwed up my children's lives (both with DH). I can't believe I ever thought things would be okay. I feel like I have exposed my babies to the whole nasty world of divorce when that is the last thing they deserve!!! Their parents are married, but they have to witness all of the mess with DH and his ex. They are seeing the bad parts and don't deserve it (I can't shield them from everything but God knows I am trying to). When people ask me about being a blended family I can't help but be honest. The absolute truth is that I love my step children VERY VERY much, but I have to distance myself from the ex. When my daughters get old enough to understand, the only marriage advice I can think to give them is- If you truly love a man with kids, then by all means marry him- just make sure he is a widower and not a divorcee!!!!!!

I know this sounds terrible but it is so true and sad!!
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  #13  
November 21st, 2008, 08:26 AM
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I think that I am going to change to yes but not loving it.

I didn't think about that part.
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  #14  
November 21st, 2008, 01:24 PM
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Chantelle, I can so related.

DH has 2 families. #1 - the 4 of us & #2 his daughters. As hard as it is on me, I think it's harder on him. The sad thing is that I think he could do something about it but he's just ill equiped.
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